The Start of Something Good
by TheFlashFics94
Summary: Clarke has a dream about Bellamy and finds it hard to face him after as they head out to Mount Weather for their people. Set after 2x05. Bellamy can't ignore the feelings he has for Clarke any longer. Octavia never expected the one person she hated more than anything to fall for her. Murphy can't keep lying to himself about Octavia. Mind the typos, I'm lazy.
1. Chapter 1

Bellamy Blake surrounded me. His brown eyes raked over my body making my skin crawl with excitement and my heart pound in my chest. That sexy smirk crossed his lips. "What do you want, Princess?"

Wasn't it obvious? "I want you." My voice said with confidence.

He backed me up into the nearby wall, his hands grabbed my waist. Fire shot throughout my body at his touch. A sound a lot like a moan left my lips as he pushed his body against mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. Desire shown through his eyes. "Now that I can give you." He hoisted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, my arms locked around his shoulders.

My lips crashed into his, both of us biting and nipping, trying to devour each other. I felt movement, all of sudden it was Bellamy lowering me onto his makeshift bed. My nerves far out weighted my awe at the sight of him without clothes. He surely heard my heart pounding out of my chest as he gazed at my bareness.

His eyes sought mine as he brought his hand to my cheek, barely touching it like a soft caress. "Clarke," Just like that all of my nerves went away. "Clarke, wake up."

I stared at him in curiosity. "Huh?"

"Wake your ass up, Princess. We've got work to do."

My body shot up at the touch of his hands. "Bellamy." Our eyes met. A blush crept to my cheeks. I looked down at my body, realizing that I kicked off my blanket in the nights, leaving me in my underwear.

His hands draped the blanket over me with a smirk. The same smirk that was in my dream. "We need to get a move on if we want to find the rest of our people." He stood and turned his back to me.

I stood with shakey legs, slipping on my clothes. "Right. Mt. Weather." A chuckle escaped me.

"What?" He asked, his back stiff.

I slid on my boots. "I was just thinking how different our lives would be right now if we were dropped on the right mountain. You wouldn't have had to step up as leader. None of us would've had to learn how to fight, how to kill. I wouldn't have fell for-"

His eyes found mine. "For Finn."

Words escaped me, so I just nodded. Had I fallen for Finn? Probably, but that was water under the bridge. Not when he had Raven. Not when we had more important things to worry about. Not when I started reading too much into the looks Bellamy gave me. Like the one he was giving me now.

I pushed past him. Fresh air and sunlight slapped me in the face. Guards and civilians worked and walked around. My eyes zeroed in on the group of Guards standing around. We needed more people than just me and Bellamy if we were going to get back Monty, Jasper, and the rest of our people from Mt. Weather.

"We need Finn and Murphy. Raven can't help us out on this one."

He came up behind me. "We don't need Finn." A bit of bark in his voice.

I headed towards his sleeping quarters. "Yes, we do. I know he's not in the best condition right now, but maybe that's what we need."

"Clarke, we have Guards. We have other people."

"He can do this. I know he can."

"Clarke!" He grabbed my arm and whirled me to him. His brown eyes unreadable as he took in my face. When he spoke his voice was lower. "We have other people."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, then tore my arm away. "Fine." Anger seeped into me as we headed to the group of Guards. Bellamy spoke to them with authority, briefing them on what to expect. Most of them have come in contact with the Grounders by now, they hadn't experienced the Reapers or the booby traps. They looked at him with inspiration in their eyes, all of them ranging in different ages and races, looking at Bellamy for wisdom.

His eyes locked on mine. "Clarke was held captive there. They're providing food, clothes, shelter for our people. They're not going to want to leave because they don't think of it as a prison. But when Clarke tried to leave the tried to kill her. She saw what they were doing to the Grounders, draining them of their blood. It's only a matter of time before they get around to our people. I don't know about you guys, but I want our people back."

The Guards cheered, amped up for our adventure as we started for the woods.

Bellamy stuck by my side no matter what pace I was going. "You have something to say, Princess?"

I gave a noncommittal shrug. "No, it's just some things never change."

"Oh yeah, what's that supposed to mean?"

My eyes scanned the forest for traps, for Grounders, for anything threatening because I couldn't meet his eyes just yet. "You're always inspiring people. You're always the rebel leader with a cause."

He grinned. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No," I shook my head. "It's sexy." My face blushed. Did I just say that out loud?

"It looks good on you, too, Princess."

My eyes met his. "Uh…" My feet fell from under me. It felt like I was falling. A hand grabbed my wrist. My eyes locked on Bellamy's as my hand wrapped around his wrist. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest as Déjà vu passed between us.

A few of the Guards tried to help him, but he had me all on his own as he pulled me up to him. He clutched me to his body. "Dammit, Princess."

I completely ignored how good it felt to be this close to him. "It's your fault. You distracted me."

He looked stunned. "I distracted _you_?"

The Guards made sure I was okay, but I waved them off.

I avoided that accusing stare. "Thank you."

He left it at that, walking ahead of everyone as we continued on.

"Ouch." Murphy said, coming up behind me. "Looks like the king has a weakness after all. Really it shouldn't be a surprise that's it's you of all people."

I gave him a look. "What are you talking about?"

He chuckled without humor. "You're both so clueless."

My irritation rose. "Murphy just spit it out or leave me alone."

He raised his hands in surrender, amusement clear on his face. "Why don't you ask Bellamy about his time spent on the Ark." He walked off.

Curse Murphy and his mind games. I had too much on my plate right now to be worrying about Bellamy and his nonexistent feelings for me. He thought I was good looking, so what? I knew I wasn't unattractive. Just like he knew wasn't either. That didn't equate to something more. Even though I wish it had.

What I needed to do was take the emotion out of it. We all needed to survive. Bellamy was a distraction, what happened earlier proved that. Now all I had to do was not stare at his ass.


	2. Take Me Into Your Loving Arms

Okay, after reading the reviews this morning I'm giving the people what they want. Another chapter. Just kidding, I was already making this a multi chapter. And if you've read by Teen Wolf fics then you know I like to switch up the POV's. I doubt I'll ever do a crazy POV like Abby or Jaha, mostly if not only Clarke and Bellamy. Let's do this shit…

BELLAMY'S POV

She can't be dead. Not Clarke. She's stronger than that. I clutched her watch in my hand, hoping to hell that my princess hadn't left me alone in this fucked up world.

"Let's keep going. We can find a trail." Finn suggested.

As much as I wanted to find our people I knew it wasn't that easy. Finn was slowly losing it, losing grip of who he was. Clarke would be disappointed in him. Which was even more pathetic because he was doing this all for her. A streak of jealously ran through me like it always did when I thought about Finn and Clarke.

"Even if we do find a trail, how do we know its Clarke's? They've been gone for days. Let's not forget about the Grounders and Reapers that live in these woods." I spoke up.

He turned to me. "We have to do something. I don't see you coming up with ideas."

"Hey, I want to find Clarke just as much you do. All I'm saying is there are smarter ways to go about it."

He gave a slight nod. "I thought you wanted to find 'our people'." Bitterness dripped from his voice. "Now it's about Clarke? Your 'Princess'?"

Murphy stepped between us. "I don't care who we're finding as long as someone unties my hands."

I pushed Murphy aside. "That's right, my princess. Last time I checked you had a girlfriend." I chuckled without humor. "Oh, that's right. I slept with her, too." Even though I hadn't slept with Clarke I wanted Finn to think I had. How caveman of me, right? It irked me to no end to know he was her first.

Finn's hand flew out so fast I didn't see it coming as it knocked me back a few feet. "What'd you say to me?"

I charged him, knocking him to the ground. Finn taking the first punch was all I needed. Every flare of anger that I had in the past few days came out through my fists. Finn kicked me off of him far enough to get the drop on me.

"Guys, we really don't have time for this. Need I remind you, I'm a sitting duck." Murphy interjected, waving his trapped hands as much as he could.

Finn turned to Murphy long enough for me to punch right in the jaw. He fell over from the unexpected impact. "Why don't you ask Raven how it was? She was the one that came to me."

Monroe and Sterling pulled me off of him before it could go any further.

"Clarke would never fall for you." He spat. "She's not that stupid." He rose on shakey legs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I pulled away from them.

"Murphy's right, we don't have time for this. We are sitting ducks right now." Monroe argued. "We need to go."

Finn pushed past us, his sole mission to find Clarke. I couldn't say if in his position I wouldn't be the same, but I wasn't. Clarke didn't want me. She wanted Finn. Out of the dozens of things I couldn't decipher about her that much I knew.

Hours later we still didn't have an actual plan. We were unprepared and it was reeking off all of us.

"How about we split up. We could cover more ground that way." I suggested. Honestly, I couldn't stand to be around Finn any longer. If Clarke was gone and this was my punishment I could do without Finn for a few hours.

"That's the only smart thing that's come out of your mouth all day." Finn turned to Monroe, Sterling, and Murphy. "Either you're following me or you're following him."

"I'll follow whoever unties me."

Finn frees him. "You guys coming or not?"

Sterling and Monroe looked at each other. "We're staying with Bellamy."

A sense of loyalty ran through me. Clarke would tell me it was because I inspired them when there was no hope. I knew better though. From the moment we landed here, it was only fear that we persuaded them to listen to me. As much as I wanted to believe Clarke's words I knew her intentions were pure. She didn't want me to run away like a coward. A smile crossed my lips.

"What's the plan?" Monroe asked.

"We look in the opposite direction. That's the best we can do."

After hours of nothing I pointed out, "Keep your eyes peeled. It's been too quiet for too long."

Just then a spear shot Sterling in the chest, pinning him to a nearby tree. Monroe and I ran for cover. A spear nicked my arm before flying past me. Monroe groaned in pain. She was shot in the leg.

A familiar voice came from nearby. I couldn't understand what was being said, but I knew that voice. "Octavia?" I called out.

Her face came into view, slightly bruised and bloodied. Relief flooded me. She warned them off in whatever language they spoke. How did she learn to speak it so fast?

I rose to embrace her. Tears welled in my eyes. "I'm glad to see you." I hugged her tight.

She laughed as she squeezed back. "Nice to see you, big brother." She pulled away. "Where's everybody?"

"Finn and Murphy went to look for everyone. They're at Mount Weather."

"Why aren't you with them?"

"They kept fighting over Clarke." Monroe added as she tried to stand.

Octavia went to help her. She broke the longer part of the arrow off, then looked at me. Her brow suggestive. "What else is new?"

I gave her a look. "Where's Lincoln."

Her face darkened and I knew something had happened. "He's gone." She started walking with Monroe.

As much as I didn't want to see my baby sister hurt she was a tough girl. She tried to make peace with Lincoln's people. She learned how to fight, how to kill. She went up against Grounders and Reapers. Her she was in front of me looking like a Grounder. A tiny bit of happiness ran through me because she was okay. Now she was heading back in the direction we came from.

"Where are you going?"

"She needs to get medical help. I could dress her wound, but that's about it."

I walked beside her. "It'll take hours to get back to the Arc basecamp. She doesn't have that much time before she loses a lot of blood and infection sets in."

She spoke to the leader of the group she was with. The leader gave her a nod of approval before we set off. "I know a short cut."

"O, I need to look for our people. You can take Monroe back."

"Bellamy Blake, there's no way you're going to last in these woods at night by yourself. Look at you. You need food, you need rest. We can look for your princess tomorrow."

How do I know she'll be alive then?

"Relax. Clarke's a fighter. She can handle herself."

Her words rang true, but I needed to know for myself. How would Abby feel when I showed up empty handed? I would get a few hours of sleep, then I'd go out looking by myself. I wasn't afraid of some Grounders.

With what only felt like minutes the basecamp came into view. Dread filled me. I didn't want to be a failure. I didn't want Abby looking at me with disappointment. The Guards spotted us then escorted us in. My hand clutched onto the watch I stashed in my front pocket as the Guard took my gun.

Abby came up to us. "You guys okay? Where are the others?"

"We broke off from Finn and Murphy. Sterling's dead. We came back because of Monroe's leg." I supplied, although I knew it wasn't good enough.

She nodded. "Get her to medical." She gave me a parting glance.

I locked eyes with Octavia. I was about to tell her I didn't need the rest, that I was going back out there when something knocked the breath out of me. Arms wrapped tightly around my neck. A sigh of relief came from the person. All I could see was long blonde hair. My body's reaction to her told me it had to be Clarke. My arms locked around her, pulling her even closer. I needed her to be closer. We swayed from side to side as I tried to remember everything about this moment because I didn't think I was going to get it again.

"Now there's something I thought I'd never see."

My mind flashed back to every argument, every battle, every feeling I've ever had about the girl. I let out a sigh of relief.

She let go way too soon for my liking to give Octavia a hug.

"I'm glad you're okay." Octavia told her.

"You, too."

The tactical part of my brain needed to know. "How many with you?"

"None. Where's Finn?"

My face fell. Whether because our people were still at Mount Weather or she was primarily concerned about Finn, I wasn't sure. I saw Raven looking around for him and I regretted my comment from earlier. She was a nice person and I degraded her to get at Finn.

I turned back to Clarke. "Out looking for you."

Her face fell.

We heard gunshots nearby as we searched for Finn and Murphy. It had to have been them. We were the only ones with guns. What we didn't expect was to find Finn holding the gun surrounded by dead Grounders. We moved looked around in disbelief.

Clarke moved forward in horror. Finn took a few steps to meet her but she backed away from him. A large part of me wanted to throw her over my shoulders and run far away from him, but she needed to come to whatever conclusion on her own. My hands gripped my gun in case he tried to hurt her.

He sighed in relief. "I found you."

She shook her head.

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When I went to wake up Clarke the next morning the last thing I expected was to find her sprawled in her under wear. It wasn't just any ole sprawl, but one that stirred something primal in me. Throwing my lust aside I called out to her. "Clarke." No answer. "Clarke wake up." She muttered something. It was hard not to smile at her, all disoriented and sexy. A big part of me wanted to forget why I came in here and just lay with her, but I was certain she'd wake up and slap the shit out of me. Besides, if I wanted to lay beside her she'd be the one to initiate it. I touched her calf. "Wake your ass up, Princess. We've got work to do."

She shot up like a rocket. Maybe she had a nightmare. She realized I'd seen her without much clothing and I placed her blanket back on her. I couldn't hide my smirk at the blush on her face.

"We need to get a move on if we want to find the rest of our people." I turned around, giving her the privacy she needed. A big part of me longed for the day that there was no privacy between us.

"Right. Mount Weather." She laughed.

My back stiffened. A few hours I wasn't sure if I'd ever hear that laugh again. "What?"

"I was just thinking how different our lives would be right now if we were dropped on the right mountain. You wouldn't have had to step up as leader. None of us would've had to learn how to fight, how to kill. I wouldn't have fell for-"

My eyes bore into hers. "For Finn." I didn't say it as a question because I already knew the answer. How could she not see how I felt about her? I've wondered if she knew the whole time used that to her advantage.

She nodded.

I took her in. Even with the bruises and cuts and dirt she was still gorgeous. I thought back to the Arc and how she seemed prim and proper, but I knew there was deviancy underneath it all. When we landed part of me egged her on because I loved getting a rise out of her, but my need for survival outweighed whatever crush I harbored for her on the Arc.

She pushed past me. "We need Finn and Murphy. Raven can't help us out on this one."

It was like a slap in the face. After everything she saw she still choose him over me. "We don't need Finn."

She started to find him. "Yes, we do. I know he's not in the best condition right now, but maybe that's what we need."

"Clarke, we have Guards. We have other people."

"He can do this. I know he can."

"Clarke!" I grabbed her arm, pulling to me. A look of fear-no, shock-crossed her face. I scared her. That was the last thing I wanted to do. "We have other people." I said gently.

"Fine."

We headed to the Guards waiting for us. I could tell she was pissed at me, but I couldn't think about that right now. I had to pep up these guys. They've been down here for a few days and most of that has been behind the protection of the base camp with weapons. They didn't know what it was like for us.

My eyes found her baby blues. I had to rip them away for fear of throwing her onto my bed and having my way with her. "Clarke was held captive there. They're providing food, clothes, shelter for our people. They're not going to want to leave because they don't think of it as a prison. But when Clarke tried to leave the tried to kill her. She saw what they were doing to the Grounders, draining them of their blood. It's only a matter of time before they get around to our people. I don't know about you guys, but I want our people back."

They cheered, as ready as they could be for our trek. From the moment we left base camp I glued myself to Clarke's side. I lost her in the chaos once, I didn't want to go through that again. My body was fully aware of every step she took. Though beef-headed sometimes, I wasn't stupid. Clarke was still pissed at me.

"You have something to say, Princess?"

She shrugged. "No, it's just some things never change."

Was that a dig?

"Oh yeah, what's that supposed to mean?"

She wouldn't meet my eyes and it was frustrating as hell. "You're always inspiring people. You're always the rebel leader with a cause."

I couldn't fight the grin on my face. I still wasn't sure how she managed to paint into that light. Ever since we met all I've done are terrible things. "Is that a bad thing?" The sun kept catching the gold in her hair, distracting me to no end.

"No, it's sexy."

My eyes landed on her face. She looked shocked as hell that it came out her mouth. The redness in her cheeks proved my point, she hadn't meant to say it. "It looks good on you, too, Princess."

She looked up at me with those blue eyes at a loss for words. "Uh…"

I watched as she fell into what had to be a booby trap. Damn Grounders. My hand grabbed her forearm. There was no way I was letting her go. She looked up at me with scared eyes, then all of a sudden they weren't scared anymore, like she knew I would take care of her. Ironic, the last time we were in this situation she thought I wanted to kill her. All of it was hype so the others would follow me in fear.

I pulled her to me, not wanting to let her go. She felt so good against me. "Dammit, Princess." Dammit for making me want you, for you not wanting me, for you almost dying.

"It's your fault. You distracted me."

"I distracted _you_?" That was golden.

She wouldn't meet my eyes as the Guards checked her over. Abby would give them hell as the new Chancellor if Clarke came back banged up. She had yet to realize that there wasn't a day down here that went by where we didn't get banged up. The only difference between them and us was that we were used to it now. We expected it.

"Thank you."

Anger ebbed in me as I stalked away from her. How could I forget how we couldn't go long without arguing? It wasn't like she actually liked me. She respected me. She trusted me. That was it.

Octavia came from nowhere. "Trouble in Paradise?"

"Where'd you come from? I thought you were sleeping back at basecamp."

She grinned in satisfaction. "Please, I've been following you since you left." She glanced behind us. "So what's going on between you and Clarke?"

I shrugged. "Nothing." Absolutely nothing.

"Please, you two reek of sexual tension."

My eyes widened. "Would you keep your voice down?" I glanced around us, my eyes finding Clarke walking about lost in thought. "What are you talking about?"

"Crazy's out of the picture. Man up, Bell."

My guess was that 'Crazy' was Finn. I wasn't quite sure Octavia was right about him not being in the picture anymore. Just this morning Clarke confirmed that she fell in love with him. Who's to say she still isn't? Did that mean I couldn't try? That I had to give up? No.

I cut my eye at O. A grin crossed my lips. "How are you so wise? I'm the big brother." My arm fell across her shoulders, pulling her to me.

She smiled. "All that testerone got to you."

I laughed. "Probably."

I glanced back to check on everyone, finding Murphy next to Clarke. Jealousy coursed through me. What were they talking about? I forced myself to turn around or I'd be back there marking my territory.

"Calm down, Bell. Clarke's not that stupid. The way I see it, there's nothing stopping you from marching back there and laying one on her."

My eyes rolled. "That's not going to happen. We have people to save, I don't have time to woow Clarke." My mind went back to our interaction before she fell in the trap. Just because she said I was 'sexy' didn't mean she felt something for me beyond mutual respect. But there was that blush, then there was the way she talked to me. Whether she was reprimanding me or lifting me up it was with passion.

A sigh escaped me as I pinched my nose. "I can't do this right now."

"Fine." She stopped as I kept walking on. "Be a coward."

By nightfall we made it within a few miles of Mount Weather. It was easy to see from our campsite, but we were far enough away to retreat if we had to. We had a few Guards posted as most of everybody ate around the campfire. I knew I should eat, but right now food wasn't on my mind. My eyes fell on Clarke as I stood against a tree. The fire lit her golden blonde hair making it even more golden. She talked with Octavia, laughing, smiling, and looking every bit of desirable. On the Arc, I just had a stupid little crush on her. That was it. Down here, I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to please her, I wanted to be the one she came to when she had a problem and not a problem with. Finn beat me to it.

I lowered my gaze as I let out a small humorless laugh. She couldn't be all I thought about. There were more important things than Clarke Griffin. But I couldn't bring myself to care about them more than Clarke.

Needing a break, I pushed off the tree and headed for the woods.

"Where you going, Blake?" One of the Guards asked.

"For a walk. I wanted to do another sweep." When one of them tried to come with me I threw out, "By myself."

Shortly after I found a lake. All I wanted to do was listen to the water moving and the natural noises of the forest. My eyes drifted to the full moon surrounded by stars. How odd it is to be down here looking up when most of my life I was up there looking down.

"You mind if I sit?"

I turned to see Clarke with her hands in her jacket pockets, wearing an expectant grin. "You can do whatever the hell you want, Princess."

She sat a few inches from me, her body heat warming me right up. "We're back to that again? Doing whatever the hell we want?"

I thought back to when I was a really big dick. Probably still am, but at least now Clarke trusts me. "Not even close." I looked over at her. If I did whatever the hell I wanted I'd have you wrapped in my arms right now. "What are you doing out here?" Did she need some air too?

She propped her head on her knees as she looked at me. "I was a bitch earlier."

"I wouldn't go that far." I grinned.

She punched me in the arm. "Hey." Her smile made some of this all worth it. "I wanted to talk with you."

My heart pounded in my chest. Did she know?

"I didn't want to leave you when the Reapers came. They were telling me to close the door, but you were right there, getting beaten to a pulp." Her eyes looked moist in the moonlight. "Finn tried to help you, he did that for me. And then it was too late and I didn't have a choice." She wiped at the tears that slipped down her pale cheek. "I thought you were dead, Bell."

My heart squeezed at both the tears and her calling me by the nickname Octavia gave me when we were younger. I had no idea Clarke cared that much if I lived or died.

"It was all I could think about while I was at Mount Weather, besides escaping. I owe Finn for trying to save you, that's why I don't want to give up on him."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I said, "I've already forgiven you, Clarke."

She grinned through whatever was causing her pain. "I know, I just wanted you to know."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "That means a lot to me." I didn't know what that meant to her.

CLARKE'S POV

I felt like a weight lifted off my chest after I told Bellamy that I regretted how things went down. "Bellamy, what happened on the Arc?"

His dark eyes looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Nerves racked through me. What if Murphy was just messing with me? What if he said he never thought of me that way? Well, there was only one way to find out.

"Earlier Murphy told me to ask you about how you spent your time on the Arc. Do you know what he meant by that?"

I swear his olive skin turned pink. Was he blushing?

"Oh, he knew about…" He hesitated.

I gave him a look that encouraged him to go on.

"Murphy knew about my crush on you."

Now it was my turn to blush. "What?" I could help but laugh. Bellamy having a crush on me while we were on the Arc.

"Ouch, Princess."

"I'm not laughing at you, I promise. It's just weird."

He looked hurt. "That I'd have feelings for you?"

"What? No. I meant about the Arc. When we got here I assumed you wanted me dead with me being in the way of your master plan and all."

He chuckled. "I never wanted you dead, Princess."

"So what was it about me?"

"What do you mean?"

I looked at him expectantly. "I didn't know you then so why'd you have a crush on me?"

He huffed, probably feeling uncomfortable talking about this. "Honestly, I thought you were hot."

I couldn't help but laugh.

He joined in. "Among other things."

"You're not going to tell me what those other things are, are you?"

He shook his head.

"Once you got to know me I'm sure that went away."

"Who said it went away?"

The breath left out of me. Was he admitting to having feelings for me?

He stared down at my lips.

"Bellamy."

A rain drop hit me right on the forehead. I looked up just as rain started beating down heavily on us. Our eyes locked and broke out into laughter.

"Maybe we should get back." He suggested as he rose.

I nodded as he held out his hand for me. When I placed my hand in his warmth tingled up and down my body. He pulled me to him, not expecting us to slip and fall into each other, hitting our foreheads together.

"Ow." We groaned simultaneously.

Bellamy reached his hand over to survey my forehead. The feel of his fingers on my skin made me hyper aware of him. His eyes slid to mine. I wanted to move forward, to taste his lips, to feel his hands on my hips, but something stopped me.

He pulled away. "You need to get some sleep for tomorrow." He rose, helping me up.

I avoided his eyes. "You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

He stalked off. "Night, Princess."

I wanted to call out to him, but what would I say? That I was scared? That the last person I'd given myself to had totally screwed me over? Bellamy's track record with women has only been rising. I trusted him completely with my life, but with my heart? I wasn't so sure.


	3. Trying Not To Love You

CLARKE'S POV:

I groaned internally as I made my way through the thick darkness. Bellamy headed back, clearly frustrated with me. I knew I wasn't helping out with whatever was going on with us, but I had a right to pull back. Bellamy Blake wasn't exactly a romancer and from his many conquests one could gather he liked different flavors.

How had I dug myself into this hole? First Finn and now this. Maybe I should just give up on romance, it's distracting. Survival and peace are top priority. Not Bellamy Blake and his rebel hotness.

"Clarke." A voice whispered from above me.

Thinking it was a Grounder I drew my knife only to find Bellamy dangling in a trap. A laugh bubbled out of me. I couldn't help it.

"You think this is funny, Princess?"

I snorted a laugh as I tried to compose myself. "No, I'm-yeah! You've been an ass pretty much the entire time I've known you, so yeah this is a little funny."

"Fine, I deserve that. Just get me down. Who knows when the Grounders are going to be back?" He struggled, only making it worse.

Realizing his life was in danger I sobered up. "You're right." I jumped, but I wasn't tall enough to reach him. I backed up a few feet and ran to reach him, but I fell to the ground clutching the knife in my hand.

"Relax. You can do this, Clarke."

The fog horn rung its warning.

"We have time. Don't panic."

I backed up again and ran full force and propelled myself into the air. My fingers couldn't get a hold of the rope. A groan escaped me.

"It's almost here!" He warned. "Look at me."

Our eyes met. I didn't want him to see failure in mine. If I didn't get him down then we'd both die.

"You need to run," He demanded.

"What? You can't be serious."

"You can't cut me down and run for safety at the same time. We don't have time to argue about it."

Determined, I ran from where I came. I heard a gasp that had to be Bellamy's before I charged forward. He wasn't going to die today, not because I was weak.

When he saw me he yelled, "No, what are you doing?!"

"I'm not leaving you!" My fingers found holes, I eventually pulled myself up to cut a line through the trap.

Without warning, Bellamy pushed forward, sending us both falling to the ground. A sharp pain came from my leg. I looked at the source to find the makeshift knife sticking through my leg. "Ahhh!"

Her cursed, then picked me up and ran with me in his arms. I didn't know how he was able to keep speed and carry me at the same time, I wasn't as little as Octavia or Charlotte. Bellamy was strong, that much I knew.

"Hold on, Princess. We're going to make it."

My eyes fell on the fast approaching fog trailing behind us. "Bellamy, hurry!" My heart was already pounding out of my chest for close proximity reasons, but now our lives were very much in danger. My arms tightened around his neck, enjoying the warmth in this bitter, cold weather.

He groaned in pain as the fog closed in on us. He somehow ran faster, cutting across a path it hadn't hit. "There's some caves around here."

"No, we don't have time. There's an abandoned bunker through those trees." I pointed to where I meant.

He opened the latch, threw me on to his back before descending the stairs. We couldn't see a thing until our eyes adjusted to the new darkness.

"There should be candles all over the place. We just need to find something to light them with." I hobbled to the counter.

Bellamy lifted me up unexpectedly and set me on the couch. "You need to get off that leg, Princess."

A flick of anger coursed through me. "You know, I'm not some damsel in distress. I don't know why you insist on calling me 'Princess'. I'm not spoiled."

He lit a few candles with some old matches Finn and I found the last time we were here. He grabbed a blanket as he pulled a chair in front of me and sat down. "I've never seen you as a damsel, Clarke." His brown eyes met mine.

"Then why do you call me that all the time?"

A tiny grin touched his lips. "Maybe I thought of as a princess, Princess."

I tried to hide my smile as his hands grabbed my injured thigh. "Yeah, right." I bit back a cry as he yanked out the knife. "What's the real reason?"

"You don't want to know." He ripped a piece off the blanket and wrapped it around my wound. "That's the best I can do." His hands rested on my thigh, sending thrills all through my body.

My face felt flushed, I knew there was no way to hide it in the candlelight.

He winced.

"What?" I surveyed him, but couldn't find anything wrong. "What is it?"

"My back. I picked the wrong night to leave my jacket behind." He pulled the shirt over his head, revealing his…

"Abs for days." I muttered.

His eyes met mine. "What'd you say?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Oh, wipe that smirk off your face. You know you're hot."

He grinned. "What am I supposed to say to that?"

A laugh bubbled up in me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Let me look at your back."

He turned around in the chair, showcasing a few tiny blisters here and there.

I snorted a laugh. "You big baby, there's hardly anything here." I ran my hand down the planes of his muscled back, liking the contact too much.

"Doesn't mean I can't feel it."

My eyes stung. "Bellamy…"

"Clarke." He turned back around to face me. His eyes roamed over my face, understanding. "I know I'm not alone in this." His thumb reached out to wipe away a fallen tear. "Why are you crying?"

The tenderness in his voice only made it harder to stop crying. I wiped at my eyes and pulled myself together. "I can't afford to lose anyone else I care about." I searched his eyes, realizing how true this was. I may have been scared by Bellamy's past and experience, but that wasn't the only reason. "I care about you, Bellamy." My hand found his. "I just-I'm scared that whatever it is we have could jeopardize-why are you smiling?"

"You think I'm hot and that we have something?"

I tried to hide my smile. "Shut up, I'm trying to say my piece and you're distracting me. Again."

"I'm just smiling."

"Oh yeah?" I pointed to his toned muscles and face. "What's all that?"

His thumb and forefinger held my chin. "Clarke," He closed the distance between us, leaving a few inches of space. The heat lapped between us. "You're not the only one that's scared."

My eyes fell to his lips. Every reasoning I had slipped away as his lips gently fell on mine. An embarrassing sigh came from me.

He pulled away. "I had to do that once." His thumb ran over my lips as he pulled away.

There were no words. All I could was stare at him.

He rose from the chair, finally noticing the one thing I tried to avoid. "The fog's going to be a few hours, we're going to need our rest for tomorrow." When he see me eyeing it he said, "What's with the stink eye, Clarke?" He chuckled. "I'm not going to ravish you if that's what you're worried about."

I laughed despite my nerves. "That's not what-that's not it." I cleared my throat, afraid of his reaction. "This is where Finn and I, uh…" I blew out a heavy breath. "We-"

"Here?"

Our eyes met. I nodded before looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Hey, I hate when you don't look at me." He kneeled in front of me.

I huffed. "You make me nervous."

He chuckled. "Given our history I find that highly unlikely." His hands grabbed my waist, making me gasp at the contact when he picked me up and laid me on the bed. "We can make new memories." He grinned before turning to rummage through the boxes and cabinets. "Cards?" He held up a deck.

"You have me in a bed and you want to play cards?" I asked amused.

His brow rose. "You up for other activities, Princess?"

I grinned as I took in his chest again. "Maybe."

A rueful smile played on his lips. "If I thought you were, we'd be having a different conversation." He sat beside me, emptying the cards onto the bed. "What do you want to play?"

BELLAMY'S POV:

_"What are you smiling about, Bell?" Octavia asked me as I sat down next to her._

_ Was I smiling? I was just thinking about that blonde girl I saw punch the daylights out of this perv that grabbed her ass. I didn't know who she was, but I kept seeing around. The Arc was big, I didn't know everyone. _

_ I shrugged. "Nothing." _

_ "You little liar." Octavia teased as she poked my side. _

_ I grinned at her. "Knock it off. Let's go over History. Mom said you barely passed the last test she gave you."_

_A few months later_

_ John Murphy sat in front of me at the cafeteria with a devious glint in his eyes, blocking my view of the girl. _

_ "Need something, Murphy?"_

_ "Just looking to have a good time, Bellamy."_

_ My eyes narrowed at him. "I'm not into dudes, Murphy."_

_ He laughed. "Good, neither am I. I was talking about a party. I know you're training to be a Guard and all, but I heard you know where I can get some medicinal fun."_

_ My mind went to Jasper and Monty. They took some special herbs from the garden sometimes, but they never got caught because they always replaced it. I didn't feel the need to turn them in mainly because they were my friends – sort of – and they always replaced what they took. No harm no foul._

_ "Why are you asking me? Like you said, I'm training to be a Guard." My eyes went back to the girl as she rose with a black guy._

_ Murphy turned to see what had caught my attention. He grinned. "You got the hots for Clarke? I hope not Wells."_

_ "That's her name?" I kept calling her princess in my head. There was something about her prim and proper outside that made her regal. That hair, it reminded me of spun gold._

_ He gave me a look. "How are you apart of the Guard and you don't know royalty when you see it?" He pointed to the girl he called Clarke. "That's Clarke Griffin, her parents are the nurses, and that's Wells Jaha, as in Chancellor Jaha's son."_

_ "Shit." _

_ When we were training I never saw her. Thinking about it, Wells did look familiar. _

_ "You're never tapping that. Wells has been doing his time with that one. I picture a wedding in a few years." He took a sip of his drink. "What? You think you have a shot with her?"_

_ No, I didn't._

_ I rose._

_ "Hey, you gonna help me out or not?" He called after me._

_ "Not." _

A grin passed my lips as I watched Clarke yawn. "Sleepy, Princess?"

"No, we can keep playing." She fought to keep her eyes open.

I wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her to my chest, careful not to hit her injured leg. I pulled the covers over us. Her body was rigid. I could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

"Now, I'll never get to sleep."

I grinned. "Relax, Princess. No funny business, I swear."

After a few moments her heart calmed down, most of the tension left her body as she wrapped her arms arm around mine. "Thanks." Her voice barely above a whisper.

"For what?"

"For giving me a better memory of this place."

My heat skipped a beat. "You know, you're making this really hard."

"Please tell me you're not talking about your…you know what?"

I laughed. "No, but I don't want to speak too quickly."

"Then what did you mean?" The amusement was clear in her voice.

"Just trying not to love you."

She gasped as her body froze. "Bellamy…"

"You don't have to say anything, Clarke. What I've been feeling for you has gone on longer than our time spent down here, remember?"

Her fingers slid between mine. "Bellamy?"

"Yeah?"

"You're my best friend."

The weight of what she said brought unexpected tears to my eyes. What was a best friend? Someone who you cared about unconditionally. Someone you bickered with, but forgave five minutes later. Someone who had your back no matter what. Someone who completely challenged you. Someone who made you laugh and smile. Someone who made you glad you were alive. Someone you couldn't imagine not having in your life.

I realized that I had all of that with Clarke. "You're my best friend, too."

"Night, Bellamy."

I kissed the top of her head. "Night, Clarke.


	4. Breathe

CLARKE'S POV:

I rolled over to find the bed empty.

"Clarke." Bellamy's strained voice came from nearby. There was something wrong.

My eyes found Tristian holding a spear between him and Finn. My heart jumped out of my chest as I rose from the bed.

"Tristian, you don't have to do this." Tears stung my eyes. "Look, we had to fight back. Your people would've done the same thing."

There was a look of betrayal in Finn's eyes, he assumed Bellamy and I had slept together. Bellamy's held something else; understanding, respect, yearning, regret, and maybe love.

"Chose."

"What? I can't-"

"Chose!" He spat.

"I can't!"

My eyes went to Bellamy. I regretted so much; not telling him how I felt sooner, not being with him last night. When I looked at Finn I saw that the betrayal turned to sorrow in his eyes. He mouthed that he was sorry. I nodded in forgiveness.

Bellamy fell to his knees with the spear in his chest.

"No!" I cried. My chest felt hollow as I scrambled to him. His struggled to breathe as blood spilled from his mouth. My hand caressed his face. "How could you?" I screamed at Tristian.

Just as I spoke he cut Finn's throat from ear to ear. Finn dropped to the ground, clutching at his bloodied throat.

All the air escaped me as Tristian turned to leave as if none of this affected him. I looked at Finn dead on the floor. My eyes went back to Bellamy. He was gone.

"No." I shook him, careful not to move the spear. "Look at me." I begged. His words came back to me. _This is all on you, Princess. You should've kept your mouth shut_. My other hand gripped his shaggy black hair. "You of all people can't leave me."

"What the hell is this?" A familiar voice yelled, stirring me awake.

"How'd you find us?" Another familiar voice asked.

"What happened to her leg?"

"She fell with a knife in her hand. Keep your voice down. She's resting."

My vision blurred I called out. "Bellamy?"

My thoughts worked back to my dream. Relief washed through me. It was just a dream.

Bellamy sat in front of me on the bed. Concern in his eyes. "You okay, Princess?"

My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him to me. Worry still sat in the pit of my stomach. I lost him. But it was just a dream.

"Bad dream?" He guessed.

I winced as I tried to stand. How'd I forget about my leg? In the dream my leg wasn't a problem.

My eyes went to Finn as my hand grabbed Bellamy's shoulder. Once again relief flooded through me. A smile crossed my face. They were alive.

Finn walked over. "Hey." He said awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I can't sit cooped up for that long. I need to help you guys. I want our friends back just as much as you do."

"I thought it was just _Clarke_ you were worried about." Bellamy bit out.

I gave him a look. Now was not the time to do the whole love triangle thing. We have people to save.

"Finn, have you been to camp? Did you see any casualties?"

He shook his head. "No, I came straight here after the fog hit."

Bellamy and I shared a look. "We need to go back." He said. He helped me up and outside.

I breathed in the fresh air. It felt good to be outside again. Then Bellamy set me down and it became hard to walk. He moved to pick me up again, but I backed up into Finn on accident.

"You go ahead. Finn and I'll catch up."

His brown eyes met min. Unmistakable hurt was etched on his face.

How could I make him understand that I wasn't choosing Finn over him? I trusted Finn before I trusted Bellamy, but then I trusted Bellamy when I didn't trust Finn. Things just got so complicated and I didn't know how to stop the melodrama.

"My leg is slowing us down." I huffed. "Bellamy, you have to check on Octavia."

He eyed Finn. "Octavia can take care of herself."

"That's true, but you should go check on the others. We're right behind you, I promise." I gave a nod in good faith. I would be okay with Finn. He wasn't going to hurt me. He couldn't anymore.

Bellamy nodded before running ahead of us. A big part of me wish I were running with him.

It seemed like forever that Finn and I walked in silence. Nature was our background noise and it was eerily quiet.

"So are you guys together now or what?" He blurted out rudely.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know, Clarke?"

I huffed. "Bellamy and I are friends, okay?"

"And you sleep with all of your friends?"

I stopped in my tracks. "What the hell is wrong with you, Finn?"

"What's wrong with me is that you and I are supposed to be together."

"Yeah, and who messed that up?" I walked away from him, as far as I could with a bum leg.

He walked beside me. "I thought we were over the whole Raven thing."

I scoffed. "Raven thing? You cheated on her with me. You slept with me knowing there was a chance she'd make it down here." Tears stung my eyes, but I pushed them back. "You don't know how much you hurt me."

"Clarke, that's not fair."

"What wasn't fair was me finding out like I did!" I groaned. "Whatever." I scanned the trees. "I'm not mad at you." I locked eyes with him. "I'm worried that if something happens to me you'll go for the Grounders again."

He rubbed his eyes. "That was a mistake. I was stressed out and tired. I had to find you."

"You don't just murder people on mistake. You _need _help."

He gave a sour laugh. "So you want to get me out of the way so you can be with Bellamy, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You slept with him!" He spat.

It was becoming increasingly hard to control my anger. "Last night we didn't do anything."

His eyes had a crazy glint. "Then when?!"

I paced ahead. "I don't even know you anymore." I gave a humorless laugh. "I guess I never did."

"Don't avoid the subject. Bellamy said he was with you just like he was with Raven."

My heart thumped in my chest. "He what?" He slept with Raven? He said we slept together? When? Why?

"You didn't know?"

Words escaped me. "I-"

"So you didn't? Or you didn't know about Raven?"

I ran my hands through my hair. "I don't know what you want me to say. I didn't sleep with Bellamy." I stalked off.

"Wait…Clarke?"

"I didn't sleep with him, Finn!" I yelled.

Tears pricked my eyes. There had to be an explanation. I trusted Bellamy to not hurt me. He wouldn't say something like that, not about me.

As we walked back, Finn kept his distance. I was glad. When we got back to camp everything was packed, but there were two guards on the ground. Octavia and Bellamy were talking to the rest of the guards while Murphy just sat on the ground. They looked up at our presence.

Octavia ran up to me. "Bell said you were injured and with Finn. Both of those aren't too good." She eyed Finn carefully as she pulled me into a hug. "Thank you for saving my brother."

I gave a smile. "It was my pleasure."

Finn walked over to everyone else.

She smirked. "I bet."

"Oh, God." I laughed. "Octavia, no." I shook my head.

"No?" Her brown eyes narrowed.

"No. We're just friends." Even as I said it I didn't believe it.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, "Princess"." She mocked her brother.

I nodded to the bodies. "Fog?"

"Yeah. We tried to save them, but it was too late. The other guards want to bury them, but we don't have the time." She went back to everyone as Bellamy came to me.

His dark eyes looked worried. "What's wrong?"

I pushed past him to talk to the others. "I know you all want to honor our people, but we don't have time to spare. They're dead and I'm sorry about that, but the rest of the hundred could still be alive. Every minute we waste on burying these guards the hundred could be picked off. If you want to stay, good luck finding your way back to the basecamp before a Grounder finds you."

"So we just leave them?" A guard asked.

"We don't have a choice." Bellamy stepped in. "Clarke's right." He shot me a glance. "They're already dead. We need to head out now."

Regardless if I was ticked off at him, his rebel leadership still was a sight to behold. "I mentally smacked myself as I stared at his butt. _Come on, Clarke_.

The guards carried what little we had. They weren't trained in combat, but in gunhandling. Sometimes that wasn't enough to handle the Grounders.

Bellamy grabbed my forearm, turning me into him. His dark eyes held burning curiosity. "What happened between you and Finn?"

I pulled my arm away. "Nothing, geez."

"Then what's wrong with you?" He almost begged.

Part of me knew that he told Finn he slept with me as soon as I saw him. I just knew it. Sure, I wanted to know the truth, but I also wanted Bellamy to tell me what had happened and why'd he lie about something like that.

No matter how big and brown his eyes were I wasn't about to make this easy for him. If he was my best friend then he'd prove it to me.

"I'm fine." I didn't try to hide my anger.

BELLAMY'S POV:

Clarke was no doubt pissed off at me, but I had no idea what I did. Maybe she was just tired of being manhandled by Finn and I.

I looked away from Clarke to meet Octavia's confused eyes. She gestured towards Clarke in question. I shrugged. I don't know, I mouthed. Octavia slapped her forehead. I wasn't sure why, but Octavia really wanted me to be with Clarke. Now that Clarke knew about the crush I harbored on the Ark, things felt different. Especially because she admitted to feeling things for me and that kiss. God, that kiss. I didn't mean to but those blue eyes and pink lips were right in front of me, lit by candle light.

I groaned out of frustration. Clarke cut her eyes at me. I'm not going to lie, Clarke scared me half the time, but I liked that.

There was a limited speed she could walked, we both knew that. I didn't care how slow she walked I wasn't leaving her side, even if she seemed ready to bite my head off.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

Whatever happened between Bell and Clarke was surely Bell's fault. No even a few minutes ago she seemed fine with him, now they were at each other's throats again. It was an endless cycle, I swear. Whatever the case, I needed to talk to her. Bell was down here because of me and besides I wanted my big brother to be happy.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Murphy asked as he walked beside me.

"Huh?" I almost tripped over a root, but corrected myself. "What's a penny?" I said more to myself than him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I heard my dad say it to my mom a while back."

"I don't really care, Murphy. I don't want to talk to you."

Finn headed our way. As much as I hated Murphy for trying to kill my brother, I hated him less than Finn.

I grabbed Murphy's arm and pulled him back. "On second thought, explain it to me."

He stared behind us and chuckled. "Wow, you must really hate Finn, huh?"

I glared at Murphy. "Don't flatter yourself, _John_."

His face hardened. "You know, I did what I had to do to survive. We've all done something."

He had a point. I was willing to slit a Grounder's throat in order to get Lincoln back. Luckily, I didn't have to.

"Yeah, well…you didn't have to go after Charlotte or my brother."

He huffed. "You're right. I'm an ass, but so is Bellamy." He took in my expression. "Look, no one here has a sibling besides you two. We don't know what that's like."

I shrugged. "That doesn't change the fact you tried to kill my _brother_, Murphy."

"Yeah, it doesn't. But he tried to kill me, too."

"Why are you talking to me?"

He eyed me as if I was stupid. "You're the fastest to piss Bellamy off." He glanced in their direction. "Besides Clarke."

I chuckled despite myself. "You're just talking to me to piss him off?"

"Well, that and you're hot. But I'm glad that you admire my work, little Blake."

I stopped walking for a moment. "Don't call me that. Got it?"

He smirked. "Whatever you say."

We walked in silence for a while.

He tripped on a root, but I caught him before he could fall.

"Thanks."

I ignored him.

"Don't you want to know why I'm down here with the rest of you?"

"Not really." I looked for Bell.

He was watching me and Murphy with an intense stink eye.

CLARKE'S POV:

"What is he doing?" Bell spat out.

I looked back at him to see his jaw clenched and his eyes hard. He was looking at Octavia talking with Murphy.

"They're just talking."

He headed over, his gun ready.

"Woah," I grabbed his arm, careful not to swing the gun in my direction.

"What do you think you're doing?"

His eyes met mine with a fierce intensity. They softened just a fraction. "Things aren't like they used to be, Bell. You can't just kill Murphy because he talked to Octavia."

His brow arched. "I wasn't going to kill him. Just shoot him a couple times."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. "Whatever you're planning to do will only slow us down and tell the Grounders where we're at."

He lowered his gun. "Whatever you say, Princess." He marched off in front of me.

"Hey," I headed for him. "Okay, you win. Go shoot him." I demanded.

He wouldn't look my way.

"You know, you're not as tough as you want everyone to believe."

He continued in silence.

How had the situation reversed? I was the one that's supposed to be mad at him. Whatever the case, now was not the time to talk about our personal problems.

"What do you mean we lost him? One of the guards said.

My attention turned to them, doing a head count. "Shit."

Bellamy and I locked eyes. He stepped forward. "Hey, listen up." He walked closer to the crowd. "We are in their territory and-"

"Whose territory?" A Guard asked.

"The Grounders." He shouted.

"If one of us is missing that means they're after us."

We all looked around.

Octavia and Murphy ran toward us. "I can blow the fog horn, scare them away." Octavia reached for the horn.

"If they're watching us they'll know it was you." He told her.

"We have to run." I suggested.

"To where? We're in their territory, its booby trapped to hell!" He looked at me.

"We don't have a choice."

"What are you talking about?" Another Guard asked.

"Everyone be careful. We have to run. Keep your eyes peeled. There are booby traps everywhere. The Grounders like to hide in the trees. They have spears and knives. They will kill you."

To prove his point a spear came out of nowhere, pinning a Guard to a tree. The Guards freaked out.

"Run!" Murphy yelled, tugging Octavia with him.

I tried, but my leg slowed me down. "Bellamy!"

He looked back and understood. He cursed, then pushed us both to the ground and dropped on top of me, acting as my shield.

"What are you doing?" I shouted.

"Keep quiet. Maybe they'll think we're dead."

As unlikely as that may be that wasn't what I was focused on; Bellamy's warm body pressed against mine. His rough hands cradled my head to his chest. His heart practically beat out of his chest. He groaned as I felt his body jump. He'd been hit.

"Bellamy, where were you hit?"

No response.

"Bell?"

"I'm fine. Just in the back, which is still sore."

I held onto him, hoping by some miracle we'd be able to catch up to the others. My mind quickly went to Octavia and even Murphy, sending silent prayers their way.

Bellamy was yanked up by his jacket. He groaned in pain as the Grounders came into view. Another pulled me to my feet. My eyes never left Bellamy's.

"We're trying to save our people from the mountain men." I told them, not really sure if these particular Grounders spoke English or not.

Apparently, if they did they didn't care because they knocked me in the head and the last thing I saw was Bellamy's worried expression.

I woke with a bad taste in my mouth. My head throbbed as my eyes flickered open. "What?" My eyes adjusted to the darkness. Another body laid haphazardly on the hard ground a few feet away from me. "Where the hell?"

The previous events played in my mind. Bellamy. I took in the dark curly hair and Ark clothes. "Bellamy." I crawled to him, ignoring the pain in my leg as the worry set in. I didn't want to think it, but what if he was gone? The arrow was gone from his back. My hands went to lift his shirt to check for wrapping, but he flinched awake, pulling away from me. "Bell, it's me."

"Princess?" He groaned.

A bead of happiness filled me. "Yeah." I grinned.

Ever since we talked the other day my heart pounded when he called me princess.

He tried to turn, but with his wounds I wouldn't allow it. "You need rest and heal."

He turned to face me anyway. "No, I need to see you." His dark eyes scanned me. He grinned at the blush in my cheeks. How the hell he saw it in his darkness was beyond me. His hand reached up to touch my cheek. "You okay?"

My skin tingled under his touch. With a shaky breath, I said, "Yes."

He gave a small grin. "That's good."

My mind went back to when Murphy infected the camp and how Bellamy looked when he asked if I was okay. My heart fluttered.

"What are we doing here? What do they want with us? Why not kill us?"

Just then a Grounder threw a knife in our prison, then left. Bellamy and I shared a look.

"They can't be serious." He muttered.

So we waited in silence for what felt like hours in the dark and cold while nothing happened. Our stomachs growled, but we were used to the hunger. Finally, I grabbed the knife and gave it to Bellamy.

He looked at the knife then met my eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure you see Octavia again."

His eyes grew darker. "What? I'm not killing you just to see my sister again."

I shoved the knife in his hand. "Take it. This may be your only chance to leave."

He knocked the knife out of my hand. There was definitely anger in his eyes. "What's wrong with you? Why are you so hell bent on me killing you?" He all but growled at me.

"Because you came down here to save your sister. I don't want to stand in the middle of that."

"Clarke-"

"If Octavia dies while we're in here, I'm scared you'll never forgive me." My voice cracked.

His eyes softened. "Hey, I wouldn't do that."

"Well, someone has to make it out of here. My leg is still injured so I can't run if I need to. But you can help get our people back. You can lead them."

"Clarke, stop it. I'm not killing you and I'm not leaving you. I can't."

Tears sprung to my eyes. "You have to get over that. They're not going to let both of us leave."

"Like hell their not." He spat.

"Whatever your plan is don't get yourself killed. I can't do this without you."

Unmistakable anger passed in his eyes. "So you were going to let me do this without you?!" He turned away from me, groaned in pain.

"Something has to be done. We're wasting time."

He didn't say anything for a while. Maybe he fell asleep or maybe he was just that mad.

BELLAMY'S POV:

How could she even think for a moment that I'd be okay with her offing herself for my sake? I was so angry I wanted to shake some sense into her, but I couldn't ever be that aggressive towards Clarke. I loved her. I mean, I think that this was what love felt like. I thought about Clarke just as much as Octavia, I worried about her the same. The only difference was with Octavia, it was in my DNA to care for her. With Clarke it was something else entirely. Thinking about her not being by my side for however long we had left on this planet was unbearable. People say it's better to have known then lost than to not have known, but with Clarke…If I was going to lose her I didn't want to know her at all.

She hadn't spoken for a while. Hopefully she was regretting her idiotic plan.

"I hope someday you forgive me."

There was something in her voice that made me turn. A protest caught in my throat as I witnessed her cut her throat. Blood oozed out endlessly. Her crystal blue eyes held mine until life drained out of her. All the air in my body left me. "No."

I stood to my feet, in shock. My eyes locked on the bloodied blade in her pale, lifeless hand. Tears sprung to my eyes as I fell into a crouch. "No." I grabbed the knife, twirled it in my hand. "NO!" I yelled, stabbing the knife into the ground. "You can't be dead." I fell to my knees. "You can't leave me."

I loudly gasped awake. My eyes searching for Clarke.

"Are you okay?" She surveyed me, the knife in hand.

I yanked it out of her hand and threw it clean across the room, then pulled her into a hug.

She hugged me back. "What's wrong? Bad dream?"

I took in her scent. Even sweaty and dirty she still smelled feminine. My eyes found hers. "You're alive, that's all that matters."

"What are you talking about?" She tried to hide her laugh.

"I'm in love with you, Clarke."

All traces of her laugh were gone as she stared at me with those big doe eyes. She could tear a man down with those eyes. "What?"

"You heard me."

She started to tear up as her face crumbled.

"What's wrong? Do you hate me that much, Princess?" I pulled her into a hug, ignoring my back yelling at me. I made sure to prop her leg up.

She shook her head on my chest.

"Then what?"

"I'm scared." She tried not to shake, but her body gave away her trembles. "What if we don't make it out of this one? What if one us isn't around anymore? I can't tell you I love you then lose you, I just can't."

My arms squeezed her harder. "So you are in love with me?"

"I hate you." She tried not to laugh.

I grinned. "Well, then I hate you to, Princess."

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	5. Leave Your Lover

OCTAVIA'S POV:

One of the Guards was speared by the Grounders.

"Run!" Murphy yelled.

Panic settled in. My eyes went to Bell and Clarke until a hand pulled me along and my feet picked up. I glanced at Murphy for a brief second as we ran for our lives. I heard Clarke call out Bellamy's name. I turned to see them staring at each other and then Bell covered Clarke with his body.

"Octavia, we have to go." Murphy yanked me from my stance forcefully.

I pulled my arm away. "Get off of me!"

After a few minutes of running no one else was speared. Murphy and I panted as we looked at each other. "Are we in the clear?" He asked, as if I knew the answer.

I shrugged as I looked at the tree line.

"Do we need to keep running?" A guard asked.

"It can't hurt." Another said.

"Where? For all we know we're running in circles."

"Keep your voices down." Murphy demanded.

I huffed. "We're not running in circles."

A Guard got huffy. "How do you know? How do we know we can trust you? You lived under the floor your whole life and you're infatuated with a Grounder!"

Murphy aimed his gun on him. "Come again?" It was Murphy's twisted way of trying to be noble, I guess.

My hand lowered his gun. Who gave him a gun anyway? I think it was Bell…What had he been thinking? Maybe it was only a matter of time before he turned full Finn. Bell would surely kill him then.

"Apologize!" He threatened as he raised his gun again.

The other Guards raised their guns at Murphy. "Put it down, Murphy."

"Hey," I called their attention to me. "We don't have time for this. We're still in their territory."

Murphy looked at me. "Why don't we hide in your boyfriend's cave? It's not like he's using it at the moment."

I rolled my eyes. "Dick." I turned to the others. "We don't have time. Why don't you all get that? We can't stop."

"What about Bellamy and Clarke?" A Guard asked.

There was no part of me that could entertain the thought of Bell being dead. I needed my brother, even though he could be a selfish dick half the time, the other half he was worrying about me.

"They can take care of themselves."

"What do you mean they can take care of themselves? Jones was speared to a freaking tree! How could they be alive?"

"We've been down here for months. We know how to take care of ourselves."

They pfft'd in unison.

"Okay tough guys. Murphy and I will go to Mount Weather. Everyone else can go back to basecamp. Good luck finding your way back if the Grounders don't get you first or booby traps."

Murphy met my eyes and smirked. "Give us the guns."

There was no need for more than two guns for us, but we had nothing in the beginning.

"Yeah," I grinned at Murphy for a moment. "We had to make it without guns for a month. You guys can do it. Oh, don't forget to steer clear of water what with the giant snake and all, learned that the hard way." I tried not to lose my serious composure.

Murphy chuckled as he crossed his arms. "Go ahead."

They all hesitated, they knew they needed us to survive out here. Murphy and I raised our brows at each other in amusement.

"No takers?" He asked.

"That's what I thought." I concluded.

Murphy leaned into my space. I leaned back. "What are you doing?"

His blue eyes held amusement. "Relax, I'm not trying to kiss you."

I still couldn't relax. His close proximity made me feel flushed. "Then what are you doing?"

"We need to get rid of them. They're dead weight."

What he said made sense, but they needed us. "We can't just leave them. They'll die."

"Why are you defending them?" A moment ago they were ready to kick you out of the group because of Lincoln." He rationalized.

"What's wrong with you?"

His forehead creased. "I'm not going to let us die or get captured again because they just got here."

"Us? Why do you care so much about saving me? You know I hate you, right?"

"Don't do that."

My brow arched. "Huh?"

"Don't try to make this into something it's not." His cheeks burned red, by the looks of it he wasn't happy about it.

"You have a little crush? Its okay, Murphy. It's creepy, but it's not the worst."

"Shut up." He headed towards the Guars with irritated eyes and a blooming blush.

Wait? Did he really have a crush on me? No way. I refuse to believe that. He was a psychopath… But he wasn't always this way. He couldn't have been.

As we ran to flee the territory he kept glancing back at me. I wanted to flip him off, but that was a bit childish.

"Hey," A Guard strode by me as we slowed to a run. "Greg." He grinned. He was handsome, but had nothing on Lincoln.

"Yeah?" I questioned.

His grey eyes were skeevy. "So you and a Grounder, huh?"

I gave him a look. "What's your point?"

He grinned like a cat. "You into that rough stuff?"

I sort of gasped and scoffed at the same time before putting some distance between us.

"How old are you anyway?" He eyed my body and suddenly I couldn't have enough clothes on. My arms covered my chest uncomfortably as I ignored him.

"Whoa." He said. "Chill out. I was just talking to her."

I turned back to see Murphy holding a gun at him. I groaned. Not again.

"No, you were trying to hit on an underage girl, who happens to be sixteen."

"So you're going to shoot me for talking to her? That isn't a crime and if you kill a Guard you'll be floated so fast."

Okay, psychopath or not Murphy seemed to have made a habit of trying to help me. He was probably doing it to get on Bell's good side. Though I was sure it would take a whole lot more for Bellamy to forgive Murphy for what he did.

"Murphy, for the last time quit it before you get yourself killed."

His blue eyes met mine. There was a flicker of something recognizable amongst anger before he turned back to Greg. I really wanted to know what his deal was, but connecting with him wasn't a part of the plan.

He marched off without another glance my way.

"Thank you." I said only to be met by silence.

It was almost dark, which meant we needed to set up camp soon. Murphy didn't acknowledge me as I walked beside him. "Hey." I flicked his arm, bringing his eyes to mine. "I said thank you earlier, you know."

He looked ahead. "Yeah, whatever."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Just leave me alone, alright?"

I rolled my eyes. "Is this about earlier? Because I didn't ask you to do that. Hell, I don't even like you, but I did appreciate it. But I can fend for myself, don't ever think that I can't."

He turned those sinister eyes on me. "Got it." He headed in a different direction.

"Where are you going?" I called.

"Don't worry about it."

I huffed. Great.

We set up camp or I set up pretty much everything as the Guards watched me. I kept meeting Greg's eyes uncomfortably. His gaze made my skin crawl. I gave a humorless laugh. If it was just Bell, Clarke, Murphy, and I we would've been there by now. We knew the shortcuts, well I did thanks to Lincoln. We knew these woods a whole lot better than they did. They were slowing us down, Murphy was right. If I knew there was a chance they'd make it back in one piece I'd slip away when they were all sleeping to go look for Mount Weather myself.

My thoughts went to Bell and Clarke as I gazed up at the starry sky. They had to be alive. I couldn't go on without them. All I'd have left was Raven and Murphy and that'd suck big time. I wasn't very partial to Raven, but she continued to help keep us alive. For a moment, I thought she'd be a problem with Bell, but it was just a passing thing. He had found what I found with Lincoln with Clarke. If he'd just grow a pair and fess up already then things between them would be gravy. Lincoln…he was all I had without everyone else. If something happened to him then I'd really be screwed.

"Where's Murphy?" A guard asked.

I shrugged then started into the distance. If I do say so myself I came pretty far from chasing Butterflies to kicking Grounder ass. Speaking of Grounder ass, Lincoln had a nice one. I chuckled to myself.

"What's so funny?" Greg asked.

I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough. "Don't you have some other innocent girls to scam on?"

His grin faltered, but only a little. "You're hardly innocent."

I walked away from him, but he followed. "I'm taken." I threw over my shoulder. "I'm not the girl you're looking for."

"I don't see this Grounder around, do you?"

I walked faster. "Go back to camp. It's not safe out here."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. That grin much like a cat's produced a bead of panic in my stomach.

"Seriously, take a hint guy." I yanked my hand away.

His demanding hands yanked my waist to him, exposing his manhood to me. His body pressed heavily on mine as I tried to get away, but he was far stronger than me. I punched him in the jaw and I felt my hand crack. One of his hand held mine above my head as the other squeezed my chest.

"No." I cried out. "Please, don't do this."

He was pulled from me. Relief flooded me as I spot Murphy. He rammed Greg to the ground and started punching the crap out of him. Greg got him in the stomach, he sneered with a busted lip. He glared at me as he rose.

"Now you've done it."

Fear spiked in me. This guy had about thirty pounds on Murphy who had twenty or more on me.

"Please."

Tears spilled from my eyes. I wanted my big brother.

Murphy knocked Greg's feet from under him, knocking him to the ground. "You piece of shit." Murphy kicked him in the side. "You apologize to her."

"Fuck you." Greg spat out blood.

Murphy was on him so hard I was sure he'd kill him.

"Murphy! Stop, you're going to kill him!"

He glanced back at me with those sadistic blue eyes and they softened for a few moments before returning it to danger blue. "What do you think he's going to do, Octavia? Stop?"

Greg groaned in pain. I underestimated Murphy's ability to fight, which I shouldn't have because he had to go through torture…something none of us had to experience. I both loathed and respected Murphy with equal measure as of late. Well, as of today. Maybe I already respected him for what he endured, but it doesn't changed the fact that he tried to kill my _brother_. That was unforgivable. But I couldn't look past the fact he pulled me out of harm's way three times today. What the hell was my problem today that I needed to be saved by _Murphy_?

Murphy fell to the ground as Greg bled out on the ground. Blue eyes found mine, but they weren't really seeing them.

"It had to be done." He groaned as he clutched his side.

"No, it didn't. We could've banished him!" I yelled.

"Yeah and he would've came back like I did!" He rose. "He tried to rape you, Octavia! Sexual assault is a capital offense, I wasn't going to let him live with what he'd done!"

My composure crumbled. I fell apart. I just wanted my brother and Lincoln.

After a few moments Murphy patted my shoulder awkwardly. "There, there."

Once I pulled myself together, I said, "You're terrible at comforting someone." My good hand wiped my eyes as I clutched the other to my chest.

"Sorry, I'm a little out of practice, little Blake." His hands wrapped around my shoulders as he helped me to my feet. His eyes ran over my face, focusing on each feature for a few moments.

Despite myself, my face felt hot. There was no way he could see that in this darkness though.

His eyes flickered back up to mine. "You okay?" Sincerity hung in his voice.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Let's get back to camp." His hands slid down my arms, creating an endearing warmth that was quickly followed by cold.

"Okay."

We walked in silence and it was the most awkward silence in my life. There was something that needed to be said before it became a problem. I turned to him to find him watching me. Earlier today I would've found that creepy, but now I saw it for what it really was.

"Murphy," I started.

There was no easy way to tell someone that you don't want them having feelings for you. Granted, all of my flings have been on Earth for a few months, I still knew the heartache.

"Octavia." He smirked.

I found the corners of my mouth turning up into a grin, then I organized them back to normal. "Look, I really do appreciate everything you've done for me today, but-"

"But you don't want it to go any further."

My brow furrowed. "How'd you know what I was going to say?"

He wiped at his nose. "Look, I like you. That much is obvious. I know you're with Lincoln and you're Bellamy's sister, but I like you." There was nothing sadistic or sinister in his eyes now.

My mouth went dry as my pulse pounded in my ears. "I…"

"Trust me, I know how you feel about me. It's not hard to guess. All I'm asking is for you to keep your options open."

There were no words. We came into view of the camp. I realized something important; I was more comfortable with Murphy than a potential rapist. That was a big deal for me.

He grinned at my surprise. "Okay?"

I had no idea what to do so I just nodded. What was I thinking?

He posted up against a tree. He was going to be on watch. "Goodnight, little Blake."

I internally groaned. "Don't call me that, Murphy."

I headed towards the camp. Rest was much needed. Tomorrow was going to be a hell of a day.


	6. Run

song for the chapter: ALEX VARGAS - Till Forever Runs Out/ Mahogany Sessions  watch?v=z8HEMnYLoVs

**Sorry it's been a while! I've been working on this chapter for a few weeks. I wanted to make sure it hit the correct spots. I hope yall like it. I**

CLARKE'S POV

We slipped in and out of consciousness for what seemed liked weeks. It was rare either of us were awake at the same time. "Bellamy." I'd mutter without an answer before slipping back into sleep with heavy eyes.

"Weak, the both of you." A voice stirred me awake.

I peeked an eye open only to come face to face with Anya. My feet scuffled against the ground as I moved back. How was she in front of me?

She smirked. "You call yourself a leader, Clarke." Her eyes landed on Bellamy.

I mustered up all the strength I had to move closer to him. She wouldn't hurt him.

"The mighty leaders of the Sky People. That's laughable. You chained up like dogs."

I had to make sure we weren't actually shackled.

"What do you want from me?" My throat croaked.

"I'm here to help." She offered a bowl of water, bringing it to my lips. The cold liquid trickled into my veins, giving me a little energy. I made sure to save some for Bellamy.

A cough escaped my throat. "I got you killed."

"Bygones." She gestured with her hands. "I didn't die for nothing, so pull yourself together and get the hell out of here."

"How?"

She smirked. "You and I escaped Mount Weather, figure it out."

She disappeared.

My mind ran a mile a minute. Why hadn't we tried to escape? It was all a swirl of nonsensical images and memories. Did they drug us? My eyes scanned the best they could in the darkness, spotting the shells of those nuts that made everyone hallucinate at camp. Gobi nuts? Something.

I focused on Bellamy. The water was sitting between us as opposed to where Anya left it. I crawled over to him. My hand cupped his face as I willed him awake.

"Come on, open your eyes."

His dark eyes flickered open, then widened. "Mom?"

"You're hallucinating." I brought the remaining water to his mouth.

His adam's apple bobbed in his throat. His eyes pleading. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I glanced at the entry way, then back at him before pulling him up as I stood. "We have to go."

"It's my fault you're dead."

I stopped in my attempts to make sure he was okay to stand by himself. "What? No, don't say that."

"You're dead because I took Octavia to a party." Tears filled his eyes as his mouth twisted in regret. "I'm so sorry."

My thumb wiped at his eyes. That was the last thing I wanted to ever see.

"I'm sorry that I don't regret it because I got to meet her." He gave a wry grin. "I got to meet Clarke and that wasn't so bad."

My heart skipped in my chest. His mom knew about his crush on me? Did Octavia know?

"Bellamy, it's Clarke. You're having a hallucination. You need to snap out of it."

He grinned with a nod. "Yeah, she's a princess. Not because she's spoiled, but because she's special." His eyes looked far away.

"Bell, look at me." I brought my face closer to his. "Look at me, it's Clarke."

"I think she likes me. It's pretty hard to tell half the time. There's this Finn guy." He shook his head. "He's not all there at the moment."

For the love of God! My lips crashed into his fiercely, making sure there was nothing motherly about it. My tongue won control easily. He tugged at my lips as his hands grabbed my hips, pulling them closer to his. Unless he kissed his mom like that I'd say he'd awoken from his drug haze.

He pulled away with a grin, his eyes gazing at me.

Unnecessary nerves filled me. I knew I looked like hot-pressed garbage and I didn't want him to see me like this, but it's not like I've been looking like a Mount Weather girl since we've been on Earth.

"You're beautiful, Princess."

There was no hiding my smile, but I couldn't.

He caught my eyes. "How much of that did you hear?"

I laughed. "Just that I've been your "Princess" for a while."

He shook his head in embarrassment. "That was-"

"Adorable."

He gave me a stern look. "I'm not adorable, Clarke."

"You can be."

His brow lifted in mock annoyance. "Aren't we supposed to be escaping?"

"Oh, right."

We headed out of the entrance.

OCTAVIA'S POV

"That's all you got, Murphy?"

We circled each other, our weapons ready.

He smirked devilshly.

"What? Are you afraid to hit a girl all of a sudden?"

The smirk disappeared. I struck a nerve. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings by alluding to Charlotte, but to distract him. And I did. My knife sliced his arm, dropping him to his knees with the blade to his throat. The Guards laughed.

I grinned. "It's really not that hard boys."

A hand slipped down my leg, electrifying my nerves, then pulled me to the ground hard. Murphy trapped me with his hips as one hand held his knife to my throat and the other trapped my wrists above my head. The tip of the blade pressed hard enough to draw a little blood.

Warning bells should've been ringing in my head, but this was Murphy. He gazed down at me. There was something else behind those clear blue orbs, a range of emotions. I couldn't pinpoint the one that was aimed at me. He could probably hear my heart thudding through my thin shirt and jacket. I tried to wiggle my hips free, but he wouldn't let me move too far, his hips pressing down harder on mine, creating a friction I didn't want to enjoy.

His gaze went to my mouth that moments ago let out a tiny moan of pleasure.

The clapping of the Guards broke our trance and he removed his grip and hips and reached out a hand as he stood.

I ignored it and stood on my own two feet, dusting myself off, not that it really mattered. We were all infinitely dirty. It was unmistakably noticeable that everyone that came down on the Arc were quite cleaner than we were.

As the Guards praised us Murphy walked away, not that I noticed.

A WEEK LATER

Lincoln intertwined our fingers in a possessive as he did lately, which only meant that Murphy was close by. I pulled away as soon as I felt Murphy's presence.

"We need to talk." He leaned against the mop he'd been holding. His mouth got him a few days of work detail. I could always see the anger in his eyes from being treated like scum. I knew exactly how he felt. More than a few people from the Arc eyed Lincoln and I warily.

Monty and Jasper rounded the corner. "So it's been a few days and the Guards haven't made any plans to go after Clarke and Bellamy. We need to move now." Jasper said. Monty nodded.

I felt Lincoln's gaze on me, but I didn't want to look at him.l

"What good was an alliance with the Grounders if they can't hold up their end of the deal?" Monty asked, looking in our general direction.

"I'm not really a Grounder anymore. I can't go back there and look for Bellamy and Clarke. Besides, new traps are made often. I don't know where the new ones are."

A huge part of me was disappointed in Lincoln because he'd become cowardice. I understood that the reaper rug the Mountain Men gave him did some damage, but it was time to bounce back on his feet. Maybe he just needed a little motivation. But if I were honest, I knew a huge part of me was pulling away from him because he wasn't there for me like I needed him to be.

"When do we leave?" Murphy asked, eyes on me with a slight smirk in place.

Before I could stop it a relieved grin escaped my lips. I knew he'd step up. I tore my hand from Lincoln's as I faced Monty and Jasper. "We wait until nightfall."

"If you wait until night, there's no way you'll spot the traps." Lincoln chimed irritably.

Murphy glared at him. "It's better than sitting around and doing nothing. They got captured by _your_ people."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "It's still dangerous."

Murphy walked the distance between them, his mouth set into an angry line. "So you're gonna be scared the rest of your life, Lincoln?" The challenge clear in his voice.

I groaned. "John, you made your point."

Lincoln cut his eye at me, suspicion written all over his face before he stalked off.

I ran my hand through my hair, forgetting I had a big braid. "We're leaving tonight." I headed in the opposite direction Lincoln had. His jealousy over Murphy was so irritating. We hadn't talked about it directly, but it was plain as day who this was over.

Admittedly, Murphy was attractive and I appreciate that. He helped me a lot in the last few weeks, something I never expected, something I wasn't getting from Lincoln. He tried to kill my brother, whom he was no trying to save when my own boyfriend wasn't. I didn't know how to feel about Murphy. Right now I didn't know how to feel about Lincoln. I didn't love him any less than I did a few weeks ago, but with everything that's changed since we landed on Earth, I didn't know how to navigate the mess before me.

"Hey,"

A spike of excitement ran through me at the voice. I turned to see Murphy with unreadable eyes.

"If you want we can leave now."

My brow raised. "You afraid of the dark, Murphy?"

He smirked. "You wish, little Blake."

The corner of my mouth turned up in amusement. His endless blues dare me to look away.

"Seriously, Lincoln has a point. The less risk we take the better our chances of coming out alive are."

"I thought you weren't scared."

"I'm cautious, Blake. Not scared." He backed down the hall. "You can talk Lincoln into going."

No, I couldn't. Honestly, I needed some time away from him, but he didn't have anything to worry about. It wasn't like I was going to walk up to Murphy and lay one on him.

"Tell Monty and Jasper to wait at the gate." I called over my shoulder before going to find Lincoln in our sleeping quarters lost in thought.

"We're leaving." I announced as I leaned against the entrance. "Are you in or not?"

He waited a few seconds before answering. "I wouldn't do anybody any good."

I sighed. "Not true. You're the most experienced."

He gave me a wry laugh. "With the least amount of courage."

What could I say? That it wasn't true? Well, it was. At least in the last few weeks.

"Look," I moved my hand to his bicep. "You don't have to prove anything to anybody, but yourself."

"I'm losing you, Octavia." He muttered after a few moments of silence. "Can't you see that or are you too busy somewhere else?"

My temper flared. "This isn't about Murphy."

He just looked at me with sad eyes. "I didn't say any names."

My eyes went to the ceiling. "Murphy likes me, it's obvious. But I love you, I told him as much weeks ago. Besides he told me to come ask you to again. He's not that bad."

He scoffed.

"He saved my life."

He stared at me. "I know he helped you out when you all were attacked by my p... by the Grounders. But you can take care of yourself."

"No, one of the Guards tried to _rape_ me." I shoved him. "Murphy took care of him when you weren't there!" I glared at him as tears pricked my eyes. "_You_ weren't there for me!"

He stared at me with wide eyes, his face slack. "When was this?" He moved closer to me.

I moved out of his touch, it just didn't feel the same. "The Guard felt me up, tried to force himself on me. Murphy came along and he killed him."

His eyes bulged. "He what?"

"He had to! This guy wouldn't stop."

It dawned on me that it didn't freak me out that I was defending Murphy. At the same time It dawned on me that I had never really reacted to the whole incident despite that it was almost all I thought about, that a girl who lived under the floor for the most of her life was almost a victim of rape.

Victim.

I hated that I was a victim. It angered me. And I hated that I was blaming Lincoln for what was out of his control. It wasn't fair.

Lincoln engulfed me in a bear hug. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I squeezed back. "I didn't want to talk about it, especially not about you."

He pulled after a seconds. "I understand now." His eyes searching mine.

"What do you mean?"

"You feel safe around him, he protected you when I couldn't. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there for you, I'm sorry that this happened to you."

There it was. The look I didn't want to be given. Sympathy. Like I was a victim.

I knew I had to tell Bellamy this when I saw him, which reminded me.

"We have to go now, you can come if you want, if you're ready."

He stilled. "I want to be, but I need more time."

I nodded. I gave his cheek a peck. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

I headed for the exit.

They were waiting for me gate, weapons ready.

"Way to be conspicuous, guys."

Jasper and Monty laughed. "That's the only way we know how to be."

I shoved him in the shoulder as me we headed out.

"Lincoln didn't want to come?" Monty asked.

"Not this time."

I could feel Murphy's eyes on me, gauging my emotion. I glanced at him. "I'm fine."

"Yeah?" He shoved my shoulder.

I grinned and bumped him with my shoulder. "Yeah."

He laughed and I looked at him wide eyed because of how genuine it sounded, the crinkle in his eyes. His smile distracted me and I tripped over a fucking root. My cheeks blushed scarlet red.

His hands pulled up. "You okay, O?"

Jasper just laughed while Monty scolded him.

I was at a loss for words. Bellamy was the only one who called me "O". My heart thudded in my chest as I composed myself. His eyes knowing.

I pulled away from his grip a little too hard. "I'm fine."

"Sure."

I gave him a look.

CLARKE'S POV

"You've been here before, does anything look familiar?" Bellamy asked me.

I looked around desperately. "It all sort of looks the same."

"Well, we still need to get out of here."

"Thanks, captain obvious." I rolled my eyes as I led the way down the corridor.

He grabbed my hand as he followed. Neither one of us had no idea how long we'd been locked up, but we sure smelled like we'd been stewing for a while. We heard voices coming from the distance. He immediately shoved me behind him. I tried to move around him, but he was so strong. "Would you just stay behind me." He demanded.

All I could do was stare at his back, frozen by the meaning of his action. He thought I was weak, that I needed to be protected. Anger flared in me. I wasn't some damsel! Sure, I wasn't great at combat, but I knew how to hold my own and the fact that Bellamy thought I couldn't stung.

The shadows on the wall receded along with the voices. As soon as I was sure they wouldn't be back I shoved him hard.

"Ah." He turned to me. "Why?"

I looked at him expectantly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He groaned. "Don't start Clarke. Neither of us have the energy to waste."

"Fine. I don't want you always protect me. I can handle myself. No argument." I marched past him. "We have to go."

He followed.

MURPHY'S POV:

"Why would the Grounders not release them if we have the truce?" I asked Octavia.

She'd been walking ahead of me for a while, albeit annoyed that she couldn't ignore what she was starting to feel for me. I could see it in her eyes, behind all that determination and strength.

Monty and Jasper weren't quick to welcome me back into the fold, once I sat them down separately to apologize they started to accept me. I wasn't naive, I knew I had to prove myself. As luck would have it, the two people they trust and respect the most are in need of rescuing. This was my chance with Bellamy and Clarke. Oddly enough, I think Bellamy would forgive me before Clarke did. She was kind of scary. Bellamy had his hands full with that one.

Still, I had a lot of making up to do for who I was before. When we landed I wanted to be an alpha male, I wanted to feel genuinely strong for once in my life. Instead I acted like a huge dick, thinking fear would get me somewhere. All it got me was everyone's resentment. For a while I thought it meant they respected me. Now I knew they just hated me. Hated me enough to string me up for Charlotte's crime. Her suicide was on me. I knew that.

"This happened before the alliance. Maybe whoever had them was too afraid to give them up." She suggested.

"But Indra and the Commander said they did a sweep of their grounds and couldn't find anything." Monty said.

Octavia kneeled to the ground, then looked at us. "The ground's shaking."

There was a sound like roots snapping and a roar that shook my bones. We collectively decided it was time to high tail it. I almost crapped myself when a tree branch flew by my head and shattered a nearby tree. A string of curse words left my mouth. I called on the only person I trusted with my life.

"Octavia!"

She looked back at me, panic written all over her face. "No!"

Something grabbed me by the jacket and pulled me back. The few seconds I was airborne I'm quite sure I did in fact shit myself. My head hit the ground and my vision blurred as I groaned. Black swirls came into view as my left arm was being pulled away from my right leg, I felt the arm pop out of socket. That pain cleared my vision and I came face to face with sharp white teeth and foul breath. What in the holy hell was that?

An arrow flew into the beast's arm causing it to roar louder than before. Another arrow hit it in the chest, sending it stumbling back. I crawled out of the way, reaching for my sword with my good arm. His fist smashed the spot where my head used to be.

"We have to run." Monty demanded.

"If we run, it'll just chase us." Octavia shouted, drawing another arrow with a scowl in place.

"If we don't run it'll kill us." He argued.

He was right.

Octavia ran towards it, ready for a fight.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Jasper ran along with her. They stabbed and jabbed at the beast. It roared so loud the trees shook. Monty and I shared a look, both of us worried. The beast threw Jasper a few feet into the air, Monty rushed to him, leaving Octavia the focus. Octavia held her own as I ran behind the beast and got in a few shots as I held my gun with my good arm. It stumbled for a few feet, then grabbed my gun, swirling as bullets flew.

I went down with a ringing in my ears. Someone was screaming. Jasper held Monty. My hand went to my stomach. Dark red stained them as my eyes fluttered shut. I groaned as I fought to get up. Jasper sobbed. The beast was down while Octavia stood over it, her sword disappearing into the body over and over again. I tried to speak, but blood pooled out of my mouth. Octavia wouldn't stop stabbing it even with the blood splattered on her face and the faraway look in her eyes. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

BELLAMY'S POV

We walked forever. Neither one of us spoke. What had I done to her that was so bad?

"I'm just going to say it." She turned to me, but stilled.

We felt the ground shake, then heard the roar seconds later.

We headed for the opposite direction. I grabbed her hand so she wouldn't fall behind, but she yanked it away harshly. I turned to face her only to have her run into me, which sent us tumbling over a nearby edge and into a rocky ravine. I groaned as we landed in the stream of water, the fall producing new bruises and cuts. Clarke just layed there. Great. She was unconscious.

With the sun high in the sky I had ample time to catch some food. I just didn't want to leave Clarke here by herself. What if she woke up and thought I left her on purpose? What if she needed assistance? Our need for food outweighed those worries.

Before leaving, I marked the spot I left her with by tying my jacket on the tree that was closest. It was warm enough at the moment that I didn't need it.

By the time I caught the fish - I didn't understand how there were fish that survived the radiation in this area, every water source was fresh water - The temperature in the air had changed to tolerable, but chilly. I headed back to where I left Clarke, which wasn't too far. Maybe she had awoken. I hoped she wasn't freaking out.

"Clarke?"

The spot I left her was empty except for her jacket. Where the hell was she? I thought she hit her head and would be out a bit longer.

"Clarke!"

I dropped the fish and started to build a fire from nearby wood. It was hard to find dry enough wood, being that it must've rained overnight, everything was damp. Luckily, I'd grabbed the knife from where we were held captive, which made skinning the fish easier. I couldn't help, but think that our escape was too easy. Why keep us locked up for however long then just let us walk out without a fight?

A twig snapped in the distance. My head shot up. I rose with the knife ready. "Who's out there?" I looked around.

There was a sound of footsteps, but I couldn't pinpoint where they were coming from.

"Hello?"

Something hit me in the back. I turned over a rock in my hand. What the hell? A Grounder wouldn't throw a rock. Would they?

"Alright, come out. I'm not looking for a fight." I reasoned, even though I was fully intending to kick Grounder ass if need be.

A flock of birds croaked as they flew over the tree canopy, making me jump. Another twig snapped.

"If you've taken an unconscious blonde then I'm going to have to ask for her back."

A laughing came from a nearby tree.

My eyes narrowed. "Clarke?"

Her head popped out from the tree. "You're going to have to ask for me back?" She came from behind the tree. "Really brave, Bell."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you get a kick out worrying me? I thought something happened to you?"

She shrugged. "I went for a dip in the lake."

I gave her a look. "The one with the giant snake that attacked my sister?" I gave her a hand in getting down the rocky slope. Taking in her appearance, she did look cleaner and smelled like her old self.

"No, but I made sure to make my presence known before I jumped in." She looked me up and down. "You could use one, you know." Her tone teasing.

"Well, I was out making sure we lived through the night, so..." I mocked.

She faked a smile.

I was wary as to how she seemed to forgive me so quickly. I thought our little tiff from earlier was going to last awhile. I met her gaze.

"You want to finish cooking these while I go wash up?"

She grabbed the knife. "Sure. It's only a few minutes east of here. If you've hit camp Jaha you've gone too far."

"Ha ha."

She grinned before spearing the fish.

When I got back the fish were about done and the sun was about an hour or so from setting, which meant our body heat would deplete, which meant I needed to make sure Clarke was up for a little cuddling.

I took her in. The flames bounced off her golden hair and fair skin. Even banged up she was still gorgeous. Oddly enough, I prefered her with cuts and bruises. She was a fighter and I loved that. She was by no means Octavia when it came to combat, but she could still hold her own. I didn't doubt that, I just didn't like the idea of her directly in the face of danger. I knew I couldn't protect her forever and I knew she'd hate me for smothering her, but I'd much rather have her hate me then not be alive.

Her eyes found mine, a question in them. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Go on." I gestured with my hand.

She grinned. "Dick."

I laughed.

Her grin faded as she stared at the fire.

Dammit. I knew what this was about.

"I don't think you're weak, Clarke."

She looked up.

"That's why you were upset?"

"It wasn't because someone thought I was weak. It was _you_ that thought I was weak."

I huffed. "Look, I don't want you getting hurt."

She crossed her arms. "Well, I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

I nodded. "You're my partner, Clarke. My best friend." I gazed at her intently. "I don't know who I'd be down here without you. I'm going to do everything I can to protect you, even if that means putting my life on the line. And I don't think you're weak or defenseless."

She nodded, her eyes understanding. "I just don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you because of me."

My heart skipped a beat as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Being that I'm in love with you, I don't have much control of that."

She froze. All she could do was stare at me with those big blue eyes.

A/N: Sorry for the weird formatting. I copied and pasted this from google drive because I no longer have Word because I had to reset my laptop. How heartwrenching was Bellarke last week?! Here's my Youtube Bellarke playlist, which consist of fan videos, scenes from the show, and songs that I think fit Bellarke (no pressure to folllow). playlist?list=PLBtjQJj3LJquwAYcpOqi5rcQrhfrlHax0

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Encouragement and feedback get me motivated to upload for yall.


	7. Resolution

I'm hoping that everyone that I offended will give me and my fic a second chance. Again, i'm truly sorry for my insanely ungrateful post! It won't happen again. I want yall to understand that I don't care about the number of reviews I get I just want feedback. I'm an English major with a creative writing concentration, so I kind of need to know what others think of my writing. I obviously didn't go about it in the professional or polite way - I was a big bag of dicks! Maybe even two bags! Anyway, I am truly sorry if I made you feel like you had to review or if you thought I was trying to guilt trip you. Not my intention. I really wish the guest that left disappointed reviews had put there names because I want to apologize personally, well as personally as you can get over the internet. One of the guests that reviewed after my rant post made a job point by saying I should write for the thrill and not care about reviews and thank you for that, it opened up my eyes a bit. Now I'm not even going to ask for reviews on any of my fics, just leave them if you want and if you don't then thanks for reading. However, I will ask that you review this just to tell me whether or not you accept my apology. You can even message me if you don't want it to go under reviews. Suggestions are always welcome. I hope that if someone didn't like a chapter that they'd tell me because I do want to become a better writer. Hope you enjoy.

Also, I don't know how many of yall actually ship Octavia and Murphy or just like them in fics. I think that they have potential and I'd love to see that happen. Do I think it's going to happen? No.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

"Murphy!" I ran from the beast to his unmoving body. "Can you hear me?" I checked his pulse.

He was still alive, but I didn't know for how long with a shot like that to the stomach. Jasper's screaming wasn't helping. I knew Monty was dead. I didn't know how to process that. All I could focus on was Murphy and keeping him alive.

I picked him up after I tied my jacket around his would. There was no time to think about how heavy he was as I walked as fast as I could manage.

I'M REALLY SORRY YALL

"Jasper. We need to get back to camp." I called over my shoulder.

No response.

"Jasper!" I screamed.

His red puffy eyes met mine. "He's dead!" He yelled back.

I groaned. There wasn't time to worry about this. "I'm heading back to camp to try and save Murphy."

Who knew how far I got or if I was going in the right direction? When I looked for the sun it was significantly lower than when I left. Angry tears filled my eyes as I set him down to make sure he was still breathing. My hands went to his neck, searching for any sign of a pulse. It was faint, but still threre.

My chin trembled. "No." The cold night air passed through me, chilling me to the bone.

I WAS A BIG BIG BAG OF DICKS YALL!

I shook him. "Murphy!" Come on, he couldn't be dead. "I need you right now!" I fell onto him, crying into his neck. He survived torture. He could survive this.

"Please."

"Octavia."

My eyes met his half cracked baby blues. I sighed in relief. My hands held his head up.

"You have to let me go." He croaked, blood spilling out of his mouth.

"What? You're going to be okay."

His hand gripped mine. "Listen to me."

"I'm not going to let you die!"

He gave a weak grin, his teeth bloodied. "I don't really know what love is." He swallowed hard. "But I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."

It was becoming hard to see through the tears. "I know."

He grinned. "I'm glad you got to know me before I died."

I didn't know if I was in love with Murphy, I didn't think I was. But I did know that it'll hurt like hell if he didn't make it. My eyes fell to his mouth. I couldn't lie to him, but I could give him something else. My mouth sought his, knowing that it wouldn't be all that romantic because of the blood. I gave him a soft meaningful kiss.

When I pulled away he just layed there.

My chin couldn't stop trembling. "No." I sobbed into his chest.

I'M THE BIGGEST BITCH THERE EVER WAS YALL

CLARKE'S POV

I felt like I was going to throw up. Bellamy just casually told me he was in love with me like it was obvious to everyone and I felt like I was going to throw up.

He looked at me with those intense brown eyes.

"AH!" A scream came from the distance.

"Octavia?" Bellamy stood.

The crying continued. Without a word, he ran toward the noise.

"Octavia?" He called.

"Bell?" She called back.

I followed him until we found her kneeling over Murphy, who had a fatal stomach wound.

"What happened?" Bellamy asked.

She looked up at me with hope in her red puffy eyes. "You can fix him."

He looked pretty dead to me. "I don't have any-"

"Fix him!" She demanded, something dark in her voice.

I knelt to the ground, checking his pulse. My eyes met both of the Blake's. "He's gone."

She stared at me like I told her that her world was coming to an end before crumbling down into tears as she layed on Murphy's legs.

Bellamy rested a hand on her back. "What happened, O? Did he do something to you?"

She turned her glare on him like a viper then shook him off. "No, he didn't do anything to me! How could you say that?"

We shared a confused look.

"He didn't deserve this, he was a good person."

How long were we captured? Murphy, a good person? That was laughable.

Murphy coughed then groaned.

What the hell?

His eyes cracked open.

Octavia grinned through her tears, her arms wrapping around him.

Bellamy just looked really confused.

"Okay. Let's get him back down to the ravine." I told Bellamy. "I'll have to make due with a poultice."

Bellamy moved him with Octavia's help. She placed his head on her lap and held his head while I applied the poultice.

"This should stop the infection. Sadly, that's all I can do right now. If he makes it through the night I'll cauterize it with the knife."

Murphy nodded. "Thank you."

"He's going to make it." Determination was heavy in her voice.

Bellamy and I shared another look. Now didn't seem the time to ask, but all we was time.

"What happened?" He asked.

Octavia all of a sudden looked so very tired. "We came looking for you. Something attacked us on the way. We all fought it off, but it killed Monty and shot Murphy, so I killed it."

"Monty's dead?" Murphy asked meekly.

Dammit.

"So that means you got everyone out of Mount Weather?" I asked.

She nodded. "We have a truce with the Grounders, which is why it took us so long to come find you. Indra promised that there was no sign of you."

I brought some water to Murphy's mouth, Octavia grabbed it from my hands. What the hell happened between those two? I could tell Bellamy was trying to keep calm. He couldn't stand Murphy.

DID I MENTION THAT I'M SORRY YET?

"Who else was with you?" He asked.

"Jasper. I don't know where he is."

My eyes widened. "What do you mean you don't know?"

Her eyes found mine. "I don't know where he is. I left him with Monty. I didn't have time to make sure Jasper was okay. Murphy was dying, what was I supposed to do?"

"Calm down, O. We're not trying to blame you. We just want some answers."

She gave Murphy more water, her hand played with his hair. Murphy seemed to be in absolute bliss despite the gaping hole in his stomach. I mean, I kind of guessed that he liked her before we were kidnapped. Finding out that I was right was satisfying. Now the question left was how did Octavia come to stand Murphy? He did try to kill Bellamy, which was pretty unforgivable. Not to mention he tried to kill Charlotte. Even though she was the devil she didn't deserve the search party Murphy led. He was an all around awful guy. He couldn't be trusted, yet Octavia cried over what she thought to be his death.

She looked like she had a lot on her mind, which I could relate to. My eyes found Bellamy. I gestured for us to leave.

"Octavia, we're going to run down to the lake for more water." I stood.

She nodded.

Our walk to the lake was silent, a bit awkward. My hand found his.

He looked over at me, the big question in his eyes.

I couldn't help my grin from turning into a laugh as I bumped into him. "So you're in love with little ole me, huh?"

He smirked. "I'm pretty sure that's what I said earlier."

I gave him a look. "Don't be an ass or else I'm not going to tell you that I'm in love with you, too."

His smirk fell away as he gazed at me. "You are?"

I nodded. "Yes, but I-"

"Not with the buts, Clarke. There's nothing standing in our way."

My eyes found the stars. He was right. I was just scared. This was all new to me. The first relationship I had was with Finn and looked how that turned out. Excuse me if I was hesitant to jump into another one. I knew what I had with Finn wouldn't be anything like what I imagined being with Bellamy would be like. For one, the sex wasn't that great with Finn. I had a strong feeling with Bellamy I'd be waking up with a genuine smile on my face and not the fake scared one I had with Finn.

He stopped walking and turned me to him. "If you're not ready, then I don't want to rush you into anything. I'll wait until you're sure, until the idea of us doesn't scare you."

My heart fluttered in my chest. "Why can't you be more of a dick about this? You're making this so hard."

He laughed, he brought me in for a hug. His chin rested on top of my head. "You're worth fighting for."

Go ahead. Reduce me to a puddle of feelings. I just wanted to punch him. Punch him and kiss him. Well, mostly kiss him.

"I don't know how to tell you thank you."

"For what?"

My eyes met his, my chin resting on his chest. "You're just so patient and willing with me." I grinned, then laughed at the piece of information I'd been keeping from him. "I remember seeing you on the Arc as a Guard."

He got a faraway look in his eyes. "You do?"

"I thought you were very hot in your uniform." My hands grabbed the loops in his pants.

He grinned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I stood on my toes to reach his mouth. My arms wrapped around his neck as I tried to demonstrate how much he meant to me.

His strong manly hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer.

I THINK WE ALL CAN AGREE THAT I SUCK A LITTLE ASS?

watch?v=dFh4zwhjGdo This version of Matt Corby's Untitled is amazing and I think the song fits with this part below.

MURPHY'S POV

As cliche as it sounds my life flashed before my eyes and I realized how alone I still was. There were only a handful of people on Earth that even acknowledged me as a person and one of those people died because of me. How was I going to face Jasper?

Octavia...I couldn't believe how she reacted. I heard everything even when I was unconscious. She actually cried for me. She'd never know how much that meant.

I layed with my head still in her lap, watching as the flames licked her already golden brown skin. The warmth of the fire kept us toasty. Her eyes were white again, but still a bit puffy.

"I almost died today."

She continued to play with my hair, soothing us both down. "Yeah, but you came back." She looked down at me with intent eyes. "What you said earlier about letting you go...I couldn't do that."

"Thank you."

She cracked a grin. "I wasn't going to let you die."

"I meant for believing in me. I haven't had much of that lately."

Her eyes turned sad. "Tell me about it. I want to know about your parents."

My gaze faltered. "You didn't hear about them from Raven?"

She made me look at her. "I asked you, not Raven."

"Long story short my d-"

"I don't want the short story, John." She encouraged.

I huffed. "About a year ago-"

"Don't you mean about a week ago?"

"Huh?"

She refrained from laughing. "Nevermind, go ahead."

My eyes narrowed. "Are you okay?"

She gave me a look. "Tell the damn story."

I rolled my eyes. "Some time ago, I came down with the flu. It didn't look like I was going to make it. So my dad snuck into medical and stole the medicine. Abby Griffin turned him in. After he got floated everything kind of went to shit for me. My mom blamed me, which I could've handled if she hadn't started drinking everyday. After a while I couldn't take it anymore, I lashed out on one of the Guards. Bellamy broke it up. He was the one who threw me away and locked the key."

"So you think that makes it okay for you to be a dick to people?"

I shook my head. "I know I have a lot to make up for. If I died today you'd be the only person that I cried over my death. While I'm flattered, I'm not okay with that."

"You've been much better lately." She chuckled. "I mean, you still have a ways to go until you're not a total ass."

"I agree with you, O."

She grinned, then huffed. "What are we going to tell Bell and Clarke?"

"You mean you weren't planning on telling them we kissed?" I reached up to brush my thumb over her bottom lip. "Or are we going to pretend that it didn't happen because I was dying?"

She seemed to be at a loss for words. Her eyes sad.

I started to rise, but she pushed me back down. "If I weren't dying, would you have kissed me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know exactly how I feel about you and I know that that's not good enough, but I'm with Lincoln. I love him and I can't leave him when he needs me the most."

I gave a slight nod. "Okay. I get it."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I could use all the friends I can get."

BELLAMY'S POV

I huffed as we headed back to our camp. "How are we going to handle what's going on with Murphy and my sister?"

Clarke laughed. "I admit Murphy isn't my favorite person, but I don't think it's something that we need to worry about."

I cut my eye at her. "You can't be serious?"

"You saw how she was with him. Maybe she's good for him."

I shook my head. "I don't like it Clarke, he's a psychopath."

"I'm not saying that you're wrong, but he did what he had to when he got down here. You weren't exactly a good samaritan either."

"How did this get turned around on me?"

"All I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't stress out about something that probably won't amount to anything."

Now I was confused. "Huh?"

She groaned. "You're such a guy. Octavia likes Murphy, but she's not going to leave Lincoln because of whatever they have. She's not an idiot. Murphy will understand that and then they'll try to be just friends. It may or may not work. He'll probably do something to screw it up."

"I'm not really sure I understood any of that."

A gun went off.

My eyes scanned Clarke. "Are you okay?"

She nodded as we ran for the camp.

What the hell could've gone wrong now? I swear, if something happened to my sister because of Murphy I'd kill him!

We didn't expect to see Jasper standing over My sister and Murphy with crazed eyes.

"Jasper, what are you doing?" Clarke asked calmly, taking a few steps toward him.

Octavia helped Murphy stand, he groaned in pain. She met my eyes and in the first time in a while I saw fear in them.

Jasper turned his gun on Clarke. "Back up! I don't want to hurt you, Clarke, but I will!"

Her hands went up in surrender. "Alright, calm down. We don't want any-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" He walked closer to us, then backed up a few feet. "I'm sorry." He cried, then laughed. "It's not your fault." He swung his gun back to Murphy. "It's his fault! He got Monty killed!" Tears ran down his face.

I silently begged Octavia to move away from Murphy. If that gun went off it could hit her.

"Jasper." I moved into his line of sight, taking the heat off of O. "What happened to Monty wasn't Murphy's fault. He's injured, too. He died earlier. He had no control over what happened." My eyes begged him to understand.

Clarke inched her way behind Jasper. If she got hurt I' kill her.

Jasper thought about what I said for a few seconds then pointed the gun back at Murphy. "It's not enough. It's his fault. He has to pay!"

"You don't have to do this," Octavia begged. "Please." She pushed herself in front of Murphy.

He shook his head."No." Tears wet his face. "Blood must answer blood."  
Clarke knocked him in the back of the head. He turned around as they struggled for the gun. Instincts kicked in, I couldn't let her get hurt. I couldn't lose her. I headed for them just as she gained control. He pulled the trigger while she tried to get it back from his grasp. The gun went off. Our eyes met and I froze.

"No!" Octavia cried.

Thanks again for reading! Again, no obligation to review. I hope yall liked it, I've been working on it since about 10 am. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it's hard writing a chapter, which I'm sure some of yall know. Can't wait for the episode tomorrow! I saw a few promo pics of Murphy with Jaha trekking through the Dead Zone, it should be a great episode! I kind of want to know who yall think got shot? I left it open on purpose. It could only be Clarke, Bellamy, Murphy, or Jasper. Anyway, I wish I had this up sooner thanks for the read!


	8. Untitled

MURPHY'S POV

Jasper shot him

"No!" Octavia screamed.

Lincoln dropped to the ground, blood gushing from his chest where.

Octavia rushed to him.

Clarke stared wide eyed from beside Jasper, her hands shaking as she dropped her hold of the gun. Bellamy took the gun from Jasper who seemed pretty spooked. He stumbled back, regret spread over his face.

"Octavia, I'm sorry."

She held Lincoln in her arms similar to how she held me. "I love you."

He grinned sheepishly. "I've loved you the moment I saw you." He laughed. "I bet you regret me kidnapping you now?"

She laughed wryly through tears as she shook her head. "No, I don't regret anything."

I had to look away.

After a few moments I heard Octavia say. "Yu gonplei ste odon."

Exerted from standing I fell to the ground. My stomach turned and it felt like I was going to throw up, so I rolled over on my side.

"I'm so sorry. I was after Murphy." Jasper said.

Clarke made sure I got it all out, then helped me drink the water they brought back from the lake before I passed out.

Two months later

"Hey, Murphy." Roma called from the lake. "You want to take a dip?" She took of her top and slowly worked down her pants.

"Uh." My eyes went to Octavia hunting further down the lake.

She changed in the last few months. Before Lincoln died she was halfway supportive of me. Now she was stone cold hearted. No smile, no laughter. Just focused determination on becoming Indra's apprentice. Yeah, I still loved her, but it was hard to continue to love someone who was dead inside. I should know.

Roma looked back at Octavia in question. "Am I walking into something?"

Yes and no. I wasn't a fool, I knew Octavia and I weren't going to happen. I know she blamed me for Lincoln's death. It was hard not to. I provoked him about being a coward, I got Monty killed, an Jasper was there for my blood.

She couldn't even look at me.

So I looked at Roma. Dark hair and slender, much like Octavia. She was pretty in an innocent way, but the way she casually undressed led me to believe otherwise.

"I can't, Roma. Apologies and all." I gave a wry half smile.

She couldn't hide the disappointment in her eyes as she headed for the water. "No problem."

I went back to washing what little clothes were left, thinking about how I couldn't just jump in with Roma and see what happens. It was abundantly clear that my feelings for Octavia weren't reciprocate, yet I couldn't take that step to move on. Truth be told, I knew I was waiting around for her. You don't just get over someone like Octavia. Maybe this was Karma for all the bad I'd done.

OCTAVIA'S POV

We needed food, so I got more food. I didn't have time to sit around not get stuff done. If I kept busy I was okay, otherwise I was weak and I didn't have time to be weak. My eyes landed on Murphy and Roma chatting on the other side of the lake. Roma seemed to be putting on a show. Not that it bothered me, but he could do way better than Roma. She was passed off as innocent because of her baby doll looks, but she was a skank if there ever was one.

Murphy, he deserved someone and who believed he wasn't the monster he thought he was. A twinge of sadness nestled in my chest. Ever since Lincoln died I hadn't really tried to be around him much and when I was there was radio silence. Like I said I couldn't afford to be weak. The way Murphy used to be with me made me weak.

My focus returned to hunting.

On the walk and my sword ready, I almost chopped off a tree branch at Roma's high pitched laughter. She was almost on top of Murphy with all the touching. A seed of jealousy bloomed as he grinned back at her. She was a weakling, nothing strong about her but her p game.

With a roll of my eyes I put away my sword as I continued behind them.

A week later

I was skinning the camp dinner while Indra talked with Clarke and the council when Roma approached me.

I didn't have the patience to be civil with her. "What do you want?" I sliced as precisely as I could to scare her.

She wasn't hardened by the ground like most of what was left of the hundred. I didn't like her. What had she been doing when the rest of us were surviving? Obviously making googly eyes at Murphy.

She shrank back. "Uh, I just want to check that I'm not stepping on any toes."

I faced her, knowing that my grounder look frightened her. "What?"

Her eyes went to Murphy, who was chatting with my brother and Miller.

Had he put her up to this?

He met my eyes mid sentence and my heart fluttered and I truly understood butterflies in the stomach.

Angry, I rose from my seat, the knife stiff in my hand.

She froze.

"Speak."

"Woah, woah, woah." Murphy came running to her side like she was a damsel in distress.

The thought made me sneer, then he put some distance between her and me, which really was a punch in the gut. I pointed my knife at him without really meaning to. I'd never hurt him, the look in his eyes said otherwise. I lowered the knife.

"Did you put her up to this?" I demanded.

He looked a little shocked that I spoke directly to him.

It had only been a few...months.

"What happened?" I didn't put Roma up to anything."

I hated the way he said her name. I blew out a heavy breath. This was weakness.

"You know what, nevermind."

Roma ran off as I sat down, focused on feeding all these people.

"You know all I've done was wait for you. Now that I've moved on you try to kill her."

I scoffed. "You could do better than dirty Roma. She can't even stand up for herself." The knife flowed smoothly through the meat.

"Not every girl can be _you_, Octavia."

My motions halted. I reluctantly met those blue blue eyes that used to look at me like I was the only person, the only girl, who he cared about. That was gone now, replaced with empty sorrow. Weakness.

My face hardened. "Do whoever you want, Murphy. It's none of my business, so tell that to the next girl who wants to ask my permission to sleep with you." I spat.

He shook his head then walked off.

MURPHY'S POV

What the hell was Roma thinking by going up to Octavia? We weren't even dating. We weren't even doing anything. Just some harmless flirting. If I hadn't stepped in who's to know if we wouldn't be having Roma for dinner instead of whatever Octavia was skinning.

Octavia really pissed me off. Who was she to act all jealous suddenly? No, it wasn't jealousy. She was bitter. Except for the first few seconds she looked at me, her eyes held the fondness from before everything went to shit, now replaced with anger and resentment.

I understood that she still hadn't forgave me for Lincoln's death, which I could live with, but I didn't want her to continue down this road. That was the first thing Bellamy and I agreed on.

I walked through his door to find Clarke pacing in front of Bellamy who perched on the end of the bed.

"Hey, Clarke."

She stopped pacing to wave at me then went back to it.

Bellamy grinned as he grabbed her waist and pulled her to him. He looked at her with kind eyes. "Princess, you're stressing me out."

She propped her hands on her hips. "I can't help it, Bell. How are we going to convince Indra not to send her people to the City of Light? It's a death trap."

I envied what they had.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go."

They both looked at me. "Huh?" They asked simultaneously.

I've thought about it ever since Jaha brought it up. I shrugged. "I don't know, I just need a change in scenery."

"You mean, you want to get away from Octavia." Bellamy supplied.

Clarke gave me a sympathetic look. "If Indra sends anyone with Jaha, it'll be Octavia."

"I can handle the trek, I just need to get as far away from Octavia as I can."

OCTAVIA'S POV:

"I can handle the trek, I just need to grt as far away from Octavia as I can." Murphy told my brother and Clarke.

My eyes stung in the first time in months and it was all because of stupid Murphy. I came to apologize, to maybe ask him to talk after dinner, but he can forget about it now. I stormed outside and finished dinner.

Indra talked with the other Grounders on camp over dinner. I walked up to them. They acknowledged me with a respectful nod. "You're going with me to the City of Light tomorrow."

"Wait, that's real?"

"We've never heard back from anyone who's gone. The Dead Zone isn't a place you want to get caught in."

Roma and Murphy's laughter from across the camp brought back my anger. "I'll go get supplies for the trip."

She nodded. "Stay alert, Okteivia."

Two Guards followed me. "I can handle it alone."

They came anyway.

Anything to get my mind off of Murphy, which was going to be really hard considering I had to be near him for who knows how long to get to the City of Light.

A blood curdling scream came from the distance. Roma?

I ran towards the sound, praying that Murphy was okay. My heart pounded in my chest.

"Roma?"

She continued to scream. "Help!"

A Reaper had caught her. For a moment I thought I saw Lincoln. One of the Grounders knocked the Reaper back with his sword while the other helped Roma up. She fought of his grasp and hightailed it from us, screaming in terror.

The traps! She didn't know where they were and it was dark.

"Roma?" Murphy called. "Where is she, Octavia? What happened?"

"Hold him back." I told them. I ran after her without acknowledging him. "Roma, stop!"

A thought occurred to me, if I let her go chances were she'd get killed by one of the traps and my problem would go away. Of course, I'd feel crushing guilt, but at least I wouldn't want to rip her face off every time she laughed at something Murphy said. No, that wasn't smart.

"Why are you just standing there? Help her." Murphy demanded.

I stared at him. How had he gotten past the Grounders?

"What are you doing here? It's dangerous."

He pushed past me. "Oh, like you care."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Listen to me, there are traps out here. You don't know where they are. You have to go back."

He closed the distance. "You don't tell me what to do, Octavia." He tried to go after her again.

My hand pushed him back by his chest. I didn't bother moving it after he was face to face with me. "You can't go out there, do you understand me?"

He looked at me with strange eyes that made my stomach do flips. "Why not?"

I could feel his body heat lap around me, warming me up for the first time in a long time. My eyes dropped to his chest where my hand still was placed. I slid it down to his stomach and let it rest over where the shot used to be before meeting his eyes. Even in the darkness they were still very blue. "You're safe here, so you need to stay here."

"Why do you care if I'm safe or not?"

My hand tightened on his shirt, grabbing a bit of it, then placing it back. "Just stay here."

I ran after Roma.

Not before long she crossed my path. "Roma, calm down! We're here to take you back!"

She shoved me down, surprisingly strong for such a tiny thing, then ran in the direction I just came from. Great, there were at least three traps back there and I wasn't sure how she didn't trip one coming this way.

I ran after her. I was getting really irritated. I didn't want to save her life, let alone run after her. She was coming up close on a trap. "Roma, stop!"

Murphy came into view. "Roma, what happened?"

"Stop!" I yelled. He was near a trap.

He stepped to the side.

"No!"

I pushed him out of the way, which left Roma in the cross hairs of the trap as we fell to the ground. The sharp edges of pikes rammed into her. Blood immediately gushed from her mouth.

Murphy pushed me over on the ground as he rose to try and help her.

I rose. "She's gone. I'm sorry."

He closed her eyes, then looked in my direction with sad eyes. "Help me get her down."

"You know I didn't mean to for her to get hurt, right?"

He ignored me and without another word he carried her back to camp.

I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? That I thought about letting her die then thought it was a good idea? He couldn't even look at me. If anyone should be mad, it should be me at him. I told him not to go any further because of the traps, but he didn't listen!

Indra met me halfway. She could see the weakness in my eyes. "We'll get supplies in the morning. You should rest."

That's what I did or tried to do for most of the night, but all I could think about was Murphy. I replayed what happened between us over and over until I fell asleep.

SORRY YALL: I wanted this chapter to be longer and to have Bellarke, but this was all I could write before I had to go to work. Hope yall enjoy! Happy Valentine's Day :) I'll be watching Friends when I get off and eating chocolate cake.

Also, I know last chapter that I said who died either had to be Clarke, Bellamy, or Murphy, but when I was thinking of what to write for this chapter I thought it'd be a good plot twist and also someone commented that I should either give Lincoln someone or kill him and while it was never my intention to kill him before I thought why not. I do ship Linctavia on the show - they scene on Tuesday was amazing - and I have a feeling that I'm going to include Emori in this.


	9. Jealous

BELLAMY'S POV:

This wasn't right.

"We can't go," Clarke argued. "The camp needs us."

Jaha shook his head. "Abby and Kane can handle it here."

Clarke closed the distance between them, her authority rearing it's head.

"The Commander trusts me more. Like I said, we're not going on a suicide mission. You clear on that?"

"If my people want to go you can't stop us, you're not the Chancellor, Clarke."

I could see her back tense up.

"I'm in charge over the thirty seven, you're not taking any of my people on a fantasy trek through the desert."

"John wants to go willingly and Octavia is under Indra's influence. They're all I need."

"If you die out there then that's on us. I'm not okay with that."

He nodded. "And I hear you, Clarke, but if we don't try to find a better solution then what are we even fighting for? There has to be somewhere better than this."

Her hand ran down her hair. "Fine, but if Murphy or Octavia die out there, their blood will be on your hands."

"Noted." He left.

She huffed then propped her hand on her hip.

I couldn't help the smile on my face. My girl's a badass.

My arms wrapped around her waist while my face buried in between her neck, lightly kissing her.

"You're not supposed to use seduction to distract me." The smile evident in her voice.

"I'm not trying to persuade you, you're right. That trip isn't going to end well. I just want to kiss my girlfriend."

She turned in my arms, her arms draped over my shoulders. "I never said I was your girlfriend."

"Okay, you're my woman then."

Her eyes held that sexy authority, her lips held a smirk. "Go ahead then, kiss me."

"I love it when you're bossy."

She laughed. "I know, so what are you going to do about it?"

She didn't have to tell me twice. My lips sought hers, her tongue sought mine. She backed us into the bed, then pushed me down. Her ocean blue eyes held hunger before she jumped on me. My shirt was the first to go, her hands were everywhere.

I tore away from our kiss. "You know, I'm beginning to feel like all I am to you is a piece of meat."

"Aw." Her eyes mocked me. "You'll get over it."

I gave her a hurt look which she laughed at.

"Ahem."

Clarke turned to look at who I knew had to be Abby. Perfect. She already doesn't like me.

Instinctively, I threw Clarke off of me, she fell to the ground and shot me a glare. "No, I will not have sex with you."

I put on my shirt as she stood.

"Hey, mom. What's up?"

She stared at me long and hard. "I don't know, you tell me, Bellamy."

My hands shot to my pants, covering it from her scrutiny.

"Mom." Clarke stood in front of me. "What's going on?"

Abby lo oked at her daughter like she didn't recognize her. There was a lot of that going around lately.

"I just spoke with Thelonious, I think it's a good idea that someone else goes along with him. As much-"

"Hey," Finn walked in like everything was normal. "Jaha told me about the trek.

I moved towards him, worry setting in.

"What are you doing here?" Clarke asked him. "The Grounders could see you."

"It's okay, Princess." He held up his hand as a sign of peace as he grinned at her.

My blood boiled.

CLARKE'S POV:

Finn stood before me after three months of what was supposed to be his escape.

Bellamy's hand rested on my waist. I leaned into him.

Finn's smile vanished, he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I-uh...I made a deal with Indra and the Commander. I'm their soldier now."

I blew out a confused breath. "What?" You can't be serious?"

His eyes willed me to understand. "I belong to the Grounder's now. Thirty years in their army." He tried to hide the sadness in his voice.

He looked about as thrilled at the idea as I was. He was allowed to come back to us, but at what price? I could only imagine how he must've felt. Finn was a pacifist after all. Now he was fate to kill and be reminded of his treachery for thirty years.

My hand sought Bellamy's in comfort, his fingers laced through mine.

"I'm sorry."

He gave a slight shake of his head and waved it off. "I deserve it."

Well, yeah.

"I want to go with Jaha." He added.

"Sure thing. They're leaving soon. You can catch them if you hurry." I told him.

Clarke cut her eye at me, then looked back at Finn. "It's not a matter of not wanting to find better, but not wasting resources we don't have on a maybe."

"You can't stop me, Clarke."

"I know, just be careful." I stepped toward him, letting go of Bellamy's hand to hug Finn.

He pulled me to him tight, his mouth near my ear. "I'm sorry."

"I know and I forgive you." I whispered back before pulling away.

He headed for the door with a nod goodbye and completely ignored Bellamy.

My mom cleared her throat. "I'm going to talk with the Commander about what we should do about the rest of the Mountain Men. We can't keep them locked up forever." She gave me a knowing look, then glanced at Bellamy before leaving.

Hesitantly, I turned toward him, nervous he'd be angry or jealous. I didn't expect to find him just standing there, looking nonchalant.

"What?" He asked.

"You're not angry?" I assessed him. "Not even a little bit jealous?"

His eyes narrowed. "Should I be?"

God, he was so cute.

"No, it was just a hug." I rationalized.

"Okay." He shrugged.

My eyes grew. "Okay? That's it?"

He grinned. "What do you want me to do? Go beat him up?"

"Well..."

He laughed as he pulled me to him. "You told me I had nothing to worry about and I believe you." He kissed my forehead. "But if he tries to make a move I can't make any promises."

When it came to Bellamy, there were certain bodily reactions I couldn't control. My smile couldn't be tamed.

"Let's go flaunt you around." He put his arm around my shoulder.

"You're pretty hot yourself." I grabbed his package without really thinking about it.

He instantly hardened in my hand. A sly grin played on his lips when I didn't remove my hand. "You don't want your mom to catch us like this do you?"

"I could care less if my mother doesn't approve of us, I'm going to see whoever I want."

His big brown eyes gazed into mine, slipping to my lips. "Careful, Princess. You don't want to start anything you can't finish. I've already gotten blue balls around you more times than I can count."

I removed my hand. "You're so romantic." My voice laced with sarcasm as I tried to to act like hearing him say that didn't affect me.

His lips slid down my ear, his breath heavy, sending sparks all down my body. "Trust me, when I take you to bed, you won't be thinking about romance."

A heavy sigh slipped out as he moved behind me, his big strong hands slowly ran down my body while his nose traced my neck. Nerve endings I didn't even know I had sparked as his breath splayed across my skin.

"Please, let that be soon."

His lips grinned against my ear. "You begging for my body, Princess?" His hips pressed into me.

Another involuntary moan left my lips. "God, yes."

He chuckled and the deep gravely sound of his voice made my thighs squeeze together.

"Now, who's giving whom blue balls?"

He grinned. "If that were true, we'd be having a different conversation, Prince." He left me as he headed for the exit.

"Cute." I turned to him.

He winked as he held his hand out for me.

I took his hand. "I love you."

"Oh, I know." He said cockily.

I pinched his nipple.

He squealed. "Ouch." His free hand rubbed his pec.

"That's what you get for being a douche." Then I felt bad as those big puppy dog eyes gazed down at me. I kissed his nipple through his shirt. "Sorry." I apologized.

His eyes held admiration, his lips held a trace of happiness. "I love you, too, Clarke."

My heart melted.

"Let's go."

I followed him, worrying that he could break my heart at any moment, but this was Bellamy. He cared about me. We needed each other.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

The sun beat down on our backs, weighing us down. It didn't help that most of wore dark clothing. My throat had passed the point of desert dry from lack of water. We all had to make what we had last.

Indra and I walked side by side. As usual, she spoke to me in Trigedasleng, then in English so I'd pick it up faster. She was full of trade secrets and techniques I had yet to learn. Anything that kept us alive and kept my mind off of Murphy helped.

My eyes involuntarily found him walking along side Jaha and a few others. Jaha had this cool walking stick I kind of envied. They were into deep conversation until Caspian bumped into Murphy.

He turned to Caspian, that cold look in his eyes that he used to carry so often. "Bump into me again and I'll end you."

That wasn't who Murphy was. What had made him backtrack?

He glanced at Jaha, then back at Caspian. "In a non-criminal way."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me.

Indra stepped in my line of sight, a scowl on her face. "Your feelings for that boy is a distraction. You've come so far to let a distraction hinder your potential."

The remnants of my laughter faded quickly as I slapped a stoic look on my face with a curt nod. We marched on. My anger from the Guard that attempted to rape me, Lincoln's death, and my inconvenient feelings for Murphy fueling my fire. I wanted to fight through all of that. I needed to.

Some time later, we came across a wagon of sorts. I didn't see how that wouldn't slow us down. A few of the men headed towards it only to have a Grounder jump out. Everyone drew their weapons.

What was obviously a woman, she told us to stay back or she'd kill us in Trigedasleng, I doubt anyone besides Indra and I and the two other Grounders understood, but her death grip on the makeshift knife was universal.

Jaha spoke on our behalf. "We mean you no harm. Do you speak English?"

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Nothing. It looks like you could use a hang. What are you doing out here alone?"

She stowed her weapon and unmasked her face. Olive complexion, brown hair, and face tattoo. She was gorgeous.

"My brother and I were on our way to the City of Light when we were attacked. They took our horse. All our water. Everything. They killed him." She had a faraway look in her caramel eyes. "This cart is all I have left."

"Give her some water." Jaha spoke to Murphy.

Caspian intervened. "We barely have enough for ourselves."

Murphy ignored him and headed for the woman.

"Caspian's right." I spoke up. "No offense, but we don't know you."

Murphy rolled his eyes as he handed her the water jug.

She assessed him warily.

"It's okay."

She grabbed it and drank eagerly, her cloth wrapped hand holding it in the air.

"We're our way to the City of Light, as well." Jaha informed her. "What's your name?"

"Emori." She told us skeptically. "Everyone in the Dead Zone is looking for the City of Light. Almost no one finds it. I could get you there...if you pull my cart."

I locked eyes with Indra. She, too, didn't seem fond of this new alliance.

"Done," Jaha called for Caspian. "You're on the first shift."

Emori handed the jug back to Murphy. "Thanks for the water."

He stammered. "It's no problem." He grinned at her after she turned ahead.

My eyes couldn't roll hard enough.

Indra spoke of their history, as if I didn't already know it. No matter how hard I tried to focus I kept peeking over at Murphy and Emori. They seemed pretty chummy for the past half hour or so. His hands shoved into his pants pocket as they strolled about nonchalantly. Not that I was jealous. There was no need to have a green eyed monster clawing it's way out of me because he was talking to a girl. I mean, it's not like he was going to fall in love with her or anything. I mean, come on.

"I don't trust her." I told Indra.

She stared at me blankly. "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?"

I huffed, irritated beyond belief. "What are we going to do about Emori?" I nodded in their direction. "How long has she been out here? Why wouldn't she just leave the cart? If it's survival, it's just a cart. Why didn't they kill her?"

Indra grunted. "I've thought about all of that. Time will tell. It's best not to rise suspicion. What are you doing, Octavia?" Her hand wrapped around my arm and yanked me back.

"She could be dangerous."

"She's one of us, of course she's dangerous."

My mouth set into a frown. "I'm not going to let her hurt Murphy."

Disappointment sat in her eyes. "So far, he's the only the one she seems to like. We can use that."

Anger coursed through me. "Not if he's dead, we can't."

"Love is weakness, Octavia. You'd do well to remember that." She stalked past me.

I noticed that Murphy and Emori stopped behind. She pulled off her makeshift glove. Even from this distance I could see he hand was deformed from radiation, which was enough to freak me out into walking ahead.

The sun was getting low in the sky, leaving us with only an hour or so left of daylight. A break from the blistering heat would be nice.

The sound of an animal ahead caught my attention. A man with what appeared to be a tiny missile aimed at us on horse caused us to halt.

"That's far enough." He spoke in Trigedasleng. "Nobody move.

Murphy and Emori set down the cart. My hand went for my sword as she moved closer to Murphy, her knife in hand.

"Hold your fire." Jaha demanded.

She brought the knife to his throat and moved forward. "Everybody put your weapons and supplies in the cart and nobody gets hurt."

I moved for them, my weapon ready for some action as red hot anger fueled me. I knew we couldn't trust this bitch.

"Stop right there." She warned, the knife pressed deeper into his neck, drawing a bead of blood.

The sight of the red substance pushed me forward as I sneered at her. "Let him go!" I demanded in Trigedasleng.

"Octavia," Someone warned.

I was too focused on Emori holding the life of Murphy in her hands to know who spoke.

"Back up or I'll cut his throat from ear to ear." She threatened.

"Do it and I'll rip you limb from limb!" My hand gripped the handle of the sword so hard my fingers hurt, but I ignored the pain.

She smirked. "And risk the lives of the rest of your people?"

"I could care less about their lives." I took another step toward them. "Now let him go. I won't ask again." I glared daggers at her.

She shoved him to the ground and backed away cautiously, heading for her brother on the horse. Her eyes found Murphy's before fleeing, she sent him a silent apology as I moved to shield him.

A big part of me wanted to go after her, guns firing, but there was no need for unnecessary bloodshed. Who was I kidding? I wanted to kill her.

When they were gone I turned to Murphy. My hand reaching down to help him up. His hand locked onto mine, the first contact in months and it had me weak in the knees. His danger blue eyes held confusion, but also gratitude.

I turned to Indra only to have everyone staring at me with a mixture of offended and impressed expressions.

"Does anyone have anything to say?" I demanded.

Silence.

"Thank you." Murphy said.

My eyes went to him, recognizing the butterflies in the stomach feeling for what it was. I nodded, not wanting to look him in the eye.

Indra started ahead. A mixture of pride and disappointment wafting off of her. Great.

FINN'S POV:

My eyes felt heavy as I cried for the billionth time against this tree. There was no surviving this. Even if I was accepted back with my people I wouldn't want to. Eighteen dead. Killed in cold blood. Blood that was still on my hands and no amount of scrubbing would wash it away. The scars on my hands proved that.

Clarke would never forgive me, I could see it in her eyes.

I could only use the excuse that it was all to find her for only so long. The truth was I snapped. And I'm not sure I ever unsnapped. Why couldn't it be over? Why couldn't I have turned myself in and let them give me the death of the eighteen like I deserved?

Guilt racked through me. It was all I thought about. Blood. Eighteen. Dead. My fault. Blood. Eighteen. Dead. My fault.

The sky opened up in time chill be to the bone as I shook in desperation. I needed it to be over. I was a coward and cowards gave up easily. Who would miss a murderer? More people would show up to Murphy's funeral then mine, which didn't help to alleviate the unbearable disgust in the empty pit of my stomach.

The rain beat on me long enough before I dragged myself to my feet. My body felt sluggish as I pushed forward, hoping a spear would pin me to a tree or a trap would end it all. Unluckily that didn't happen. So my next option was to continue on to the cliff I passed a few days ago. Time dragged on endlessly before I found it. If I was patient, I'd take off the jacket and shoes and wait for Hyperthermia to set in, but I wasn't patient. This had to end.

My foot kicked off a few pebbles as I peered over the cliff and into the darkness. A peaceful solution. It'd all be over and I wouldn't have to feel the pain, the guilt. It'd just shut off.

A smile fell on my lips as I spread my arms and looked to the sky before stepping out into the abyss. My body went into panic mode, knowing it was in imminent danger, but I knew it was okay as I waited for it all to stop. A sharp pain spiked through my body as it hit the side of the mountain. The last thing I felt was the impact.

My eyes flicked open. I coughed, the blood thick in my mouth. I felt bile rise in my throat.

No. No, I was supposed to be dead! How was I alive? A fall like that, it should've killed me on impact.

I groaned as I realized I was draped over someone's shoulder, the bone in their arm hurt my stomach.

"Go back to sleep." A deep voice spoke.

The movement lulled me back to the darkness.

The feel of a wet cloth on my forehead and clinking noises stirred me. I groaned. My whole body ached and I was convinced at least half of my bones were broken or fractured. Great, now I was an invalid. Why couldn't I have died? This had to be karma.

My eyes looked around, only catching the ceiling made out of sticks. The air was damp. I layed on a makeshift bed that was actually very comfortable.

"You're awake." The same voice from earlier said.

I was to o afraid to move, so I waited until he was in eyesight.

A tall male in his mid twenties sat beside me on bed. His face tan with a stubbly dimpled chin and what looked to be green eyes and dark brown hair. In his hands he held a bowl of something much like soap.

"Eat."

"You don't know who I am, do you?" His eyes darkened. "I know who you are, Redshirt."

"Then why are you trying to save my life? I killed your people."

He ignored my question as he shoved the bowl into my hands. "Why'd you try to kill yourself?"

"I thought it'd be obvious."

His green eyes stared at me intently, as if to figure me out. "If I hadn't been walking through the area, you'd be dead for sure."

I was taken aback by how deep his voice was. "Thanks for the hospitality, but I should be going." I tried to get up, but my muscles screamed at me. I realized the whole place was a dome of sticks.

His hand pushed me back down, staying on my chest a moment too long before removing it. "You need to rest and heal. Eat."

I eyed the bowl. It smelled funky. "What is it?" Not that I was going to eat it.

"It'll help with the internal damage. Old recipe." He encouraged before standing and walking over to something out of my eyeline. He was broad shouldered and muscled, no doubt underneath his black shirt and pants.

"This goes without saying, but thank you. You didn't have to help me out. I was okay with dying."

"Was?" He arched a brow as he handed me a cup of water.

"I still am." I assured hastily.

He nodded. "Just not tonight." His green eyes persuaded.

He had gone through all this trouble, no doubt wasting his resources on me. The least I could do was eat whatever he gave me. I picked up the bowl and stared at it. Now or never.

He intently stared at me as I ate, his forehead creased.

"What can I call you?" I asked him.

"Eli."

Nice enough name.

He nodded in my direction. "And you?"

"Finn."

He smirked as he flipped the rag on my forehead. "Well, Finn. As long as you don't try to kill me, too, we won't have a problem." A hint of a smile played on his lips.

My face heated up as I focused on eating whatever was in the bowl

A/N: I thought I'd bring Finn in, not as a love interest for Clarke, but because I thought I could play around with his character and hopefully make him likable. Also, if anyone was confused, Finn's pov was three months ago, so this is really like a flashback, but I didn't want to label it was a flashback for some reason. I don't know, I'm weird haha. Hope you like the Bellarke and Moctavia parts. :) Thanks for reading.

Also, in case some of you didn't realize, all of my chapter titles have been named after songs. Next chapter I'll include the names of them in case yall want to listen to them. This chapter was Nick Jonas - Jealous. Don't judge me yall.


	10. Shame Shame

The song for this chapter is Jessica Breanne &amp; The Electric Hearts - Shame Shame

Thanks to those of you who reviewed my fic, much appreciated! Also, I think I'm going to start putting a link of bellarke fan vids at the beginning of chapters. This one was amazing! watch?v=Rw_MxG_tQns

CLARKE'S POV:

With everything going on I needed a breath of fresh air. The irony made me grin as I sat down on a random log. A heavy sigh left me as my mind wandered a mile a minute. Lexa kissed me and I kissed her back. Guilt racked in me while tears stung my eyes. How could I do that to Bellamy?

Bellamy, who was so supportive and caring. He was one of the few people I trusted with my life. I loved him. I went to bed with him on my mind and woke up with wrapped in his arms. The last few days whenever we were in the same room together I could barely talk to him, let alone look at him. I knew the moment I gazed into those puppy dog brown eyes I'd be done. Bellamy's going to hate me when he finds out. I had to tell him, but I didn't want to hurt him.

I fell back on the hard ground that was elevated higher than my head, I could care less if dirt got in my hair. Why did bad things have to keep happening? On the Ark, things weren't peachy, but they were never this bad. I couldn't help but think what would've happened if I had never challenged Bellamy's authority when we first landed. What kind of relationship would we have had? Would Wells still be alive? My heart ached for my missed lifelong best friend. He'd tell me that it wasn't all bad, he'd make me believe in myself again. Regret joined the guilt. All I had to remember him by was my plea for his forgiveness.

A snap came from nearby, calling my attention as I sat up.

Bellamy came into view, his face filled with agitation and wonder, his body stiff as he stared at me. "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you or are you going to keep avoiding me?"

I couldn't help but look away from him as my face crumbled. I couldn't do this. I couldn't look at him and tell him I broke our trust. I wasn't ready to lose him. I'd lost so many people so far and I couldn't lose him.

His weight shifted the log just as he took me into his arms, rocking me back and forth.

Bellamy wasn't one to baby me and I wasn't one to let him, but at this moment I appreciated it. I needed it. I needed him. My hand wrapped around his bicep, needing more contact. After the crying stopped he pulled away to look me in the eyes.

"Tell me what's going on, Princess."

"I don't want to lose you, Bell." I muttered, pleading with my eyes.

Those brown eyes took on a whole other level of worried. "What did you do?" His tone curious.

I stood and he followed. "Lexa..." My throat felt really dry. "Kissed me."

He looked relieved. "I thought something happened with Finn." He waved it off. "As long as it wasn't reciprocated." He moved for me.

I side stepped him, my face fallen.

"You kissed her back?"

I nodded, shame pouring out of me.

"Look at me!"

I jumped as I met his eyes, anger evident in them. Not just anger, betrayal, sadness.

"Please, don't be mad."

His eyes widened. "Are you kidding me, Clarke? You kissed someone else and I don't have a right to be mad?"

Point taken.

"I didn't start it, if it helps." I threw out there, hoping for brownie points.

"When did it happen?"

I couldn't look at him for this, I focused on a tree off in the distance. "A few days ago. I couldn't tell you."

"You couldn't tell me?" Disappointment rang in his voice. "Besides when we first got here, since when have you not been able to talk to me? I'm here for you. I've been here for you, Clarke." He huffed and walked a few feet away, then came back. "I knew this wouldn't work out. I've always loved you more than you loved me." He started off.

"No," I grabbed his arm. "Please, don't leave like this."

He turned those angry eyes on me with a look I hadn't ever seen, including the first few weeks down here. "You and me, we're done." He shrugged me off like I didn't matter.

No. No. This can't be happening.

Fresh tears pricked my eyes. "Bellamy-"

"Just stop, Clarke!" He interrupted before reaching into his jacket pocket and producing a watch.

My father's watch. I thought that was gone for good.

Bellamy threw it to my feet before stalking off.

My heart thumped heavily in my chest, my stomach felt like it was going to rise into my throat as I fell to the ground. Uncontrollable sobs racked through me. I had lost the only thing that kept me going.

BELLAMY'S POV:

Rage filled me as I hunted the camp for Lexa. I knew she was there for a council meeting. A big part of me knew I couldn't really hurt her like I wanted to because she was The Commander and a woman, but I wanted to end her for making a move on _my_ Princess.

Immediately after, I regretted speaking to Clarke like I did. It wasn't okay in any shape or form and I just left her in the middle of the woods to cry. I was scum, but my need to confront Lexa about stepping onto my territory controlled me. Maybe I was being too alpha male, but I worked hard, risked my life to be with Clarke and Lexa's just going to come in a take her away from me? Not going to happen. Assuming Clarke would forgive me for earlier, I was going to keep her beside me as long as I could.

I entered the tent I saw them congregate in before I went to find Clarke. Her, Abby, Kane, and the rest of the council and a few Grounders looked up at my entrance.

"Bellamy, do you need something?" Abby asked.

"You," I pointed to Lexa. "Outside _now_."

"Excuse me? I don't take orders from-"

"You kissed _my_ girlfriend so today you will."

If the air wasn't already tense it sure thickened with the deafening silence.

She nodded at her guardsmen then followed me outside. She glared at me. "Who do you think you are? Speaking to me like that?"

My finger stiffly wagged in her face. "You knew we were together and you went after her anyway. You think you're just going to steal her away with a kiss or two? She feels nothing for you."

She leaned in. "Then why'd she kiss me back?" She smirked.

Doubt ebbed in me. For the first time I realized that even if I begged for forgiveness, Clarke might not want to get back together. What if she did have feelings for Lexa? Why would she kiss her back if she didn't? If it was just by instinct, why wouldn't she tell me?

"You're wrong." I spat. "You try anything else _I'll end you_ myself!"

She sneered. "In case you didn't know, I'm in charge and one word from me would put my army against yours and we both know who's got the bigger ball in their court." She said satisfied with her innuendo. "That's right, Bellamy. I'm going after Clarke because I can and there's nothing you can do about it if you don't want a massacre on your hands."

My hands balled into fists at my side. I'm pretty sure heat was steaming from me as I prepared to light her fire.

"Everything alright out here?" Abby popped outside.

"Fine." Lexa went back inside.

I shook my hands out and stomped away.

"Hey," Abby called.

I kept walking. I wasn't in the mood to deal with her disapproval of me.

"I'm talking to you, Bellamy."

I turned to meet her. "Can you spare me a speech of motherly condemnation? I've already lost Clarke, what more do you want from? What else do I have to do to make you like me?" I huffed, running my hand down my face.

Part of me knew that I got so upset because I knew I wasn't good enough for Clarke and I knew Abby could see that. I was bound in my alpha male, violent ways and Clarke deserved so much better than what I could offer her. Someone like Finn. Abby would never approve of us, she hated me. How could Clarke really be happy with someone her mother didn't approve of? I gave her an easy out.

Abby gave a curt nod. "What happened?"

I motioned toward the tent. "Why don't you go ask your drinking buddy? If she's not too busy she's probably laying one on Clarke."

She cracked a half grin.

"This is funny? You think this is funny?"

"Bellamy, I'm only going to say this once, so hear me; You're overreacting."

Did I just hear correctly?

"Huh?"

"Clarke and Lexa may have kissed, but you're the one I catch her staring at when you're not looking. You're the one that makes her laugh and smile, which I've found hard to do since coming down here. And you're the one she feels safest with. She loves you, not Lexa, so don't let this get out of hand before it's too late."

All I could do was stare at Abby. She hadn't said once nice thing to me since finding out I was courting her daughter. Do people still say that?

"Why are you helping me with this? I thought you didn't want us together?"

She half shrugged. "I want my daughter to be happy and it's evident that you're that happiness in her life that I could never be. I may have been a little jealous, but I see that you're not such a bad guy, considering."

Approval?

I hadn't expected this to come so soon or at all. Did this change things?

"Where's Clarke anyway?"

With the little leeway I had made with Abby I didn't want to ruin it by telling her I yelled violently at her daughter and left her in the woods when she clearly needed me to tell her it was okay.

I avoided her eyes. "I'm going to go find her."

Her eyes narrowed. "You do that."

ABBY'S POV:

As I watched Bellamy run after my daughter, a sense of pride washed through me. My daughter's love life was forever confusing, in the short time they've been down her she's seemed to peak interest in Finn, Bellamy, and Lexa. I didn't know whether to be proud of her or worried. I knew she could handle it all, maybe she didn't make the best choices, but considering the circumstances they were forced into I know she did the best she could.

I felt rather than saw Kane behind me as Bellamy went out of view.

"He's so much like you were, Marcus." I turned to him. My mind going back to our somewhat crazed teenager days.

He turned his brown eyes on me, eyes much like Bellamy's. They told me what I already knew.

I patted his shoulder firmly. "If it were me, I'd hope my father would give me advice. Be there for me."

"You know I can't tell him. Even if he'd want a relationship, how would he forgive me for floating his mother?"

"If you don't tell him, you'll regret it." I headed back into the tent to let Marcus decide what would change his life forever.

MURPHY'S POV:

Everything kept playing over in my mind; Emori talking with me, the man on the horse, her knife pressed into my neck, and the one thing that stuck the most was Octavia ready to kick her ass. That was the biggest question mark of all.

The last we interacted, she practically killed me with her eyes and accidentally got Roma killed, which I was kind of torn up about. In the time that we spent getting to know each other she was pretty cool, but she knew I still harbored feelings for Octavia.

The sun was close to setting and I couldn't be more relieved to get a break from the heat. I was ready for the desert night chill.

"Hey," Caspian called, walking up beside me.

I cut my eye at him. "What?" I demanded.

"You and little miss Grounder Princess over there, huh? She's hot, sure doesn't look sixteen to me." He elbowed me with a grin.

My patience was waning at is is. "You talk about her like that again, I'll rip off your junk and beat you to death with it."

He stared at me in silence before walking away. Smart choice.

Well, here goes nothing. If I was wrong about Octavia forgiving me then she'd likely give me the same treatment Emori did.

She ignored me as I strode beside her.

"You know you didn't have to do that for me." I told her.

"It was instinct, I had no control over it."

My brow rose. "Since when?"

"Do we really have to have this conversation?"

"I guess not, but this is one of the few times you've talked to me in months, so if you don't mind."

She continued to walk in silence, her face a mask of controlled emotion that didn't give anything away, but her tense body told me otherwise.

"How'd you go Grounder on her ass so fast? I mean, by the time she had me at knife point you were ready to go down swinging."

She stopped walking finally turned her hazel eyes on me. "Do you want me to tell you I was watching you with her? Because I was. Are you satisfied now?"

"Not really," I gave a half grin.

She rolled her eyes and continued on. "You know, you seem to have a type."  
"You caught onto that, did you?"

"Should I be concerned?"

I laughed. "No." I gazed at her, even dusty and lips peeling she was still so stunning. Her eyes meet mine and for the first time in a long time they didn't look away after a few seconds. "You know, no girl's ever going to be quite like you, O."

She tried to remove the emotion off her face that what I said affected her before I could notice, but I saw it real good. "John..."

That was the second time she said my first name, both times in an attempt to stop me from some personal interaction. There was begging in her eyes. Did she have feelings for me? If she did, I'd let her tell me on her own terms.

"You know, you can hide behind this Grounder facade all you want, but I know you. This may be the new you, but you're still the same Octavia I fell for. Please, don't shut me out anymore."

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Her voice all of a sudden angry.

My eyes searched her face. "What are you talking about?"

"'I can handle the trek, I just need to get as far away from Octavia as I can.' The words from your mouth."

I sighed. "Of course, you overheard that. Look, that's not what I meant. I just..."

"You needed time away from me. So let me help you out." She marched ahead and I knew it was best to leave her alone. For now.

Me and my big mouth.

I sighed. What can you do?

CLARKE'S POV:

_Get up_, I told myself. _You're not a coward. One person doesn't define you._

Bellamy's inevitable rejection left me lifeless and alone on the cold hard ground. Anger spiked through me. That son of a bitch! How could he do this to me? I was going to give him a ear full he'd never forget. I gave a harsh satisfied breath.

All I had to do was get up and dust myself off.

I screamed as a tightening around my neck harshly yanked me back as my hands tried to pry the hard plastic cord away while trying to get air to my brain before passing into the darkness.

BELLAMY'S POV:

A scream came from far into the distance. Clarke's scream.

Panic ebbed in me.

"Clarke?!" I ran towards where I thought she was.

Empty green woods surrounded me for yards. Did I go the right way? Now was not the time to get turned around. Something was wrong. I could feel it, that she wasn't alright just as clear as I could see the sky.

"Clarke?!" I bellowed.

Only the sounds of the woods answered me as my heart sank in my stomach. This can't be happening, not now. Not when the last thing I said to her was 'we're done'. I couldn't have her thinking I hated her if I never saw her again. _No_, I mentally kicked myself. _Don't think like that. _She had to be around here somewhere. Maybe she had just fallen over a branch or something. No, a scream like that demanded panic.

"CLARKE?!"

With no answer I fell to my knees, anger and heartache yanking at my mind as I screamed for her, knowing I'd lost her, and not knowing if I'd get her back.

For the second time in a long time, I let myself think of my mother. How I ached for her to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Thanks to Jaha and Kane she could never do that again.

The only thing that I could do was focus my anger. It was the only thing I had control of. He'd suffer for what he did to me, to my family. I wanted so badly to watch the life drain from his eyes as I slit his throat.

I rose to my feet, my knuckles stretched white over the knife in my hand as I headed for the one person who could answer for my pain. I didn't care if he was on the council, or the previous Chancellor. Kane would get what was coming for him.

JASPER'S POV: _Today was going to be a good day_, I told myself.

Three months had gone by while I was in confinement. Three months of being locked up, three months of getting therapy, and three months of my best friend being dead.

I no longer blamed Murphy, I knew full well that the events that happened that day were out of his control, that he was trying to help us survive. I couldn't hold him responsible. I just want to apologize to everybody and move on. Being locked up for that long changes you, not in the same way Mount Weather did. This was hours and hours of reflection and silence. It was enough to drive me mad, but I held on because I knew Monty would've wanted me to bounce back on my feet.

So I plastered on a smile that didn't reach my eyes when I entered the engineering station, hoping to find Raven. She was the only one on camp and I could use the work to distract myself.

Wick had his arm propped on Raven's shoulder as they inspected the blueprints on the table. They looked up at my entrance and Wick removed his arm as they both straightened up.

"Jasper," Raven moved around the table. She brought me into a hug, which I hadn't been expecting. "I'm so glad you're out."

I squeezed her back, female contact felt nice after three months of male therapists and doctors.

"You're not mad at me?" I looked at Wick for a moment before returning to Raven.

She pulled away with a half smirk. "For what? Shooting Murphy? I only wished I had first."

I glanced down at her leg brace, completely forgetting about it in lock up. She didn't look too torn up about it anymore. She was definitely stronger than me, I could tell you that.

"How is he? I wanted to go talk with him, but apparently everyone left."

She rolled her brown eyes. "Jaha has them convinced The City of Light is real. Indra wouldn't let him go alone, so naturally Octavia followed." She spoke with fondness of both girls.

I nodded. "When did they say they'll be back?"

"Apparently, a place called The Dead Zone isn't very safe." Wick chimed in. "We don't know if they're even going to make it there, if it's not a fairy tale land."

Raven looked sorrowful. "They'll be back." Determination in her voice.

"So, what can I help with?" I headed for the table.

"Easy there, Michael Faraday." She sidestepped me. "You're fresh out. Don't you think you need time to get back into the swing of things?" She asked.

"The best way for me to get back into the swing of things is for me to help us survive, not getting used to the accusatory looks and fake smiles. Let me help you guys."

She glanced back at Wick for confirmation, he winked at her, which made her turn around quick. I noticed a hint of redness in her face, but I wasn't surprised. Those two had crazy chemistry between them back up in space, no pun intended.

"Sure."

"Great." I could feel the relief on my face. "What are we working on?"

OCTAVIA'S POV:

I walked aimlessly through the sand, my focus on what awaited us once we found The City of Light. Indra was letting me have time to myself, but I knew that would stop as soon as we found or didn't find what we were looking for.

Laughing caught my attention. Murphy threatened the guy to shut up, but he kept going. Everyone was annoyed with this guy.

I rolled my eyes. He got whatever was coming to him.

The blast sent me flying back, the heat nearly charing me alive. My heart sunk in my chest.

"Murphy!"

"Octavia! Stop!" Jaha scolded.

The explosion had happened right where he was standing. The smoke too thick to see past the body parts scattered around us. A hand grabbed mine, which made me jump. I looked down to see Murphy coughing heavily. I knelt to him, checking to make sure he was okay.

A girl screamed and a half a second later she was blown to bits.

I covered myself over Murphy.

"No one move," Jaha instructed.

"This land is mined." Indra announced.

"We're going to have to wait out the night so we can see them. Everyone, try to stay where you are." He added.

I relaxed as I carefully scooched down so I wasn't laying on top of Murphy's head, realizing I couldn't move away from Murphy all night if I wanted to live. His hands rested on my hips as our eyes meet and my breath left me at our closeness.

He rested his arm behind his head, propping him up a little so he could look at me. "Now you can't run away from me, Little Blake." He spoke in hushed tones.

I tried to fight the smile, but when he saw it he grinned. "Shut up." I whispered back, not wanting everyone to hear us.

"I missed you, too."

I folded my arms over his chest and rested my head on top of them as I looked at him. "I never said I missed you." My voice playful.

"You didn't have to."

We just gazed at each other for awhile, neither of us saying a word. I let myself enjoy this, enjoy being this close to him because tomorrow I had to be strong again. So I let my head rest on his chest, my hand rested over his beating heart as his hands rested on my back, making me feel safe. The sound lulled me to sleep.

A/N: Hoped you guys liked it! Obviously, I played a lot off of this week's episode 2x14. I really loved it, except for Clexa. Again, I totally ship LGBT couples, just not clexa. They could've matched Lexa and Raven or Lexa and Octavia and I would've been fine with that. I'm just a diehard Bellarke shipper.


	11. Songs

I just realized when I uploaded the clexa chapter that I didn't copy and paste the list of songs! Here you go. Thanks for the reviews to those of you who did :)

Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud

Nickelback - Trying Not To Love You

Matt Corby - Breathe

Sam Smith - Leave Your Lover

Alex Vargas - Till Forever Runs Out/ Jasmine Thompson - Run/ Rhodes - Run

Matt Corby - Resolution

Matt Corby - Untitled

Nick Jonas - JealousShame Shame - Jessica Breanne &amp; The Electric Hearts


	12. Untitled Two

Head's up, I had no motivation for this chapter, as you could probs tell it fell kind of flat and I didn't even try to edit sorry yall. Hopefully tonight's episode gives me so ideas. Thanks to those of you who reviewed, it means a lot! :)

The song for this chapter is Untitled - Interpol watch?v=Qm2oBSCtImg

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Kane!" I marched up to him.

He turned to me from speaking with Sinclair. Bewilderment registered in his eyes at the sight of the knife. "What's going on, Bellamy?"

Sinclair held his hands up in peace while Kane stepped toward me. "We can talk about this in private."

"What's the point? Everyone knows."

A few of the Guardsmen had taken notice of our interaction, their weapons raised. "Put it down, Blake." One of them instructed.

Kane waved them off. "It's okay." He stepped closer to me. "Mr. Blake and I are going to have a talk. Get back to work." He gave me a curt nod then lead the way to the tent then council just convened. He turned to me. "How'd you find out?"

"It wasn't hard to guess. Do you have anything to say to me?"

He huffed, then ran his hand through his dark brown hair. "I honestly never thought we'd have to have this conversation."

"Now's the time to pay the piper." I realized after I said it that it sounded cheesy, but it was too late to take it back without looking stupid.

He leaned against the table, his arms folded across his chest. "So you don't want to talk about it, you don't have any questions?"

I stumbled back, not prepared for that question. If I wanted to say something now was the time. I took a few steps forward and really looked at him. "Why couldn't you just let her live? She didn't hurt anybody, not one single person. She did everything she could to make things better for us and you just floated her."

He blinked rapidly. "Who are you talking about?"

My anger flared. "My mother!" My grip on the knife tightened. "Did you even think what it would be like for me and Octavia? We didn't have _anybody_ else!" I had never allowed myself to think too much about our father because he didn't care enough to stay around. That resentment silently manifested over these years and now I took it out on Kane. "Then you took Octavia away from me and I was alone. I had _nothing_." I couldn't fight the tears that sprung to my eyes as I sniffed. "And now I have nothing again."

"What do you mean again? What happened when you left?  
"She's gone." I didn't want to believe it, as I told Kane this it made it final.

"Clarke?" He asked, worry thick in his voice.

All of my anger drained away. "I don't know what happened. I searched for her, screamed for her, but she was gone." My shoulders fell. "Who would take her?" I slid to the ground, my knife laid a few feet away.

What was I going to do without her? She was my other half.

"How could I be stupid? I yelled and left her by herself. She wouldn't be gone if I had just listened, if I had forgiven her."

Kane knelt in front of me, his face sympathetic. "Don't put this on yourself, son. You could've been captured along with her. Maybe it was supposed to happen this way, so you could tell us she was missing. We're going to find her."

I looked up at him, noticing something familiar about his eyes, but I couldn't quite place it.

"What's going on in here?" Abby flew in.

Kane rose and went to her. "Let's talk about this outside."

"Why are there Guardsmen ready to shoot this tent to pieces?"

He pushed her out. "Come on."

I had done a lot of wrong when we got down here; making everyone take off the wristbands, torturing Lincoln, and ruining the radio that costed three hundred lives. Out of all that I knew I didn't deserve much, but I didn't deserve Clarke being ripped away from me.

"She what?" Abby nearly yelled.

"Wait wait wait-he's just a kid. He didn't make this happen, Abby. He can't take you blaming you right now."

There was a pause of silence, long enough to stir my curiosity.

"Did you tell him? Is that why you're finally sticking up for him?"

"No, I didn't tell him." He spoke lower.

What were they talking about?

I dusted myself off and wiped my eyes before exiting. "Are we going to go look for her or what?"

OCTAVIA'S POV:

I stirred awake and after a few moments after I realized where I was I looked up to see Murphy sleeping, his face so and not the hardened mask that he usually displayed. A sense of contentment filled me. This was nice. I wouldn't mind waking up like this everyday - woah!

I glanced down at my stomach and his excited johnson. Part of me wanted to be mad, but I couldn't really blame him. This was actually kind of funny. Sure, it kind of killed the romance, but somehow it didn't bother me, so much that I shook him awake with my silent laughter.

He peaked an eye open and took us in. "Woah, Octavia." He pulled me up his body, then groaned. "Not helping at all."

I laughed. "Relax, it's okay."

He looked confused. "What got into you?"

I could think of one thing that I wished got into me. My face flushed and by the smirk on his lips I could tell he knew what I was thinking.

"What's on your mind, O?"

"Nothing." I grinned. "I just woke up and I saw you there," I gazed into his eyes, not sensing any danger in them at all. "And I thought that..." Butterflies danced in my stomach and my nerves got the best of me. "That I'm glad that you're okay, that we're okay."

He stared at me for a few moments before saying, "I'm glad we're okay, too. For a while there, I thought I lost you."

I nodded. "Well, I thought you were going to die, instead Lincoln died and I was trying to be the perfect soldier for Indra. I just-I didn't want to be weak."

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Panic spiked in me. "Oh, nothing important. I just meant I had to be focused, I couldn't let myself get distracted and I should've told you that instead of letting you think I hated you. I never blamed you for Lincoln's death."

"How'd you know I thought that?"

"I know you, Murphy. And I'm sorry."

He pouted. "Well, apology not accepted. You hurt my feelings, Little Blake." He feigned a hurt look and turned his head. "I don't think I want to be your friend, it's not worth this personal trauma."

"Yeah, whatever. You love me." I teased.

His eyes turned to mine. There was a lot of unspoken things between us, but for the most part I could tell what he was feeling by his eyes. They gave everything away. Now they were telling me that he wanted me to say something back.

Did I love Murphy? Yes. Was I in love with him? I still didn't know. There were times when I I had no doubt in mind that I had very real feelings for him that weren't going away, feelings that as much as I didn't want to admit it, I started to feel when I was still with Lincoln. As I looked at him now, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to see where this could go, but this wasn't the right time. As I looked at him now, I knew there was so much I didn't know about him, but that I was willing and ready to know him.

"I can't believe things have changed so much. You know, I'm pretty sure I wanted to violently murder you at one point." I gave a wry grin.

"I'm pretty sure you did, too."

"And now..." I didn't think we could be any different, yet we were more alike than I once wanted to admit.

"And now?"

"Would you just kiss already" Richards asked suddenly.

We looked around, almost everyone was awake and starting to follow Jaha down the trail he forged with his walking stick. Had they been awake this whole time?

I carefully rose, reaching my hand out to Murphy. He strongly grasped it as I pulled him up. Whatever we were, I didn't want us not to be-

"Okteivia." Indra called me, then added a few choice words I didn't care for.

I called back, then turned to back to him. "I want you to know that whatever happens with us that I've never had a friend like you."

There was clear disappointment in his eyes. "Ah, a friend?"

I took his hands in mine. "Yes, a friend. A best friend. Even though I haven't been much of one to you lately. And that's not to say that I think of you as _just _a friend because I don't. You're much more than that, so please remember that if something happens and I'm not me for a while, okay?"

He gave a slight nod, unsure of what to say. I wasn't sure I've ever seen him speechless. He pulled me close, his arms wrapped around me tightly. I relaxed in his embrace, a smile on my lips as my eyes closed. We stayed like that for a few more moments, then he pulled away.

His eyes gazed into mine. "I know that you're not in the same place as me and I'm okay with that. As long as you understand that I'm not going to let you push me away because you think it makes you weak."

I started to object, but he placed his finger on my mouth.

"I'm going to fight for you, O. Trust me, I know how cheesy that sounds, but I'm not going anywhere, so you're going to have to accept that either way." He moved his finger away.

I nodded. "Okay."

He nodded. "Good."

FINN'S POV: Three months ago

"When do you think I'll be okay to walk again?"

Eli looked me over, his eyes before meeting mine. "A month or two."

My eyebrows shot up. "A month or two?"

He headed over to the kitchen area. "You dropped off a cliff, Redshirt" He said with a hint of amusement. "How long would you think it would take?"

I sighed. "I can't let you take care of me for that long, I don't want to impose."

"I don't mind." He started on dinner. "It's been a while since I've had a man in my bed."

"Oh, um..." I didn't know what to say to that.

He grinned. "Did I surprise you with that?"

I shook my head even though his back was turned to me. "I kind of picked it up. You're not very subtle.

He laughed. "I try not to be."

At least one of us wasn't uncomfortable.

"So you like men." I started. "Is that accepted amongst your people?"

"No, that's why I'm all the way out here."

A twinge of sadness ran through me. How sad his life must've been.

"That's not very progressive."

He smirked. "I'm just messing with you. The Commander's a lesbian herself. It's not uncommon."

A sense of relief tugged at my heart. "Well, then our traditions aren't that different aside from your people being savage."

He tasted the soup that was actually growing on me, then he brought it over. "We've had to be." He agreed. "Imagine your world stopped existing as it had for centuries and you're left with no government, no easily accessible resources, no transportation, nothing. You have to survive together. Sooner or later there's going to be chaos. Someone has to step up. Someone has to make the rules and enforce them. Someone has to keep them safe. Someone has to keep everyone else in check with a firm hand and if they don't then things will fall apart. It would be every man for themselves. Eventually, everyone would become purely animalistic, things like love and companionship wouldn't matter." He continued to stare at me. "Isn't that what you all had to experience when you first landed?"

He was right. That was exactly what we had to endure.

"I never thought of it like that." I told him. "Obviously, not all Grounders all the same." I took the bowl from him, his hand lingering, making sure I had a steady hold on it. I cleared my throat. The contact felt different, not because it was a man, but because it was a man who I was almost sure was attracted to me. Sure, I've met gay guys before, but none of them seemed to be interested in me that way.

"So," I took a sip of the soup. "What's in this stuff? Why don't I feel the pain?"

He gave a tight smile. "If I told you then you wouldn't eat it."

My lips stopped on the bowl, my eyes meeting his. "It's not like bugs or anything gross, is it?"

He grinned. "No." He took the bowl from me. "But if you're worried about sea plants and tiny woodland creatures then I should probably figure out another meal plan."

I grinned. "It's fine. I don't hate it."

"I didn't think so, Redshirt."

I gave him a questioning look. "My shirt's not even red."

He laughed. "What do you want to be called then?"

"My name."

"Finn sounds like a fish."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "I've never gotten that before."

Come to think of it, I didn't like Finn either. It was a tainted name. I looked back at Eli. I don't want to be called Finn anymore."

There was understanding in his green eyes. "We all have baggage. I was kidding about the name." He had a faraway look in his eyes. "It's up to you if you let it carry you down or let you grow."

He was right. Besides it wouldn't matter what I was called, when I healed I'd find my way back to the cliff and finish what I started. I couldn't go on like this. It was too hard.

"You want to talk about it?" He offered.

Even know he knew the gist, did I want the one person that was willing to help me to know how messed up I was?

"Come on." He leaned on his knees. "It might help you."

"Not even a little bit."

"Too bad. I'm already expecting a story."

I shook my head with a wry grin. "Just remember that you opened up this can of worms and I had no intention of bring this up."

He lifted a dark eyebrow. "You jump off a cliff and you expect me not to ask questions?"

He was right again. He took care of me without asking anything in return. The last I could do was answer whatever he asked me.

"Alright." I thought back to the moment when I first met Clarke, how much she looked like light in the darkness the council threw us into. How she challenged Bellamy, how she stood up for herself. How she looked at me those first few days. "When we met, I thought here's the Princess, spoiled and entitled. She's never going to last down here, but Clarke was the first person to step up and try and help us survive. And that's what we did. I got to know her and suddenly everything didn't seem so bad. We slept together and then my girlfriend flew down and I completely screwed everything up. I tried to see where things would go with Clarke and she rejected me, so I tried to make it work with Raven."

He gave a small shrug. "That's not uncommon down here. I'm going to guess that they didn't like that?"

"That wasn't my intention. When Raven and I ended things Clarke and I wanted to start things up again, but then the war kind of got in the way and the mountain men took them. I only wish I knew that before I had eighteen people's blood on my hands. And after that she couldn't even look at me and I couldn't blame her."

"This all happened in a month? You seem to like complicated."

I huffed. "I never wanted it to be complicated. I just wanted to be with Clarke.

He nodded. "And now?"

"Now, I'm here with you and she's over there with Bellamy."

Interest darkened his eyes. "Is that the hot tan guy with the dark shaggy hair?"

I nodded.

"He's not too bad looking."

"Gross. He's a major dick. He likes her and it's obvious to everyone but her." Just thinking about them angered me. "You couldn't write the tension between them." I sighed. "I should've fought harder for her."

"Maybe if you fought harder you'd be in a lot more trouble."

"Don't tell me you believe in fate?"

His brow raised. "You don't?"  
"Not really." I shook my head. "I've never believe in much but peace and look where that got me."

His eyes softened. "Well, someone was looking out of both of us. You got a savior and I got a puppy eyed hottie in my bed."

"Oh, thanks." I laughed awkwardly.

He smirked as he rose. "You already knew I find you attractive." He said with confidence as he made his way around the room.

I choose not to answer that.

"So are you going to tell me about you or do I have to gu-"

A blonde guy flew into the door. He looked at me for a few moments then turned his not so friendly eyes to Eli. I didn't speak Grounder, but the conversation didn't sound too happy.

Eli forcefully held the guy back. "Easy there." He shoved him a few feet back.

The blonde guy glared at me with resentment thick in his eyes before spitting in my direction and leaving after another heated exchange.

Eli stared after him, his whole body stiff.

The tension was thick in the air.

"Not a fan of me, huh?"

He scoffed and turned to me with a look of resentment, something I hadn't seen, but thought was inevitable. "No." I shook his head. "He's an old friend, always sticking his nose in other's business."

"Do you mean old flame instead?" I asked nervously, waiting for him to go Grounder on me and my broken ass.

"What do you think?" He paced and angrily spoke in Trigedasleng, then went after the blonde guy.

In his absence I thought of how much I had disturbed his life. I barely knew Eli and he'd halted whatever he was doing to heal me after I slaughtered his people. Why was I still here?

With that thought I pushed my body over onto the floor with a thud as I refrained from groaning in excruciating pain. Not even the soup could prevent me from feeling that. For a moment I thought I was going to black out from the agony. Once I caught my breath I attempted to crawl for the exit. Attempted was a bit of a stretch I could barely move without crying out. But I had to keep going. If this was what it took for Eli to get his life back then so be it. He'd be grateful to not have the burden anymore. Maybe if I was lucky enough another Grounder would find me and take it all away. There was no way I'd make it to the cliff this way.

I searched around me. Eli was nowhere around. I could do this. Who knew how long he'd be back. The brisk night air chilled me to the bone. A growling from nearby caught my attention, but in the darkened forest I couldn't see a lot. Branches snapping, leaves rustling, a heavy growl. Then I felt breath raise the hairs on the back my neck.

CLARKE'S POV:

I stirred awake at the incessant sound of an alarm, the sunlight burning my eyes. I rolled over onto the pillow and wrapped the thick covers over me. I reached over and pounded it in hopes to stop the noise, but couldn't find it, so I threw the covers off and saw it sitting there on the bedside table, blinking numbers and all.

I pressed the buttons to make it stop, my heart stopped as it registered. A lamp. My eyes scanned my surroundings. Drapes. A tv. A fridge. A stove. A door. Where was I? Even on the Ark we had technology, but nothing like this.

Shocked, I jumped out of bed and opened the double doors to the balcony, the light blinding me. A gasp left me.

A/N: As a clarification, Clarke isn't back in Mount Weather or anywhere else the show's taken them.


	13. LGBT Rant

LOL, lost two followers because of the whole LGBT thing. I can't help how everyone thinks. I'm Christian and I openly accept LGBT people. My sister is a lesbian so I grew up accepting it and supporting it even though my granny openly hated it and she raised us. Sorry, I could care less if you don't like it. I apologized for the rant a few chapters ago, but this I'm not going to apologize for. I understand some of you grew up with strict religious parenting, but discriminating against anyone for their skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever else isn't okay. If you don't want to read LGBT fanfiction, then don't read this. Better yet, why are you watching the show? I don't mean to get angry, but I'm very open to all my of friends about how much this upsets me because I'm a pacifist and I just want everyone to get along, to Coexist. Anyway, I hope those of yall who are open minded will continue to read and those of you who aren't good luck finding something on tv these days that doesn't have a LGBT couple and may you open your minds and hearts to those out there who aren't any different than you no matter what you were raised to belief. God loves everyone. I'll leave it at that. Yall have a nice day.


	14. Lost

MURPHY'S POV:

We'd been walking carefully on this stupid trail Jaha forged with his walking stick. Caspian had already broken down and made a run for it, guns blazing. Jaha was the only one who ran after him, which said a lot about Jaha. I would've let the guy die if he wanted to risk his life so easily. One thing I didn't expect to happen was my stomach to turn when I thought Jaha could die. I didn't particularly like the guy, after all he floated my father, ruined my family, and sent me down here. He was a catalyst for bad. Still, something in me didn't want him to die. When I took him to see Wells' grave, I guess you could say we bonded. I wouldn't ever tell him that. When it happened, Octavia grabbed my hand, holding me in place, like she knew I'd go after him.

As soon as we all made it across safely, we ran up the dune. My legs burned endlessly, but it was worth it knowing it was about to be over. This was it. This was what Jaha had risked our lives for. If this was all a lie and there turned out to be nothing close to the City of Light, then it was all for nothing. Those people died for nothing.

Blinding light spanned across the land while disappointment ebbed in me. My eyes went to Jaha, knowing he'd be crushed. He gazed at the scene before us, not really understanding what his eyes were telling him. I took a step toward him, my hand on his shoulder. He turned to me.

Caspian cursed and threw a rock at one of the solar panels.

"We're going to move forward."

"What?" Caspian interjected. "You can't be serious. We just went through the desert and minefield to find that the City of Light doesn't exist. Now you want to keep going, keep risking our lives?"

I stepped toward him, removing my hand from Jaha's shoulder. "Hey, no one's forcing you to go. You can either come with us or crawl away like a coward. Your choice."

He stayed quiet.

"I'm in." Octavia stood by my side, then spoke to Indra in Trigedasleng, I wasn't even going to lie it was hot.

Indra stepped in front of Jaha. "We're not going back, not until we know what's out there. We're in."

Jaha nodded. "Then it's settled. We keep searching. Whoever wants to turn around go ahead now."

Octavia bumped into my side as we headed down the sand dune, following the tiny flying robot. "Look at you, having faith." She looked impressed.

A sense of pride ran through me at impressing her. "I figured why turn back now when it just got interesting." I bumped her back.

She laughed.

We came to a stop at the water, all of us confused at this point.

"There's a boat." Caspian pointed out.

There were eight of us and that boat looked to hold us, just not comfortably.

I looked at Caspian, a tiny bit amused. "Looks like you get to turn back after all." I told him.

He looked angry. "No, I'm not going back now. I have just as much right to be on that boat as any of you."

Octavia looked at Indra. "Will that boat hold our weight?"

She surveyed the boat, pushing it down a few times. "It should. We're not going to fit on here comfortably."

Without another word we all climbed into the boat one at a time while Octavia held it in place. When she boarded I knew she would sit on the floor, so I pulled her to my lap.

She let out a little gasp, shocked that I yanked her down. My hands rested on her hips.

She turned her hazel eyes to me. Something bordering on desire underneath. Her arm swung across my neck, holding herself in place from the waves while the Grounders started to paddle.

A few times she thought we were in fear of tipping over and tightened her grip on me, her other hand rested on my chest. I didn't blame her. None of us could swim besides the Grounders, so if we tipped over, we'd likely all die. I held her tight, a little afraid myself.

Indra and Jaha discussed strategies.

"How long have we been out here?"

"We're not there yet, so not long enough." I told him.

He scowled.

Octavia chuckled under her breath. "You should really stop antagonizing him."

"Maybe he should stop giving me a reason to antagonize him."

She nodded. "What do you think is out there? I know Jaha believes and you believe. Before this trip, I thought what a waste of time, people will die, but those solar panels and that robot is something, right?"

I didn't know what to tell her. I got my hopes up only to be disappointed. I don't ever get my hopes up. Not anymore.

I sighed. "I think whatever we find is something. Those people have power and lots of it by how many panels we saw. That thing is remote controlled, or at least programmed to know how to fly back wherever it came from. It's traveling across the ocean. I'm going to guess that it's going to the City of Light, O."

She nodded. "Even if it's not, someone still has power."

We stayed silent for a while, tuning out the noise before she turned back to me, her eyes honest.

"I don't want you to be discouraged. I know you want to start over, that's why you wanted to come, not to get away from me."

I stayed silent. Everyone had pretty much forgiven me, but I wanted to get away from that past. If we find the City of Light I could be anyone I wanted without any apprehension about my motives. I could do better. I could get back to the place where I was when both of my parents were alive and happy.

I looked down at Octavia. "You know, I wanted to be a chief."

She looked surprised. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I grinned. "I knew there was no career in it back up in space. My dad got his hands on a few old cooking shows and I used to watch them once they went to bed when I was little. I thought I was being sneaky, but they knew what I was doing." I could feel a layer of loneliness fall off of me. "When I'd get home from school, they'd have rations ready for me to play around with, even though it meant they could get floated. They wanted me to be happy."

She looked at me with kind eyes, bordering on the way Bellamy looked at Clarke. I knew Octavia cared about me. I knew she had love for me, but that she wasn't in love with me. While that stung, I knew all I had was time to prove that I could be there for her, that I could be better than my worst. I didn't want her to be ashamed of me. Maybe that's why I really wanted to find the City of Light, so I wouldn't be ashamed of myself.

"I can't imagine you having the patience to do that."

I shouldn't have been upset. I knew what kind of person I was, but coming from her, it hurt.

"Hey, I know you can do it if your heart's in it." Her hand on my chest turned my face to meet hers. "I don't doubt you, so don't doubt yourself."

My eyes searching hers. How did we get here? How did she believe in me more than I believed in myself? How did she come to care about me? When did I stop being monstrous Murphy to her to whatever we were now? I didn't know any of that, all I knew was that she was on my lap and her mouth was so close to mine that it would take no effort at all to capture them between mine and show her what she meant to me. Her staring at me like she could see through me didn't help.

If something did happen between us how would it change things? What if I lost her?

"Aren't you curious to what's out there?" She asked, gazing out at the glimmering sea spread before us for miles.

"Mermaids for sure. Maybe Sirens."

The corner of her mouth dipped in an amused smirk. "Mythical creatures, really?"

I followed her gaze, myself wondering what hid underneath the surface. What had survived? What had evolved? "I've read the books, seen the pictures." My eyes assessed her, finding only one flaw, if perfection could be considered a flaw. "You could've been Ariel and I could've been Prince Eric."

She laughed. "I don't think so. I'd rather be Xena."

"Definitely hot. You could work that."

A cocky smirk played on her lips. "I already work that."

Some time later she looked at me with tired eyes. Her mouth set in a frown as she held her stomach.

"O, you okay?"

She leaned over the side of the boat, puking up into the sea. I held her hips tighter, hoping I didn't leave any bruises. She groaned.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Indra.

"She's sea sick." Indra answered with disdain, which I wasn't sure directed towards me or Octavia showing signs of weakness.

I held onto her tighter. "Well, is she going to be okay?" Annoyance heavy in my voice.

"Murphy, she'll be fine." Jaha assured me.

She wasn't showing signs of letting up, I could see a tear running down her cheek. I didn't know what to do to stop it. Panic set in.

"Are you just going to sit there? Do something!" I yelled at Indra.

"Murphy-" Jaha started.

"What?!" I glared at him.

If Octavia got seriously sick out here he was to blame for it. Abby was back at Camp, I couldn't get to her in time if I needed to.

His eyes tried to calm me. "She's going to be okay." His voice soothing.

Octavia leaned into me. Relief washed over me as my hand rubbed her back. I could feel everyone's eyes on us, but I didn't care. They could look all they wanted to.

CLARKE'S POV:

"Coffee?"

I snapped around so fast my neck hurt. Harper shut the front door behind her.

FINN'S POV:

Three months ago.

Something flew by my ear, pinning whatever tried to eat me to the ground a few feet away. I prayed it was a Grounder, giving me an early death. The shooter sat in front of me. I assumed it was Eli, due to the fact that he wasn't killing me.

"Are you okay?" He asked somberly.

It was hard to do anything else besides wish I were dead from the pain, but I managed. "Yeah."

He layed down beside me. He didn't speak, just let us lay in silence. Instead of relaxing me, it geared me up. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I couldn't gauge how long we stayed like that before he spoke.

"It's okay if you don't want to live after what you've done," His voice understanding. "But don't leave because you think I don't want you there."

I could feel him turn to look at me.

"Don't make me believe it was my fault you killed yourself. I couldn't live with that, Finn."

That never crossed my mind. I didn't want Eli to blame himself. I just wanted him to have his life back.

I flipped on my back with a groan. "I'm sorry." I turned my head to look at him.

This close I could make out his face, his eyes almost glowing emerald green.

"No, you're not. You'd do it again." He grinned.

A small laugh bubbled out of me. "You're right."

I instantly regretted laughing, it felt like my bones were about to snap, my muscles tight and burning in exertion. "It was going to happen sooner or later. You realize that, right?"

He turned away, his eyes on the sky. "Are all sky people this suicidal or is it just you?" He was silent for a bit. "Or is it me?"

Why would he think that? Well, I did just try to commit suicide after he took care of me. That should do it.

"Wh-"

"Is it because I'm gay? Does it make you that uncomfortable?"

Disbelief ebbed in me. "No, Eli." I was a little irritated that he thought that low of me. "You being gay doesn't make me uncomfortable. And it's not why I left. You need your life back. That guy from earlier proved that. What if he comes back with more angry Grounders and they kill you for protecting me? Then it would be _my_ fault."

Silence spread over us.

"I'm not going to leave you to die. You're going to have to come back with me. It's not like you can protest, you can't move without crying out in pain."

At this point, I just wanted to rest.

"How'd you make it this far, anyway?"

Everything felt heavy.

"I don't know." He carefully picked me up.

My eyes closed for a second, then I opened them only to close them again as I tried to block out the sting of tired, sore muscles and healing bones. I should've ate the rest of the soup.

"You really scared me."

"Why was that?"

"Despite your death wish, I consider us to be friends. When you weren't there once I got back I knew you left and I thought it was because of how awful Kai was to you or me being gay."

"Yeah, that guy was a dick."

He laughed softly.

I opened my eyes, looking up at his face. He looked down at me expectantly. "I'm not a homophobe, I promise."

He smirked. "So what are you then?"

Again, I took in how much taller and broader is than me. I didn't like to stereotype people, but when it came to gay men he wasn't what I pictured. Muscles. Chiseled face. Manly confidence. Normal. I was aware of him carrying me and like whenever he touched me it felt different. Not like a woman's touch, but not like a man's either. Something in between.

"Finn?"

I met his eyes, swallowed the lump in my throat. "I guess, I never really thought about it." I thought of Clarke and she still made my heart jump. I thought of Eli and while I didn't want to jump into bed with him or anything, I enjoyed his presence. Sure, he was handsome.

"I mean, I've only been with two girls. Raven and Clarke. I've never had a guy interested in me before."

He smirked. "You think I'm interested in you?"

My face flushed. "That's not what I meant. I just-"

"Relax, Finn." He grinned. "I'm just messing with you."

I gave a small grin.

"You don't have a problem with that, do you?"

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant, but I wasn't worried. "No."

"Good."

BELLAMY'S POV:

Lexa helped us out. It had been a few days without a sign of Clarke or who took her. We headed back to camp to regroup and map our next search party. Kane didn't leave my side the entire time, his kindness probably brought on by his guilt. At one point, he said, "I didn't want to float your mother, Bellamy. I know you won't believe me, but I'm sorry." I gave him an appreciatory nod before going back to searching.

Now, I found myself standing in front of Finn's place. He told us where to find him. I couldn't believe I was here right now. It was bad enough I had to ask for Lexa's help, but now Finn's.

"Can I help you?" A stern voice asked from behind me.

I turned to see a tall, dark haired Grounder, a little broader than myself. He was carrying the makings of a dinner.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Finn, but I think I have the wrong place. Sorry to bother you."

I headed back, wondering if Finn lied to us.

"He lives here."

I turned around to look at him. "And you are?"

"Eli. I take it you're Bellamy?"

I nodded. "May I?" I gestured to his housing.

"Sure." He grinned as he walked past me, like he was assessing me.

I followed him inside only to see no sign of him. Eli sat down his supplies then led me to a clearing with a few wooden posts stuck in the ground. Finn moved gracefully from post to post, handling a long stick that dipped and smacked the posts. He appeared to be training.

Eli spoke to him in Trigedasleng.

He turned at our presence, sweaty and shirtless. He packed on a few muscles in his absence. Like I expected, he didn't look happy to see me. He stared at me, much in the same way Eli had.

"What are you doing here, Bellamy?" He asked. "Something wrong?"

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be the reason he lost it again, but I didn't have any other choice. I needed every resource I could get because so far the ones I had weren't pulling results. If they had, I wouldn't be here.

"Clarke's missing."

I waited for the inevitable break down.

Worry registered on his face, but that's all that happened. "Oh." He glanced at Eli, then looked back at me. "How long has she been gone?"

"A few days."

The redundancy in our lives was starting to piss me off.

"Any idea of who'd take her?" He grabbed his shirt from the ground and pulled it over his head.

"Spacewalker, if I had any idea who could have her, I wouldn't be here talking to you."

Eli stepped in. "You know, he didn't even go on that spacewalk. That was Raven."

My forehead creased. Who was this guy? I shot Finn a look.

"Eli saved my life. Nursed me back to health." There was a certain fondness in his voice that surprised me.

I gave Eli a curt nod. "Okay." I turned to Finn. "So, you in or what?"

He walked past me and for the first time I noticed his hair had grown longer, like how it was when we first landed. Eli and I followed him.

"We're both in, if that's okay with you?" Eli asked.

"The more eyes, the better."

Finn disappeared into the large tent, leaving Eli and I alone.

I turned to him. "Thank you."

He gave me a half smile. "I don't mind. Any friend of Finn's is a friend of mine." He eyed me again. "Of course, I know you two aren't close. Both in love with the same girl and all."

Where was Finn?

Just then he appeared with two bags, tossing one to Eli. "It'll take some time. You're probably already trampled any evidence left, but I'll do my best."

There was a sense of relief, knowing I had a tracker looking for Clarke. "Great. Let's get moving." I headed back.

"Boy, you weren't kidding." Eli whispered to Finn.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing." The amusement clear in his voice.

My eyes rolled as Finn laughed.

What had I gotten myself into?

RAVEN'S POV:

It had been tough seeing Jasper like that when they brought him back. I may have been a little late coming down here, but I knew what things were when I landed. Jasper and Monty were brothers, sure the ground tested them, but they still had an unbreakable bond. Now that bond was gone and all that was left behind was Jasper. Not having a proper burial had to mess with his mind. Apparently, when they went back to look for his body, Monty was nowhere to be found. We all came to terms that an animal got to him.

I watched him work with Wick, throwing himself into the work. My heart went out to him. This couldn't have been easy. Time and time again I was thankful that Finn had escaped from Lexa's murder trial. As messed up as it sounded, I was glad that he wasn't here because I still loved him. He'd been the one to help me out when my own mother didn't even care. I knew I loved him from an early age and coming down here changed us. We didn't have the same relationship. We had pieces of memories and feelings clung to friendship.

Before Clarke went missing she told me that he stopped by and I couldn't deny that him not coming to see me hurt, but it also made me realize I was stuck on someone who didn't want me.

My eyes went to Wick. He was teaching Jasper a few things and I couldn't help but grin. He looked up to find me watching him. He winked with a smirk, then went back to helping Jasper.

CLARKE'S POV:

How did she get here?

"So, that's a no on the coffee?"

A loud blaring came from the other side of the wall. It was music, some genre I hadn't heard much of, but recognized as classic rock.

"Where are we?" I asked Harper.

She gave me a confused look as she raided the fridge. "What do you mean?"

I neared her. "How long have you been here?"

She shrugged. "A while." She chuckled. "I bet no one noticed I was gone. I got here right after we were released from Mount Weather."

She started on the coffee, making it in the machine like it was second nature. "What's with the third degree, Clarke? We're safe here."

I rounded the counter. "Do you even know where here is?"

She looked at me as if were obvious before nodding at something behind me. I turned to see Sterling.

"I thought you were dead."

He grinned. "Hey, Clarke."

OCTAVIA'S POV:

Warmth bloomed in my chest as I listened to Murphy talk about his childhood. He smiled and like lately it reached his eyes. I didn't think I could enjoy looking at someone's smile so much, but with Murphy it felt like a personalized gift whenever he decided to show it to me.

His hands on my hips tightened every time the boat rocked a little too much.

It was hopeful to see him passionate about something. When we reached the top of the sand dune and there was nothing but panels I thought he'd give up, but instead he stepped up.

I imagined him as a child, experimenting on dishes, happy and loving. I wondered what it would take to get him back to that place. Whenever we get to where this ocean leads us I hope there's something for him. He's changed so much from when we first landed.

He looked down at me with worry in his eyes.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing to worry about." His grip on me tightened as deafening crackles from the sky sounded. "Thunder."

Rain heavily poured down on us. Just what we needed.

A streak of lightning flashed miles away from us. We could make it through this.

The wind picked up. The waves became bigger, slowly becoming harsh. Each wave swayed us from side to side. I was going to throw up again. I leaned over the boat. Murphy's grip tightened so hard I thought he'd bruise my bones. There was nothing much left in me from the first time I got sick, now it was just dry heaves.

"Are you okay?" Murphy asked me.

A wave crashed into us, wetting everyone to the bone even more. I just wanted to get off this boat! Lightened struck closer to us this time, there were a few screams of panic which I couldn't help but find funny being that Indra and I were the only two women on the boat and neither of us seemed scared. As I finished dry heaving something moved in the water, jumped out at me, sharp teeth ready. Murphy flung us back as I let out a scream. I spoke too soon.

Jaha tried to keep us all calm, but he was on the edge of freaking out himself.

Two more bolts of lightning struck as whatever was in the water knocked into our boat. I cowered into Murphy's side. The paddles didn't help any at this point.

"What the hell is that?" Caspian asked.

"A Great white shark." Indra answered, real fear in her voice.

A wave sprayed us again, another taking us under water for a few life threatening seconds. I coughed up salt water and who knows what else. My eyes on Murphy. He already accepted that we were going to die.

"Octavia," He started.

I shook my head at him. "No."

His blue eyes pleaded as another wave hit us. "Please, let me-."

"No." Tears stung my eyes, my chin trembling.

I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave my brother. I didn't want to leave Murphy.

"I love you, Octavia Blake." He wiped my tears away.

Thunder roared above us, lightning rained down on us, waves hit us, a shark stalked us. Lightning hit the boat and it split. Murphy dropped into the water, holding onto my hand for dear life.

My eyes widened as my heart jumped out of my chest. "I love you, John Murphy."

Strength found my body as I tried pull him up, but the boat was breaking off, the waves too strong for us. The sight of the shark yards away made me cry out. I met his eyes. There was acceptance in them, contentment. His grip on my hand loosened so fast I couldn't stop it. I shook my head, ready to protest. He fell into the sea, willing his life away.

"NO!" I cried.

Indra held me back. "He's gone."

I fought her, prepared to jump in, but her hold was too strong.

"I'm sorry, Octavia."

I crumbled into her arms as uncontrollable sobs wracked my body.


	15. Jason talks about the finale

tv/161015_the_100_boss_on_season_2_finale_shockers_season_3_plans/


	16. Devil's Backbone

The song for this chapter is The Civil Wars - The Devil's backbone  watch?v=YTb6MoMLvcY Sorry for the not great chapter title. The title's obviously are named after songs. I already had a song picked out for this chapter, but I decided to use that for a later chapter and use this instead.

The bellarke fan video is watch?v=eFSXKXXsLdo

CLARKE'S POV:

"Wait a minute." I backed away from them.

I distinctly remembered Bellamy telling me Sterling was speared after the war with the Grounders. And when I thought about it, Harper hadn't been around.

He stepped forward. "It's okay now."

"I don't understand." I looked between him and Harper. "How did we get here? Why is there this much power here?"

They grinned. "Isn't it obvious?" Harper asked.

I gave them a look. "Obviously, I don't know."

Sterling held his hands up in surrender. "Relax, Clarke. The City of Light is safe. No one's going to hurt us here."

It couldn't be real. Fairy tales weren't real, but so far I've seen things I couldn't have imagined.

"Where are you going?" Harper asked.

I opened the door only to run into Roma. My eyes grew as I stared at her alive and well. Now I knew I was dreaming. I rushed past her, trying to find something to wake me up, but I was mystified at the few people in the hall. A white guy with ruby red dreads and jeans rode by me on some time of board with four wheels, smelling of what I assumed was a medicinal plant. He grinned and his eyes matched his hair. A couple argued in the hall, the woman forcing the man out of door with three kids behind her. A young girl came up a set of stairs, talking on what appeared to be a thin, tiny phone.

I had to be dreaming or hallucinating. I remember being kidnapped, my hands went around my throat. It was still sore, my eyes still stung from crying over Bellamy.

Bellamy.

Something in me snapped and I ran for the stairs, taking them as fast as I could without tripping. A door stood between me and the outside. With a deep breath I pushed it open, the sunlight stinging my eyes as I bumped into someone.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" A guy yelled with a northern accent I recognized from a few old movies.

My eyes adjusted to find people everywhere. I swirled around, taking in buildings that reached the sky. Loud noises surrounded me. A passing train overhead made me jumpy. I was knocked to the ground.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." A blonde girl with shorts and a tank top crouched over me. She held her hand out, seeming out of breath. "When I'm listening to music, I don't really see anything else. Dangerous, I know." She gave a sheepish grin.

I stood on my own. "It's fine." I turned away from her, moving forward.

So many people. Restaurants and businesses at every turn. How was this here? How was any of this possible? How long had this been here?

A car skidded to a stop not even an inch in front of me. My heart jumped in my chest.

"I'm sorry." I moved out of the way quickly.

The car doors opened. Out stepped a girl and guy around my age, a few years older dressed in clean cut suits. They both had dark brown hair and olive skin, reminding me of Octavia and Bellamy instantly, they had to be siblings. The girl had a ton of makeup on, her lips a dark red.

"Clarke," The girl approached me. "Glad you've woken. We need to speak with you." Authority heavy in her voice. "Get in the car."

I backed up a few feet, suddenly aware that I didn't have any weapons.

They closed the distance. "Hey, we just want to welcome you to the City of Light. Nothing sketchy, I swear." He gave a calming grin.

"No offense, but I don't know you. Why'd you bring me here? Where's the rest of my people?"

"Get in and we'll inform you of anything you want to know." The girl demanded.

Her brother gave her a look. "Way to make her feel safe, Talia."

She rolled her eyes. "We don't have time for pleasantries. We have a full schedule for the rest of the evening and I'm planning on keeping it."

"You two are in charge?"

"Please forgive my sister, she has to work on her rapport. I'm Evan." He held out his hand.

"What do you want with me? Why'd you kidnap me from my home?"

Talia scowled. "That wasn't your home. This is where you belong. You should be thankful."

I glared at her, taking a few steps toward her. "You take me from my people and you expect me to be thankful? I don't know you from Eve. I want answers, but I'm not getting in that car with you."

She smirked at me. "You have a little fight in you. I'm not surprised. We could use you in the company."

Evan stepped in. "Leave us alone for a second." He nodded at the driver in the front seat of the black car. He glanced at his flashy watch and my hands immediately searched for my dad's. "How about we go get some lunch?"

Panic rose. Where was it? What if I dropped it when I'd been taken? What if I never saw it again? I walked onto the black cement, determined to find the only thing left of my father's, the only thing connecting me to Bellamy.

Hands wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me to a hardened chest as a car blared it's horn. My heart thudded rapidly as I met Evan's green eyes. He looked concerned as he let me go.

"You really need to pay attention, Clarke. This world isn't the same as you're used to."

"There you are!" Sterling ran up to us, out of breath. "I kept calling your name."

Talia acknowledged him. "We were just getting to know Clarke." She cracked a smile at him.

Sterling grinned at her shyly, then met my eyes. "Are you okay?"

I ran my hand through my hair as I looked around me. "Where's Bellamy? Is my mom here?"

"No." Sterling answered. "It's just us."

"How could you be okay with that?"

He shrugged. "Look around, Clarke. This is bigger than us. We weren't meant to become Grounders and we would've if we stayed out there."

"Bellamy risked his life saving all of us and you didn't even think to reach out to us? To let us know there was something else out there?"

"Don't blame him." Talia interfered. "It's not up him who gets to come here."

I huffed. "Then who do I need to talk to? I need to get back to my people."

"I'm afraid that's not possible." She said.

I looked to Evan. He seemed to be the more reasonable one. "What if I don't want to live here? You can't keep me against my will. The last group that tried to didn't make it out alive."

Talia nodded. "We heard about that. So what do you feel up for? I'm thinking Thai."

I sighed again. What other choice did I have? The sooner I got answers the sooner I'd be able to figure out how to get back home.

BELLAMY'S POV:

"It's been hours. Please tell me we have something?" I asked Finn.

"I'm trying, but it's been days since she was last here." He sighed, meeting my eyes. "The only thing I can suggest is we set out and don't come back until we find her."

My neck felt tense, I reached back to massage it.

"That's the best I've got. It doesn't have to be a lot of us. Probably just Kane or Abby. One of them has to stay behind. And Lexa."

My head snapped up. "No way. The three of us and Kane. That's all we need."

He looked confused. "In case you haven't noticed we could use the muscle."

Eli coughed under his breath.

"Not that we don't already have some," He clarified. "But in this world, more helps."

I nodded. Lexa would demand to come anyway when she found out.

"Sure."

We set out for the long search ahead of us, nearing the Dead Zone fairly quickly. Luckily, the sun was setting soon. I could feel my skin cracking under the intense heat. The light chatter amongst the group did little to distract me. Every thought I had was consumed with worry over Clarke. I didn't know whether she was safe, scared, or alive. I didn't know if I'd ever find her again. These last few days without her made it abundantly clear that I couldn't do this without her. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She made me care. She saved me from becoming a Grounder. Now all of that didn't mean anything because she was gone.

As the sun set I couldn't help but play the argument over and over in my head. I'd been so angry, felt so betrayed. I had a right to be, but I also didn't have to be an ass about it. If I had just heard her out...

Kane strode beside me. "You okay?"

"No."

Silence stretched between us.

"You will be. We're going to find her." He patted me on the back.

I glanced at him, wondering why he decided to be there for me all of a sudden. "What's your angle, Kane?"

His forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you here? Why are you being so nice? I don't need your pity."

He shook his head. "It's nothing like that. I just...I see myself in you. We were similar when I was your age."

"I doubt that." I looked ahead.

"No, it's true. I had someone I was serious about and I lost her because of a poor decision. For a long time, I didn't know how to deal with that, so I focused on enforcing the laws on the Ark. That was all I had."

I eyed him. "What did you do to lose her?"

He sighed with a faraway look in his eyes. "I cheated on her. When I went to tell her she already decided our fate. I couldn't get her to talk to me. It became too hard and I stopped trying eventually. One of the biggest mistakes of my life."

"I'm sorry, but you and I are nothing alike." I looked him in the eyes, again feeling something familiar about them.

He stared back, face a calm mask. "We're more alike that you realize, Bellamy."

I scoffed. "Why don't you keep your stories to yourself, Kane. I'm not going to make the same mistake you did. I love her. I would never cheat on her."

He nodded to himself before giving me some space.

CLARKE'S POV:

The three of us sat at a table closest to the exit, per Evan's request. The two of them sat across from me. Never have I heard of Thai food, which I was told was from Thailand, which I wasn't sure existed anymore. According to Evan it was spicy and spicy was good.

"You'll come to learn there's a lot to experience here. I'm sure that you haven't expanded your taste buds in your lifetime." Evan thanked the waitress for bringing our drinks.

I inspected my juice, then brought the glass to my lips. The sweet tangy pineapple puree went down nicely, I finished it all in a few gulps.

"You've never had juice before?" Talia asked, she sipped her sweet tea with lemon.

"There wasn't enough resources to have that luxury." I surveyed the restaurant again, hoping by some miracle I'd see familiar faces. I touched my neck again, feeling the raw skin proving that this wasn't some bad dream.

"I need some answers. Why'd you kidnap me instead of just talking? I assume it was you that took me."

Talia typed rapidly on her phone. Evan met my eyes. "Actually, it wasn't us. We don't handle the dirty work. No offense."

They looked over my shoulder, a grin on Evan's face and a mildly content look on Talia's. I turned to see a younger version of them headed our way. Instead of dark brown hair he had sandy brown hair, both sides buzzed short, the top a neat short cut. Unlike his siblings he wore casual clothes, all black everything. His pants snug enough that they weren't baggy and his fitted buttoned down v-neck hung loose enough that you could clearly see he was in shape. He wasn't too buff, the perfect amount of muscle. A light stubble peppered his face, his chin dipping into a cleft like Bellamy's.

He grinned at his siblings, then turned his crystal blue eyes on me, recognition in them. He sat down next to me, his thigh touching mine. A masculine cologne overtook me. "Aiden." He held out his hand.

I shook it, feeling the calluses on his palm. He seemed to be the type to handle dirty business. "It was you." I pulled my hand away.

"Yeah." He looked me in the eyes. "I'm glad you're okay."

I moved my leg away from his. "You wanted me here." I stared at Talia and Evan. "Why?"

"We told you, Clarke. You shouldn't be living out there like savages."

"You mean like Grounders. In case you hadn't noticed we've made it on our own for months now. We only had ourselves. It wasn't easy. You've let the Grounders live there without any interference. Why?" I leaned forward on my elbows. "Were they too far gone for your society to be "saved"? Were you afraid of them? Afraid they'd ruin it? Or take it over?"

Talia pursed her lips. "Yes. We have tried before, a generation or two ago and the Commander at the time didn't want any part of our city. We've left them alone since."

"And you don't think Lexa wouldn't want her people to have better? That was another time, another Commander. What makes my life any more important than theirs?"

They looked at each other, tension in the air. I looked at Evan for the answer, hoping he'd just tell me the truth, but he didn't say anything.

Aiden turned toward me, his clear blue eyes honest as he sighed. "You need time to get used to the city. We don't want to overwhelm you right now."

My forehead creased. "How courteous of you."

His eyes held worry. "I think it'd be in your best interest for us to discuss this later." Promise thick in his voice.

I couldn't count on that promise, but somehow I caved. "Fine."

The waitress refilled my glass.

"I'll have my usual." He told her.

She scurried away.

"I need to contact my people, let them know I'm okay. I'm assuming you have a radio system." I pointed to the ceiling, which was playing a mix of eclectic songs. I thought of Bellamy and my mom. A wave of sadness washed over me. Our fight was bad. "Well, most of my people, anyway."

Aiden touched his knee to mine again. This time I didn't move away, a tiny bit grateful for the contact that seemed was aimed to comfort me, but then I moved mine away, remembering he was the one that took me.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. No one enters the city without our say so." Talia informed.

My annoyance rose. "Then give them the say so. Obviously, you've been watching us if you know who I am."

"I'm sorry," Evan apologized. "We can't do that."

"And why not? You don't really expect me to stay here against my will, do you?"

"We can't let you leave, Clarke." Aiden inforced. He touched my shoulder.

My hand grabbed the knife in front of me and before anyone could object it was pressed against his throat. "_Don't _touch me."

His eyes held no sign of fear, only arrogance, assurance that I wouldn't actually hurt him.

"Don't you dare hurt him." Talia threatened.

A few patrons stirred.

"Or what?" My eyes locked on Aiden's. "Are you going to kick me out?" I asked her.

Aiden smirked, clearly amused by me. "Put the knife down, Griffin."

"Please," Evan pleaded, worry in his voice.

I removed the knife, making sure to leave a trail of blood so they knew I wasn't playing around. Talia glared at me. Evan looked relieved. Aiden wiped the blood on his dark pants.

"I see that you need to learn your place." Talia tapped her french manicured nails on her glass of tea.

"I don't belong here." My voice rose. "Your attempts to keep me here will fail. I'll find a way back to my people. I always do."

Her perfect eyebrow arched in disdain. "That's endearing of you to presume that, but you won't slip from our fingers that easily. Our security is very competent."

The waitress arrive to our table with our food balancing on her arms, a concentrated look in her eyes. As she placed Aiden's down, another fell onto Evan's lap. She gasped, clearly embarrassed that she wasted food on a big shot of the city.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Wyatt."

"How inept can you be?" Talia hissed. "I'd like to speak with your manager."

Talia's authority obviously made the girl feel inferior, tears brimmed in her eyes.

Evan stopped dabbing at his suit to meet her eyes, a kind smile in place. "It's okay. It was an accident, right?"

She nodded quickly, blinking her tears away before brushing off the remaining crumbs off his suit with a rag. "I'm so so sorry. Can I get you anything else?" She stammered, avoiding his eyes.

He grabbed her hand, catching her gaze. "Honestly, it's okay. Just another order for me. Make it to go, please." He let go of her hand and she fled in a daze, obviously intimidated by his handsome looks. I assumed she just started this job, being that she didn't appear at all confident in her ability to take orders and serve food.

He typed on his phone.

Talia scoffed with a roll of her eyes. She stood, typing on her phone. "You really need to knock this Mr. Nice act. If someone is incompetent at their profession they should be reprimanded. How do you expect to run the business when Dad's gone?" She stalked out of the restaurant. Both brothers sighed.

"Apologies. My sister can be a bit..." Evan grappled for a word.

"Of a bitch?" I supplied.

Aiden laughed. "That's a bit of an understatement." He flicked a piece of rice off the table at his brother. Evan gave him a stern look, but I could tell he was trying not to find it amusing. "Dig in, Griffin. You don't know what you're missing."

I eyed my food. It looked strange. A mixture of meat, vegetables, and noodles covered in some type of sauce or soup. I didn't think my stomach would agree with that.

Aiden forked some food off my plate. "If you won't eat any, I'll just take it."

A bald man approached the table, a mask of professionalism about him. He handed Evan a long black bag.

"Thank you, Gordon." He rose. "I'll be back."

I watched him leave, realizing I was left along with Aiden, the man who kidnapped me. He cut his eye at me. "What do you want to do today? There's a lot to do here, a lot that you've never experienced."

I stayed silent, deciding that ignoring him would be best. He stared at me until I finally met his gaze. "What?" I demanded.

He leaned closer, clearly having no problem invading my space. "You're going to have to be around me, so get used to the idea."

I couldn't help the scowl on my face. "I don't have to get used to anything." I made my way to the door, making it to the nearest crosswalk before he grabbed my arm, pulling me to him. His clear blue eyes glared into mine while his cologne engulfed me. I noticed how much he towered over me, much more than Bellamy did. The sunlight glinted off a tiny silver hoop in the top of his right ear.

"You can hate me all you want, but I can't let you leave."

I yanked my arm away from his burning grasp and unknowingly turned into traffic, horns blaring at me, drivers cursing. He snatched me back to his chest. His eyes burned.

"That's another thing, you need to learn the rules of the city before you get yourself killed." He barked.

"What do you care?"

"I brought you here, didn't I?"

I huffed. "You can't keep me here!"

He rubbed the back of his neck and took a few steps away. "Clarke, I know you don't want to be here and I'm the reason you are, I get that." His voice softened. "But you're meant to be here."

"Huh?" Curiosity filled me.

His eyes looked tired. "Nevermind."

We turned at Evan's presence. He wore a new suit. "Everything okay?"

Aiden raised his brow at me. "Is it?"

I'd play their game for now, but as soon as I got the chance I'd make a run for it. How hard could it be?

BELLAMY'S POV:

The next morning we headed out after sleeping against a dune. If we ran into my sister and everyone else I would be pleased. The odds of that happening today seemed slim.

My body ached, my throat rubbed together from thirst. My calves burned. It was undeniably exhausting to trek through the desert, the sand making it hard to move very fast. I'd do this a billion times over if I had to. Clarke was worth more than anything I had to endure. Regrettably, my mind was getting away from me. I needed to find her, but I wasn't going to go full Finn.

My eyes found him walking alongside Eli. I didn't know what it was about him, but something was definitely different. He seemed more disciplined, calmer, and happier. Eli said something and he snorted. I wasn't partial to Finn, he was in love with my girl, and he was her first. There was always going to be a part of me that was jealous. Looking at him now, he seemed content. It surprised me that I was glad he had someone in his time away that helped him out. He served as a cautionary tale. Finn wasn't a bad guy, more of a pacifist than the rest of us, he just had a breakdown. What we all went through, I'd say he was entitled to it. Granted, he definitely didn't have to kill all those Grounders. Even then, he wasn't so different than the rest of us, than Murphy. We all did what we had to and the Grounders would do worse if they had to.

I walked up to them, striding next to Eli. He towered over me. "Thanks again for helping us out." I told them both.

"Not a problem." Eli grinned. "As long as you don't make a habit out of losing Clarke, we're good."

I cracked a smile. "I don't plan on it. When I get her back she's not leaving my sight."

"He's serious, too." Finn told him.

Eli spoke in Trigedasleng, Finn almost keeled over in laughter, clutching his stomach. Eli gazed at him with admiration and something a lot like desire.

They weren't, were they? I mean, not that I objected, but Finn was in love with Clarke. Wasn't he? I thought back to when I told him about Clarke, he didn't seem all that upset, he just looked at Eli and was pretty calm about it. I suppose I could chalk it up to the three months of separation and him learning from his mistakes. I watched them, realizing I had yet to really pick up the Grounder language, which was pretty much slanged English. I also realized I hadn't seen Finn this happy before, even around Clarke, who used to worry the hell out of him.

"What were you training for?" I asked him.

Eli's strides became longer and soon he was out of hearing distance and began talking with Lexa. I turned to Finn.

He sighed. "It was physical therapy."

My brow rose. "What for?"

He stared straight ahead, his body stiff. For a few moments he was silent. Finally, he spoke, "I tried to kill myself." Shame thick in his voice.

What could I say to that? He didn't want my pity.

"Pathetic, right?"

"Considering what you've been through, what we've all been through, I wouldn't-"

"You mean what I've done, what we've all done." He replaced quiltily.

I nodded. "Hey," I exhaled. "You're still here though. There's a reason for that. You didn't give up."

He stared after Eli, deep in thought. If he did feel something for Eli, I wondered if he scared to admit it?

"It's none of my business, but it seems you have Eli to thank for that."

He looked at me with hesitant puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah, I'm not blind. There's something there, right?"

His face blushed as he looked away. "I'm not quite sure."

I nodded. "Well, if something's going to happen you might have to be the one to make the move. He still thinks you're into Clarke."

"He doesn't."

"You sure?"

He met my eyes. "No."

A loud noise came from ahead, sending us flying back. A black smoke cloud filled the sky as sand rained down.

"No." Finn crawled away as he stumbled toward Eli, who laid clutching his right leg to his chest. His face shrewd in agony, but he didn't make a sound.

Lexa brushed off her clothes, ignoring her minor arm wound.

Kane searched around us, looking for a suspect as I rose. "Bellamy, you okay?" He asked, checking me over.

"Yeah, you?" I walked toward him, coughing from the smoke.

He nodded.

"Finn, is he okay?" I called.

"Nobody move!" Lexa commanded, her head bleeding from the roots of her hair light brown hair. "I thought this might be a problem. The land is mined."

My temper flared.

"You knew about this and you still let us come this way?" Finn demanded, his face unbelieving as he held Eli to his side.

She assessed him. "We have to find Clarke, we have to do what we have to do. I'd expect _you _of all people to understand that."

His face paled. She left him speechless. He focused on Eli, who had all his limbs in tact, but it looked like he had a minor gash in his leg. Finn took off his shirt and made a tourniquet out of it. Eli trained his eyes away from Finn's chest. I cracked a grin.

"I have to take him back." Finn announced.

"What?" Eli and I demanded.

"I'm fine." Eli pulled away from him only to tumble to the ground. "Really, I'm okay." He said flippantly.

"No, you're not." Finn helped him up. "I'm sorry, Bellamy."

Lexa cautiously stepped forward. "If you leave you can forget about your pardon."

Woah.

We all turned toward her in disbelief.

"That's not fair."

She shot a glare at me. "This is none of your business."

I started forward, but Kane halted me. "Finn's my people, so it is my business. He's apart of our society. If not for his attempts at peace in the beginning who knows how many of either of our people would be dead." She knew I was right. "Besides, you don't want Clarke to hate you."

She sneered at me.

"I'm okay to go," Eli assured everyone.

It wasn't like he was fatally injured, but the way Finn reacted you'd think he was on his death bed.

"We have to keep going. We have to find Clarke." Eli told him.

"Now we just have to find the rest of the landmines." Kane said.

I met his eyes. "Great."

Hope yall like it! I know I said I'd have it up by Sunday, it's 1 am so...Hope yall like the CoL dynamics.


	17. Bellarke Back Together info

Apologies for Bellarke being split up for the last few chapters. I like to add complications to my fics and having them together every chapter isn't as exciting as having them take a break, so bare with me please. They'll be back together shortly. I know some of you may be annoyed that they're not together and that I write other pov's a lot, but that's how I do my fics. All I can say is I have plans and a lot of things already mapped out and I hope yall enjoy them with me :) Thanks for reading! And I will say it'll probably be two or three chapters before they meet up again, so if you want to wait for a few chapters I won't blame yall lol. There could be a chance that they meet before the next two or three chapters, but I wouldn't bet on it. Hope yall having a nice "spring" so far.


	18. If You Wait

Please forgive any mistakes, I've been writing this since this evening and I wanted to get this up for yall. Someone pointed out that I add too many chapters that aren't actually chapters. I do apologize for that and I try to add what I need to before and after on actual chapters, but sometimes I think of things that I feel need to be said so I post them. Anyway, I rushed this so yall wouldn't have to wait until Sunday. Hope yall enjoy it.

ALSO, I promise that nothing serious is going to happen between Clarke and Aiden and that bellarke will be reunited soon. I need to focus on the newcomers a bit more then they'll be back together again.

The song for this chapter is London Grammar's If You Wait watch?v=1tPJop68okA

This is the bellarke fan vid for the chapter watch?v=nvAFMdWgzks

CLARKE'S POV:

We walked down the sidewalk in silence. I didn't know Aiden. I didn't trust him. There was nothing to talk about, yet I had all these questions. Being that I was stubborn, I kept quiet. I'd ask Evan later. Not that I trusted him, but I got the impression he was an honest man. Aiden on the other hand reeked of trouble.

He pulled me into a nearby store, his touch burned. I looked at his hand with an intense glare. He removed it with caution. "So uptight, Griffin." He headed for a rack of dark tinted glasses. Sunglasses, I'd seen them in movies before. He handed me a pair of pink tinted glasses with a gold frame before plopping a pair of the same on his face.

I eyed it. I'd never worn them before and I didn't need to now.

"Lighten up, no pun intended." He grinned.

I gave him a look.

"You're right," His face fell. "That was bad. Seriously, though." He placed the sunglasses over my eyes. "You need to loosen up. You made it to the city. It's time to have fun." His clear blue eyes dared mine.

"I don't really like you, so that's going to be kind of hard."

He laughed. "Believe me, I understand." His pants started to ring. He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He stared at me as he answered. "Hey, Carly. What's up?"

My eyes rolled. Was he trying to back me jealous? We just met, there was nothing to be jealous about. Besides he was such an ass for bringing me here, taking me away from everyone, from Bellamy. My heart ached for him, I just wanted to see him again.

"Griffin, you want to go to a party later?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I want."

"Great. That's the spirit." He spoke into the phone as I turned to the rack of sunglasses. I didn't like the one he put on me. They were too feminine, too dainty. I grabbed a pair of black ones that I didn't really like, but they were better than the pink ones.

He hung up the phone, reached over my shoulder and handed me a black pair with black circle frames. Hesitation set in. They weren't really my style. Then again, I hadn't really ever had a choice in the matter, I wore what was available, what was given to me. So I put them on and looked at Aiden with a questioning look.

"Looks like you."

"You don't even know me." I turned away and picked out a new pair for him and handing them to him.

"I know more about you than you realize." He headed toward the register.

"How could I forget you're a stalker?"

He made a disapproving face. "For lack of better word, I guess I am."

I could tell the thought unsettled him as he handed the guy behind the counter a plastic card. How does a plastic card make a bartering system? It was plastic. It had no monetary value.

The guy swiped it through a machine, then handed it back to him. "Alright, yall have a nice day."

We walked outside, back into the mayhem. He took in my confusion. "Oh, right." He handed me the card, a picture of cats on it, the bottom read his full name. "Credit cards. Didn't you have to learn about earth's history in space?"

My sunglasses proved to be of use. "Thanks for the glasses and of course we did, but some things were selective. Well, most things. We learned Earth skills and Biology and whatnot, but very little History. What use would knowing your money system serve us when we wouldn't get a chance to use it?"

He nodded as he reached into his other back pocket and pulled out a small package. He handed me a piece of something wrapped in foil. "It's like teaching a child." He teased.

I snatched it from him, finding some rubbery rectangle inside covered in white ash.

"It's gum. For when your breath taste nasty or stinks."

A wave of self-consciousness washed over me. "Why are you giving it to me? Does my breath smell?"

"It's just a nice gesture, nothing more."

I didn't believe it. No one gave anything for free and expected nothing in return. At least, not on the ground.

"You're skeptical, I would be, too. You have absolutely no reason to trust us, to trust me, but you will eventually."

"You're pretty confident for a guy with a cut on his neck." I glanced at it, my eyes moving down to his Adam's apple, finding it odd that something protruding from one's neck could be attractive. Maybe that's why it was named after the original sinner, a man mislead by temptation.

"It'll heal."

His phone buzzed again.

"Who keeps calling you?"

He shook his head with a grin. "Not every time my phone beeps does it mean someone's calling. Here," He handed it to me, swiping at the screen. "You can text someone," He took in my creased forehead. "Meaning you can message them instead of talking over the phone. It's what most of us prefer. You can play games, listen to music, read, surf the internet. Simple stuff."

I cut my eye at him. "Yeah, simple for you. You grew up around this stuff. We had technology on the Ark, but nothing like this." I tapped the screen, opening up his messages. Carly's was the first name.

"Uh, I would tread lightly if I were you. You might see something you don't want to see."

As usual, he lost me. I was curious as to what they talked about. For all I know, she could be his girlfriend and she could get jealous at us spending time together. I didn't have time for drama. A picture of his... "Oh my God." I shoved the phone to chest. "Why?"

He laughed. "I told you."

"I didn't know you meant that." My face felt hot. "Why was it...you know?"

He grinned cheekily. "Why it is pierced?"

I nodded, meeting his eyes, finding amusement. "That's not normal. I mean, didn't it hurt? Why would you even want to do that?"

He looked ahead, his dark brow rose. "I could show you why I got it, but somehow I don't think that'd be appropriate."

I glared at him.

"I'm only kidding." He glanced at me and leaned in. "Seriously, I got it on a drunken dare. I'm not going to lie, it was a dumbass mistake," He leaned away with a grin. "But I haven't gotten any complaints about it."

I made a face. "Who would want to willingly put that in their...you know."

"In their vagina?" He whispered like it was some big secret. "Why don't you ask Carly when we meet her at the club."

"Club? I thought it was a party?"

"Plans change. Rule number one of the city, people actually have social lives. We can go to the club, the movies, shopping," He gave me a once over. "I would ask Talia to help you, seeing as you two get along so well, but I'll just take you. You can't go to a club dressed like that."

My eyes surveyed my clothes. "What's wrong with what I have on?" On the Ark, we wore whatever we had to dances.

"Let's just say, you could look a whole lot hotter if you want to have some fun. Guys will line up to hook up with you."

I cleared my throat. "That won't be a problem, I have a boyfriend." Sadness engulfed me.

"Why so sad, Princess?"

I snapped on him. "_Don't _call me that ever again."

He looked taken aback. "Okay, sorry. Didn't mean anything by it."

Somehow, I felt guilty. "No, I'm sorry. It's just we broke up right before you...took me..." How had I grown comfortable with him so fast that I forgot he was the reason I was stuck here?

He looked intently at his phone. "We should get you a phone, you're going to need one."

I laughed. "It's not like I have anyone here I want to keep in contact with, no offense."

"Offense taken."

"I just don't want to owe you anything."

"Relax, we don't expect you to give us anything in return. We're going to take care of you, set you up so you're comfortable." He grinned. "Don't look so enthusiastic."

I stayed quiet, knowing it would dampen the mood, but I didn't care.

"Do you want to talk about it, about him?"

"By the looks of it, you two were having a few problems."

I shot him a cautious look.

"Sorry. What happened?"

"I need to take a few minutes to myself. Can we go back to where I woke up?"

"No need. I live not too far from here. You can shower there, take a nap, whatever."

There was a doorman standing in front of the tall building. He greeted us professionally. The lobby for this place was ten times nicer than what I was in before. People with their noses held high colored the lobby, some walking out, some chatting with others all prim and proper, much like Talia.

"Come on." Aiden tugged me towards an elevator. He pressed the top floor.

I gave him a look. "You live in the penthouse suite?"

He shrugged, as if his status didn't mean anything. "You going to judge me for it?"

Was that what I'd been doing? I hadn't mean to.

A few people got on the elevator, I moved into the corner next to Aiden. He pushed my sunglasses on the top of my head. "You look like a hipster."

"A what?"

He typed on his phone and showed me pictures of girls in mismatch clothes.

"I look nothing like them. They are clearly trying too hard."

The door opened, in walked a tall blonde on her phone. Aiden shielded his face.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to him.

He grabbed my hand. I tore away and elbowed him in the ribs.

He shot me a look. "I need her to not see me."

"Kind of hard not to."

His brow lifted in suggestion.

Gross. "No. You're so tall, it's hard not to notice you, pervert."

He grinned.

When the doors opened to the top floor he grabbed my hand and scooted out of the elevator as fast as he could.

"Aiden!" The blonde girl called.

He pulled me down the hall without a word. We stopped at the only door in the hallway. "Here we are." He stepped aside.

I entered, my mouth nearly hitting the floor. The first thing I noticed were the floor to ceiling windows. The floors were grey marble, the furniture white with mahogany frames. I spun around, taking in the high ceiling. The kitchen held stainless steel appliances.

"It's not much, but it's home. For the most part."

I turned to him in disbelief. "This place is amazing. I've never been inside something this nice." My hands ran over the smooth cold granite counter tops.

He looked a little embarrassed. "The guest room is up the stairs and to the right."

"Thank you." I nodded. Instead of going to scrape the crud off, I neared the windows. "Can I?" I turned back to him.

He nodded.

I pushed my way out of the sliding glass door. The air was crisper up here. Flowers littered various spots of the roof along with a few chairs. There was a large bathtub.

"Why would you want to shower out here? I know no one can see you, but still." I asked him.

He went to the tub and turned it in. "It's a hot tub, Clarke."

I looked him over. His mood dropped ever since we got here. Maybe he was thinking about the blonde in the elevator.

"That makes sense." I neared the end of the roof, my hands resting on the balcony as I gazed out at the skyline. Everything looked so tiny from up here, like none of it mattered. That's when I realized for a few moments I let myself forget that this wasn't the real world, that I didn't grow up in this, and that I had people that I had to get back to. "I'm going to go take a shower, probably a nap." I looked at him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I'll bring you a change of clothes."

I headed for the entrance. "Thank you."

The room was equally as impressive as downstairs. I opened the glass door and stepped inside the shower, which had multiple shower heads with amazing water pressure. A laugh built up in me. If my mom could see me now. If Bellamy could see me now. My laugh turned into a hysterical sobbing as I sank to the cold blue tiled floor, my hand trailing along the tiled wall.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

Indra held me back. "Let me go!" I fought her off. "I have to help him." Tears blurred my vision.

"How are you going to find him down there? You can't even swim." She told turned me to her.

I was done with the tough love, with the warrior's sacrifice spiel. "I don't care."

"Octavia." Jaha called me. He looked stunned, looked guilty. "You don't even know what's down there."

My hands wiped the tears away as I charged him, knocking him on his side and began giving him what he deserved. Indra pulled me back, but I pushed her off. "This is _your_ fault! _You're_ the reason he was here in the first place, you filled his head with hope, but your goddamn city doesn't exist!"

Indra yanked me back by my neck. "Control yourself!"

"Why?" I tore her hands away. "We're going to die anyway, the boats going to sink!"

My feet were knocked from under me, my head hit the edge of the boat. I groaned.

Jaha stood over me, his face bloodied, eyes angry. He picked me up by my shirt. "You don't have any respect little girl. Let me show you some."

I recoiled, waiting for the blow, but instead I was thrown off the boat. Mid air my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I hit the water, sinking fast. My limbs thrashed about, not helping me survive at all. Panic set in as I screamed. Creatures swimmed by me, mostly harmless fish, but I knew that shark couldn't have gone too far.

There was no perception of time down here. All I knew was cold and death. There was no sign of Murphy, nothing to lead me to believe he made it. If I could go back, I'd let him know sooner that his feelings weren't one sided, that he wasn't alone in them. As I sunk deeper into the dark my vision blurred, my oxygen decreased as I went in and out of consciousness. This was it. My limbs wouldn't carry me to the surface, as if they'd given up before I did. If I were being honest, I could let go now. My eyes closed shut as I waited for peace.

Arms wrapped around me, swaying me from side to side.I was so close to the edge when there was a heavy pressure on my stomach. My eyes flashed open as I coughed up salt water, I rolled on my side. Rocks poked into my already sore muscles, I gritted my teeth. My eyes took in the land, a coast that I hadn't spotted earlier.

Indra stood over me, panting. I attempted to stand on my feet, but slipped on the wet rocks. No sign of Murphy anywhere.

"Why'd you do that?" I hissed.

She grunted. "I don't even know anymore."

I layed there, there defeated. "I was ready to die."

She grabbed me up and threw me a few feet back. A serious scowl on her face. "You are weak."

I threw my hands up.

"Because I care?"

"Because you let your love for that boy dictate how you react in survival." She came out me, sword swinging.

I ducked out of the way in the time to only take a slice on my shoulder. "What are you doing?" I backed away. "You want me to fight you?"

"I risked my life for yours, now I'm making sure you deserved it." She came at me.

"I didn't have any weapons." She knew that.

She scowled. "Then you're learned nothing from me."

My hands desperately grabbed a pair of rocks, knowing that it would pale in comparison to her sword. Mine must've floated away in the water. On instinct, I aimed the rocks at her feet, hoping to fracture someting. She grunted, seemingly unaffected by the action.

I sank to my knees.

She dropped her sword, sympathy in her eyes for the first time ever. "I was you once, Octavia. Misguided and full of potential. Like you, I let a boy control my actions. He died in battle and instead of using it as a lesson, I held onto that grief and it almost destroyed me."

The moment played over in my head. How easily he'd given up after I finally admitted I was in love with him, like that made it okay to let go. If anything, it should've made him want to fight. Anger filled me. I was so angry with him. How could he do this to me? Make me fall in love with him and just leave me? Fresh tears sprung to my eyes.

Indra stepped forward.

I stepped back. "I keep losing people I love. My mom, Lincoln, and now John." My hand clutched at my stomach. My heart clenched at his name. I knew I shouldn't have let him back in, I should've stayed focused. "Now, he's dead." I looked at her with lost eyes. "And I don't know how I'm supposed to move on from him like everything we had didn't matter."

She came to me, wrapping me in her arms. I hadn't felt anything so maternal since my mom was alive. I latched onto her, afraid if I let go I'd lose the support that was keeping me together.

"I'm tough on you because I have to be. I know you can take it. You're just like me. That's how I know you're going to bounce back from this." She sighed. "I know that I tell you that love makes you weak, but it makes you stronger. You're incredibly brave, especially for a sky person."

A laugh broke through my tears at hearing her speak highly of me. "Thank you, Indra. Not just for teaching me, but for giving me a chance."

She pulled away to look at me, pride in her eyes. "I didn't give you a chance, it was you that didn't give me a choice."

A bead of pride filled me as I wiped away my tears. I told myself I could do this. _I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. _

When I ready I met her eyes. "What happened to everyone else? Jaha? That pompous ass tried to kill me.

She cracked a grin. "They shouldn't be too far."

BELLAMY'S POV:

"We have to turn back." Finn yelled. "He's losing too much blood."

"I said no!" Lexa sneered.

"We don't have a choice anymore." I added.

"If we continue, we could die." Kane reasoned.

"If we go back, we could die." She shot back. "We don't even know when the mindfield started. We could've been walking in it this whole time. We can't turn back."

I looked to Kane for the answer. I wanted to find Clarke no matter what, whatever it took, but dying trying to find her didn't help anybody.

He stared at me intently, his eyes knowing. He turned to Lexa. "We won't do Clarke any good if we get ourselves killed."

Lexa wasn't budging.

"I know another way, besides we don't even know that she'd in this direction." Eli added.

Lexa nodded. "Fine. Everyone watch your step."

We wasted half the day turning around. Finn checked Eli's leg regularly, letting me know the bleeding stopped. When nightfall came we built a fire. We ate silently, eating as scarcely as possible, not knowing how long we'd be out here.

I went to check Eli's leg, hoping I watched Clarke do it enough to mimic her practice. Unraveling the bandage alone made me want to gag. He winced.

"I'm afraid, I'll have to cauterize it without any antibiotics." I told him.

"Wait, won't it get infected?"

I met Finn's eyes. "I don't know.

He nodded. "It's probably already infected." He looked at Eli with concerned eyes.

None of us commented on the sweat beading on his skin. It could've been for exhaustion, but it the temperatures were dropping.

Eli gave Finn a half grin. "I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me."

I placed my knife over the fire, watching them interact.

"I don't think I like this role reversal."

Eli chuckled. "Fine by me. You can be my doctor."

Finn's face turned beet red.

Eli and I laughed at his embarrassment.

"I'm only joking."

I took my knife off the fire and placed it onto the blood caked gash. The skin sizzled and the smell of burning flesh filled the air, but Eli didn't make a sound. His jaw clenched, his hand squeezed Finn's as he looked forward with a determination.

Honestly, I didn't want to burn his leg to a crisp, but I didn't know how long to leave it on for. I thought ten seconds would do, but fifteen could be safer, or twenty just to make sure.

Finn yanked my hand away after twenty, angry at me for causing Eli pain.

"Thank you." Eli gave me a tight grin.

I nodded and rose.

"Hey," Finn called. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah."

He gave Eli a reassuring nod before we headed out a few yards away. I waited for him to start, already knowing what this was about.

"So," He turned toward me. "What's going on with you and the Commander?"

I scowled. "She kissed Clarke."

He laughed.

"You think that's funny?"

He shook his head. "It just seems that Clarke always has more than one admirer. She's enticing like that." He held up his hands in surrender when I gave him a look. "Woah, you don't have to worry about me, I swear."

"Are you strictly dickly?" I asked with a grin.

He bursted out in laughter. I only ever seen him laugh like that with Eli.

"I don't know."

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? I know you don't give a damn about me and Lexa."

Amusement left his face. "Look, I need you to do something for me, Bellamy." He turned toward me.

My brow arched. "Like what?"

He sighed. "I need you to kiss me."

I stared at him blankly, gauging if he was serious, and he was. "I don't think I can help you out with that one."

He looked defeated. "I feel like I have to classify what I am now and I don't know what that is anymore."

Everyone went through not knowing who they were, and while I didn't have a problem admitting I'd been with a guy before, I wasn't going to kiss Finn to see if he liked men. He had to have this conversation with Eli.

"Look, you have feelings for him and it's so obvious to everyone but him that it's mindblowing. I understand that you're worried that it's not real and if you tell him and things don't work out then you'd lose him, but that's a risk you're going to have to take some time. It doesn't have to be tonight, but the sooner you tell him the better."

He sighed, looked at the sky, and then back at me. "I don't want to hurt him. He's all I have."

"That's not true."

He tried to fight his smile. "This isn't supposed to be happening."

I shrugged. "Well...I hate Lexa more than I dislike you, so."

We laughed and continued to walk.

"There's something else," He looked nervous. "Well, I've never been with a guy before."

"Finn, I'm not having sex with you."

He laughed. "I'm not asking you to, I just wanted, I don't know, some advice or something."

I relaxed. "Oh. I, um..." I racked my brain for advice. "Just do what feels right."

His eyes narrowed. "Thanks a bundle. That helps a lot."

I chuckled.

FINN'S POV:

Two months ago.

"Now the other leg." Eli instructed, both of his hands held in front of his chest, wanting me to kick them both.

I lowered my left leg with caution. "I can't." I groaned.

His green eyes urged me to keep going. "Yes, you can."

My head fell back on the makeshift pillow in exhaustion. "No, I can't. I'm sorry."

His shoulders sagged. "Don't apologize to me. It's you that has to live with it." He rubbed the back of his neck and stood from our bed.

"I know." I sighed. "You're disappointed." I looked up at him.

He surveyed me. "I'm not, I-just don't want you to sell yourself short. You're stronger than you realize."

My face couldn't fight the smile that took over or the confidence blooming in my chest. "Yeah?"

With a roll of his jade eyes he grinned before turning away from me. "Don't go getting a big head or anything." His dimples shown. As he headed for the exit he spoke in Trigedasleng. He wore a cocky smirk. "You don't even know what I said. When I get back I'm going to teach you a thing or two."

I wasn't sure if I thought he was flirting because I knew he was gay or if there was an actual innuendo in there somewhere. My face didn't seem to care, it heated regardless. "Uh...okay. Yeah, sure."

He laughed with a mocking look. "You're too fun play with."

I gave him a phony scowl. "Glad you think so."

He backed out of the tent.

With him gone I let myself relax, let myself think. No, thinking was out. If I left myself in my thoughts for too long I'd have to admit that I couldn't live without Eli and that I was starting to see him as something else. As what, I didn't know. All I knew was that when I laid next to him at night it was him that I thought about, not Clarke, not Raven. Just him.

"Look what we found,"

I looked to find Kai by the entrance with a few buddies. "Hey, you just missed Eli. He'll be back in a few."

They stepped inside with a scowls. "We're not here for Eli."

I scooched over on the bed. "Easy, I'm not looking for any trouble. Neither is Eli."

Kai sneered at me. "Don't say his name, skyboy."

"That's what this is about? You're jealous?"

His boys grabbed me from the bed and dropped me onto the hard ground, knocking the air out of me. My body ached before the inevitable hits that were about to come. Surely, they came. I was determined to not show them my pain as she kicked and punched at me.

"You think that Eli cares about _you_?" Kai grimaced. "He feels sorry for you."

I rolled onto my side, hoping that my back and stomach would take the brunt of the hits. "Then why are you here?" I spit blood.

He squatted in front of me, grabbing a fist full of my long locks. He yanked them hard enough to force me to meet his eyes. "I came to tell you that you need to leave, Finn." He emphasized my name.

"I don't have any place else to go." Shame dripped from my voice.

He leaned in closer. "Not my problem." He let go of my hair only to grabbed my face with one hand. "Eli isn't who you think he is and I'm not talking about him being gay. You need to leave."

I shook my head.

"Aww." He pouted. "You like him, don't you?" He chuckled with his friends "Well, joke's on you. He's taking care of you because he feels guilty, skyboy. He was the one to turn you into the Commander when you shot our family to bits." His gripped hardened on my face. "You don't think that I like coming down here to threaten you?" He gave a rotten dismissive look. "I don't, so if I find out that you're still down here I'll just kill you. Trust me, Eli would forget about your little time together. He'll come begging me to take him back." He took in my confusion eyes. "He didn't mention that I broke things off with him, did he?" He grinned before giving me a brief kiss on the mouth.

I spat at him.

He let me go. His boys weren't finished, all I could do was shield my head and bite my lip, trying to be brave. Everything ached, ten times worse than before they arrived. The two stopped their attack.

Kai stood over me with a satisfied smirk. "It's a shame, you're so pretty." He grinned, then proceeded to stomp my stomach. That time I cried out in pain.

They all left and I was bruised and beaten on the ground. What Kai said played in mind. I had to get out of here. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I had to get as far from here, from Eli, as possible. Tears stung my eyes. I didn't have anybody else.

Eli bursted through the entrance, out of breath, doubt in his eyes. He rushed to my side as I tried to stand. "I saw them leave. Oh, Finn. I'm so sorry." He grabbed a rag off the table. "I'm going to kill them."

"Just stop." I pushed his hands away. "I can do it on my own."

He looked taken aback. "I know you can, I wasn't suggesting you couldn't. You're badly injured."

"Yeah, because of you." I spat.

"Finn, I didn't put them up to this if that's what you think." He picked me up.

I threw his hands off, betrayal ebbing in me. "You did this to me! You lied to me!" I supported my weight on a nearby stool.

He shook his head, disbelief coloring his face. "No, I would never...I didn't-"

"You told the Commander about me." My tears spilled over. "That's why you're taking care of me. You feel guilty."

He stared at me with a pain look, not knowing what to say.

"If I was such a monster why didn't you let me die when you found me?"

"Because I saw you jump, Finn!" Anguish in his voice as he neared me. "I saw you escape your camp. I just wanted to apologize. I knew it was my fault." He blinked rapidly, his eyes glazing over. "When I caught up to you, I saw you...drop off the cliff. I didn't think you would be alive when I got to you, but you were. You don't understand how responsible I felt." He closed the distance between us. "So I brought you here, I had to." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

I took that in, thinking back to the night I tried to escape and he saved my life again. He talked about feeling responsible then, but I didn't think he meant this.

"If I could take it back I would, you have to believe me." His green eyes pleading.

My eyes fluttered, my chest hollow. "I don't know how to trust you right now. You told me that we were friends, but you were only indulging your guilt."

His thumb wiped at my tears, streaking them down my face. "Trust that I won't lie to you again." He took my hips in his strong hands, holding my weight. "We are friends." He surveyed my face, meeting my eyes. "I'm sorry for what Kai did to you, but don't let him get into your head. He's just protective."

I gave him a look. "No, he's jealous, Eli. He wants me gone from your life and I think he's right."

His grip tightened on my hips, not in a bad way. "He doesn't get a say about who's in my life anymore, we're not together."

"Because of him though. He broke things off, right?"

He rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Kai was my first, okay. Things didn't work out. He won't be my last." His gaze unwavering.

I cleared my throat. "Look, I want to stay, but I don't want to put us in this situation again."

He gave a tiny, relieved grin. "Let me take care of Kai." He swooped down and picked me up.

I hissed. "I'm sorry."

Our faces were closer than I realized when I met his eyes. Maybe I was turning into a girl, maybe that was why I blushed everything he looked at me with those promising jade eyes.

He smirked. "Let's get you washed up."

I laughed. "Okay."

CLARKE'S POV:

I sat there with my knees to my chest, my head on my crossed arms for who knew how long. The water beat down on me, at some point becoming too much pressure, but I didn't make a move to turn it off. My tears had dried up, there was nothing left to cry out.

My mind played over moments with Bellamy, focusing on when I first saw him on the Ark.

"_Come on, Wells," I playfully shoved his shoulder. "You need to go talk to her."_

_He laughed heartedly. "No, I don't think so."_

_My brow arched. "Why not? She's cute, she's smart, and she's into you. What have you got to lose?"_

_He shook his head. "If you like her so much then you go ask her out, Clarke." He stood and left me at the table with an unfinished game of chess. _

_What had I said? Wells was a great guy, he deserved someone equally as amazing. He was my best friend and I was just trying to help him out, so why did he get so upset?_

_I sighed. My eyes flitted up to the ceiling, sending a prayer to whoever was listening to help my confusing best friend. Maybe I pushed Wells so hard was because I lacked a love life and I knew he was capable of getting one, he was handsome._

"_Hey, Bellamy." A dark haired girl spoke as she walked past my table with a group of girls, grinning at a Guardsman. _

_He sat in the corner, eyes on a book about Earth skills. He looked up and gave her a heart-stealing grin, one not meant to steal hearts, but couldn't help it. "Hey, Roma."_

_She flitted out the cafeteria with her friends, giggling._

_He looked my way, eyes assessing me. His dark looks made me nervous. I wondered what he was reading about Earth skills for. If he was a Guardsman then he would've graduated by now, besides it wasn't like we would ever need to know those skills. He looked to be in his early twenties, manly features. _

_I gave him a tiny smile before looking down at the chess board. Wells had left the last play up to me. There was no point in making a move now, the game was over. I stood. _

_The whole way out I focused on not looking at the Guardsman. He was light years out of my league, not to mention on the Guard. I hadn't really had a boyfriend before. Even as a kid, I wanted to be my mom's side in the operating room. That's where I grew up, learning how to fix people. And all I had to show for it was respect for the council members and one friend. Wells. _

_A sigh left me._

_A couple ran past me, laughing and holding hands. I watched them, wishing I had something like that._

_The long haired boy stopped her to kiss her on the mouth. After a few moments she pushed him away only to drag him by the hand. "Finn" She grinned. "We have to make the lecture. Wick is going to be there and he always grabs a seat in the back to talk smack. I need to hear what Sinclair says if I want to pass the exam."_

"_Like you don't already know the manual front and back." He teased as she pulled him down the hall._

_I walked a little longer, my mind wandering. How long before I found what my mom and dad had?_

"_Hey," A hand grabbed my ass._

_I turned at the contact, some skeevy guy grinned at me. "Excuse you." I shoved him away. _

"_Come on, girl. I know you want to have some fun." He pushed his body into mine. _

_My eyes rolled as my hand reached back as far as it could and punched him square in the eye. "Touch me like that again and it'll be the last thing you do."_

I missed everyone so much, missed Bellamy the most. I didn't think the feeling was mutual. He was really angry with me, hurt most of all, which I understood. If some girl kissed him and he didn't push her away who knows how I'd react. Now I may never know. Even when I get back, he probably won't want anything to do with me.

The glass door opened and tanned, tattooed arms wrapped a white plush robe around me after turning the water off. His clear blue eyes locked on mine. "Now do you want to talk about it?"

He let me change first and within minutes I was sitting on a couch near a fireplace in the guest room, waiting for him to make some tea. I stared at the light grey sweatpants and sky blue t-shirt he gave me to wear, the fuzzy white and red reindeer socks were the best. It felt incredibly strange to be in this room, wearing what I was wearing, and sitting by a gas fireplace. I'd grown accustomed to real fires in the wilderness, it's purpose to keep us from freezing in the night. That felt like yesterday and now here I was.

Aiden entered the room with two cups of steaming tea. "It's Jasmine. You should feel a little better after you drink this puppy down." He sat next to me.

I gave an appreciatory grin as I took the hot cup in my hands and balancing it on my knee.

Silence passed between us.

"Come on, Griffin. Give me something. You gotta trust me by now."

I turned to him. "So far all I know about you is that you took me, so no, I don't trust you."

He nodded. "Okay, but you don't have to trust me to get whatever you need to off your chest."

No way in hell was I comfortable sharing anything personal with him, but he was right, this was something that I needed to talk about. So I told him everything and he listened intently. Every sordid detail. Everything about Finn, about Bellamy, about Lexa, about the Grounders, and about Mount Weather.

By the time I finished, my tea was gone and my eyes felt heavy. I rested my head on the back of the sofa, feeling really warm for the first time in a long time.

Aiden took my cup and placed it on the coffee table. He rose and spread the blanket from the back of the couch over me. "Get some sleep, Clarke."

When I woke up, the sky darkened. There was no sign of Aiden. I headed down stairs. Nothing. "Aiden?" I called loudly.

Silence.

My heart raced. Was this my chance to escape? I raced upstairs and found the clothes I had on earlier neatly on the guest bed. I threw those on and ran down the stairs. A grin plastered on my face.

BELLAMY'S POV:

The next morning we continued to leave the desert, knowing we wouldn't make it back to wilderness until probably sundown. I took in everyone. Lexa lead the way with her second. Eli hobbled alongside Finn. Kane gave me the space I asked for, but he stuck back to make sure I didn't fall behind.

Time stretched forever, everyone was on the brink of dehydration and malnutrition, but what else was new? My vision blurred as I blinked my eyes rapidly. I let my mind wander, thinking back to the time on the Ark.

_She noticed me. _

_I grinned. I put down my book and went after her. Once I caught up to her, I panicked. Her golden hair was in a braid down her back, she walked with her head held high. Princess._

_I ducked into a corner. I thought of Octavia. How could I bring a girl over? How could I get into anything serious when I had to hide of the most important women in my life? _

"_Hey," A guy said. He had to be speaking to her, there was no one else in the hallway._

_I peaked around the corner. His hand was on her butt._

"_Excuse you." She pushed him away, grossed out._

"_Come on, girl. I know you want to have some fun." He pushed his body into hers._

_She cold cocked him in the eye. "Touch me like that again and it'll be the last thing you do."_

_He fell to the ground._

_I grinned, impressed by her strength. _

_She shook her hand in pain before heading down the hall. _

_I could go after her, ask if she was okay, but I didn't think that was wise. Temptation and all. Besides, she seemed like a capable girl and I didn't think she wanted to see another male because of the sexualt assult that she fell victim of._

There she was only a few yards in front of me. "Clarke?"

Hope yall liked it and thanks to everyone who reviewed and took the time to chat with me for a bit! :)


	19. Sights

Song for the chapter London Grammar - Sights  watch?v=to9RqLqiGP0

fan video for the chapter  watch?v=MMHDXmfvRdM This was actually the video that got me to thinking about writing a fic. I pictured Clarke and Bellamy in a city, in some random coffee house reminiscing about their adventures. Not quite the same as this fic, but I'd say this is better. I might still write that fic after I finish this one.

Anyway, i hope yall enjoy :) Mind the typos, been writing all day.

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Clarke?" Hope filled my chest.

She looked at me with angry eyes, a scowl on her lips. "You did this to me." Accusation heavy in her voice.

Kane spoke to me, but I didn't hear him. I moved forward pushing him out of my way half heartedly. I stepped towards her cautiously. "I know I let you down, I'm so sorry."

Finn came into view. "Bellamy, who are you talking to?"

I looked at him. "Clarke." How was it not obvious? She was right there.

"Where?" He looked around, then back at me.

I pointed to where she stood, glaring at me. "She's right there."

"No one's there." His forehead creased, brown eyes sad.

I gave a wry laugh. I looked around at the group, not understanding the confused and sympathetic gazes. "How do you not see her?" I looked back at her. "I'm _not_ crazy, she's right there!"

Kane stepped in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. "Bellamy, you're having a mirage. Clarke isn't here. We haven't found her yet."

Why wouldn't anybody believe me?

Kane's hands tightened on my shoulders, I shoved them off and pushed him back. My eyes found Lexa's, she stared at me with genuine pity. I looked at Finn, same thing. Eli, same. Tears stung my eyes, my hands on my head as I backed from them, shaking my head. "No, no, no..." I looked back at her, her body flickered in and out with the heat waves as I moved closer until she was completely gone. "No." I prayed, my hands on my knees.

"Bellamy."

I turned around, my vision blurred.

"Bellamy."

The sky tilted.

I hit the sand, my stomach heaving up what I had last night.

Clarke appeared above me. "This is your fault!" She screeched.

Everything faded out.

CLARKE'S POV:

I threw the door open only to run into a hard chest. I stumbled back a few feet, but corrected myself. A tall, burly black man stood with his back towards the door. He turned around as if someone threw a piece of paper at his back, unbothered.

"Um, sorry. I'm just leaving." I attempted to squeeze past him, but he made it impossible.

I gave him a look. "Are you here on orders not to let me leave?"

He turned back around without a word.

"Excuse me?"

Nothing.

Fine. I shut the door, went out to the terrace, knocked over a flower pot, and quickly ducked behind the jacuzzi. The bodyguard called out to see if I was okay. I waited until I heard him on the stairs and around the corner to dash for the door. The hallway was empty. I ran for the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button. It was the fastest way out of here.

"Hey!" The guard called from the door.

The doors opened to reveal Aiden with a few bags. His forehead creased as I headed for the stairs further down the hall.

"I got her." He told the bodyguard.

I took the stairs, skipping a few at a time.

"Clarke!" He called.

_Keep going_.

Mistakenly, I glanced back for only a second to have my feet trip me up. I hit the cement stairs hard, my ribs ached. I cried out.

Aiden hovered over me, concern in his clear blue eyes. "How bad are you hurt?" He stood me up carefully.

"My ribs, I think I fractured them." The left side of my mouth throbbed. I wiped the blood on my sleeve.

He sighed. "What were you thinking?"

"You know why I did it." I said sardonically.

He couldn't look at me. "Let's get you to the hospital."

Not going to lie, a small part of me got excited to see a quality standard hospital like back in the old movies. It was everything I thought it'd be. I just wish my mom were here to share the excitement. Aiden had to pick me up and carry me to the hospital bed because I kept finding new things to play with. Every few minutes he'd check his phone. I crossed my arms over my chest, annoyed that I couldn't look around. He paced the room, rolling his black sleeves up on his forearms, revealing the same various colored tattoos I'd seen in the shower. There were too many to make out and it started to make my head spin. Silence hung in the air until a nurse came to see me. After she left he sat down next to the bed.

"About the bodyguard..." He hesitated. "I know it's hard for you to trust me right now, but I just wanted you to stay safe. I mean, I know you can take care of yourself." He pointed to his throat, showcasing his tattoos. His eyes met mine, pleading. "I know you want answers and I'll give them to you."

I nodded. "When?"

His eyes went to his phone. "When we have some privacy."

My eyes scanned the room. "Um, we're alone right now."

He grinned.

A few faces popped in the door.

"Hey," Sterling greeted, standing by the door.

Roma and Harper came to my side.

"How are you feeling?" Harper asked.

"I'll be fine."

"I'm glad to hear it." Monty appeared in the door.

Without a second thought, I jumped from the bed, not caring about my ribs, giving Monty the biggest hug I could manage. He held on tight as he rocked us back and forth.

"How are you alive? Jasper said you died."

A weak smile in place "I'm here, that's all that matters."

I searched his face for signs of warning, catching it in his eyes for a brief second.

Aiden put his hand on my shoulder. "You should lay back down, we don't know how extensive your injuries are."

Monty nodded. "He's right. The doctors here are great."

Great enough to bring someone back from he dead? I looked back at Sterling, Harper, and Roma. They should've been dead. Aiden said he had answers for me. If I ran, I couldn't get them. Besides, I had people here, and I couldn't leave them here without knowing if it was safe or not. I made that mistake before with Mount Weather.

I listened to Aiden and I layed back down. Monty sat on the edge of the bed, concern in his brown eyes. "How's everyone?"

A bittersweet smile crossed my lips. "Well, when I left things were a bit complicated, but for the most part everything was okay."

He nodded. "Jasper...how's he doing?"

My heart broke a little inside as I blinked rapidly. I couldn't lie to Monty, not about Jasper. "He's in lock up because he tried to kill Murphy. He blamed him."

Grief crossed his face. "He killed Murphy?"

I shook my head. "No, he killed Lincoln by accident. Octavia took it pretty hard. She's working with-"

"Clarke."

Lincoln stood in the door.

My heart sunk in my stomach as I stared at him with wide eyes. I saw him die. We buried him. A part of me didn' believe that Monty and everyone here died and were brought back, but I actually saw Lincoln die in front of me.

When was this going to stop happening? Who else would walk through that door? I rubbed my wrist where I used to wear my dad's watch and I knew without a doubt that he was one person that couldn't be brought back. I forced away the tears.

BELLAMY'S POV:

I woke with a wet cloth on my forehead. My eyes took in the starry night for a few moment, then I found Eli to my right, mixing something in bowl. Kane sat on my left, his brow furrowed. His familiar brown eyes met mine. A grin of relief appeared on his face.

"You're awake."

"What happened?" I tried to play things back, but nothing came.

"You saw a mirage of Clarke and passed out after getting sick."

"A what?" It sounded faintly recognizable, but I couldn't quite place it.

"The heat made you see an image that Clarke was in front of you."

My head hurt. "I don't remember any of that."

He nodded. "You probably blacked it out. Our brains sometimes block out painful things that we don't want to remember."

If I thought I saw Clarke only to find out that it wasn't real, yeah, I'd block that out. All of this felt like the moment you realize you're in pain and you can't physically imagine a time you're not feelings it, yet you crave the moment you find peace. I just wanted to block out all of this until the moment I was with her again. All I could do was hope she still wanted to be with me after how vile I was towards her. For all I know, she could blame me for this whole thing. And it was my fault. Everyone knew it, but they didn't want to say to my face.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "Eli's been tending to you."

My eyes went to Eli's. Injured, he still made sure I was okay. I appreciated that.

He nodded in understanding.  
I sat up with caution. "I'm good to go."

Eli pushed my shoulder back down. "Woah, you need to rest for a minute."

"I've rested enough." I shoved his hands away. "How long have we been here?"

"Not long." Kane said.

"How long?" I rose.

"An hour or two."

Disbelief passed through me. "An hour or two-that's time we could've spent looking for Clarke."

Kane rose. "We all want to find Clarke, we do, but it's night. Stumbling around in the dark woods aren't going to helps us, we need to keep an eye out for traps, for dangers. We need to rest and eat, which is what you should be doing."

"You can sit here and do nothing, I'm going to go find her."

He sighed. "Bellamy-"

"Actually, can I talk to you for a minute?" Eli asked, standing awkwardly on his his uninjured leg. "It's really important."

If he hadn't just taken care of me I'd tell him to kick rocks. I sighed. "Make it quick."

He hobbled along side me, glancing back at a sleeping Finn.

I wondered why I kept finding myself in this position. Did I give off I'm a counselor vibe? As usual, I waited for him to start.

"You can't leave." He stared at me intently. "You're not going to make it out there on your own."

"No offense, Eli, but you don't know what I can do. Why are we talking about me? I thought this was about Finn?"

His eyes held question. "What about Finn?" He glanced back at him briefly. "Is everything okay with him?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, you tell me."

Confusion crossed his face. "I don't know what you mean."

I gave him a look. "Really? You're playing that card?"

He looked genuinely puzzled, giving a tiny shrug. "I don't know what you want me to say. I just wanted to talk you out of leaving."

As I stared at him I wondered if he even knew Finn liked him? Didn't he like Finn?

"That's all you wanted to talk about?"

He looked away. "Well, I wanted to ask you about Clarke. You know, what was she like?"

Oh.

A smile took over my face as I thought about her. "Clarke is the one of the strongest women I know. She's without a doubt the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She's smart, downright intimidating at times. She's brave, not a cowardly bone in her body." I looked over at him to find him nodding along. "When we first landed I was a complete dick, which I'm sure Finn told you about." We laughed.

"Yeah, he did."

"She put me in my place more than once. She trusted me when I shouldn't have been trusted, she believed in me, which shocked the hell out of me. She made it known that she didn't like me very much, preferred Finn quite often actually. I did things to get down here so I could protect my sister, shot Chancellor Jaha, and she got me pardoned."

He exhaled. "Sounds like a true love story."

I grinned.

"What about her and Finn?"

"Didn't he already tell you all of this?"

He nodded. "Yeah...I guess, I'm worried about what's going to happen when he sees her again. The last time he went to camp he came back quiet. He didn't really talk to me for a while."

Now I understood. "That's why you were so adamant about finding her, so you could see how Finn felt about her."

He stayed silent for a few moments before looking at me. "Finn and I, we're friends. I don't have a lot of those down here. Despite it being common to like the same sex, not everyone is as accepting as him. That's why I'm out by myself. My family, they didn't want anything to do with me. Some people consider it to be an effect of radiation, which is really dumb on their part." He chuckled. "I just don't want to see him go through the wringer again. He knows that I was the one to turn him into Lexa."

I stared at him with wide eyes, not seeing that coming at all. "You know someone else would've recognized him, too?"

He shrugged. "Yeah...But, I confirmed it for Lexa."

"Wait, you were there? When he shot the Grounders?"

"Yup."

Wow.

"So if you turned him in why are you helping him, helping me?"

"Like I said, I don't have many friends. I know what my people did to yours when you first landed and while that doesn't make what Finn did right, I understood. When I tried to make it right it was too late and I found him in time enough to help him live."

"Sounds like a true love story." I recited back to him.

He chuckled. "No, it's not like that."

As much as I wanted to contradict him I bit my tongue. You know what, screw it. I stopped him. "What's going on with you and Finn? Honestly."

He stared at me directly, nothing nervous about him. "We're just friends. Why do you keep asking me that? Is there something _I_ should know?"

My eyes shifted. "No, I just wanted to ask you."

"Why? Does it seem like there's something going on?"

I met his eyes, not wanting to lie to him. He had been trustworthy so far, a good guy. "Honestly, yes. I just assumed that you were, you know..."

He shook his head. "No, we're not."

"Okay, that's fine. Just as a piece of advice, I'd watch the flirting, that could easily be misconstrued."

His eyes narrowed. "What are you not telling me? Is Finn worried that I have feelings for him or something?"

_Lie_, I screamed in my head. _Lie!_

"You know, that's something you should ask him. I don't know these things. I'm just curious myself because you know...I like men as well."

He laughed hard. "You're lying. Not about the liking men part, but about Finn. Tell me what's going on."

"Bro code. I can't help you." I started back.

He pulled me back. "Bellamy, please. If there's something going on with Finn, I need to know."

Why did I get myself into these messes?

I sighed as I faced him. "Please, just talk to Finn. Don't make me ruin things. Just talk with him, okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, okay." His eyes bothered as we headed back. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure?"

"Stay, please."

I gave him a look. "Why do you care?"

"Kane obviously does," He said without missing a beat. "So does Finn. I know we're not close, so I'm asking you to stay for their benefit. You won't do Clarke any good if she finds you dead."

He had a point. If I were being honest, I was still incredibly tired and weak. Just walking out this far took a lot out of me.

"Fine, I'll stay."

CLARKE'S POV:

There was nothing terribly wrong with me when I left the hospital. I just had a busted lip and a fractured rib. Nothing to write home about.

"You should take a nap." Aiden told me as he held the black SUV door open.

I hopped up, not used to the act of getting into a car, let alone jumping up to get into one. My ribs didn't want to allow me to do it, the medicine they gave me only made me drowsy. Aiden's hand held my hip, pushing me into the seat. I slapped his hand away, ignoring the burning touch.

He chuckled while coming around the other side. He nodded at the driver in the front seat. "Buckle up." He looked at my seat belt.

I stared at him, determined to not let him dictate me.

"Please."

"I can handle myself."

He reached over before I could stop him and buckled the seat belt for me, his eyes meeting mine at the sound of the click. He sat back and turned to look out the tinted window.

"Not so fast. You promised me answers."

"Fine. You still up to go out then?"

Even though I didn't want him to think I was weak and I just shot down his suggestion at a nap, I didn't expect him to completely throw my disregard for health out the window.

"If it'll get me answers sooner, then yes."

He rubbed his hands together, as if reading or some action. "Great, when was the last time you got drunk?"

I balked at him. "I'm not drinking around you."

He gave me an offended look. "Griffin, I'm not going to try anything, promise. Besides, you have to try and see what you're into. The city is a place of opportunity."

"Yet, I can't leave?"

He sighed. "Would it help if I told you that you can leave after a while?"

My interest piqued. "Maybe."

"Once you've been fully acquainted with this life, you can choose to leave or stay, but if you chose to leave you can't come back."

"That doesn't seem fair." I looked out the window at the passing civilians and cars. Everyone seemed genuinely okay with their lives, then again so did the Mountain Men.

"There are just things that you don't know. Things that I'd rather not discuss in front of your people. They'll join us later on."

I turned toward him, he was on that phone again. "And this has to do with me?"

He nodded. "With us."

My brow arched. "Us?" There was no _us_.

He went back to typing on his phone, completely ignoring me.

I stepped out of the bathroom and looked into the full length mirror, not fully believing that I was wearing snug dark jeans and a burgundy blouse with a pair of wedges that weren't as uncomfortable as they seemed at first glance. I test runned them and by that I literally ran up and down the hall to see if I could escape in them. My golden blonde hair was in a french braid like when I first landed. If Bellamy could see me now. He'd probably want to take me to bed and I'd be so okay with that. However long it took for me to get "acquainted" with the city I'd do whatever it took and if Aiden was telling the truth I'd grab everyone and we could go home. This wasn't our home.

How could Lincoln stay here? None of his people were here. Octavia wasn't here. He had to be the first Grounder to live here, right? Was it a test trial? Is that why they brought him back? Speaking of which, why'd they bother to bring back the dead? Surely, there was something ethically wrong about that.

A knock came from the open door. Aiden stood in a gray long sleeved shirt, olive green cargo pants, and black combat boots. A black beanie pulled over his hair, leaving a little out to show that he did have hair. I sighed, missing my old clothes.

"You okay?" He asked.

I marched past him. "Let's move this along."

The city at night was nothing compared to what I'd seen earlier. Bars of drunk people's laughter, cars bumping loud music, a few fists fights broke out. Getting out of the SUV and stepping into the club named Infusion was like entering another world. The club was spacious, room for lots of people to have a good time. There were at least five different bars. Half dressed women were dancing in cages. There was a DJ on a stage a feet above everyone else. This faintly reminded me of parties on the Ark, but they compared nothing to this. Almost everyone was dressed to the nines.

I looked back at Aiden as I walked in the mists of everything. He watched me with a grin on his face, lightness in his eyes. He walked over to one of the bars while everyone ushered me to the dance floor. Some techno pop selection was playing. The music was so loud that it was hard not to feel in vibrating in my bones. They started dancing around me, urging me to follow suit.

Lincoln grinned, looking handsome and more carefree than I've seen him in a long time. "Come on, Clarke."

A laugh bubbled from me seeing him dancing like a mad man. There was only so much I could do with a fractured rib that could be considered dancing.

"Fine."

As the beat changed I let myself feel it out, rolling my eyes at everyone as I tried to keep the smile off my face. To my surprise, my ribs didn't do much complaining. Maybe the medicine was starting to work.

Sterling danced with me, hollering in freedom as we twirled to the music. We jumped up and down, loving every minute of it. Sweat beaded on my skin, but I didn't care. There was a peace in letting yourself over in dancing. I could use all the peace I could get. Every problem I ever had on the ground went out the window as I let myself have fun for awhile.

Aiden passed us drinks.

"What is it?" I yelled over the music.

He shook his head. "Just drink."

Despite my better judgement, I took the shot and fire burned my throat.

He grinned at me. "Finally having some fun?"

I handed him the shot glass and proceeded to get back into that zone of peace. My arms twisted and twirled in the air as my eyes closed. I allowed my body to do what it wanted, not really minding the unknown bodies touching mine as I made my way through the crowd. I needed to be in the middle of everything.

Some guy grabbed my hips, dancing on me with a wild abandon I didn't mind at the moment. I didn't really see him as much as I felt our movement together. A girl passed me two shots, I threw them back feeling the a different fire, not caring if it was wise or not. Peace. I needed it.

She took me from the guy, her arms over my shoulders as we swayed. She grinned at me with intention in her brown eyes as she backed me further into the crowd. Her hands ran up and down my body, settling on my ass. Her breath on my neck made me feel free. I met her eyes, hers on my lips.

"Clarke!" A hand pulled me back.

I turned to see Aiden with angry eyes. "What? I'm having fun. Isn't that what you wanted?"

He shot a look at the girl and she scurried away. He turned those clear blue eyes on me. "I didn't want you to do something you'd regret. Didn't you say the whole reason you and Bellamy got into a fight was because you kissed someone else, a girl?"

I rolled my eyes. "You don't care about me and Bellamy." I neared him. "You want me. I've seen how you look at me." I laughed as I swayed. "You're the reason I'm here, the reason I can't leave."

He held me still. "You're not you right now. Let me get you some water." He pulled me along.

I tore my arm away from his grasp, anger filled me. "You don't know me. You've watched me and that's it. If you think I'm ever going to be with you then you're delusional."

His eyes sad, glazing over with unshed tears.

"Aww, did I hurt your feelings, Aiden?" I laughed heartedly.

His jaw clenched as he looked anywhere but at me. 'Whatever, Clarke." He stalked off.

I shrugged then found the closest bar. "Two of whatever you have."

The bartender looked at me like I was crazy. "How old are you?"

I leaned against the bar. "Why don't you ask Aiden Wyatt? He's the one that brought me here." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes and poured me something pink. "Be careful, sweetheart."

"Thanks." I swallowed them then headed back out, feeling a little dizzy.

I stumbled through the crowd, people laughed and thrashed about. My eyes looked for my friends, not finding them anywhere. The beat sped up. My head hurt.

"Hey," A guy asked, his boy kept going in and out of focus. "Wanna dance?"

I moved past him, but he grabbed my body and tried to pin me to a nearby wall. I punched him out. My hands on my knees as I rested for a moment. Everything blurred, the music made my head throb. My stomach felt nervous and before I knew what was happening I threw up on the guy.

"Crazy bitch!" He yelled at me as I staggered away.

Where was everyone? I didn't want to be here anymore. I just wanted to go home.

Some time passed and the same girl from earlier found me, laying one on me. I shoved her away. I couldn't do that to Bellamy. Not that he'd care anymore. My heart sunk. He didn't care at all. Tears sprung to my eyes as I pulled her back, bringing her lips to mine. After a few seconds she shoved me away, a disgusted look on her face.

"Did you throw up?" She huffed before walking away.

Someone knocked into me, I turned to see who, but there were too many people to pinpoint which one. My eyes found Aiden up close and personal with the blonde from the elevator. I should go help him out. He didn't like her. She had him cornered.

I pulled her back.

"What are you doing, Griffin?" He pulled her close to him.

"I thought..." I stared at him with confused eyes.

He ignored me and kissed her right in front of me. Not a chaste kiss, but one intended to be taken further. She clutched to him, thirsty for more.

Whatever.

Harper found me, taking me with her to one of the bathrooms. "What happened to you?"

I cried. This wasn't peace. Not anymore. The bass still thumped from in here.

"Harper, how could you stay here?"

She took a paper cup off the stack from the skin, filled it with water, feed it to me. She sighed, meeting my eyes. "I died, Clarke. They brought me back to life. I don't know how. I just know that if I leave and something happens out there then I won't come back." She gave a sad grin. "I like it here. I can do whatever I want, I can be whoever I want."

"What about everyone else? You're okay with them staying out there?"

She shook her head. "No, but I have to be for now. Besides, if this place isn't safe then we'd be responsible for bringing them here."

That I understood.

She filled up the cup again. "Bellamy's going to come looking for you, you know."

I shook my head, instantly regretting it. I rushed to the first free toilet available, throwing up everything. Harper rubbed my back. I did everything I could to help us survive, so how did I get here? I laid my forehead against the cool toilet, knowing it was unsanitary.

"He's not coming for me. He dumped me."

Her rubbing stopped. "What?"

I just wanted to take it all back. "Lexa kissed me and I didn't stop her right away. I told him and he broke things off." I rubbed my wrist, remembering how he had kept my father's watch all this time and threw it down like we didn't mean anything to him. I cried some more. It hurt so much "I just want him back."

She turned me toward her, hugging me tightly. "He's not giving up on you, trust me on that."

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Where are we going?" I asked Eli, striding beside him.

We'd been walking for hours, finally just making it out of the desert.

"North. I know a few villages up there. Even talk of some city."

"What are the odds she's up there?"

He looked my way, calm. "I don't know, but she has to be somewhere."

I nodded as I waited behind for Kane to catch up. Finn took my place next to Eli. They hadn't been in a talkative mood since last night. It wasn't my place to say anything to Eli, but for some reason I wanted Finn to be happy and Eli made him happy. Also, I wanted to know what was going on between them.

Kane looked my way, but didn't say anything. I thought about what Eli said. Kane cared about me. I didn't know why and maybe I didn't want to know, but I guess I had to accept it because he wasn't going anywhere, not any time soon.

"Thank you." I told him, never thinking in a million years that I'd ever have peace with the man that killed my mother.

He stopped walking, a far away look in his eyes.

I stood near him.

"I promised your mother I'd take care of you and Octavia and so far I haven't done a great job with that." He met my eyes.

"You knew my mom well enough to promise her that?"

He grinned. "Oh, yeah."

A foreign noise came from the sky. I looked at Kane. "What is that?"

There was nothing in sight.

"Lexa?" I asked her.

She looked unsure. "Run."

We headed for the trees, but they were too far away to use as a cover. The noise became louder, shots were fired. Lexa's second went down, bleeding from his stomach. Lexa looked back at him and kept running.

Kane stopped in his tracks and stood his ground. "We don't want any harm."

"What are you doing?" I pulled him along, but he wouldn't budge.

"Taking a stand. We can keep running or we can make it stop."

I rammed him to the ground in time enough to get him out the way of the spraying bullets. "They're trying to kill us, they don't want to talk."

"You don't know that. We're in their territory. They could think we're dangerous."

"They're dangerous, they have a fucking helicopter that shoots bullets!" I pinned him down.

The helicopter landed on the grass, blowing our hair in our faces. We turned to the people that stepped out in all black, ski masks and combat boots. They grabbed us and threw us into the helicopter. My heart pounded in my chest. Kane was okay. Lexa sat next to him. Finn and Eli on my other side. The only one that didn't make it was Lexa's second, who laid on the grass below as we rose in the sky.

"You okay?" Finn asked me.

I nodded.

Eli stayed silent. Now was not the time for him to get weird with Finn. I'm guessing that they didn't have the talk yet. I should've kept my big mouth out of it. Finn would kill me if he found out I told Eli that he had feeling for him.

The guys kept their ski masks on, their weapons aimed at us.

CLARKE'S POV:

I layed in this huge bed, awake for most of the night. I didn't know how to feel comfortable here. How could I sleep peacefully? My eyes scanned the room. This wasn't Mount Weather for sure. For a guest room, everything was tasteful. Looks could be deceiving. I rose to scan the few pictures peppered the walls. All of them candid photos of the Wyatts. A dark haired man in one or two, looking stern.

"Ahem."

I turned to find Aiden in the door with breakfast on a tray.

He stepped inside, setting the tray on the ottoman at the end of the bed. "A peace offering."

I crossed my arms over my chest, wincing.

"Here." He produced a bottle of pills from his pocket and put them on the tray. His clear blue eyes met mine. "I'm sorry."

"For making me go out and not giving me any answers or being a dick last night?"

A hesitant grin played on his lips. "Both?"

I grabbed the tray and sat on the bed, hoping I got food on the white bed sheets.

"So I'll talk and you'll listen." He sat across from me, looking as restless as I did.

I picked at the chocolate muffin and bacon, waiting for him to tell me what I wanted to know all along.

"This place was built ten years after the nuclear explosion. I was told it wasn't easy. My family has been in charge ever since. Every Wyatt has the obligation to take over the position when it needs to be filled. My dad will choose between Talia, Evan, and me."

"So you're like royalty basically?" I nibbled on the bacon.

He nodded. "Our names carry weight."

I thought back to the waitress and the bartender.

"We decide who comes in and out of the city. We can't allow everyone to enter. The world has been too savage for too long. The Grounders, as you like to call them, they can't enter into our society and follow our rules. They're too primal, they won't like the restrictions. We've tried to extend olive branches, but they never took them."

"So how did you know about me? Have you been keeping tabs on them this whole time?"

"Yeah." He stole a piece of my muffin and popped it into his mouth. "We also saw your ship come down. It scared us, so they sent a team to check it out. We saw that it was just a bunch of kids."

I gave him a look. "You go up against one of my kids and you won't come out on top."

He held up his hands in surrender. "I've seen what you all can do."

"So why take me? What's so important about me? You had to have known I'd put up a fight."

He looked lost in thought before going over to a bedside table and handing me a photo album. He sat next to me, flipping through the pictures. "That's my granddad." He pointed to an old white haired man. He was still handsome in his old age. "He believed that we could extent the city until we made it into what it once was."

"That's a vision." I looked at the other photos surrounding it. I spotted Aiden as a kid, grinning at the camera with a few front teeth missing. I laughed. "You were a cute kid."

"My grandpa, he also believed that we'd get the visitors from the sky someday and that we'd have to incorporate them into our society."

Okay, that wasn't so bad.

"We needed to become one with them, he was extreme in his reasonings, but he was correct. If we want to coexist, if we both want better for our people then we had to bring you in." He looked at me. We were closer than I realized, closer than I would've liked. "You're the leader, you and Bellamy. Talia's already looking for a spouse. Evan just got out of a bad relationship. Leaving me to be the one to bring our people together."

"You? I thought Evan was supposed to take that position, that's what Talia said yesterday." I tasted the coffee, it was bitter, but I liked it.

His face reddened a little. "Actually, he is. I'm just the one that's supposed to court the female in charge."

I spit out the coffee, spraying it all over the duvet. "I was right last night? You want me to be with you? You think we're like fated to be together or something?"

He turned to look at me, then shot up off the bed. "Not fated, nothing like that. Just together. Grandpa actually really thought I'd be the one to join societies together." He ran his hand through his hair, rolled up his blue sleeves. "I know how this sounds and believe me I was against this from the start."

"Was?" I was having trouble looking at him.

He sat on the edge of the bed. "Before you came down here I thought I wouldn't live to see that day come. Really, it could've been anyone. It didn't have to be me, but like I said Evan just got out of bad relationship and the age difference is a bit much. You're seventeen, right?"

I nodded. "Bellamy's twenty three, not that I want to change partners." What did I just say?

He grinned.

"I mean..."

"I know what you meant."

I huffed. This was unbelievable.

"Are you mad?"

I layed back on the bed, loving in that moment that I had pillows. "No, but why'd you have to kidnap though? That didn't make a very strong case for yourself."

He snorted a laugh, coming to lay beside me. "Sorry for the dramatics. We didn't think you'd come freely after what happened with Mount Weather." He turned his head to look at me. "I know that you still love Bellamy and I'm not asking you to leave him for me. I just wanted you to know."

I took him in. Crystal blue eyes, stubbly chin with a dimple, tall and and fit. If I didn't without a doubt know that Bellamy was for me, I'd be stupid not to consider this. "Why can't it be someone else?"

"I wish it were. It's not easy being in love with someone that hates you."

Sadness washed over me. Shit.

"You're in love with me? You don't even know me. The only day we've spent together I basically spit in your face."

He laughed. "It doesn't make sense to me either. I guess, watching you for so long...I don't know." He put his hands behind his back, looking undeniably comfortable.

"Aiden, is this your room?"

"How'd you know?"

"Aside from your hair products in the bathroom, this room seems too personal for guests."

His phone vibrated in his jeans pocket. "You can stay here if you want, I'm not going to kick you out. You up for some shopping today? Talia wants to get you immersed in all the city has to offer as soon as possible, blah blah blah."

I laughed. "You don't like it here, do you?"

He threw his phone down on the bed. "All my life I've been told I have a responsibility. I have to help the family maintain order and peace." He exhaled. "I never asked for the responsibility."

I nodded, understanding. "I know how you feel."

He picked up the rest of the muffin and bit into it. "I just wish I was born into any other family so I could be normal, I could worry about normal things. College, girls, driving...I'd just like for once if I could go somewhere and not have people stare at me like I could ruin their lives. Girls hang on me like leeches and I know it's only because of my name."

"That's not true. You're a generally happy guy. When you're not out kidnapping people you come across as suave."

He laughed and I joined in. "Thanks, Griffin." He rose and picked up the tray. "You should get ready. There's a change of clothes in the closet, take your time."

I gave him a small smile as he closed the door. I grabbed the clothes from the closet before heading to shower, hoping I could enjoy it this time. If all it took for me head home was for me to try things their way then I'd do it. Besides, if things go well, I could lead my people here. Maybe even the Grounders. Aiden said if anyone leaves they can't come back, but if I was as important to them as they thought then they'd have to let me back. Right?

Aiden waited downstairs on the couch, watching the large tv. He was watching some unfamiliar show, laughing.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "What are you watching?"

He turned toward me. "Nice legs."

I flicked him off. I wasn't by any means self conscious and it was sort of hot out.

He laughed as he cut the tv off. "Ready to do some shopping?"

A questionable look passed my face. "Not really. Trying on clothes for the whole day sounds exhausting and really boring."

He stood with a grin. "Why can't more girls be like you?" He held the door open.

"Maybe because none of them lived in space for most of their lives and was forced to survive in only one outfit?" I threw out there nonchalantly as I passed him.

"Probably."

We spent most of the afternoon going from store to store. He didn't really buy anything for himself, just things for me. One a few occasions he just handed me stuff he wanted to see me in and I would've slapped him straight but I thought if it worked for him it could work for Bellamy, too. A part of me knew he wouldn't approve of another guy watching me try on clothes, but a bigger part told me it didn't matter because he didn't care.

I tried on everything, if it fit I was buying it. Aiden made it perfectly clear that I didn't have a budget. At some point he could tell I wasn't really buying stuff because I liked it so we took a break. He lead me to an ice cream shop.

"What's your favorite flavor?" He asked at the counter.

"I've never had it before."

He told her some flavor that I had no idea existed. She handed two cones to us with pink and bumpy ice cream on them. I don't know if I wanted to eat that.

"Thanks." He told her, handing her his card.

She swiped it then handed it back before we headed back out into the heat.

I licked it once, deciding it wasn't half bad. "What is it?"

"Banana split. Not bad, right?"

I took a bite from it, realizing what brain freeze was.

Aiden cracked up. "Maybe ice cream wasn't the best idea."

"Maybe you're right." I nodded.

We walked in silence until we came across a park. He handed me his phone.

I looked at him with questionable eyes. "Why are you giving me your phone?"

"It's not my phone, it's your new phone. Gordon bought it for you while we were shopping. I've already programmed everyone's number in it that you need to have." He scrolled to his name. There were a few hearts by it and a smiley face.

"Thanks."

We sat on the empty swings and ate our ice cream.

"I'm sorry, you know." He looked ahead. "For bringing you here."

I waved it off. "Can't go back now, besides this ice cream is pretty good."

He laughed. "Look, if this Bellamy guy doesn't want to be with you then he's an idiot."

That made me feel appreciated. "Yeah, he is, but I'd still love him either way."

Being away from him this long felt unnatural. I'd grown so accustomed to his presence, so used to his arms around me, his lips on mine, that it felt like I couldn't breathe. I hated our separation.

"He's a lucky guy, you know."

Once we finished our ice cream we went to once last store. He insisted that I tried on dresses. I've never worn handed me a pair of high heels over the dressing room door. Back at Mount Weather when Dante first showed me the pretty clothes and shoes I broke the heel to use as a weapon. Now I was slipping them on. The plain black heels went well with the form fitting cherry red silk dress Aiden picked out.

"Are you going to show me or not, Griffin?"

I took my hair out of the bun and let the curly waves fall past my shoulders. I never thought I'd wear anything so revealing and elegant. The neckline was a bit plunging, but it felt amazing against my skin. I felt confident. Sexy. I stepped out, excited to show Aiden. I twirled around, wanting to be dramatic.

"Do I look hot or what?"

He gazed at me before clearing his throat. His eyes drifted up and down my body effortlessly before meeting my eyes. "You look stunning."

Despite myself, my face felt flushed. "Oh, this old thing."

He rose, walked the few steps toward me. "What old movies have you been watching?"

I shrugged. "You know you don't have to buy me everything."

He leaned against the wall. "We do. It's our fault you're here." He scanned my body again. "Trust me, you need this dress."

My brow rose. "Why?"

"I have a surprise for you. You're going with Harper and Roma to the salon to get your hair and nails done. By the time you're done everything will be all set."

I dressed quickly, a tiny bit excited at the unexpected. Getting my hair and nails done didn't really excite me, but if I could feel like a girl for once in my life I'd happily go.

We all laughed and giggled like actual teenagers. Now I understood teenage girls in those movies, having fun as they got dolled up. It wasn't fulfilling in any way, it was just fun. They told me about what they'd been doing here. For the most part, just getting used to the city. Harper, being here longer, told me about Lincoln when I asked how he could stay here knowing that Octavia was out there.

"He's trying to start over." She simply said. "I don't blame him. He's lived his whole life that way, we only lived like that for a few months. I'd want to stay here, too."

Roma turned to me with serious eyes when Harper went to the bathroom. "I need to know what happened between Murphy and Octavia. Did they get together?"

Blindsighted by the question, I shrugged. "I don't really know. They left to look for the..." My eyes widened. "They're coming here. At least, they're looking for the City of Light." I wondered if I asked Aiden to help look for them would he do it. I mean, the more of my people here to make sure it was safe the better the merge looked on both halves.

"Crazy bitch got me killed." She muttered.

I shot her a look, my protective wings spanning over Octavia's memory. "Octavia didn't purposefully try to kill you. She tried to help you, told you to stop running, but you didn't listen."

"So you're saying I brought that on myself?" She scowled.

"A little, yeah." I told her, irritated. She tried to come for Octavia. She was lucky I didn't want to ruin my new red nails. Octavia was far better a person Roma ever was. I heard rumors around camp about how skanky she was. Wouldn't be surprised if they were true. I know a few times she tried to go after Bellamy when we first landed.

Harper returned. "You won't believe how hard it is to use the bathroom without messing up your nails." She huffed as she waved her black polish in the air. "What did I miss?"

After I got my hair done Gordon drove me back to the apartment. Harper recommended some lowlights, but I didn't feel comfortable doing something so altering to my hair so I just got it trimmed and curled. Not going to lie, I loved how it bounced as I walked. It gave me a pep in my step.

"Hello?"

No answer.

I headed upstairs to find all of my shopping bags on the bed. The silk red dress hung on the closet door, the black heels sat below it.

"Hey, there."

I jumped, turning to find Talia sitting on the bathroom counter, her phone in her hand. She wore jeans and a fitting pink tshirt. That was as casual as I'd ever seen her. Well, I'd only met her yesterday.

"You scared me. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you out. If you're going out in that dress you need to do a little grooming. I would've made sure you got it done, but I figured you'd want to do it yourself." She handed me a razor. The counter full of makeup.

"You're going to put that on me for tonight?" I arched a perfectly waxed brow, which still felt weird.

She nodded, her curled dark brown hair bounced. "You're going to a nice restaurant. You want to look nice, don't you?" She asked, annoyed.

I couldn't help but wonder if Aiden put her up to this or she volunteered. Whatever. I'd take the free makeover. "You don't have to do that, but I'm kind of excited."

Her eyes softened. "Well, hop in that shower and get to shaving. There's some shaving cream in there. You don't want to cut your legs up, so be gentle. Glide the razor." She nodded in question.

"Yeah, I understand. Thanks."

"Knock, knock." Aiden entered.

Talia threw a cotton ball at him. "What if we weren't decent?"

He was dressed in a tailored black suit, surprisingly he didn't look out of place.

"Wow, you look handsome." I told him. "Where have you been?"

"Just taking care of some stuff. You about ready?" He looked at Talia.

She made the finishing touches. "All done." She turned me to the vanity mirror.

I almost didn't recognize myself. Talia lined my eyes with thick black eyeliner and some grey eyeshadow, giving me what she mentioned a smokey eye. My lips held a nude shine. Even though you could hardly tell I did have a pair of dangly gold hoops on.

"I look..."

"Beautiful." Talia offered, impressed with her work. She spritzed a little perfume over me.

"She's right." Aiden agreed.

They were right. I did look beautiful. "I just wish my mom could see me."

Talia looked sad.

"Well, we can take a selfie. You can show it to her when you see her next." He scooted Talia and I closer together, his hand on my back as we looked at the phone. "Clarke, don't be afraid of the camera. The camera loves you."

That sounded really gross and cheesy. I laughed as I looked at him. A flash momentarily blinded me.

Talia pulled away. "Send that to me. I'm sure father would love to see it."

He sighed. "Yeah, okay." He held out his arm.

I indulged him by taking it. I thanked Talia one last time before we headed down to the car. Excitement racked through me. The food here was really delicious and I regretted not eating the Thai food yesterday. I remembered watching classic black and white movies with my mom and dad when I was younger. Now I felt like I was the one starring in one of those movies.

"These thongs sure are uncomfortable." I wiggled my butt.

He groaned. "Griffin, you're killing me."

I rolled my eyes.

"You really do look gorgeous, by the way." He opened the car door for me.

"Wait." I halted. "Is this a limo?"

He nodded. "I wanted you to have a special night."

As I got inside I gazed around me, taking in the flashy demeanor. He offered me a glass of what I assumed was alcohol. I waved it off, not wanting a repeat of last night. Taking this all in, I couldn't help but wonder if he misconstrued something I said or did earlier. Surely, this was a lot of dolling up to do for one evening out. It wasn't like it was a date or anything. My nerves got the best of me as I watched the city lighten up. Did everyone party every night? I couldn't do that every night.

Finally, we stopped in front of a lonely looking restaurant. I glanced at Aiden. He nodded.

Gordon opened the door for us.

I stepped out, thankful that the sun setting had brought an endearing chill over the city.

Aiden stood by me. "You ready?"

I assessed him, wondering why he sounded sad. Come to think of it, he was quiet the whole way here. Solemn even. I nodded.

He lead the way in, his steps stiff.

I took in the restaurant. For one, it was empty apart from one table and two chairs. A candle decorated the table along with two empty plates and wine glasses. This seemed incredibly romantic. I turned toward him. "This isn't a date is it?"

He shook his head and cleared his throat, nodding behind me.

"Hey, Princess."

All the air left me. My body stilled, tears sprung to my eyes. I rapidly blinked them away as I turned around to face him. Not believing my eyes, but there he was, standing in a suit with a nervous smirk.

I ran toward him, hitting him with too much force. His strong arms wrapped around me as he laughed into my hair. My heart thudded in my chest as my nerves threatened the make me throw up what we had for lunch. He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let him. I relished this feeling of being whole, of being satisfied in case this was a cruel dream.

"You have to let me go, Princess. I want to see how beautiful you look." He whispered in my ear.

I laughed, letting him go against my better judgement. His chocolate brown eyes scanned my body, taking me in like I was a breath of fresh air. My whole body flushed under his gaze. He gazed into my eyes.

"How are you here?"

He looked behind me.

The smile left my face. I glanced back at Aiden. He stood there watching us with a resigned mask. He did all of this for me, made sure I had the dress, my hair and nails done to look nice for Bellamy, rented the whole restaurant out so that we could have privacy. He even dressed up so I'd be surprised. Just hours earlier he told me he was in love with me. My heart broke for him.

I went to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, knowing it might start an argument with Bellamy. "Thank you so much."

He nodded before heading for the door.

Bellamy came to my side. "Shall we?"

I couldn't help but laugh. This was all so formal, nothing like how we did things. I took him in again, wearing that suit. My hands ran down his chest. "I can't believe you're here."

He lead me toward the table, he shoved my chair in once I sat, then went around to face me. "We need to talk."

My forehead creased, my eyes worried as I stared at him.

I promise nothing bad is about to happen yall, I'm just tired and have to go to bed and I thought that would be a good stopping point.


	20. Tell The Truth

A/N: I literally don't know how this was able to be put up right now. I really wanted this chapter to be longer, but it's Spring Weekend at Longwood, woot! Kids, don't drink for more than two consecutive days in a row. I hope yall enjoy. Mind the typos.

Here's the song for the chapter watch?v=nurCE_MWdgA Tell The Truth - Jussie Smollet (Empire Soundtrack)

BELLAMY'S POV:

We flew for about twenty minutes, passing a body of water and a huge fence. The guards never lowered their guns, always trained on us. Finn and I locked eyes occasionally, both begging the other not to do anything stupid.

There was a landing platform on top of a building like in the old movies. I couldn't believe my eyes. All around us were buildings, below us traffic honked. The guards shuffled us about, bringing us to a halt in front of balding man with a permanent scowl and a younger version of him.

"What is this place?" Kane asked, even though it seemed fairly obvious.

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Blake." The older man spoke, authority heavy in his voice. He held his hand out for me to shake.

"How do you know my name?"

"We've made it a point to keep tabs on you. All of you." He looked around our band of misfits. "You can call me James Wyatt." He looked at the man next to him. "This my eldest son, Evan. We're very pleased to have you here."

I met Finn's eyes. He stood protectively near Eli, who still wasn't responding to him.

"Why'd you bring us here?" He asked.

James grinned as if it was all in good nature. "We want you to join our society, of course. The city is a place of opportunity."

Octavia. I neared James. "Did a group of my people make it here?"

He nodded. "They did. I'm sure they'll be pleased to see you."

Relief flooded me. My sister was safe. Not that I doubted she could take care of herself. No matter how long she was under Indra's wing, I still worried about her. "Where are they?" I headed for the door a few yards away.

"Bellamy, we have a few formalities to follow before we can let you wonder about. Health precautions, that sort of thing."

Warning bells went off. Ever since Mount Weather I didn't trust any medicine that wasn't administered by Abby or Clarke.

A tall guy that resembled both Wyatts yanked open the door. He gawked at me openly.

"Manners, Aiden." James criticized.

He gave me a wry grin. "I'm glad you made it."

"We didn't have much of a choice, what with the guns firing and all."

His eyes grew twice their size as he headed for the guards, shoving one a few feet back. "I told you not to harm them! What if you killed Bellamy?"

What was this guy's problem? Not that I wasn't grateful for him not wanting me dead, but damn. I didn't even know the guy.

"Aiden, relax. He's here like you asked. That's all that matters." His father admonished shamefully.

He turned to him. "And you think she'd stay if we killed him?"

I stepped forward, my gut telling me to worry. "Where's my sister?"

His forehead creased. "Your sister isn't here. Clarke is."

My heart stopped as I stared at him. "I told you we'd find her."

She was here? In this fairy tale land? Maybe it was only fitting. A fairy tale for a Princess.

"Where? I need to see her. Now." I started for the door.

A hand grabbed my shoulder. Aiden met my eyes as I yanked away.

"Don't touch me."

He backed a few feet away, hands up in surrender. "Clarke's fine. She's doing good."

"You've been taking care of her?"

He smirked. "Actually, yes."

Jealousy ebbed in me. I didn't just break up with her, I crushed her, and she had this guy to keep her company. Believe me, he was by no means ugly. I had no idea if Clarke found him attractive, I didn't know if Clarke had a type. Quite frankly, this guy looked like a mix of me a Finn. Now I was really worried. A thought occurred to me.

"One of your people took her, didn't they? They brought her here."

He glanced away, his jaw clenched.

My fist knocked into his jaw, hoping I cracked it. This fuck took Clarke from me. Finally, someone other than myself I could blame. I couldn't stop hitting him.

Kane held me back before the guards could get to me. They shook him off, only to roughly grab me up. Aiden rose with a scowl as he used wiped the blood from his mouth. "You done?" He stood in front of me, bitterness in his eyes.

I struggled against their hold.

"Now, I brought you here for Clarke, don't make me regret it." He nodded to guards.

They let me go.

"You wanted me here? And you wanted Clarke here?" I brushed myself off. "To unite our societies together?" I reached at an answer.

"Precisely." James spoke. He didn't look too happy that I roughed up his son. "Why don't you two take them to do their testing?" He told his sons.

They lead us to the stairs, which let off into a hallway with an elevator.

"Where's Clarke?" I asked.

"She's doing fine. A little beat up, but that was by her own hands. She tried to escape a few times."

A tiny grin came to my face. "That's my girl." I spoke aloud without thinking about it.

We stepped inside an elevator that could fit possibly a hundred, yet we all managed to clump together. He turned to us. "I'm sorry about the guards. Did you lose anyone?"

Lexa stepped to him. "I lost my second in command." She glared at him as if it was somehow his fault. Even though I couldn't stand her I knew she felt that loss. She had not too long ago killed Gustus for committing a crime against our peace treaty and Juniper had been his replacement.

He stared at her for a bit, taking her in. "I'm truly sorry for loss, Commander. Our guards wouldn't have attacked if they didn't feel threatened."

She sneered. "Are you defending them?"

He swallowed. "No, I'm not. I don't exactly agree with our system's methods."

She cleared her throat. "Well, thank you." She stepped back.

Silence fell in the eternal elevator ride.

Walking outside and into the city was indescribable. It was like we stepped into an alternate universe. An actual SUV sat idle for us. I had to admit, this was a bit exciting.

"I'm going to take care of something." Evan told Aiden before he got in the car.

Aiden stood by the door, an amusing grin on his face. "You have an urge for Thai food?"

Evan blushed. "Shut up." He walked down the sidewalk, looking like he fit right in with this world in his suit.

After the strange hospital visit we were all dropped off at the same apartment complex where the rest of our people lived. He pulled me aside and told me he wanted me to come to his apartment. That was where Clarke was staying.

I looked around his place, impressed.

"You thirsty?" He opened the fridge, tossed me a bottle of juice.

I gulped it down, very much liking the taste. He tossed me two more with a slight grin.

"She did the same thing. You two are a pair, aren't you?" His eyes saddened.

Great. I knew this would happen.

"You have feelings for her, don't you?"

His jaw hardened. "What makes you say that?"

"For one it's Clarke. And you actually cared about my well being, still do after I knocked you around. You said you brought me here for her." I moved closer to him, wanting some answers.

He rubbed his jaw and turned from me. "She needs you here, not me. It'll make her happy."

Hope bloomed in my chest. "She doesn't want to kill me?"

"Probably not." He gestured for me to follow him up the spiral staircase. He entered a room fairly spacious like the rest of the place. White sheets, white walls, white tiled floor. "You can stay here with Clarke." He gazed at the unmade bed. "Don't worry about the stains, a coffee mishap." He gave a tiny grin.

"I'll change the sheets." He stood in the middle of the room, looking a mixture of relieved and distraught.

I couldn't help but wonder if Clarke felt something for him in my absence?

"You said she's where?"

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at me. "Uh, I took her shopping earlier. She's at the salon now with Harper and Roma."

More warning bells went off in my head, but I kept my mouth shut. "Who else is here?"

He listed of the names of my friends, my dead friends. Suspicion sat in my mind. How could the dead be brought back? Did that mean they killed Clarke?

"When can I see Clarke?" I asked again, agitated. We've been here for a hour or two and I had yet to see her.

"Once you clean up, I'll take you to get a suit."

My brow furrowed. "For what?" Regular clothes will do. If I can wash these clothes, I'll be fine.

"Your date."

My what?

"Shower is that way." He nodded towards the bathroom. "They're some clean towels under the cabinet. I'll let you borrow some of my clothes in the mean time." He exited.

Showering here was way beyond my expectations. It definitely surpassed our jumping in the lake method. Part of me wanted to stay here for a while, it was expertly distressing every knot of tension in my body. Aiden's clothes fit a little loose on me, being that he was so much taller, but we made it work.

"Can we go now? I need to see Clarke." I asked for the millionth time at the men's clothing store.

He held up another suit to my body, covering the gray one I already wore. "You should look nice. She'll be dressed really nice."

I huffed. I didn't care how I looked. I just wanted to see Clarke. "I just need to see her."

He sighed. "Trust me, I get it. She'd want this to be as close to perfect as I could make it. Just humor me, please."

"Am I supposed to thank you?"

He stepped forward, clearly aware that he was taller than me. "I didn't have to do this for you. I could've let you wander around aimlessly, but I want Clarke to be happy. That's the only reason I demanded we bring you in."

It was all I could do not to knock him out again. "If you like Clarke so much, what do you get out of this, hih? You must know she doesn't feel that way about you?" Doubt clouded my mind. "Does she?"

He grimaced. "No," He shoved the suit into my arms, wanting me to go back into the fitting room. "She only sees you."

Evan waited for us outside once we were done. "Good to see you again, Bellamy."

Yeah, whatever.

"I'll have my driver take us back to my place so Clarke can get ready."

I looked to Aiden. "Wait, she doesn't know I'm here?" Nerves bubbled up inside me.

"That's why it's called a surprise."

He pulled me aside before I got into the SUV. His blue eyes troubled. "I brought you here because I want Clarke to stay. I knew she would only stay if you were here."

Finally, the truth.

I nodded, appreciating an answer. I didn't like that he had feelings for my girlfriend - or I hoped she still wanted to be. No matter what others reassured me, I still vividly remember how awful I was. There was no excuse for how I treated her. If any guy treated Octavia that way I'd have to do some damage. My mind wandered to Murphy. With everything said and done he wasn't such a bad guy. Sure, he was hardened by the ground, but we all were. If he wanted to pursue something with my sister I think I'd be okay with that. I remembered holding him back one night when he tried to talk to her. He'd been so adamant, so faithful. I could see the appeal by baby sister had and why he was drawn to her. Oddly enough, she was drawn to him, too. Maybe they'd arrive here soon. I made a mental note to ask Aiden to send a search team for them. They could be anywhere, but we'd have a better chance at finding them with that helicopter. If he didn't want to cooperate I'd let him know that Clarke would only stay if all of her people were here.

I looked up to find him brooding in silence. "Thank you, Aiden."

He nodded, then walked away as I got into the car. Minutes felt like hours. I felt sick. How was this going to play out? I just wanted to see Clarke.

I walked into the building, my heart jumped at the sight of her. She was right there in front of me, her back to me.

"Hey, Princess."

She turned. Her golden hair curled, and makeup done. All the breath left me as our eyes met. Relief flooded me while nerves bounced around in me. This was the moment of truth. Would she forgive me? Could she forgive me?

She charged me, a relieved smile on her beautiful face. Our arms tightened around each other. She held onto me like she was scared to me go. The feeling was mutual, but I wanted to see her.

"You have to let me go, Princess. I want to see how beautiful you look."

She released me, taking me in. She was always beautiful in my eyes, bruises and all, but wow. All I wanted to do was look at her like this forever.

"You look gorgeous."

She blushed.

There was a certain satisfaction in knowing I could that to her. Especially being that were were both dominant types.

"How are you here?" She asked.

I nodded in Aiden's direction. He stood stoically, but I could tell this was eating at him. A part of me felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to step out of the way to let him pursue Clarke. Sadness swept over her features as she went to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Jealousy coursed through me, but I told myself not to get carried away. She must've known the extent of his feelings for her and the sacrifice he made to get me here. Another part of me held gratitude toward him, only a tiny part.

She thanked him before we headed for the candlelit table. Aiden wasn't kidding, this place was fancy. Granted we could've worn anything due to the lack of clientele, but the plate settings looked expensive.

"We need to talk." I started.

A waiter came from nowhere, filling our glasses with red wine. Clarke shrank away from the class.

Her blue eyes gazed at me nervously. "About us?"

I gave a nod. "Yeah and this place. And Aiden."

She visibly sagged. "Go ahead." My hand sought hers over the table. My brow raised at her red nails, running a finger over them. She gave a short laugh. "You don't like it, do you?"

I took her in again. This was as dressed up as I'd ever seen her. As nice as it would be to see her like this for the rest of our lives, this wasn't her. I glanced at my suit before meeting her eyes. Eyes that didn't hold fear or doubt.

"We need to leave."

She balked at me. "This place is safe."

"How do you know that?"

The waiter sat two plates of questionable pasta and bread in front of us. He scurried off after I gave him the stank eye.

"How could you possibly know that for a fact? You've only been here for a week." Had it only been that short? It felt like years since I saw her last.

She frowned, avoided my eyes. Were we back to how things were before when she couldn't look at me?

"You trust Aiden, is that it?" Jealousy hung in my voice.

"He brought you here, didn't he?" She defended, snatching her hand away.

"Do you like him? Is there something I need to know about?"

She met my eyes, hesitation clear in hers. "No."

My heart sped up as my temper flared. It took me a few moments to get it under control before saying, "You're lying."

She blinked rapidly. "Nothing happened with Aiden...I can't tell you what else."

No. No. No. I silently begged her not to cry. I hated to see her cry, especially because of me.

"Everything has to be laid out on the table, Princess. I'm going to love you either way."

That only made her cry harder. Shit.

"How can I believe that after what happened last time?"

My head hung in shame. We had both made it harder to trust each other. I sought her eyes. "We're together, right?" She nodded. "Then nothing can change that. Whatever it is, we can work through it. That's what couples do, don't they?"

She blinked as she wiped at her cheeks. "You're not going to run away?"

I shook my head, holding my hand out for hers. She placed hers in mine when she calmed down.

"Okay." She sighed. "I went to a club and I got really drunk...I kissed a girl."

I waited a few seconds to calm myself. I knew whatever had transpired in my absence was my fault. She was here because of me. "It doesn't matter."

Her eyes held a tiny bit of relief, which scared me. "There's more." She sighed. "Aiden and I..." She shoved my shoulders down. "Nothing happened. His family wanted to unite our societies. A Wyatt would be with whomever was in charge from the Sky People." She sat in my lap, forcing me to stay in the chair. "I told him nothing was ever going to happen between us because I'm in love with you. That's not going to change, Bell."

I nodded. My hands held her waist. "Why don't you hate me?"

She stilled, her eyes focusing only one mine. "I could never hate you." Her voice barely above a whisper. Her hands slid up to hold my face. "You've been blaming yourself, haven't you?"

How could I not?

She sighed, knowing me all too well. Her forehead dropped to mine. "Why are we so fucked up?"

My head shook. "It's this world, not us, baby."

She smiled before kissing me softly. I cherished the feeling, taking in the vanilla smell of her hair, her soft lips against mine, her hands clutching my face as she sunk into me. Moments like this didn't last, I knew that all too well.

"Let's go back to Aiden's place." She muttered.

Part of me was beyond jealous that she was staying with the guy that wanted to marry her or whatever, but the other part registered what her eyes were telling me.

I froze as panic set in. "I'm not ready."

"What?" She laughed.

My face flushed. "Clarke, this is a big deal. I don't want to mess this up."

She shook her head. "I'm not a virgin, Bellamy. It doesn't have to be this special or romantic occasion."

"Our first time means something to me." I hesitated. "I have to tell you something." Now or never, right? "I told Finn I slept with you and Raven." I waited for her to blow up.

She grinned. "I know."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because you told me."

Her logic totally confused me, but I went along with it. "So you slept with Raven?"

My forehead creased. "She told you?"

"No, Finn did. He said you told him you slept with me like you did with Raven."

Again, she was smiling. I was beyond interpreting her mixed signals. Maybe there was something in the water here.

"You don't seem mad." My hold on her tightened.

She shrugged. "You told me about the lie and what you did with Raven wasn't any of my business then."

I accepted that. "And you still want to be with me?" I couldn't bring myself to call what she wanted sex. It was so much more than that.

She gazed at me with dreamy eyes and a grin, making me feel loved.

ELI'S POV:

He came to lay by me. I felt my body tense up for the first time in his presence. What was that about?

"What's going on with you?" He turned those brown eyes on me once he got comfortable.

I tried to relax my muscles, but couldn't. Maybe they were tense for what I was about to ask, for what could change if I asked him this question. If it turned out he didn't feel anything beyond friendship for me then he could get angry and pull away and I'd lose the only person I had left. Although, Finn wasn't the type to get offended in that way. He was pretty open minded.

"I need to ask you something." I turned my head towards him, not realizing how close we were. My breath caught in my throat under his intense gaze. I didn't want to do this to us.

"I think I know what it's about." His gaze lingered on my face, like he was proving what I was afraid of.

I made myself look him in the eye. "It's not true, is it?"

"You tell me." His eyes dipped to my lips and before I knew it he had taken over my mouth. For a few moments I forgot who I was kissing and I let myself partake in the fun, only to pull away with wide eyes. What had I done?

He tried to hide the hurt look on his face, but I could read him well. "What?"

I had to tell him the truth, I couldn't lie to him. Well, I could. I could entertain whatever he wanted to play, but that wouldn't be fair to either of us. "I'm not into you that way." I couldn't look at him, not when it was me who hurting him, so I stood.

"You're lying." He sat up on the bed.

"Why? Because I'm gay and I have to have feelings for you because you're a guy?" Anger poked it's way to the surface. Was that what he really thought of me? That I went around liking every guy I saw? "Sorry, it doesn't work that way."

He stopped me in my tracks with his eyes, so much anger in them. "That's not what I meant."

"Then why are you mad at me?" I didn't want to yell, but I could feel it in my bones that there was no good way this could end. Not between us.

"Because I'm this way because of you!"

My body stilled as I stared at him. "What?"

He looked at me like he knew I'd get it eventually. "I'm not attracted to other guys, Eli. Just you." He searched my eyes for who knows how long.

How do I react to something like that? Just yesterday I found out there was a chance Finn liked me, now he was telling me all of this bullshit I didn't want to hear because I'm selfish...and I didn't want anything to change between us. How could we go back after what's been said with it hanging between us? How could we pretend nothings changed?

"I don't know what to tell you." I made sure to leave pity out of my voice because I knew he hated it. "I don't feel that way about you." He narrowed his eyes. Was I lying? We were friends. We've been friends in my mind for three months, nothing more. "You-you're my only friend and I thought you were still in love with Clarke."

"How could I still be in love with Clarke when I'm in love with you?"

I went rigid. All I wanted to do was cover my eyes and make nonsensical noises to block out his claims. There was definitely no going back after that. Had I enticed him? He said he was this way because of me. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of liking men - or liking me - and it was somehow all my fault. Part of me wasn't surprised. I was a ruiner. Everything I had eventually turned to ruins in some way because of me. Why didn't I realize Finn was no different sooner? Maybe I could've spared him.

This was too much. I turned away from him. Where was fresh air when you needed it?

He sighed. There was silence for a few moments before he asked, "You're telling me that you haven't thought about us before, not even for a second?"

Well, I was thinking about us now, did that count?

I shook my head, knowing he wouldn't want that answer.

He came into view again, looking up at me with those brown babies. "You kissed me back. Why?"

I had to look away. Why had I kissed him? Saying I wasn't sure wouldn't be good enough, but I had no better answer for him.

"I'm not sure." I met his eyes.

Where had my attraction for him gone? Those first few days I loved teasing him, but I never really considered that anything would happen or change. I looked at him now and saw a thin face, shoulder length brown hair, full lips, and brown puppy dog eyes. I knew deep down that if I hadn't lived the way I lived I would've made a move. That realization alone changed everything for me in that moment. I didn't have to dig hard to find the qualities I admired about Finn. He was a survivor, funny, he could match my sarcasm, he didn't look at me and just see a gay boy. We trusted each other with our lives, my aching leg was proof of that. We could talk about anything together, usually during the late hours of the night that was exactly what we did. Despite his past, he was a peaceful guy. He wore his heart on his sleeve and in this world that was bad. Now we're in a different world, so maybe that wasn't so bad. I took him in again. An attractive face, tousled dark brown hair, a slight peppering of stubble. Those brown eyes stared up at me expectantly. What do I tell him? I just a few seconds ago rethought you to be hot and I played over our best moments in my head, so now I might like you?

I cleared my throat. "We're not going to happen, Finn." Part of me was hoping he'd call me out on it, but he never did.

He looked away with a few stiff nods before heading for the front door.

"Finn?"

He stopped with the handle in his hand, but otherwise didn't turn around.

What could I say to make this better? If I just left it alone would we still be pretending we were just friends?

He opened the door and left.

CLARKE:

We strolled through town hand in hand, finally able to enjoy each other in a semi normal way. Out of everything we've been through I didn't think we'd ever have this. I looked around us, enjoying how the city felt even more alive at night. There were no cares here, which I supposed could be suspicious, but nothing happened so far that was so bad. There were still unanswered questions, like how the dead were alive, but other than that it's been quiet as crickets.

Bellamy pulled me to his chest, he grinned down at me with intention in his eyes. His lips tugged on mine, making me weak in the knees. After what we just did, I should be weak in the everything. Despite my tired muscles, I still wanted food.

_Get it together_, I told myself. _You wear the pants in this relationship_.

I fought for dominance. Maybe he let me have it. My teeth nipped his bottom lip, making him groan. I let go with a chuckle. He smiled against my neck. Neither of us wanted to move from this moment.

A siren sounded from nearby. We turned towards the noise, the white and red lights illuminating the streets. My heart sped up as the truck raced past us to what had to be the hospital.

,

OCTAVIA'S POV:

We spotted them about a mile from where we landed. Anger sparked through me at the sight of Jaha. Indra didn't bother holding me back. I held my hand out expecting Indra to hand me her sword. My fingers wrapped around the cold hard metal as I charged him. My wet clothes weighed me down.

He turned toward me in time enough to dodge the sharp edge of the sword, but he wasn't fast enough to dodge my next blow to his side, slicing through the flesh. He cried out, shooting daggers at me. He clutched his bleeding side as he scrambled away on the rocks like a coward. I could hear the insult on the tip of his tongue

"Go ahead," I dared him. With that wound he wouldn't be doing a lot of moving, so I knelt in front of him, grabbing his shirt in one hand, the sword in the other. I held the sword to his chest. His dark eyes held a mixture of craziness and emptiness. There was no room in my heart to feel sorry for him. All I could think about was Murphy.

"What are you doing?" Caspian interjected.

"I'm sorry about John, Octavia." His eyes held sorrow. "He was a necessary sacrifice."

How could he say that? Murphy trusted him with his life and this was his repayment?

"He wouldn't want this for us." His eyes pleaded for me to understand.

I was beyond tired of Jaha's destiny crap, moral reasonings. The only person Jaha cared about was himself and his purpose. My hand twisted it's grip on the sword, anger rolling off of me. "Murphy's not here. He's dead," I shoved the sword forward, making sure to drive enough force in it to penetrate through his muscle and bones. "Because of you."

He met my eyes with a wide gaze, blood pooling my his mouth, gasping for air. Now he knew how I felt when Murphy sacrificed himself, when he threw me in the ocean to die.

"You're a coward. You couldn't accept that we were content where we were. You filled his head with fantasies." I twisted the sword in my hand. "You killed him." A single tear ran down my face as I sighed. I rose, yanking the sword out of his stomach. He fell to the ground. I wiped my forehead, handing the weapon to Indra.

She stared at me with understanding eyes. "Do you feel better?"

Murphy was still dead. So no. I shook my head.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Caspian yelled.

We faced him.

"You just killed the Chancellor." He backed away from us, accusation heavy in his voice. He fell back on the rocks as he cried. "You killed him." Panic in his voice. Clearly, the trip had got to him. It had got to all of us.

Indra and I stared at each other. What were we going to do with him? Let him wonder about on his own or take care of him? While I wasn't partial to him and neither was Murphy, I didn't want him to die. A smile came to my face when I thought about Murphy's heavy sarcasm, his dry humor, his sky blue eyes that held the perfect mix of desire and respect when he looked at me. A twinge of pain pinched my chest when I kept remembering that he wouldn't ever gift others with his wit, with his gaze. I thought I lost him months ago, but that felt like nothing compared to this. How cliche was it that it felt like a gaping hole in my stomach? There was no way else to describe it.

Maybe that feeling wasn't his absence. Maybe it was my shame, my knowing I realized I loved him only when it was too late. He was ripped away from me moments ago. It was hard not to think about, hard not to fixate on.

An unfamiliar sound came from overhead, but we couldn't see anything in the sky. After a few moments a huge helicopter swooped down. Indra and I ran for it, leaving Caspian to fend for himself. There was no need to help Jaha, he was already dead. We ran for the cover of the caves, not knowing who was controlling that helicopter or what they wanted.

The dank darkness raised the hairs on my skin as we heavily breathed in the wet air. Fear gripped me. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die without seeing everyone that I loved one last time. That could never happen again. The one person I wanted to see more than anything was dead.

With my back against the jagged cave wall, I sank to the ground. My breathing became shallow. Everything closed in as I drew in air. Indra looked in my general direction, we had enough light to make each other out in the darkness. This wasn't happening, I outgrew them.

"What's wrong?" She asked, knowing there was a multitude of answers.

My hands gripped at the dirt beneath my hands as I struggled to focus my breathing. _I'm not afraid_, I told myself over and over. The mantra I'd lived by for so long didn't work. My mind played everything that went wrong in my life.

"I'm having a panic attack." I muttered breathlessly.


	21. Take All Of Me

I just wanted to explain to yall why I do multiple pov's and why there's been more of them than bellarke pov's lately. When I read and a couple get together I sort of lose interest because the chase is over essentially. That's one of the reasons I separated Clarke and Bellamy, to bring a bit of spark back into their relationship lol. Anyway, for those of you who sort of agree with me will probably lose interest in them now that they're together and may stop reading...I've been hoping yall have become at least a little emotionally invested in my other ships to stick around if you feel like bellarke has gone stale. I can admit that now that they're back together and everything appears to be gravy I'm not quite sure how I'm going to keep them exciting, so bare with me please. :)

**The song for this chapter is Matt Corby - Take All Of Me watch?v=yffPGs52TuE**

AIDEN'S POV:

I slid in the wooden stool at the bar, gestured for some assistance. The dark haired brown eyed girl eyed me up and down with a seductive grin.

"What can I get for you, Wyatt?" She poured me a glass of bourbon, intention heavy in her eyes.

I threw back the bourbon. I needed it right now. Clarke wasn't mine to begin with, but it still felt like I gave her away. I was kidding myself. I'd never have a chance with her. My eyes went to Mandy. I gestured for her to fill up my glass.

"What time do you get off?" I grinned, both of us knowing it didn't reach my eyes.

CLARKE'S POV:

Somehow we made it up the stairs without disconnecting from each other. He lead me towards my room, a grin on his face.

"What do you want, Princess?"

My mind went back to my dream, but this time I wasn't nervous. "I want you." My voice filled with confidence.

He backed me onto the bed and a bead of panic filled me for a different reason. I couldn't do this. Not here. I scrambled away from him, falling off the bed once I took in the red roses, the champagne in a bucket on the bedside table. Guilt filled me.

Bellamy crouched in front of me on the floor, confusion and worry in his brown eyes. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."

I shook my head as I took his hands in mine. "You didn't do anything wrong..." I looked around us, confirming what I felt. "We can't be together, not in this room." I hoped he understood. "This is Aiden's room...I can't do that to him." Nerves racked in me. I knew Bellamy was hot headed at times jealous, but he had reason to be after all we've been through. It'd be weird if he wasn't. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No, I understand." He brought me to his bare chest. "We don't have to do this tonight."

I met his eyes. "We're doing this tonight." Determination in my voice.

He grinned in amusement. "Where?"

My eyes went to the shower. I jumped up, holding my hand out. He took it.

We laid in bed, his leg draped over mine as we longingly gazed at each other in silence. I couldn't remember a time I'd ever felt so close to someone, so completely connected. From this point on there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be with Bellamy for however long I had left.

My eyes found his, I pulled him down for a kiss. He left his lips on mine for a few moments as his hands trailed down my side. His hand cupped my ass, squeezing it playfully. I giggled, pushing him away. The laughter met his eyes. I knew without a doubt that he believed we'd be together for as long as we lived.

His eyes ran over my face. "What do you want to ask me?"

I cozied closer to him, propping my head up on my hand. "Tell me about your mom. About what it was like on the Ark for you."

He stilled, feeling uncomfortable.

"When we were hallucinating from the nuts you spoke about her a little." My hand played with his damp hair. "What was she like?"

He closed his eyes and remained silent for a while. I continued to play with his hair. "She was a lot like Octavia." He muttered, his eyes still closed. "She was big on family. She went to great lengths to make sure we felt safe." He opened his eyes, finding mine. "When Octavia was born she told me she was my responsibility. Growing up with that sense of duty put a strain on the relationships I wanted to have. I couldn't exactly bring home a girl and introduce her to my mom and sister." He gave a tiny grin, his eyes faraway. "That's why I never talked to you, never approached you."

"You mean you weren't going for the forbidden fruit angle?"

He chuckled. "That would've sounded better, wouldn't it have?"

A grin tugged at my mouth as I remembered seeing him for the first time. "You were reading a book about Earth Skills in the cafeteria in your guardsman uniform. You were obviously older...unattainable and hot."

"I might still have that uniform somewhere if you want to put it to use." He teased.

I laughed, truly considering it. "Okay, cadet."

He frowned, his eyes narrowed in thought. "Not as sexy as I initially thought."

My hand yanked on his hair playfully. "Yeah, whatever."

"This was worth it though." He grinned. "Even if you do have a few too many admirers."

I blushed. "You know none of them matter, right?"

He stayed quiet, making me worried.

"Bell, I don't have feelings for Aiden or Lexa. Especially not Finn."

He gave a small laugh. "I know...it's just that everyone who has or had feelings for you are all in the same place now. It's going to be awkward."

I huffed, knowing he was right. "Time heals all wounds."

His eyes narrowed at my cliche. "I hope you don't become a motivational speaker."

My mind went to Aiden. I really did feel bad for him, but there was nothing I could do to make him feel better, to make him get over me. I met Bellamy's eyes. "Let's get ice cream."

A siren sounded from nearby. We turned towards the noise, the white and red lights illuminating the streets. My heart sped up as the truck raced past us to what had to be the hospital. Our eyes met. My hand pulled out my phone, I dialed Aiden's number only to hear endless ringing. Worry set in. All I could think was it was one of my people that died. I tried him again with no answer.

"We have to get to everyone else."

We headed towards the apartments, needing answers.

I left out this first part from Eli's POV last chapter that I felt was important to understand the setting. My bad yall

ELI'S POV:

Once I got my leg treated and everyone was checked out and shot up, we each were given our own apartment, but they all had adjoining doors. Finn was to my right while Lexa and Kane were privileged enough to enough to stay in higher class suites. I couldn't tell how long we'd been here, hours or minutes. I just knew I'd never felt anything like a hot shower and an actual bed.

For a while, I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering why it was so strange I didn't recognize myself. It wasn't like we hadn't had access to reflective surfaces, but that was rare to come by. Was this what Finn saw? What everybody saw?

A surge of anger woke me up from my nap. If what Bellamy had indicated was true then screw Finn. How could he like me? We were friends. Well, maybe a little more than friends, but I could be mad at him for potentially ruining the only good relationship I've had with anyone in years. I didn't have any family left. For a long time I thought Kai was my family. Being close to Finn made me realize that I didn't have to be treated like property to feel close to people. I craved another person's presence. A big part of my saving Finn was wanting to not be alone, the bigger part was trying to save his life.

My eyes took in everything around me as I layed in bed. This bed would be the death of me. The warm sheets, the big puffy blanket, the floppy pillows. One could die a happy man in this.

A knock on the door interrupted my rantings of a madman. "Come in."

I knew it was Finn, but I didn't expect him to use the front door and not the adjoining door that connected our rooms. He popped his head in. "You decent?" His eyes ran over my body.

I had a feeling that Bellamy was right.

"You look ridiculous." He entered with a grin. he gestured to my white shirt and grey sweatpants.

I laughed. "Yeah, well so do you." He wore a similar outfit.

He came to lay by me. I felt my body tense up for the first time in his presence. What was that about?

"What's going on with you?" He turned those brown eyes on me once he got comfortable.

I tried to relax my muscles, but couldn't. Maybe they were tense for what I was about to ask, for what could change if I asked him this question. If it turned out he didn't feel anything beyond friendship for me then he could get angry and pull away and I'd lose the only person I had left. Although, Finn wasn't the type to get offended in that way. He was pretty open minded.

"I need to ask you something." I turned my head towards him, not realizing how close we were. My breath caught in my throat under his intense gaze. I didn't want to do this to us.

"I think I know what it's about." His gaze lingered on my face, like he was proving what I was afraid of.

I made myself look him in the eye. "It's not true, is it?"

"You tell me." His eyes dipped to my lips and before I knew it he had taken over my mouth. For a few moments I forgot who I was kissing and I let myself partake in the fun, only to pull away with wide eyes. What had I done?

He tried to hide the hurt look on his face, but I could read him well. "What?"

I had to tell him the truth, I couldn't lie to him. Well, I could. I could entertain whatever he wanted to play, but that wouldn't be fair to either of us. "I'm not into you that way." I couldn't look at him, not when it was me who hurting him, so I stood.

"You're lying." He sat up on the bed.

"Why? Because I'm gay and I have to have feelings for you because you're a guy?" Anger poked it's way to the surface. Was that what he really thought of me? That I went around liking every guy I saw? "Sorry, it doesn't work that way."

He stopped me in my tracks with his eyes, so much anger in them. "That's not what I meant."

"Then why are you mad at me?" I didn't want to yell, but I could feel it in my bones that there was no good way this could end. Not between us.

"Because I'm this way because of you!"

My body stilled as I stared at him. "What?"

He looked at me like he knew I'd get it eventually. "I'm not attracted to other guys, Eli. Just you." He searched my eyes for who knows how long.

How do I react to something like that? Just yesterday I found out there was a chance Finn liked me, now he was telling me all of this bullshit I didn't want to hear because I'm selfish...and I didn't want anything to change between us. How could we go back after what's been said with it hanging between us? How could we pretend nothings changed?

"I don't know what to tell you." I made sure to leave pity out of my voice because I knew he hated it. "I don't feel that way about you." He narrowed his eyes. Was I lying? We were friends. We've been friends in my mind for three months, nothing more. "You-you're my only friend and I thought you were still in love with Clarke."

"How could I still be in love with Clarke when I'm in love with you?"

I went rigid. All I wanted to do was cover my eyes and make nonsensical noises to block out his claims. There was definitely no going back after that. Had I enticed him? He said he was this way because of me. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of liking men - or liking me - and it was somehow all my fault. Part of me wasn't surprised. I was a ruiner. Everything I had eventually turned to ruins in some way because of me. Why didn't I realize Finn was no different sooner? Maybe I could've spared him.

This was too much. I turned away from him. Where was fresh air when you needed it?

He sighed. There was silence for a few moments before he asked, "You're telling me that you haven't thought about us before, not even for a second?"

Well, I was thinking about us now, did that count?

I shook my head, knowing he wouldn't want that answer.

He came into view again, looking up at me with those brown babies. "You kissed me back. Why?"

I had to look away. Why had I kissed him? Saying I wasn't sure wouldn't be good enough, but I had no better answer for him.

"I'm not sure." I met his eyes.

Where had my attraction for him gone? Those first few days I loved teasing him, but I never really considered that anything would happen or change. I looked at him now and saw a thin face, shoulder length brown hair, full lips, and brown puppy dog eyes. I knew deep down that if I hadn't lived the way I lived I would've made a move. That realization alone changed everything for me in that moment. I didn't have to dig hard to find the qualities I admired about Finn. He was a survivor, funny, he could match my sarcasm, he didn't look at me and just see a gay boy. We trusted each other with our lives, my aching leg was proof of that. We could talk about anything together, usually during the late hours of the night that was exactly what we did. Despite his past, he was a peaceful guy. He wore his heart on his sleeve and in this world that was bad. Now we're in a different world, so maybe that wasn't so bad. I took him in again. An attractive face, tousled dark brown hair, a slight peppering of stubble. Those brown eyes stared up at me expectantly. What do I tell him? I just a few seconds ago rethought you to be hot and I played over our best moments in my head, so now I might like you?

I cleared my throat. "We're not going to happen, Finn." Part of me was hoping he'd call me out on it, but he never did.

He looked away with a few stiff nods before heading for the front door.

"Finn?"

He stopped with the handle in his hand, but otherwise didn't turn around.

What could I say to make this better? If I just left it alone would we still be pretending we were just friends?

He opened the door and left.

BELLAMY'S POV:

We looked back at the apartments with no luck. How we found them in the first place was beyond me. The only way to find the Wyatt's building was to ask around. Apparently, their building had a big sign of their family name. We didn't bother telling reception we were here. The elevator brought us to the top floor after a few minutes of tense silence.

Clarke and I shared a look at the arguing as the doors opened.

"What do you want from me, _dad_?" Aiden demanded, like he was suggesting his father didn't fit the role.

"I get a call that you're dumbass is piss drunk

James stood there, his hands by his side, a stern and disappointed glint in his eyes. Evan and a woman that had to be their sibling stood with worried eyes. Lexa sat in a chair at the long glass table, trying to disappear. They all turned towards us.

Aiden gazed at Clarke longingly. "Great. _You're_ here." He turned to his dad. "You see them together, don't you? _She_ doesn't want me. You're plan to reunite the world is going to have to wait another generation, sorry to disappoint you again."

His brother stepped forward, his hands raised in surrender. "No one's disappointed in you, Aiden." His voice calm.

Aiden let out a dark chuckle, his eyes on his dad. "That right, James? I'm not the bastard son you wish you never had."

Clarke stilled next to me. I looked down at her, wondering what she was thinking. She said she didn't have feelings for Aiden and I believed her, but she felt guilty enough to drive us to the shower so we wouldn't have to do it on his bed, in his room.

James' hand flashed out and slapped his son in the face. Aiden tumbled to the floor, his eyes bloodshot, his nose runny. "You will never be my blood, but you will always be my son." James glared at him. "You will respect me and all that I've done for you."

Evan and his sister just stood there.

Clarke turned toward me, pity in her blue eyes before she went to him, hugging him. Surprisingly, not even a sliver of jealousy sprouted up. This was who Clarke was, a giver.

"Now if you all excuse me, I need to get back to my meeting with The Commander."

I went to help Clarke pick Aiden up. We were almost to the door when Lexa said, "We can reschedule, Mr. Wyatt. It's been a long day anyway." She walked over to us. Jealousy reared it's head when she neared. Clarke responded to her to tell her it was nice to see her.

The sister jumped into the elevator at the last second. She held his face up, making him look at her. "Listen to me, you're one of us. You're a Wyatt, okay? Dad's just dealing with a lot of stress right now."

He fell into her arms. I didn't know how she managed to hold him up with him being twice her size. "Let's get you home."

"No!" He shouted. "It's ocupado."

Now I felt guilty.

"You can stay with me, then, but I have a lot of work to do and I have to get up early to prep for a board meeting." She thought it over. I didn't know her well, but she seemed the business as usual type.

"We can go somewhere else, Talia." Clarke supplied.

I looked at her. Where were we going to go?

"Or he could stay with me." Lexa offered.

We turned toward her in the corner.

"You don't have to do that." Clarke said.

She had a controlled look in her eyes as she stared at Clarke. "I don't mind. I could use the company anyway."

My mind went to her previously killed Second in Command. If I were her, I wouldn't want to be alone in this place either. I didn't trust it. Granted, Aiden was one of them, the people that lived here.

"Okay, thanks." Talia shot her a grateful look with tired eyes.

Clarke and I shared a look. Now was not the time to ask questions. Tomorrow.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

Murphy came into view, a grin of his perfect face as he crouched down in front of me. His sky blue eyes stared longingly at me. "You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?"

I let out a relieved laugh, bringing my arms around his neck. He held me tight. "I missed you."

He laughed. "I know." He pulled away too soon, taking me in with a worried crinkle on his forehead. "You're dying."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're strong, O. You can get through this, all you have to do is _fight._" He stressed.

Confusion filled my mind. It was like he was talking in codes. "I don't understand. You're here. I'm okay."

His eyes saddened. "No, you're not." He caressed my face. "I miss you, too."

He disappeared before my eyes as my throat constricted as I gasped for air. I shook my head. "Come back." I begged between breaths.

"Octavia." A woman's voice broke me out of my daze. Indra sat in front of me before slapping me in the face.

My head turned, automatically stinging from the blow. I coughed for a few moments once I caught my breath I relaxed. My mind replayed the event that took place in my head. In my head. If I could separate it from me and keeping going I would. Heaviness settled over me.

"You're okay. You should probably drink some water. We have to find a stream or lake, which by judging of the size of that ocean won't be close. You can't drink that salt water, it'll just dehydrate you more."

"I saw him." I muttered.

"Who?"

"John Murphy." I sighed, exhausted.

She pulled me into her arms, rocking me back and forth. Silent tears ran down my face. I didn't know how I had any left. "You're going to be okay. You're a part of my people. We always overcome."

My eyes rolled. It didn't seem like it. If this was overcoming, I didn't want it. If this was how I was supposed to become a better warrior, I didn't want it. I just wanted my family back.

A/N: Sorry this chapter lacked a little. I've been having allergies really bad the last few days and everyone knows what sinus headaches feel like. Anyway, I hope yall enjoyed :)


	22. Deep Water

Short but sweet.

The song for this chapter is The Middle East - Deep Water watch?v=VmMxZmerOFg

CLARKE'S POV:

Talia and I carried Aiden through the door as Lexa opened it.

"I'm fine." He pulled away from us, only to tumble to the floor. He smelled like a brewery. I didn't think I could take that smell any longer.

"Let's get him in the shower." Talia read my mind. "I can take it from there."

Bellamy helped her, giving me a parting glance that told me to take care of business.

I huffed, turning to Lexa. She stared at me with distant eyes. "We should probably talk."

She nodded. She headed for the terrace. We sat next to each other on the couch. The night chill raised the hairs on my arms. I didn't know where to start."

"I'm sorry." She rushed out.

I looked at her. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to drive a rift between you and Bellamy."

Annoyance filled me. "Then why'd you kiss me?"

She sighed. "I thought I had feelings for you."

"And now you don't?"

She gave a wry grin. "I never did." She layed back on the sofa, looking up at the stars. "I was never over Castia. You reminded me of her so much."

"Is that supposed to make it okay?" I was trying not to blame her for what happened to me, but seeing her in front of me made it harder. "I was out in the woods because of you. I lied to Bellamy because of you. We broke up because of you. I was _kidnapped_ because of _you_."

She closed her eyes. "That's not fair, Clarke. You can't blame me for all of those things. All I did was kiss you."

"Does it feel like all you did was kiss me?"

She turned to look at me. "What else can I say? I'd take it back if I could."

We stayed quiet for a while, long enough to gather our thoughts.

"I forgive you." I told her.

"No, you don't."

"I have to." I rose, ready to be done with this conversation, with her.

I headed for the bathroom only to find Talia talking to Aiden, who was enjoying his bubble bath nicely.

"Where's Bellamy?" I asked her.

"Get off of me." Lexa said from the distance.

I rushed to the terrace to find Bellamy hovered over Lexa, clutching her shirt with a scowl.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, pushing him off.

"She lied."

"About what?" I looked between them.

"She flaunted it in my face."

I sighed. "Look, I don't care what's happened. I'm with Bellamy. End of story. Work it out." I demanded, glaring at both of them.

JASPER'S POV:

"You going on a hot date?" I asked Raven.

She chuckled. Her hair was out of it's usual braid, it fell in waves past her shoulders.

"Something like that, Jas."

Her and Wick had gotten pretty serious and I couldn't have been happier for her.

"What?" She asked. "You have that look in your eyes."

"I just want what you have with Wick."

She squeezed my shoulder. "You'll get there. Didn't you have a thing with Harper?"

"No." I thought back to when I'd been a dick for like a week. "Have you seen her around?"

She shook her head.

I shrugged. "Let me get back to my wallowing."

Wick came up behind her, surprising her with a kiss on the neck. She laughed.

"You guys make me sick." I grinned. I met Wicke's gaze. "Treat her right." I headed back to the lab.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

We waited until night fall before leaving the cave, figuring that the helicopter would be gone for sure. And it was. We needed food, with the ocean so close it wouldn't be all that hard. Well, maybe it would be with shark's and the like swimming around.

I looked to Indra, not knowing what to do. "Honestly, I'm not that hungry."

She nodded. "Me either."

"Can we just rest?" It took more energy that I had to just talk.

"That's not a bad idea."

We headed back to the cave for some well needed sleep.

AIDEN'S POV:

Bellamy left.

"Thank you." I told Talia.

She scrubbed my back. "What are sister's for?"

I scoffed as I drunk from the bottle of water she gave me. "You and I both know you're not really my sister."

She rolled her eyes. "Screw you."

I grinned. "Finally, the truth."

She groaned. "Would you quit it? You're my half brother. You're as much my brother as Evan is."

"We both know James doesn't see me that way."

Her eyes scanned me, probably wondering why I was so coherent. "Maybe if you stop calling him James you might feel a little differently, you big faker."

A small grin played on my lips. "I'm not a faker, the alcohol started to wear off on the way over here."

We stayed silent until Clarke popped in.

"Where's Bellamy?" She asked.

There was yelling from far off.

"You know there's more than one girl in the world, right?" Talia asked.

"Do you really want to give me relationship advice right now?"

She shoved me under water for a few seconds. I knocked her hands away to glare at her. "Just because Clarke rejected you doesn't mean you can act like a dick to the people that care about you."

She was right unfortunately.

"I'm sorry."

Everyone left after Talia got Gordon to bring me something to sleep in. I went out to the living room. The apartment they gave Lexa wasn't as nice as mine, but it was still pretty impressive.

She sat on the terrace, letting the fire warm her up. I had a better idea. I went out with two glasses and a bottle of red wine that I knew was stashed in the bottom right cabinet under the sink. She looked at me as I sat down on the floor in front of her. With that Grounder makeup on she looked beyond intimidating, but so hot.

I poured her half a glass and handed it to her.

She took it with conflicted eyes. "Should you be drinking?"

"Probably not." I took a sip.

She threw it all back.

"Thanks for letting me crash here. I didn't really want to go back to my place."

She held out her glass again.

"So you love her, too?"

She met my eyes. "Clarke?" She sighed. "I thought I did. Seeing her again, it's made things more clear." She sipped at her wine. "You kidnapped her?"

"Sorry about that."

"I believe in your purpose. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same."

"Do you feel comfortable enough to bring your people here?"

She shrugged. "I've only been here a day, so no."

I watched the flames lick off of her as she layed down on the sofa, her wine glass on the floor, her blue eyes much like Clarke's. "What's it been like growing up here?"

"Fun. Carefree. I've never had to spear someone to a tree, so maybe not as much fun for you."

She cracked a half grin.

"It's not so bad here. I don't understand why'd you want to live like savages in the woods instead of joining us." I spoke too quickly, knowing I had to have offended her.

She huffed. "I heard stories. I never thought any of them were true." Her eyes on the sky. "Before you knock our lifestyle we don't know any other way. You've had the privilege of growing up in the protection of the city. You don't know who you'd be out there."

Maybe she was right, but it was too late to change anything for either side. All we could do was move forward. So what if our destined hand in marriage wouldn't happen, assumably, we'd all be together now. It would take some time to set in motion, but that was a start. Maybe I didn't totally fuck up James' plans. I took a sip of my wine.

"You know, you didn't deserve the way your dad treated you."

I looked up to meet her eyes. "You feeling sorry for me?"

She nodded. "Yes. I believe in the chain of command, but your dad's just a dick."

I laughed, nodding along with her statement. "That he is."

"Why are you talking to me?"

I stared at her, confused at the question. "Why wouldn't I be talking to you? You're letting me stay at your place and you're kind of an important person here now."

She rolled her eyes. "Clearly you're the one letting me stay in your place and I'm no more important than anybody else." She grinned and I think the wine was hitting her. "I am pretty awesome."

I shook my head. "Maybe I should get you to bed."

Her eyebrows raised in question. "I'm not into dicks."

That warranted a hysterical laugh. I couldn't help but wonder if she was always this crude. I stood slowly, making sure I was good to help her. She rose on her own.

"I know where the bed is. If you keep your hands to yourself you can sleep with me."

Why hadn't Clarke given this woman a chance?

"I'm good on the couch," I grinned, walking her to the bedroom.

She flopped down on the bed and heavily sighed. "I think I'm a little tipsy."

I nodded. "That you might be." I pulled back the covers. "In you go, Commander."

She laughed with an awkward wink. "See you later, hot stuff."

Part of me really wanted to record this just so I could show it to her in the morning, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to show anybody anything for a while once she found out, so I just pulled the covers over her. "Be right back." I headed for the kitchen, finding a glass and filling it up with water. When I returned she was knocked out cold. Oddly enough she looked peaceful despite the dark eye makeup. I set the glass on the bedside table and made my way to the couch before I passed out.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

The next morning when I woke there were a few seconds of peace before I remembered what happened yesterday. I huffed before making myself get up. We stumbled out of the cave hungry and weak. Maybe we should've hunted last night. We walked in silence for a while, not really knowing where we were going at all.

"We should go back." I muttered.

"And give up?"

I looked at her. "There's nothing worth to keep going for. We can make it back to camp in two or three days."

"How are we going to get across that giant ocean? Even if we had a boat, the water has proved to be dangerous. We'd never make it across alive."

She was right. Maybe this was why no one ever reported back to deny or confirm the truth about the City of Light. "Then where are we going to go?"

She continued on. "Forward."

Hours passed or maybe it's was what seemed like hours before the silence was broken by the same sound as before. We looked at each other and ran, but it was far too fast for us. We cut and crossed different pathways, but it was no use. Finally, it landed in front of us.

"Stop right there, little sister." A familiar voice came from overhead.

I stopped in my tracks, my heart thudded in my chest. "Bellamy?"

A/N: Sorry this was so short. Turns out I actually have a little virus so I took off of work today and figured I'd give yall something.


	23. Alive

I'm on a roll this week yall!

The song for this chapter is Gabrielle Aplin - Alive

BELLAMY'S POV:

The next morning Talia stopped us just as we were about to get into the car, her phone by her ear. "Wait a minute." She told us as she listened intently. "Are you absolutely sure?" She nodded. "Okay, thanks. I'll let him know." She hung up, met my eyes with a hint of a smile. "We found your sister."

My eyes widened.

Clarke's hand shot to my shoulder. "Really?"

"Well, they found her last night and then lost her, but they know the general area of where they were. The chopper is going to load up soon if you want a seat?"

My sister. "Yeah...yeah, can we leave now?"

We jumped in the car, ready to leave, ready to see my sister again. I squeezed Clarke's hand back. Was it too much to want to be reunited with my family? We still didn't know if this place was completely safe, but I'd actually feel better knowing where Octavia was. Besides she can take care of herself perfectly fine.

The helicopter loaded up fifteen minutes later. Clarke pulled me in for a parting kiss before I boarded. "I love you."

"You, too, Princess."

I really wanted her to come with me, afraid that something else would happen and separate us, but she had to stay here and take care of business. Hopefully, by the time we got back she'd have the answers we'd been looking for. She blew me a kiss, which I laughed at as I caught it.

The whole ride I kept my eyes peeled, easily thinking I found my sister when it was only a tree. I couldn't explain how my brain made me see a tree as my sister. It seemed like hours before one of the guards spotted her with someone else. I couldn't make out who it was from here. Either Indra or Jaha. They ran from us, obviously thinking the same thing I had. We landed in front of them soon enough.

I rushed to the cockpit, reaching for the intercom system. "Stop right there, little sister."

They paused, turning towards us.

I jumped out the door, taking her in, almost breaking into tears. She was clearly not alright, it was all in her eyes. She ran into my arms, nearly crushing me to death.

"God, I missed you, big brother." She cried.

I held her, wondering why there was only two of them. My eyes went to Indra in question. She looked ever the face of bravery, not giving anything away. I pulled away, looking my sister in the face. Tears ran down her face, her tired face.

"He's dead, Bell. Murphy's dead."

There was a time that I would have rejoiced at that sentence, a time that his death would've done more good than harm. In the last few months, he really turned around his act. He proved that he wasn't a murdering psychopath. He loved my sister, worried about her. As I looked at her now I knew she was in love with him, too. I also knew there was nothing I could do to take away her heartache. She lost so much already. I only hoped I was enough to help her recover.

"I'm sorry." I told her, knowing it didn't help one bit. "I'm glad you two are alive. What happened to everyone else?"

She wiped at her face, looking back at Indra. "Dead."

"Even Jaha?"

The smallest amount of satisfaction flickered in her eyes. "I killed him."

I stared at her in disbelief. "You what?"

She met my eyes. "It's his fault, all of it."

I sighed as I turned back to the helicopter. "We're going to talk about this later, O. Right now we need to get in."

"Where is that coming from?" Indra asked, her stance stiff.

"Turns out the City of Light is real."

They stared at me in disbelief.

Octavia jumped in, determination in her eyes. "Let's go. I want to see this place that we all risked our lives to get to."

I gestured for Indra to get in, I followed suit.

FINN:

One month ago.

The night breeze flowed through the room as we layed in our bed. I didn't think I'd ever feel so completely comfortable with a person to the point where I had nothing to hide, let alone a guy. I glanced over at Eli, listening to him talk about nonsensical things. That casual smirk on his face. His green eyes met mine, his grin widened.

I honestly had no idea what he just said, I was too busy staring at him. How could someone be so beautiful? It wasn't fair.

"Redshirt?"

I blinked a few times. "Yeah?"

"So you agree?"

I came up empty so I just nodded.

"Then what would your stripper name be?"

My forehead creased. "What?" He just called me a stripper.

He gave me a look. "You always tune out when I'm talking to you. Am I that boring?"

I grinned. "No. Quite the opposite. I'm listening." I laughed at his expression. "I promise."

He rolled his eyes. "I asked you if you could go back in time to when everything was normal, what would you be?"

My brow furrowed. "How did a stripper come into play? Why would you think I'd want to be a stripper?"

He laughed. "You're mancandy. Gay guy heaven. You'd do well in the business." He didn't bother apologizing for his teasing, he knew that it didn't bother me in the slightest.

I felt my face get hot. Damn him. "I don't want to be a stripper. That's classless."

He nodded it over, then looked back to me. "What about a high end prostitute?"

I shook my head at him. "What's with you wanting me to be some sexual symbol? Is it really that important to you?" I teased.

He grinned, reaching to put his hands behind his head, drawing attention to his muscles. "I do appreciate the male body more than most." He surveyed me up and down. "You've gotten bigger."

A bead of panic filled me for a second as I wondered if I sprung a hardon, I wouldn't put it past me at this point. There was no denying my attraction to him and I stopped fighting that fight long ago. Luckily, he wasn't talking about that.

"With you you around it just happens." I muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing." I blushed, hoping to God he didn't hear me. I turned on my side, facing him fully. "What would you be?"

He thought about it for a few moments. "A stripper."

I cracked a grin. "Seriously."

"I don't know. There's so many things I've never been exposed to. I've heard stories, but I can't really picture any of it. We don't have TV's down here. The Mountain Men probably did, but not us." He turned his eyes on me. "What was it like? The city?"

My mind went back to time spent on the Ark. I vividly remembered watching old movies with Raven almost every weekend, us cuddled up on my bed or her bed. Now, I couldn't be further from those feelings, from her. Everything changed so quickly. It was impossible to even picture what life would've been like had we not come down here, had there not have been a problem with the air, had we all not have fucked up, had I not have taken the blame for Raven's crime.

"Earth to Finn?"

I blinked a few times. "Sorry. Just thinking about how different things are."

"Like what? Besides the fact that you're wanted for murder and you're shacking up with me."

I met his eyes. "Not even half a year ago I was in love with Raven and I was in jail. I don't now. I just never thought I'd be right where I am." Having feelings for you.

He nodded. "You're not alone in that."

My brow raised.

"Everyone feels that way. You're not as alone as you think."

My mind went back to the night Clarke and I slept together. She told me I wasn't alone. Looking at Eli, I didn't feel alone anymore.

CLARKE'S POV:

Talia went to office after making sure I was comfortable sitting on the couch in the lobby as I waited outside of Mr. Wyatt's office. I could use the time Bellamy was gone to make some headway. Some time later a few men exited his office with business smiles and goodbyes. James stood in the doorway, his eyes landing on me. I could swear they hardened, but he regained his composure.

"Please, Ms. Griffin, come in."

I entered, sitting at the huge glass table. He sat at the head, turning his eyes on me. Now I knew why he didn't resemble his father at all, or his brother and sister for that matter. I never thought to ask. He never told me.

"What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to talk to you about contacting my people. I understand from what Aiden told me there's a trial period and if we decide to leave we can't come back. I think we both agree that this city is pretty great and I want my people here, but we can't move forward without knowing everything."

He nodded. "I agree." He lifted up his tablet and typed something on it before showing it to me.

The screen flickered and a familiar face appeared. We stared at each other and I couldn't believe she was on this tiny screen.

"Mom."

ELI'S POV:

Everyone came over to introduce themselves later on that evening. Of course, I didn't really know anybody besides Lincoln. He, like me, was considered an outsider. He chose the Sky People over his own people. I chose myself over my people. Harper, Roma, and Sterling seemed like a nice bunch. Well, Sterling and Harper did. I could already tell there was something off about Roma that I didn't like.

We all settled on going out to celebrate my and Finn's first night here. Granted, I didn't think Finn would want to celebrate anything with me for awhile or at all, but I agreed. I figured in a group he'd be less likely to want to kill me. He blamed me after all.

Lincoln lent us some clothes.

I stepped out of the elevator, feeling ready to experience something new. Everyone was already in the lobby except for Finn and I wondered if he backed out. "You ladies look beautiful."

Harper blushed and Roma grinned cheekily and I wondered if they knew that I liked men.

Lincoln laughed. "We're just waiting on Finn. This club should be pretty hype tonight. It's Friday."

I looked at him in question. "Huh?"

He shook his head. "Nevermind."

The back of my neck tingled, I turned around to find Finn approaching us. My body went stiff at the sight of him, a jolt of fear running through me. He wore dark jeans and a red shirt, which made me grin. His long hair laid tousled on his head. Our eyes met. He looked away instantly, but not before I could see the pink in his cheeks.

"You guys ready?" Lincoln asked.

The club was not what I imagined, but then again I didn't have a basis to go off of. There were too many people gathered in the middle of the floor, dancing and kissing and drinking. The music was loud and the atmosphere was sweaty. I could tell already that I wouldn't be back here any time soon. Maybe I was used to my solitude and Finn was enough. My first instinct was to turn to him, but he was already heading out to the floor.

"Nice talking to you, too." I muttered under my breath.

The girls followed, leaving me and Lincoln alone. "Are you dancing?"

I nodded, knowing I wasn't going to. "Yeah, I'm just going to take it in for a bit."

"Okay." He headed for the crowd, clearly excited to shake a tail feather.

Time dragged on endlessly as I made my way to bar.

"You drinking?" The bartender asked me.

"Only if you're buying." I flashed him a grin.

He laughed and proceeded to pour me a drink.

I turned around in my seat, a drink of whatever in my hand as I scanned the crowd for a red shirt. It was impossible to find anybody.

"You look like you're having fun."

I turned back to him. "All of it in the world."

He nodded. "Sarcastic. I like it." He grinned. "I'm Jamie."

Oh. I needed to reel in my vibes. Apparently, I threw it out even when I wasn't trying. I downed the shot. I wouldn't want to turn another straight man gay or whatever the hell Finn claimed to be.

"Eli."

"Are you here by yourself, Eli?" He refilled my cup.

I looked up at him. "I came with some friends."

"And they left you by yourself? You're too pretty to be by yourself."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but refrained. "Thanks." My eyes found Finn and my heart dipped a little. He was dancing with some guy that was not even his type. Whatever it was, that guy wasn't it. I mean, come on. He probably couldn't even scratch the back of his neck. Finn couldn't be attracted that. Could he? I gave a wry grin. How would I know what his type was?

"That your boyfriend or something?" The bartender asked.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Or something."

"Sounds complicated."

He was right. I watched them dance, how Finn looked like he was right at home. I didn't know if he could ever feel that way about me again and that scared me. Anger filled me as I recalled our conversation from earlier and I turned back to Jamie to make small talk.

Later on I made my way to the bathroom, admittedly, I drank too much, but not too much that I couldn't stand straight. I wondered how long they would stay? I was beyond ready to crawl back into that luxurious bed and say goodnight.

Someone bumped into me. "Hey watch it." A guy said.

I looked up to see the guy that Finn was dancing with. Opportunity shined and I took it, albeit drunkenly and wrong, but I still took it. "You watch it." I shoved him.

He got in my face. "Do we have a problem?"

It was then that I realized how much muscle this guy had on me. _Shit_, I thought to myself. I exhaled. _Fuck it_. My fist flew out, knocking him in the face. He stumbled a few feet back, surprised.

He scowled at me before ramming me into the wall. Usually, I wouldn't object to that, but being that we were having any fun and I wanted to kick his ass, I objected tremendously. His fist jabbed at my stomach, striking me in the lip. I tasted blood as I kicked his feet from under him, throwing as many punches as I could before he regained control.

The back of my neck tingled as hands pulled me off. Lincoln helped the other guy up as he stared at me with wide eyes. I pushed the hands off of me, angry at Finn for planting all these feelings in my mind. I stalked away.

"What's your problem?" He followed me.

I ignored him. I had to or I'd say something I'd regret.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" He demanded.

I turned back around, facing him with angry eyes. "I thought you said you didn't like other guys?"

He stopped, looking up at me with confusion all over his face. Confusion turned to irritation. "Isn't this what you wanted? For me to get over you?"

"I never said that. You left before we could finish talking."

"Okay. I'm here now. Let's talk. Finish telling me how you don't have feelings for me." His face hardened, but his eyes held hurt.

I sighed. "Don't look at me like that. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "So you just beat up David because you're sorry."

How could I tell him I wanted him, but that I just started having these feelings? He wouldn't believe me, I know he wouldn't. I couldn't tell him I was jealous, because I was.

"Can you tell me how fix this? How to fix us?"

He looked away for a few moments. "I don't know if we can fix us."

Fear clawed it's way to the surface. My hand moved his face to look at me. Those brown eyes held so much and I wondered how I couldn't see it until now. "Please." I begged.

His forehead creased as his eyes saddened. "You can't do that like it's okay." He moved out of my grasp. "How are we supposed to go back, Eli?"

I didn't know the answer to that myself. I shrugged. "I don't know, but you all I have, and I know that's selfish to want to myself, but I do." I exhaled, hoping that little bit of truth satisfied something in him.

He shook his head in disbelief before his thumb wiped at the blood on my lip, leaving a bed of tingles in its wake. He frowned at me only to have it lessen into a tight grin.

I smiled. "You forgive me?"

He rolled his eyes. "I never really had a choice." His eyes focusing on mine, like he was gauging my reaction.

I couldn't keep the smirk off my face. All I could do was stare at him. I couldn't believe how for months I didn't just spend time staring at him. My eyes went to his mouth, so perfect. Maybe if our friendship wasn't hanging in the balance I'd reach down and cup his face and take his mouth between mine and push him against the nearest wall. But our friendship was hanging in the balance so I didn't reach down and cup his face and take his mouth between mine and push him against the nearest wall even though I really wanted to.

He smirked. "You want to dance?"

OCTAVIA'S POV:

It took forever to get to this beloved City of Light. I wanted to blow it to pieces. None of this was worth losing him. I didn't care how joyous or how sophisticated they were. I didn't want to be apart of it, I couldn't stay there. It would only be a reminder. Once the helicopter landed I surveyed my surroundings. Admittedly, this place was pretty cool, like nothing I'd ever seen.

I was greeted by a few face and some new ones. I scowled at Lexa, ran to Clarke. She hugged me back, swaying from side to side. We pulled apart. She looked at Bellamy with worried eyes, then back at me with sadness.

"Then I guess what I'm about to tell you is good news." She gave a tiny grin. "He's alive."

"What?"

She nodded. "Murphy's alive. He's here."

I shook my head. "I saw him die." At least, when I went in the water he wasn't anywhere around. I was so sure of it. I met her eyes. "He's really here?"

She grinned. "Yes, they're on their way."

My feet pushed me forward, past the many protests, past the frustrating elevator door, down the bagillion stairs before I realized I had no idea where I was going. When I shoved the door open I sighed in defeat, about to turn around and go back until I caught sight of him.

My heart hammered in my chest. My body stood frozen in place. I couldn't form any coherent thoughts, let alone sentences. He stood there, gazing at me with those blue eyes. He wore clean clothes, looked the part of normal. Once everything sunk in, that he was alive and in front of me, I took off for him. Happiness blooming in my chest. Maybe I wasn't naive to think we could have the happily ever after we were robbed off.

Someone stepped into view. My steps faltered, my heart stopped, as if it hadn't been there all along. Tears burned my eyes for a whole different reason. Dread set in after relief. At this moment my feet were actually cemented to the ground.

"Lincoln?" My heart raced back to life.

He grinned, looking every bit of handsome as before. Before he died in my arms. My head spun. None of this made sense. Memories came flooding back to me.

I looked to Murphy. Guilt laid in my heart. I walked to him shakily, forgetting about Lincoln for the time being. Tears stung my eyes. This was really happening. Somehow he was right in front of me. "Hi." I grinned.

He looked at me, taking me in with appreciation. "Hi."

"I love you, I should've told you sooner, but I'm telling you now. I'm in love with you." I rushed out before anything else could stop me.

He cracked a grin. "Uh, thank you?" He made a skittish face before looking at Roma. Red hot anger filled me at the sight of Roma.

Wait a minute. I looked back at Murphy. "That's all you have to say?"

His blue eyes confused. "What do you want me to say?"

"Octavia?" My brother called from behind me. "There's something you need to know."

I stared into Murphy's eyes until I found what I was looking for, or what I couldn't find. There was nothing familiar about them, nothing warm, nothing even a little bit dangerous. My chest felt heavy. "You don't know who I am?"

"Should I?"

My chin trembled as I stared at him, not really believing it until he confirmed. Instinctively, I turned into my brother's arms and let go.

A/N: So, I know yall probs hate me for that Murphy!Amnesia thing, but I originally had it planned for Clarke once Bellamy saw her and I didn't think yall would like that too much. Let's be real, if I did that to Bellarke yall would crucify me (not that I'm Jesus or anything lol). Bare with me on this one yall. This isn't me trying to get reviews, but if I do get enough complaints about it I'd change it so he would remember her because that was the original plan. I'm not completely sold on this, but I thought it'd be interesting to see how that played out. Also, next chapter WILL tell the tale of how the dead are alive, I promise!


	24. Not In That Way

The song for this chapter is Sam Smith - Not In That Way

MURPHY'S POV:

I gasped as I shot up, looking around and not recognizing the place or the people. Where was I? I was on a hard bed in a big white room. Monitors and beeping surrounded me.

"Hey, you're awake." A girl with dark brown hair asked, coming to the bed.

"Where am I?"

She sat on the bed, a relieved look in her eyes. "The hospital. You're alive."

I groaned as the pain set in, laying back down on the uncomfortable bed.

"Should I get the nurse?"

My mind tried to replay the market until I was injured, but I couldn't recall it. I dug further, but came up short on names and relationships. One image flashed in my of another dark haired girl, but it was gone before I could commit it to memory. Panic set in.

I looked to the girl. "I can't remember anything."

All of these people I didn't know surrounded me, asking me questions, making sure I was okay. Too many names flew around too many to commit to memory. The dark haired girl clung to my side the most. I could remember her name because she kept saying, "My name is Roma." like I was mentally challenged or something. I wanted to explain to her that I wasn't mentally challenged, but an amnesiac.

In the morning, the doctors let me go, absolutely sure I was going to be okay. I wasn't sure what they gave me, but I couldn't feel half my injuries anymore. The Wyatts gave me an apartment, which I was told was near the rest of my people's. I didn't know who my people were exactly, so that really didn't matter.

Roma showed me around the apartment, got me "comfortable" before letting me know she was next door. I sat on the edge of the bed completely lost at what to do. I didn't know anybody, I didn't know where I was, I didn't even know what I was. All I got was John Murphy. I huffed.

Later on we went for a ride. More of "our" people had arrived. I couldn't help but wonder where they were coming from. We got out of the car, I took in the big buildings around me, not knowing if I'd ever been here before. It didn't feel familiar...nothing felt familiar. I exhaled, wondering if or when things would feel familiar.

Another dark haired girl came into view, she stared at me with unbelieving eyes. She was different than Roma. Her skin olive, her hair braided and long down her back. Her eye makeup was dark and heavy. But she was still quite gorgeous.

The tall guy from the hospital whose name I forgot stepped in front of her. She turned her unbelieving eyes on him. "Lincoln?"

Did I know her?

She turned to me again, completely sidestepping the Lincoln guy. Her hazel green eyes gazed at me as a smile spread on her face. I didn't think I'd seen anything so beautiful since I woke up. "Hi."

"Hi."

"I love you, I should've told you sooner, but I'm telling you now. I'm in love with you." She said rapidly.

Oh. "Uh, thank you." My voice rose as to say it as a question. My eyes went to Roma, hoping she'd had an answer.

Her forehead creased. "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

A tan guy that resembled her ran from inside the tall building, a blonde and a few others behind him. "Octavia, there's something you need to know."

She ignored him and stared into my eyes as if the answer to everything was in them. "You don't know who I am?"

I knew her name was Octavia now, but that was it. "Should I?"

The amount of heartache on her face as she turned into her brothers arms stuck with me, sprouting guilt in my chest.

Sleep that night didn't come easy. I kept getting tiny flashes of different faces, but the one I first saw in the hospital came the most, the face I couldn't place, but it seemed the most important. Once I actually fell asleep I woke from cold sweats, gasping. I jumped from the bed in search of paper and a pen, finding a stationary in the bedside table. It was important to write down this dream or else I'd lose it. Maybe it would help me remember faster, if I could at all.

_Dream #1: Guilt. Medicine. Death. Booze. _

That was all I could recall, the details already hazy. Time would tell if any of this was important. I stashed that paper on the bedside table. Hours later, unable to go back to sleep I made my way to the kitchen only to stop in my tracks at the sleeping girl on the couch. Octavia. My heart saddene at the sight of her. I couldn't imagine how awful it must feel to fall in love with someone only to not have them remember who you are.

"Are you just going to stare or are you going to talk to me?" She muttered, her voice husky.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, not realizing she was awake. "Sorry." I headed to the sink and filled a glass of water. I glanced back at her and filled another glass.

"What are you doing here? I thought they gave you your own place across next door." I sat in the chair across from her. This close I could really take her in even though the dark lit room didn't do much in the way of light. Olive skin and dark hair. Full lips. Hazel eyes that stared at me like I was the stranger. Sad eyes.

"I couldn't sleep there knowing you were right here. I would've gotten into bed with you, but I didn't think that was appropriate." She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees.

Oh. I could feel my face heat up. Apparently I was shy around girls. No. Not Roma or Harper. Just her.

"I agree, that would be inappropriate." I gave her a small nervous grin.

She stared at me like I was losing my mind. Did I say the wrong thing?

"You're different than him." Her voice sad. "Murphy would've had me in his bed by now."

My blush deepened. I didn't know what to do with that, so I asked, "You called me Murphy?"

Her lips spread into a smile. "Everyone called you Murphy. Sometimes I'd call you John." Her jaw clenched and her eyes hardened as she sighed. "The last time I called you John I was telling you I loved you because you were about to die and I knew I couldn't do anything about it." Her eyes blinked rapidly, her voice gruff. "I really want to hate you for doing that, for giving up like that," She met my eyes, a single tear fell from her eye, her hand wiped it away. "But you're not him."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's not your fault...um, what do you want me to call you?"

I shrugged. "I keep thinking about Johnny. I like it."

She gave a curt laugh. "Johnny." She smiled at me. "I have to ask." She rose to sit on the coffee table in front of me, taking the glass of water out of my hands, placing hers in mine. "Do you feel anything when you look at me?"

Well, that was straight forward.

I couldn't lie to those green eyes. They held so much weight. So much expectation. And I didn't want to disappoint them.

"I, um...I don't know. You're very attractive." I leaned forward, wanting to be honest with her. "When I look at you I see a girl who's in love with me and I have no idea how that came to be. However I managed to get someone like you to want to be with me, I don't know how to do that again. I mean, I haven't known you long, but I want to remember. That's a little selfish, but I want to know who I was."

She took all that in, took me in with a satisfied nod. "Okay, I can help with that. We all can. Except Roma."

I grinned. "Not a fan?"

She scowled. "If she'd stay dead I'd kill her."

That seemed a bit harsh. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of person she was, and what kind of person I was to attract someone like her. Death wasn't something to joke lightly about. I had a feeling Octavia wasn't joking though.

"You had a fling or whatever with her when we stopped talking. Well, I stopped talking to you."

"Why'd you stop talking to me?"

She sighed. "Because I was scared and alone. At least, that's how I felt. I lost Lincoln, he died in my arms. You were well on your way to passing on yourself, but you made it. That was what scared me. So I distanced myself, became the soldier Indra wanted me to be. No distractions, no weakness." She gave a wry chuckle. "And you were my biggest weakness. Still are."

I locked away the insight, hoping to remember some of it. I'd have to write it down later.

"How did we meet?"

Her face broke out into a grin as her eyes held a faraway look. "You were my brother's bitch."

My eyebrows rose. "That Bellamy guy? To what extent?"

She laughed. "Metaphorically speaking." Her laughter faded. "You were pretty terrible, an awful human being."

I searched her eyes for any signs of humor because her voice held none. She wasn't kidding. Worry set in.

"I was?"

"Yeah. We've all done things we're not proud of. You're lucky that you don't have to carry them with you anymore."

The early morning sun slipped through the blinds, giving her an orangish glow that only served to make her more stunning, her green eyes blazed. I felt like I could trust her to tell me what I needed to know.

"What kind of things did I do? I mean, there's only so much I could do here."

Her forehead creased as her eyes narrowed. "You don't know anything?"

"That's what I've been telling people."

"No, I mean, no one's told you about our past? Where we came from?"

Weren't we born in the city? I shook my head.

She exhaled. "Wow. How has no one mentioned this yet?"

"Everyone's been giving me space, letting me get used to life one day at a time."

"For starters, this isn't our home. This was the place we were looking for, the place we risked our lives to get to, we didn't even know if it was real."

"Why do you make it sound like it's farfetched?"

"Because it was." She looked away. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

CLARKE'S POV:

"Mom."

I looked to Mr. Wyatt, wondering if his motives were true. He rose from his seat and left his office. I turned back to the screen.

"You look so beautiful." She mused, blinking rapidly. "Healthy. How are you? How's everyone else?"

I hadn't seen her in days, but it felt like weeks, months even. My eyes stung. "I'm fine. We're fine, for the most part. Things here are very different." I gave a chipped laugh, excited to see my mom. "Good different, but we don't know everything we need to before we settle down here for good. That's the plan. Did Mr. Wyatt tell you that?"

She nodded. "He did, as well as how they planned to achieve a union. I have to say, arranged marriages are old school."

I grunted in agreement. "They are, but I'm not going through with it."

"I know, sweetie. Besides I wouldn't let you just to reunite society."

Were we back to this? Her telling me what I could and couldn't do.

"You're still a child, Clarke. No matter what you've been through. I'm your mother, it's in my job description to tell you no."

I gave a tiny grin.

FINN'S POV:

After this morning I would've sworn that we weren't going to reconcile what couldn't be ignored. I had feelings for Aiden and he didn't return them or so he said. I didn't know. There was something in the way he'd been looking at me ever since I told him. And the incident with David made me wonder. I didn't ask him if the fight just happened or if he went looking for it. For today, it was best to leave things as they were.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked him as he blatantly stared at me for the last several minutes as I danced. He'd been leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, showcasing his muscles.

He caught on and removed his gaze from my body. "I didn't keep track. Jamie over there wanted to get me drunk." He glance back at the bartender with a wink, who was eyeing us. "I think he wanted to get in my pants."

My brow rose as jealousy sprouted. "That guy's not your type, too pretty." I neared him.

He smirked. "_You're_ too pretty for me, too. Besides you're one to talk. That David guy...you could've done better, Redshirt." He pulled at my shirt.

"So you have an opinion about who I should see now?"

"As you best friend, yes."

I grinned. "I never said you were my best friend."

His brow lifted in question. "What else would I be?"

My eyes searched his, there was something that definitely wasn't there the day before. I wanted to call him out on it, but I had enough drama to last a lifetime. "I don't know." I turned from him, searching for everyone else. "Ready to go?"

"I'm not so sure they are." He nodded towards them dancing. "We can find our own way back." He pushed off the wall he'd been leaning on.

"I'm going to tell Lincoln we're leaving."

When I approached him he looked at me with suspicious eyes. "You're leaving already?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Not really our scene."

He grinned. "How are you getting home?"

"We're walking. What's the name of the building again?"

"Lexington Heights. Be careful."

"Sure."

We headed out in comfortable silence. The city look different at night. All luminescence and cheerful bodies and thumping music. In the day it looked like a madhouse.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"I could eat."

We strolled down the sidewalk, not really knowing what we were looking for or where we were going. The possibilities seemed endless here, much more than either of us ever had in life.

"What are you in the mood for?"

He shrugged. "My soup."

I laughed heartily, thinking back to the many meals we've shared in our home. Well, I guess this was our home now. "Now that we have all these options, we should leave your soup alone for a few weeks."

He grinned. "Yeah, you're right."

"I love you."

I stopped in my tracks. "What?"

He smirked as he looked back at me. "I love you."

"You should probably clarify before I jump to conclusions."

As if he forgot, his eyes widened. "I forgot. I'm sorry."

I waved it off. "Well, if it isn't obvious, I love you, too."

He grinned cheekily. "Oh, I know."

My hand slapped his chest. "Dick."

He laughed.

We ended up at a sports bar, both of us excited to try the meat lovers pizza the sign advertised outside. It didn't look all that yummy, just baked bread, sauce, cheese, and meat. The restaurant was slightly crowded, filled with loud people and music. Still it was better than the club.

The waitress brought us two cokes. The rush of total sweetness was overwhelming, but actually pretty good. When the pizza came to our table we dug in, each staring at the other as we collectively sighed in absolute satisfaction. There were no words.

"How you guys doing? Everything okay?" The waitress asked as we pretty much put away the entire pizza.

"Can I get another one?" Eli asked her, grinning.

She nodded, blushing, then turned toward me. "What about you?" Her voice clearly hinting at some intention. Her blonde curls and blue eyes reminded me of Clarke.

"We'll the pizza." I grinned at her.

"Okay. I'll bring it to you when it's ready." She smiled at me.

Eli kicked my leg under the table. "You flirt."

"Oh, you're one to talk, Mr. The Bartender gave me free drinks because I'm hot and he wants to get into my pants."

He chuckled. "Touche."

Once we made it back to the apartments, I had to use the bathroom so bad. The pizza didn't settle with my stomach. Eli laughed so hard as I scurried into the bathroom.

"Dude, you're so full of shit."

I closed the door and sat on the toilet. "You think you're funny, don't you?" I let it go.

"Light a match when you're done. Your shit is rank." He said from the other side of the door.

"Fuck you." I groaned.

He cursed from the other side of the door. "I'm going to yours."

I laughed to myself. Suits him right for making fun of me. A wave of happiness washed over me, odd that it was on a toilet, but it did. Eli and I were okay. Tonight proved we could be friends even though I was in love with him and things didn't have to change. I didn't have to lose my best friend because of these feelings.

I ended up showering back at my place only to find Eli sitting on my bed, flipping through the channels. He turned toward me, taking in my naked chest.

"Didn't know you were in here." I grabbed some clothes from the drawers and headed back to the bathroom to get dressed. I pulled my wet hair back into a bun. My hand wiped across the foggy mirror. A sigh escaped me, my brown eyes stared back at me. This was as good as it was going to get.

I plopped down beside him. "What are you watching?"

He looked over at me, grinning at my bun. "Battlestar Galactica."

"Cute."

"It looks kind of boring, you pick." He handed me the remote.

"How would I know what looks interesting?" I flipped through the channels. This was so weird. I should've died ten times over by now and here I was channel surfing with Eli in an actual bed, in the city.

He shrugged. "Wait, Teen Wolf sounds interesting. Is it like a documentary?"

I chuckled. "No, it's a television show about werewolves."

He scoffed. "They don't exist. Why would someone watch something so silly?"

I pressed the channel. "Let's find out."

"Scott, just listen to me." A dark haired boy said. "You're not a no one. You're a someone. Scott, you're my best friend." The screen cut to a broken looking boy who I assumed was Scott. "Okay, and I need you. Scott, you're my brother." I couldn't help but be confused as to why he was saying these thing, but then the boy willingly stepped into the puddle of oil. Scott was holding a safety flare. "So if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to take me with you then." Scott cried and the screen cut to a worried redhead and a dark haired girl. The boy pulled the flare away from Scott, who started crying. The flare rolled to another puddle. The redhead screamed and pushed them both out of the way only to look up at the fire with frightened eyes. There was a person in the fire, if you could call it a person.

Eli and I looked at each other and nodded in agreement as we started the series from the beginning.

LEXA'S POV:

I woke feeling groggy and disoriented. My eyes scanned the ceiling as I replayed yesterday's events back, they landed on the glass of water on the bedside table. _Fuck_, I groaned in my head. Part of me wanted to stay in bed and pretend last night didn't happen. Had I really called Aiden "Hot Stuff"? For Christ Sake, I don't even like men.

After a few more seconds I downed the water and headed for the shower. I was grateful that Talia had brought me some clothes and whatnot yesterday. I looked at the products on the counter, wondering why there was so many. Wouldn't a simple bar of soap do? Apparently not. I took the fash wash with me along with soap and jumped in the shower.

Could this shower be any more heavenly? I washed all over my body a few times, figuring I take advantage of this hot water. I was about to wash my hair with with the soap but then I thought of all the products on the counter and grabbed the shaving cream, razor, and hair wash.

It took me about twenty minutes to get everything done and I saved washing my face for last, enjoying this private pampering. When I got out of the shower I used to towel to dry my hair first, shaking it loose not realizing the door had opened.

Aiden stumbled in, sleepy eyed and shirtless with only a pair of boxers. I slipped on a puddle I created when I got out to get hair wash and what not. His hands grabbed me before I fell to the floor, bringing me chest to chest with him as his arms wrapped around me. As I took him in I remembered why I called him "Hot Stuff" last night, taking me completely by surprise. His sandy brown hair was tousled from sleep, his stubble thickened. Colorful tattoos peppered his skin I gasped at our skin to skin contact. His crystal blue eyes stared at my parted lips.

"You're wet." He smirked, letting me go.

My hair still dripped down my back so I ran the towel through for a little longer. I turned to him, still in the doorway. "What?"

"You're not going to cover up?" He tried his hardest to look in my eyes.

I gave him a look. "I told you I was a lesbian right?"

His brow arched. "Was?"

My face heated a bit. "Still am." I slid on what Talia gave me. I liked the black lacy bra, it actually fit well. Now I was wondering why a piece of string went up my ass. I turned my butt to him. "Is this normal?"

He neared me, openly staring at my body. "You've never worn a thong before?"

I gave a look. "Why would I of all people need a thong or whatever you call it?"

He grinned, clearly enjoying the view. It didn't bother me. There was no room for modesty or prudeness in our culture. It only wasted time.

"You could always not wear underwear?"

I chuckled. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

He handed me my clothes. "How'd you sleep?"

Perfect. "That bed is really comfortable."

He proceeded to brush his teeth with the extra toothbrush. That concept was weird to me, brushing your teeth with a brush. Wouldn't that hurt? We didn't have toothbrushes, but a paste that kept us from having rotting teeth. I wondered if I could make it and use that instead of this tubed stuff.

Aiden looked at me with amused eyes as I brushed the paste across my teeth. I wanted to gag. "This is so gross." I told him, spitting it in the sink after I mimicked his actions.

"It could be worse, you could be living in the woods and living like savages."

My foot kicked out, taking his legs from under him. He hit the floor. My forearm pressed down on his neck as my hips locked his down. He gasped. "Show me some respect. You don't know me or what I've been through. I've killed hundreds. I've been in war." His face turned pink. "I could kill you now." Part of me wanted to. Because of him and his family I lost second. I already lost Castia and Gustus. I didn't want to feel this loss.

He flipped me over, his rough manly hands pinned mine above my head as he gazed down at me. His crystal blue eyes a mixture of anger, respect, and seduction. It didn't go over my head.

"This is my home. You're here because of my family." He lowered his face, his hips pressing into mine, a visitor pressed very prominently into me. There was nowhere to go. Oddly, I wasn't sure I'd have gone anywhere even if I could. "Respect is earned not given, Lexa." He took in my eyes. "I'm sorry about what happened to your second. That wasn't my intention."

I blinked rapidly. "Fine. Let me up."

He removed his body from mine, the pressure was missed. He held his hand out. I shoved it out the way.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

The shower I took this morning did me wonders, but the clothes I was given were weird. I didn't want to wear red or pink or green. I wanted to wear my clothes, but they were in need of a good washing.

"Do you know where we're going?" He asked me as we walked down the sidewalk.

"Being that I just got here yesterday, not really."

He turned towards me. "Tell me what's out there."

I didn't want to overload him, but he needed to have answers. "Bad things. War. Radiation."

"Huh?"

I shook my head. "I guess I should start from the beginning." I looked at him. "About a hundred years ago Earth became soaked in radiation. So most of us moved up to space to survive. Our systems were close to losing oxygen, so the council sent a hundred of us prisoners down here as a trial run to see if it was safe. Only we weren't the only ones down here."

"Wait, prisoners? You were a prisoner?" His blue eyes held a sliver of fear.

I tried to act like that didn't sting, but it did. "Everyone of our people here were prisoners on the Ark for petty crimes. We're all under eighteen. Any crime committed over the age of eighteen up in space was punishable by death. A bit extreme if you ask me."

He let that sink in. "So I was a prisoner?"

I nodded.

His forehead creased. "What for?"

I stopped, not sure if I should be the one telling him his parents died because he was sick. "You had a temper." I started strolling again. "Lashed out at one of the Guardsmen. They locked you up."

He was quiet for a while before asking, "What did you get locked up for?"

I sighed. "For being born."

He stopped me. "What?"

"On the Ark, there was only enough resources to go around once. It was illegal to have a second child, so my mom and brother hid me under the floor for fourteen years." I took in his horrified expression. "Dismal, I know."

"No, it's...yeah. That's a bit dismal." He gave a wry laugh.

"Well, it gets worse." I thought back to those early days when we first landed. How I thought Atom was the one, how I chased butterflies, how I defied my brother because I could. "The Grounders, the people on the ground, made it known that we weren't welcomed, killed a lot of our people. We're a bit savage, ruthless. We do what needs to be done. Vice versa. The war didn't end well for anybody."

He looked confused. "You consider yourself a Grounder?"

"I may come from the sky, but I'm more of a Grounder. They accepted me, Indra accepted me when my own people didn't."

"Sorry to hear that."

I nodded. "It's water under the bridge now. Speaking of bygones, you really did a one eighty in the last few months. Like I said, you had a temper."

"Because my parents are dead?"

I shot him a look. "How'd you know? Do you remember?"

He shook his head, sad eyes looked back at me. "No one mentioned them. I figured if I remembered anyone it would be them. There's nothing. How'd they die?"

"Maybe that's a conversation for having in private."

His hand touched my shoulder. "Please."

I hated that I could still feel every nerve in my body react to him and he couldn't even tell me my last name. I wanted to shake it off, but I didn't know if he'd ever put it there again.

I cleared my throat. "You were sick on the Ark. Medicine was limited. Your dad stole some and got caught. He was floated, meaning...you don't want to know what it means. It kind of went downhill from there with your mom. You told me she became an alcoholic. That's where is sort of ended for her. She blamed you for your dad's death, awful. I'm assuming that's when you landed yourself in confinement."

"You don't know for sure? You didn't know me on the Ark?"

My head shook. "I didn't know anybody. When we all got down here it was total chaos. My brother was the ringleader, a total dick. I guess he had to be or we wouldn't be here."

He nodded. "And I helped him?"

"Yup." I thought back to those days. "You were really bad, Murp-Johnny." I corrected myself. It felt wrong, but I had to go along with what he wanted. "Everyone thought you were a murderer."

His eyes widened. "Was I? What did they do?"

"No, you didn't kill Wells. Charlotte did, a little girl. They hung you up for murder, I tried to stop it even though I believed you did it." I turned to him. "You have to understand that we were all scared when we first landed. Everyone wanted to do whatever the hell they wanted without consequences. We were all criminals so we acted like criminals. My brother banished you. The Grounders tortured you only to let you escape. You brought back biological warfare, infected the camp unknowingly. A few people died." I made sure to hold his eyes for the next part. This was who he was. Lack of memories didn't change you as a person. "Bellamy let you stay so you could heal. Clarke managed to talk him out of killing you on the spot. And you started killing people, the people that hung you up to die for Charlotte's crime. You tried to kill my brother and you paralyzed Raven and escaped before the war started. You were a coward."

His blue eyes teared up as it all sunk in. He stayed silent. I didn't blame him. I wouldn't want to be told I was a monster at one point in my life either. He looked to me. "How did you fall in love with me after all that?"

I've been wondering the same thing myself. "It was gradual, not all at once. Don't get me wrong, I _hated_ you for trying to kill my brother, for being a psychopath. But you weren't. You were pardoned once everyone else came down. We had no choice but to accept you." A tiny grin played on my lips. "You basically told me you had a crush on me." I laughed, thinking about how creepy I thought that was. "Even though I was with Lincoln you told me to keep my options open."

"How does that make what I did okay?"

The smile faded as I thought of Graig. "A Guardsmen tried to rape me. You saved me from that."

He looked so sad. "God, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. After that I trusted you with me life. You weren't so bad anymore. I was the first person to see that maybe. Soon enough everyone else forgave you. But you wanted more, so stupidly went on Jaha's trek to get here. I had no choice but to go because of Indra. Honestly, I probably would've gone to make sure you were okay."

He grinned. "I wasn't very strong was I?"

"No, you were. I just wanted to protect you, but you ended up dying." Anger flared as I thought of Jaha. "It's his fault we're in this mess."

"Who's?"

"Jaha's." He's no Chancellor anymore. "He filled your head with fantasies and dragged you out here, dragged us all out here. He cared about you and you about him, but he wasn't a good influence."

"That's for me to decide. Where is he now?"

I closed my eyes and relieved the moment Indra's sword sliced through his stomach. "Dead. I killed him."

He stopped walking. "You what?" His voice accusing, his eyes conflicted. "Why would you kill a man?"

This answer was going to scare him even more, but it needed to be said. "Because he took you away from me. And I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted revenge. I wanted you back." I blinked rapidly.

"That doesn't make it okay."

My eyes went to my feet. "I know."

We walked in silence for a bit until he ruined it.

"On second thought, I'm going to head back. I'm tired. Thank you for talking to me." He avoided my eyes.

I nodded. "Okay. See you later."

He headed back for the apartments.

My eyes closed as I internally groaned. I just walked around for a bit.

CLARKE'S POV:

So much ran through my mind that night. Octavia was here. Murphy was alive, but not him. We still didn't know how that that was possible. Today was the day. Clarke and I headed towards the office for the meeting the Wyatts called. Everyone was already here. Great. Octavia sat awkwardly between Indra and Lincoln. Murphy sat across the table, clearly avoiding Octavia. Finn and Eli chuckled about something next to Lincoln. Beside them were Sterling, Harper, and Roma. Lexa between Indra and Aiden, Talia on his other side. Across from her was Evan. At the head of the table was James Wyatt. The TV on the wall flicked on and my mom appeared again.

"Welcome." He greeted us.

We sat in the empty seats by Evan. He gave me a polite grin that I couldn't help find less friendly than a few days ago.

"Let's get down to it then." James started. "You all are here because we want a better tomorrow. If the past has taught us anything it's that separation and fear produce war. We don't want another nuclear war."

"What else is out there?" I asked.

He met my eyes. "We've been searching, finding tribes and civilizations all over, but nothing quite like our city. You all are the first step to making the world whole again, but better than what it was. If we can unite your civilization with ours it will give confidence to other societies. They'll trust that this city is safe, they'll want to come."

"And what if they're too savage for your city?" Lexa asked, mirroring what I asked Talia and Evan a few days ago. "Are you going to ban them? Kill them? Or just leave them alone?"

"That's a decision we all have to make once we unite."

Bellamy and I locked eyes. He nodded. I looked to my mom.

"I understand that there's a trial period, James. If they don't like the city then they are free to leave and we won't have any trouble?"

He nodded. "Correct, Abigail. We do have a rule that once you leave the city you can't come back. That doesn't extend to our guards and scouts." He looked around the room. "If any of you feel unsafe here or uncomfortable, you can leave. Unfortunately, we can't let you back into our community. We've had problems in the past with uprisings. Nearly destroyed the city."

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Now that that's cleared up how did you bring back the dead?" Octavia demanded. "I mean, half the people in this room should be dead, so why aren't they?"

I gave her a look. Clarke squeezed my hand.

James faced her in his seat. "I understand your concern completely, Ms. Blake." He rose, aiming a device at the screen. Abby was pushed to the side so half the screen showed her and the other half showed a picture of some pharmaceutical talk. Clarke was lapping it up.

"This is the drug that was given to you all."

The tension in the air thickened.

"You manufactured a drug that can bring back the dead?" Abby demanded from the screen. "Do you have any idea what kind of complications that can cause the psyche, the internal organs, not to mention how unethical it is."

He nodded, strolling about the room. "Yes. The doctors here find it unethical at times, but if to them if it means saving a life they're all for it. The drug is experimental. It's shown success in the past. Full recoveries, long healthy lives. We only have it for emergencies, such as if influenza or the like were to hit the city. If everyone were dead all of this would've been for nothing, don't you agree?"

"Are you saying that we all died and you brought us back with an experimental drug?" I asked.

"No, Mr. Blake. The drug was only used as an incentive to trust us. Now," He turned toward Abby. "They will be given a living expense, means of transportation, and housing. If our societies come together you all will be expected to immerse yourselves into the city. You'll need jobs. You can have your own lives here without my interference. It's as simple as that. No hidden agenda."

"When someone says they don't have a hidden agenda that means they have a hidden agenda." Octavia snipped. Indra spoke to her in Trigedasleng. She rolled her eyes. "Sorry, Mr. Wyatt. What I meant to say was thank you for all your hospitality." She gave a mock smile.

Aiden grinned to himself, amused by my sister's defiance. Lexa whispered something to him that shut him up.

"I hope that answers all your concerns. Abigail, I'll give Clarke a tablet so you can reach her whenever you'd like." James announced, looking at his huge silver watch. "I do have a meeting I have to prepare for if all don't mind."

"We'll talk later." Abby signed off.

We all rose. Now that that was over maybe we could have some peace and quiet.

Finn approached us. Clarke stared at him, then back at me with caution.

"He's a real piece of work, this one." I told her.

She grinned as he hugged her. "I missed you, Spacewalker."

He laughed. "You, too, Princess."

I relaxed, knowing that there was nothing romantic about this encounter. I couldn't say the same about Eli. He looked like he was about ready to chop Clarke down. So I'm guessing they talked. Finn pulled away, looking at Eli.

He held out his hand. "Eli."

"Clarke." She shook his hand. "How do you know Finn?"

"He took care of me. We're good friends." He grinned at Eli.

I wasn't sure if Clarke picked up on the way they looked at each other, but it was clear as day to me that something was going on.

"Eli helped us look for you." I placed my hand on her waist.

She nodded. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

He shrugged. "No problem." He still didn't seem to like her. I'd have to talk with him later.

I went to talk to my sister only to hear Murphy say, "Octavia, I just need some space. okay?"

She nodded, then backed away.

He left the room.

I sighed.

We found Octavia in her apartment, the door left unlocked. Clarke entered the room first. Hearing my baby sister cry was the most painful thing I've ever experienced besides losing Clarke. This was worst. There was nothing I could do to make her feel better. She laid curled in a ball in the center of the bed, her dark hair covering her face. Clarke crawled in front of her, taking Octavia in her arms. I moved in behind my sister, rubbing her back was my feeble attempt at comfort. She sobbed into Clarke's chest. Clarke met mine eyes, letting me know it was okay to cry. So I did.


	25. Turning Back Around

The song for this chapter Rhodes - Turning Back Around watch?v=3GxnSpComnA The Mahogany Sessions are so bae when you're looking for great acoustic music.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

I woke with Clarke and my brother on either side of me. Yesterday's event played back in my mind and I groaned. _Great_, I thought to myself. I looked at Clarke, her arm across my stomach as she snuggled up to me. I never had a big sister and I never thought I would. Bell was enough, but Clarke came to care about us all, about me. I looked at what they had and I wanted it so bad with Murphy that it hurt. It looked like I wouldn't ever have that.

I rolled from under them and headed for hallway. I just needed some air, it was hard to not feel like I was suffocating in stress and sadness. I wanted to be stronger than this, but as I hung my head I realized I wasn't strong or brave. I was angry and vengeful. Murphy was right. No, Johnny was right. I slid to the floor.

The door opened, Bellamy stepped out. He sat down next to me. "You okay?"

I shrugged. "I need to tell you something that happened a few months ago."

His eyes narrowed. "Okay."

My body turned towards his. "It's about Murphy." I swallowed the lump in my throat, not really wanting to share this information with my brother of all people. He deserved to know. "One of the guardsmen tried to..." I didn't want to say rape, but there was no other word that captured what he had tried to do. "He tried to r..." My eyes closed as I replayed the scene over in my head. Greg's hands on me, his cruel grey eyes, his foul language. Murphy stepped in and he changed what could've been the worst day of my life.

Bellamy's hands grabbed mine. "I know."

My eyes flew open. "You know?"

He nodded. "Murphy told me. He thought I should know. That was another reason I forgave him what he'd done. I know how much he cared about you. He still does even if he doesn't know it."

My eyes couldn't roll hard enough. "Tell that to _Johnny_."

We both looked up at the sight of Lincoln. Like yesterday, my heart stopped in my chest. It would take some time to get used to the fact that he was alive, then my heart would calm down.

He held two white cups and a hopeful grin on his face. "Care to take a walk?"

I sipped at the bitter coffee for the first time, liking it. Today was breezy enough that my jeans and tshirt weren't enough, but the coffee helped even though it burned my tongue.

"So," He started. "How have you been?"

I gave him a look. "Not great." I shrugged. "You?"

He nodded. "Good. Alive."

I nodded. "That's good. You seem happy. You must like it here."

"It's great here. A land of opportunities. You should give it a chance. I know it hasn't been the greatest for you what with Murphy losing his memory and all." He turned his brown eyes on me and I wondered what he thought of that.

"You're right. I've only been here for a day and it's sucked." My arms crossed over my chest. "I missed you." I looked him in the eyes. "A lot."

"You, too."

"Not enough to come back or let me know you were alive?" There was no animosity in my voice, not when I couldn't handle being on bad terms with anyone else.

He sighed, never leaving my eyes. "I wanted to reach out to you, but I couldn't see any benefit of it. I wanted to start over. I wanted to be somewhere that didn't define me, even if that meant you weren't here. I knew that the Wyatts planned to bring all of you in eventually anyway. I didn't want to disrupt your life. Besides you had Murphy. You and me weren't on great terms. Yeah, I wanted to see you, but I knew you were going to be okay. You're strong."

My head shook. "No, I'm not."

His muscled arm stopped me in my tracks, his eyes held worry. "What are you talking about? You're one of the strongest women I know and that's saying a lot."

I was beyond tired of crying, beyond tired of feeling helpless and alone, which was stupid because I wasn't alone. I had my brother, I had Clarke, and now I had Lincoln. Just not Murphy.

"Can we talk about this? About Murphy?"

His eyes held understanding. "You think I'm not going to be here for you because we're not together? I know you love him. You practically scooted me out of the way to get to him when you found out I was alive." He held a mock hurt grin, but I had a feeling it stung more than he led on.

"Sorry about that." I sighed. "I wasn't this way when were were together. What happened to me?"

He surveyed me, nothing beyond admiration in his eyes. "You don't fall in love the same way twice, Octavia. We had a different relationship. We met differently. We connected physically early on. You and him," There was no hatred in his voice like there'd been months ago. "You hated him and you didn't want to admit you had feelings for him when you were with me. You can't help who you like, right?" A slow grin took over his face.

My eyes narrowed. "You like someone?"

"I don't know, maybe. Too soon to tell." He shrugged.

"That's why you didn't want to come see me." I punched him in the arm playfully. "You were clubbing and boozing in the city with hot girls." I grinned.

He laughed. "Maybe a little." He eyed the streets. "It's a different world. Too many things to discover. Different people. Jobs with meaning. It's a place worth living."

"But?"

"You can lose yourself in it if you're not careful." He said without missing a beat. "The partying, the drinking, the drugs. Freedom to be anybody and do anything without anyone looking over your shoulder. There's a certain recklessness in it. Happened to me."

My heart saddened. "How'd you bring yourself back?"

His eyes clouded with memories. "Talia."

"Wyatt?!"

He sipped his coffee and avoided my eyes.

"Lincoln, she's a prude. Has a stick up her ass."

His eyes shot to mine. "You don't know her like I do."

"Okay, if you say so." I held my hands up in surrender. "Does she know like you back?"

"She just got out of a serious relationship."

"That didn't answer my question."

He chuckled. "I don't know. Sometimes I think she kind of knows and others I'm not so sure. She's very dedicated to her work."

We stayed quiet for a while, just walking through the city like it was normal. Cars drove past, people talking on their cell phones. This world was fast paced. I didn't like it.

"I killed Jaha."

He turned toward me. "Why?"

"I shouldn't have done it. Johnny was right. I was angry. I'm always angry, but I couldn't look past what had happened, the blood on his hands. If I could go back, maybe Johnny could actually look at me."

"Well, it's a good thing he's alive."

I stopped. "What?"

"Yeah, he's in the hospital. He'll probably get out today."

I turned back around, determination filled me. "Show me."

He sighed.

JOHNNY'S POV:

Even though I told Octavia I needed space, time to think and clear my head, I did anything but. All that filled my mind was thoughts of the dark haired avenger and her terrible truths of my previous life.

I was a terrible person.

Octavia said that in the last few months I had turned my life around, but how could I ever make up for every horrible act I'd done? It spoke volumes that I got her to fall for me, but at the same time, I wasn't so sure that carried any weight. She killed a man, someone I was close to, all because she blamed him for my dying.

There was a knock on the door. I turned away from my coffee to answer it. "Roma."

She grinned. "Hey, Murphy. You want some breakfast?"

"It's Johnny now."

Her brow rose. "Okay. Breakfast?"

I moved out of the way to let her in. She set the bags of food on the counter. "What are you in the mood for?" She got the pans from the cabinets, turning back to me. "Oh, right."

I waved it off.

"What's going on with you?"

I sat at the kitchen table. "The usual. Trying to remember things and all." I sipped my coffee. "Octavia told me some stuff yesterday. A lot of stuff. Stuff I didn't want to hear."

She sighed, cutting the stove on and placing bacon in the skillet. "That one has a way with words, doesn't she?"

I grinned. "She's a bit of a firecracker. So was I?"

She looked up from mixing together pancake batter for a moment. "Were you what?" Terrible?"

"Yeah."

"You were pretty terrible. I was actually scared of you at one point." She grinned as if it were a fond memory.

"I'm supposed to be proud of that?"

"No, but you've changed so much. Don't get me wrong, you still had a few of the same tendancies, but in the few weeks I got to know you I knew I was wrong about you. You weren't angry or psychotic. You were lost and lonely. Scared." She met my eyes. "Then Octavia gave you the time of day and you weren't so scared anymore."

I thought about how she was asleep next door, about how close she was yet I didn't know her. "Why didn't you tell me we had a thing? Were we dating?"

She looked sad, but like she came to terms with it. "No. You were too wrapped up with Octavia. She really hated me. Well, us together. When I died, I knew you'd blame her, but it wasn't her fault. A reaper tried to kill me and I couldn't see anything. The woods are really dark at night. She tried to stop me, I remember that. She pushed you out of the way in time, but I wasn't so lucky.":

"I'm sorry."

She waved it off, checking the bacon and pouring the batter into the pan. "No biggie. I did want us to try things out, but it was clear that it wasn't going to happen. I'm surprisingly okay with that now. I figured if you remembered anyone it would be her. You'd both die for each other ten times over."

Would I? I tried to picture myself with everything I was given. Coward. Terrible. Murderer. Traitor. Orphan. Angry. Lost. In love. The last part wasn't like the others so I had to wonder if I tricked Octavia into falling in love with me as some kind of joke. I wouldn't put it past my old self.

"How was I with her?" I needed to know.

"Funnily enough, you were pretty nice. Protective. Caring. Are you going to pick things up with her?"

My head shook. "She's not the kind of person I want to call my friend, let alone be with."

Her head snapped up. "Octavia may be a lot of things, but she's not a terrible person. You don't understand what the ground was like when we first got here. She was different. We all were different."

"So that makes it okay for her to go around killing people because she feels like it?"

She flipped the bacon and pancakes. "If she was in danger than yes." She reached to the overhead cabinets for glasses and poured orange juice in them. "Our morals are different down here. Out there." She pointed to the window. "In the woods, outside these walls. There is no right and wrong necessarily. You do what you had to do to survive. We adapted. You adapted quicker than the rest of us. You learned that you have to look out for yourself. That would've worked but there were a hundred of us. There was no room for selfishness." She took a sip of the orange juice. "Who'd she kill? Anyone important? Come on, don't look at me like that. Was it a Grounder, a Reaper, Mountain Men, or one of our own?"

I didn't know what a reaper or a mountain man was, but I didn't say anything. "A guy named Jaha."

She choked on her orange juice, coughing. "He's in the hospital. He's here. We can go after breakfast."

I rose from the chair. "We can go now."

"Murphy-Johnny, sorry. You need to eat something." Concern laced in her voice. "He'll be at the hospital when we finish."

After breakfast and showering Roma took me to the hospital. The nurse checked the monitors as we walked in. A black man with graying hair and a beard sat up on the bed. He stopped talking to the nurse as he registered us. The nurse smiled at us before being called away.

"I'm going to sit outside." Roma said, breaking the silence.

After a few moments he asked, "Do you know who I am?"

I shook my head. "No." I sat down beside the bed. "Didn't they tell you I don't remember anything?"

He nodded once. "Yes. I thought maybe you'd remember me."

"No, I'm sorry. What was our relationship? I lost my parents so were you like my mentor?"

He seemed to be in his thoughts. He sighed. "The truth is you hated me. I was the Chancellor, in charge up in space. You blamed me for killing your parents, having your father floated."

"What does that mean?"

He stared at me with sad brown eyes. "It means that he was sucked into space for a crime he committed. You dad was flated for stealing medicine for you. You're mom drunk herself to death. You were angry at me, at the system. I didn't blame you, but you lashed out so you had to be locked up. When I sent the hundred down here to see if Earth was survivable I didn't expect so much chaos, so much bloodshed. Everyone blamed me."

That didn't match up with what Octavia told me. "So we weren't close? I actually hated you?"

"We bonded when I came down here, although I think you'd deny it. I mislead you, John. You drowned because none of us could swim and Octavia tried to save you. Indra wouldn't let her go after you. She didn't care, even though it meant she'd die."

Why was he telling me this? Why was he defending her?

"I apologize for what Octavia did to you. That wasn't fair. She was out of line."

"We both did things we weren't proud of, John."

If what this man told me was true, we'd been through a lot. If we bonded then I guess I trusted him. Maybe I should trust him now. I held out my hand.

"I'm Johnny Murphy."

He grasped mine with a firm shake. "Thelonius Jaha."

I paused. "Thelonius. That rolls of the tongue."

He laughed. "Most people call me Jaha."

Someone rushed to the door. We turned to see Octavia with Lincoln behind her. She narrowed her eyes at our joined hands, then turned her eyes on Jaha. "Don't touch him." She calmly stalked towards us, an eeriness in her steps.

"Octavia," I started but Jaha held up his hands.

"You have nothing to worry about Ms. Blake. We're just talking." His voice calm.

She glared at him as if conjuring up every anger she had. "There always something more with you Jaha."

That was just rude.

"What's wrong with you? I'm just trying to reconnect with the people that meant something to me. He's one of them."

She turned those cold hazel eyes on me. "You got yourself killed because of him. Do you really want to listen to anything he has to say?"

"That's my call to make."

She neared me. "No, it's not. You don't know what kind of person he is. He's a manipulator. He's fixated on self-prophesying himself. You can't be around him."

I held her eyes, not knowing what I ever saw in her. "You don't have a say in what I do."

She faltered. Her eyes swam with unshed tears as she glanced back at Jaha with a sneer before stalking towards the door. "Do whatever the hell you want."

BELLAMY'S POV:

I knocked on the door, Clarke in tow as we held hands. A few moments passed as I looked down at her. She squeezed my hand assuringly.

Kane answered the door, looking sickly. Red rimmed and tired eyes, red nose. A blanket thrown over his shoulders. He registered us after a second, a tiny small on his lips. He pushed the door open and headed for the couch.

"How you feeling?" Clarke asked.

I shut the door behind us, wondering if what we brought from the pharmacy was enough.

"Not pleasant. Sorry I couldn't make it to the meeting yesterday. I was filled in via phone call. Mr. Wyatt seems nice." He gave a wry grin.

I cracked a smile. "We brought you some medicine and stuff." I went to pour him a glass of cranberry juice, then tasted it. I swallowed it unknowingly. I poured the rest of the glass out and was thankful that Clarke suggested we get orange juice also. I handed him the glass.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do all this." He gestured to Clarke setting tissue boxes around his apartment and the humidifier on the coffee table.

"It was no problem." She reached into her purse, which I wasn't sure how she wanted to carry around all the time, and produced the tablet the Wyatts gave her to chat with her mom whenever she wanted. "I have someone who wants to chat with you." She hooked the tablet up to the tv like Mr. Wyatt had told us to do.

Abby popped up on the screen. Kane sat up straighter when he took her in. His weak eyes held a bit of animation. "Abby."

"Good to see you Marcus." She grinned. "Clarke and Bellamy told me you were sick. Do you have a fever? What kind of antibiotics are the doctors there giving you? I'm not sure I trust them to prescribe you anything. You look tired, how many hours of sleep are you getting a night?"

I could've sworn he blushed, but it was hard to tell with his already red face. "I'm fine, Abby. In a few days I'll be as good as new."

She let out a half satisfied breath. "I still think I should come over there. We don't know anything about what kind of medicine these people are using. It may not react the same due to our exposure of radiation."

I never thought of that. What if she was right and something happened to him? I thought about the last few days and how he'd been there for me, even when I didn't want him to be. Would I miss that if it were taken away? My eyes went to him and I noticed the way he looked at Abby. How had I not seen it sooner? I wondered if Abby was the girl he told me about in the desert. I glanced at Clarke, wondering if she had picked up on it. She met my eyes with an amused grin on her lips. I guess if she was okay with it then I had to be, but I didn't have any real claim on Kane. So why did it feel like I did? That feeling only grew as the evening dragged on and we chatted over take out and a few cold sodas.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

"Do whatever the hell you want." I told him.

Lincoln grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him when we were outside. His eyes understanding. "You need to calm down."

I yanked my arm away. "I can't. I'm angry." My hands fisted at my sides.

"I have somewhere we can go." He brought his cell phone to his ear.

_Do whatever the hell you want_. My fists hit the punching bag. My eyes kept glancing at his taunt and tan muscles, flexed over the bag. Forgive a girl for staring, but Murphy didn't have all that.

"Focus." Lincoln scolded me.

"If you'd put on a shirt with sleeves maybe I'd be able to." I cracked a smile, teasing him.

He shot me a look. "You wanted to release your anger, but I'm not feeling any of that."

I rolled my eyes, wiping the loose strands of hair off my sweaty face. "I'm punching this stupid bag because you told me to. What do you expect?" I tightened the pony tail.

He let go of the bag and stood over me. "You're a lot of things, but you're not stupid Octavia. You see what's going to happen. You're angry at Jaha. He locked you up for being alive. He lead you through the desert and Murphy ended up dead. He was brought back to life only to forget who you were. Now he's chatting it up with Jaha. How does that make you feel?"

My fist shot out before I could stop them. Lincoln dodged me, bringing my arm behind my back as he stood behind me. I elbowed his chest. Both of my hands were restrained now. Panic flared as the incident from months ago flashed in my mind. I let out a frustrated cry as I struggled from his too strong grip.

"You need to control your emotions better than this." He said into my ear.

I wanted to kick and claw at him, but there was no use. I couldn't get free. "Okay," I sighed. "I get it."

After a few moments, he let me go.

I turned towards him. "Are you going to teach me how to do that?"

"I can, if you want me to. Although, Indra would be better at it than me. Besides," He took a sip from his water bottle. "I'm already training someone else."

My eyes narrowed. "Wyatt? Is that whose private gym this is?"

"Don't give me that accusing stare, Octavia."

"What accusing stare?" I grinned at him.

He shook his head, like he was deciding on something or not.

"Are you going to help me release me anger or not? I'm still angry, you know." I held up my fist in a mock fighting stance.

He copied me, a smirk on his face. "You don't want to fight me."

"Why is that?" I circled him.

"Because I'm going to win."

My brow rose. "So you think I can't beat you?"

He circled me. "I didn't say that."

I knew he knew my moves, so I tried to fake him. My fist punched at face, he ducked as I kicked my leg out and struck his side. He grabbed my ankle as I withdrew it and through me off balance. He blocked my punch with a punch of his own to my side. That blow fueled me. Enough with punches and kicks. My eyes flitted to the weightless dumbbells. They were long and skinny enough for me to do damage. His eyes followed me as I ran for them. I kicked his legs from under him. His hand grabbed my calf, bringing me to the ground. The wind knocked out of me as he crawled over me grab one of the dumbbells. I jumped up. My hand grabbed the dumbbell as I kicked forward. He stumbled back, but caught himself before he fell into the weights and heavy equipment. He grabbed another dumbbell and came at me. We dipped and dodged each others blows until I noticed someone standing by the door and the end of his dumbbell hit me in the face.

I dropped the dumbbell and stumbled back, my hand going for my aching lip.

Lincoln stared at me in shock, worry registering in his eyes. "Shit. Are you okay?" He clutched my face in his hands, surveying it. His thumb ran over my bleeding bottom lip.

I took him in. Tall, tan, muscled, and beautiful. I nodded as I blinked a few times. "Yeah."

"Octavia, do you need to go to the hospital?"

I turned to see Talia standing a few feet from us, concern in her voice as she took us in. Her eyes said something else. I pulled away from Lincoln.

"Yes. We were just messing around." I told her, sucking on my bottom lip. "Where's your bathroom?"

She blinked a few times then pointed to the door. "Down the hall to the left. Do you need a first aid kit?"

I waved her off. "No, I'm okay." I gave a laugh. My eyes meeting Lincoln's. "That actually helped a lot. Thanks."

He grinned. "Any time."

I made my way to the bathroom after a parting wave. My reflection glared back at me. Disappointed. Annoyed. Like she thought I was scum. My eyes closed as I blocked her out. _Do whatever the hell you want_, she told me. _Murphy is._

"Shut up." My hand came down hard in the stainless steel sink.

I splashed water in my face, then hovered over the sink until I didn't feel so nauseous.

The door opened and Talia peeked her head in.

"I'm okay, I promise. We were just sparring."

She leaned against the sink, a stern look on her face. "Bad day?"

I wet a towel from the counter and put it against my lip. "Mur-Johnny doesn't want anything to do with me, he'd rather talk with Jaha. Kind of put me in a funk, so we came here."

She nodded. "And did it help? Punching the crap out of the bag?"

"A little. I'd rather punch the crap out of Jaha."

"Aiden's going out. You should tag along. You could use a night out."

I thought it over in my mind. If there was going to be booze I'm there. "Are you coming?"

She held her hands up. "Uh, no. That's not my thing."

"Won't Lincoln be there?"

Her face turned red as she averted her eyes with a shrug. "Probably."

I threw the towel on the sink. "I'll go out if you go out. I said you had a stick up your ass and Lincoln said otherwise. Prove me wrong."

She pursed her lips.

LEXA'S POV:

The door opened and in walked Aiden.

My eyes trailed over him. A black shirt that clung to his well developed chest. Black workout shorts and tennis shoes. I knew this whole gym thing didn't sound fun. Luckily, there was no one else here. My face hurt. This was my fault. He distracted me.

He gestured to my chin. "You okay?"

I ignored him as I leaned against the stainless steel sink.

He fished under the cabinets and handed me a towel wrapped around an ice pack.

"Thank you."

He leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

"You don't have to stand there, I'm fine."

"Do you want to go out tonight?" He asked.

I froze. "What?"

He smirked. "Clubbing, not a date."

Right. He wouldn't ask me out on a date. I wouldn't say yes because I liked girls and I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest.

"Will there be hot girls there?"

He laughed. "Definitely. You can be my wingman."

I gave him a look. "Or you can be mine. Maybe I want to get some ass tonight too."

"How about we are each other's wingmen. But if I spot a girl I want you can't take her away from and vice versa." He held out his hand to shake on it.

I took it, not expecting the spark that came at contact. My eyes met his. "Deal."

"Aren't you supposed to be lovesick over Clarke?" I asked him as we got ready in the my bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. This black dress was odd to wear, but I'm not going to lie. I looked pretty hot in it. If Aiden's eyes roaming over me every five seconds was any indication. He wore black jeans and was holding up a few different shirts in front of his chest.

I wondered why he hadn't left yet and I remembered that Clarke and Bellamy were still at his place. I didn't feel the need to kick him out. It was better than being alone.

"Aren't you?" He arched a brow.

"Not when I didn't really have feelings for her." My hands held up the weapons Talia brought me. I looked at Aiden. "I don't know what to do with this."

He reached over me and plugged it in. "You curl your hair with it."

I narrowed my eyes at it and put it to my hair, nothing happened so I twirled my hair around it. Still nothing. I took it out of plug. "It doesn't work."

He grinned. "You have to let it heat up first." He plugged in the other one. "This is simple enough, just straighten your hair once it heats up."

"That sounds dangerous."

"You're afraid of a little heat?" His hands grabbed my hips and set me on the counter. I almost moaned at the contact, but bit my lip as his clear blue eyes stared into mine.

My head shook. "No."

I let him put the makeup on my face. I had to wonder why he was so good at it. He could be terrible and the moment I turned around realized he'd been playing on my face.

"I've seen Talia do it enough times. I don't use makeup if that's what you're wondering."

"Okay." I winced as he went over the bruise on my chin.

He was done in a few minutes, but when I moved to get down he reached for the other strange looking device. "Let me straighten your hair. This is a flat iron."

"Isn't my hair already straight?"

He grinned. "My point exactly, but Talia will kill me if she thinks I let you walk into a club looking any kind of way." His eyes found mine and I wondered if I should take offense. "Not that you ever look bad. You look," His eyes ran over my body, lingering on every detail. "Too hot for words, but I'm a manwhore, so what do I know."

I laughed. "You're a what?"

He took a piece of my hair and ran the flat iron down it. I could feel the heat on my face and neck as the hair fell in place. "A manwhore. I like lots of girls. You should stay away from guys like me at all costs." He grinned playfully. "There will be a lot trying to hit on you tonight." His eyes focused on the task at hand. "If we get separated and you have any problems tell them you're with me. They'll leave you alone."

"Or I could just beat them up." I teased.

"Or that."

This wasn't the time, I didn't know Aiden very well, but I felt like I could ask him this.

"Do you know who your real family is?"

He stopped and stared at me for a few moments then went back to doing my hair. "Nope. I was born outside the walls. The Wyatts found me on a raid. They took me in. We haven't talked about it much sense. Everyone treats me like I'm a Wyatt, especially my grandpa." His eyes held distant memories. "Things have always been a little tense between me and James. I don't think he wanted me, but Talia and Evan begged him. When it came down to it, it was grandpa's say. He was still in charge back then."

I didn't know what to say to that. I shouldn't have brought it up. Now it was awkward.

"I'm sorry."

His eyes flicked to mine. "For what?"

"You don't feel like you belong, but you had so much expectation and responsibility on your shoulders. Must've been tough."

He nodded. "It is, but you probably think I'm being silly for feeling this way."

"Why would I think that?"

He gestured around us. "Look at how simple my life is. Compared to yours it must've been a cakewalk."

I didn't think less of him because he lived a different life than I did.

"Just because you had all these things growing up didn't make your life any easier. Convenient maybe, but not easier."

He sat the flat iron down and grabbed my hips, pulling me down to him. I didn't know why my body wanted to melt into his whenever he touched me, but this time was no different. He turned me around.

I stared back at the girl in the mirror. Not a warrior. Not a commander. A girl in a dress and makeup meant to look beautiful and not intimidating. I met his eyes in the mirror, wondering what he saw when he looked at me.

"Ready to party, Commander?"

I chuckled. "Ready."

**A/N: Hoped yall liked it. I know it wasn't much, but I had to put up a new chapter. Sorry for the lack of bellarke. Other story lines have to take place. I'm not pushing bellarke to the side, they aren't going anywhere, I promise.**


	26. Grown Apart

The song for this chapter is Afrakite - Grown apart  watch?v=qhiKsH5fNQQ

A/N: So head's up I experimented with a little raunchiness in Octavia's pov, so if you don't like it don't read it. Lesbehonest. Chapter rated M for sexual situations.

AIDEN'S POV:

"You really going through with this?" I looked my sister.

She never came out to play. Too focused on work. I she didn't plan and attend all of our work events I'd say she was introverted. Now she was standing between Lincoln and Octavia in a black skirt, a grey halter top, and black heels. She's been more dolled up, but never in something this promiscuous. And it was clear it was all for Lincoln. He pulled her to the dance floor, she went stiffly.

Lexa clung to my side for what had to be because this atmosphere was so not what she was used to. Gyrating bodies, music that made it's way to your bones, heavy mixtures of colognes and sweat with lingerings of alcohol.

I turned toward her. "What do you think?" I asked her, my hand rested on the small of her back.

She leaned in close, her blue eyes holding a tiny bit of fear. "Too soon to tell." Her guarded eyes held curiosity. "You do this every night?"

I shrugged. "When the need hits."

Her brow arched. "When is that?"

"When I get bored. This is my life, Commander."

She gave a short chuckle. "You dance to this music? It's barbaric."

"You have to really dance to it to know what it's like." I nudged her forward with a willing grin. "Go ahead."

She glared at me. "I can't dance."

"What?"

She gestured to the crowd of swaying bodies. "I've never danced like that before."

Was she self-conscious?

"So let's remedy that." I tugged her along. My hands wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer to me. I rocked and swayed along her. She seemed to tense at first and wasn't letting up. My lips found her ear. "Loosen up, Commander. No one is exactly paying attention to us. They're too focused on themselves, so if you mess up they won't see."

By the end of the first song she had lost some of the tension in her body. The tiny grin on her lips said she was enjoying herself. I wasn't sure if she approved of our closeness, but in the last day or two that's all we've been. I turned her around and she let her arms swing about freely, and while it wasn't great it wasn't terrible

. I chuckled. "Having fun?"

She nodded.

"Good."

I held out my hand for her to take and we twirled around for who knew how long, letting ourselves over to the music. The pure look of happiness in her usually guarded blue eyes made me feel ten times better, made me forget about my troubles with James, made me forget that I was in love with a women that was in love with someone else. On that thought, my eyes shifted to Clarke standing alone for across the club, instantly finding her golden blonde curls. She looked great in anything, but that dress was doing her wonders.

Lexa turned towards her, looking to where she stood. "She is gorgeous, isn't she?"

I sighed at knowing I couldn't have her.

"Why don't we ask her to dance?" She asked.

I turned her back around. "No, she's okay." Probably waiting for Bellamy.

We started dancing again, but this time I was the stiff one.

"You're still focused on Clarke, aren't you?"

I looked down at her. "Sorry." My eyes went back to Clarke as she shoved some guy away from her. My hands moved Lexa aside as I headed for Clarke, every instinct in my telling me to end this asshole who so obviously trying to reveal himself to her. I grabbed his tshirt, pulling him a few feet back.

He scrambled out of my grasp like a slippery snake. Grey eyes stared back at me. "What is wrong with you asshole?" He mumbled, piss drunk.

I shoved him back. "She told you no. Take a hint."

He grinned at her. "Her mouth said no, but her eyes said fuck me."

My brain didn't have time to talk me out of it, my fist started hitting him over and over and over until he was on bleeding on the ground. Clarke's voice spoke in the background, but I couldn't hear her. All I saw was the an asshole who thought he could take what he wanted without consequences, without regard for anyone else's feelings. James' face blurred with the guy on the grounds. My mind flashed back to the beatings Talia and Evan didn't know about. The slaps upside the head. The night's I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could go outside the walls, wishing I could find my real family. Wishing I didn't have to feel like everything that went wrong was my fault. Wishing that I didn't have to marry off one of the girls from the sky. Wishing that someone wanted me. My mind went to Clarke. Hands grabbed at me, pulling me off.

Bellamy let go of me, his eyes searching mine.

I looked at Clarke. She looked a mixture between frightened and sympathetic. I headed for the door, not wanting to see that in her eyes because of me. A guard approached me.

"Mr. Wyatt, we have to ask you to leave."

I walked past him. "Yeah, I know." I pushed out the door, not being able to decide what I was feeling. Everything swirled around in me. Oddly enough, the place I could forget about all that just kicked me to the curb.

"Aiden!"

I kept walking.

"Would you slow down? I can't run in these stupid high heels."

I didn't care about her problems right now. I had enough of my own.

She caught up to me, her heels in hand. Reserved blue eyes stared up at me, her free hand on my arm. She didn't say anything, just stared at me. My eyes stung and I blinked back the tears.

"I'm fine." I told her, knowing she was about to ask.

She shook her head. "No, you're not."

I sighed. "What do you want me to say? I didn't mean to beat up that guy that badly. Once I started I couldn't stop."

She shrugged, her eyes forgiving. "Shit happens."

Despite myself I gave a wry laugh as we headed down the street.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Too bad. We're living together at the moment, so it's kind of my business."

She was right, but it didn't have to be her business.

"I love her," I sighed again. "It doesn't make sense, I've only known her for a few days, but I've been watching her for months. All of you for months. I shouldn't have expected her to feel the same way."

"Well, what do you expect? You kidnapped her away from her people, her boyfriend."

My eyes narrowed. "Aren't you supposed to be giving me a pep talk."

"That's not what I do. I tell people what they need to hear. Did you think I was feared as Commander by appeasing to everyone's feelings?"

For a moment, I wondered what that must've been like. She must've been through a lot. They had to live a life I was so close to being apart of if the Wyatts hadn't found me. Someone would've found me. The also angered me. No one wanted me. "What do you know? You're not in my shoes." I threw at her as I stalked away.

"Hey!" She grabbed my arm, swinging me back to her. "You think I don't know what you've been through? That I don't understand the kind of responsibility, the kind of pressure you're under? I've had to lead hundreds of my men into war, knowing that most of them wouldn't make it. I've had to sacrifice the one I loved. I've had to make the hard choices, knowing that if I made the wrong one my people would pay with their life." Her voice faltered. "So don't tell me what I don't know, Aiden."

Her words sunk in and I realized that not was I a big asshole, but that Lexa and I were one and the same. That thought comforted me despite our current argument. She had let me stay with her when I was drunk off my ass, let me have some fun and get my mind off of Clarke. She got my mind on other things. Things like how even though my mind was with Clarke, my body was with her. Seeing her riled up did something to me. My eyes roamed her body in that black dress. I knew what was underneath, I felt it all against my body.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

My eyes met hers. "Like what?"

A smirk played on her lips. "You know like what." Her hand moved up to my bicep.

I wasn't sure if she was aware of that or not. Deciding not to temp my bad luck with women, I laughed. This was actually a little bit amusing.

"What's so funny?" She moved her hands to her side.

"Us." I pulled her along. "We're exactly alike."

Her brow rose. "How so?"

I gave her a look. Instead of answering her question I said, "Thanks for kind of caring about me."

She looked taken aback. "Oh...um...you're welcome." She gave me a tight grin.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

My head throbbed as I rolled over in bed, a too loud groan echoed in the room. That wasn't mine. My hand felt around on the bed, finding another body beside me. I peeked an eye open only to find a girl. A rather hot girl naked and sprawled openly on the bed. I took in the room, noticing it wasn't familiar. It must've belonged to her.

Violet eyes found mine and a grin came over her pale heart shaped face. Reddish brown hair splayed across the beige pillows. "Good morning."

The night before came in bits and pieces and I assumed I met her at the club, but I couldn't manage to recall how we met. Would she be insulted? Wait, why did I care? Just then I realized I was naked too. Fuck.

Her tiny yet surprisingly strong hands grabbed my hips as I tried to form a coherent sentence, pulling me close to her. She went down lower on bed and before I could figure out what she was doing I was moaning and I didn't want to stop feeling the pleasure she was giving me. My hands held her head in place as my hips bucked off the bed. My mind thought of Murphy as he was before he drowned. How he looked at me made me feel so incredibly desirable and loved. How he never stopped caring for me even when I checked out. How he challenged me when no one else would. A grin found my lips as I thought of him doing this to me. I pretended that the Violet eyes looking at me were danger blue and the finger that slid inside of me was his. I whimpered. Not even ten minutes later I was panting in satisfaction.

Guilt sprouted in my chest. Johnny could care less about my sexual escapades, but if I got Murphy back how would I explain this to him. I couldn't. He'd be crushed. Actually, now that I think about it, he'd probably would want to watch. I shook my head in a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"Thank you, but I should probab-" I stopped and stared as her hips mounted mine and she rocked against me.

She bit her very pink bottom lip as she stared at me with carnal violet eyes. I didn't know if I could manage to think of Murphy while doing this, but I tried my hardest. Although, I should be the one on top if I was with Murphy. I mean, I really wanted to ride him. My body flipped her over as I controlled the pressure of our pelvises together. I closed my eyes and her hands were his as I gasped.

Moments later we were both slumped lazily on the bed. She met my eyes with a satisfied smirk. "I wasn't sure if you could go another round after last night."

My face reddened as I rolled of her. What the fuck did I do last night?

Her face saddened. "You don't remember last night?" She sighed.

I rose from the bed, determined to forget that I just imagined having sex with Murphy when I was with someone else. My stomach dropped. Disgusted with myself, I dressed in my clothes from last night that laid on the floor. My eyes stung. How could I do that? How could I do Murphy like that? Johnny didn't give a rat's ass about my debauchery, but Murphy...He'd care a whole hell of a lot more. He'd be crushed. That guilt thickened my throat. I had to get out of here.

"O, you don't have to leave."

My attention snapped to her as my defenses went up. "Don't call me that. Ever." That nickname was reserved for my brother, Clarke, and Murphy. Nobody else. Well...maybe Indra.

Indra!

We've been here for three days and I haven't even seen her! What if something happened to her? She's not exactly the nicest person. I didn't blame her for her behavior. She's the Chief of Tondc. A War Chief. A Grounder. None of those were titles to be taken lightly.

I headed for the front door without another word. I took out the phone the Wyatts supplied us with and dialed Lincoln's number. After a few rings he didn't answer and I was about to hang up when he muttered a hello. Grumbled was more like it.

"Lincoln, it's Octavia."

"I know. I have Caller ID."

Oh. Someone's a bucket of sunshine.

"Look, I need to see Indra, but I don't know where she's staying. Can you go with me? I need to see how she's adjusting." I paced the hallway.

"Sure. What else do I have to do at eight in he morning."

My brow rose. "What crawled up your butt?"

"I'll meet you at your place in a half an hour." He hung up.

What the hell?

I was going to give him an ear full when I saw him.

My body was sore, but it wanted to run back to my apartment. Only I didn't know where I was. I looked around and realized from the door numbers and same paintings hanging on the walls that I was down the hall from my apartment. Well, that wasn't going to be awkward.

I sighed as I made my way down the hall.

Lincoln knocked on my door thirty minutes later as promised. He wore dark glasses, workout shorts, a sleeveless shirt, and a scowl.

A tiny part of me was amused, the other ninety five percent was a little ticked that he got so sassy with me.

"You ready?"

I shoved him out the door. "Are you hungover?"

He pursed his lips. "Very. Let's go before-"

We turned to see Roma sneaking out of Murphy's apartment. She looked like a deer caught in headlights when she spotted us.

"Hey, Octavia. Lincoln."

All I could was stare at her. Anger bubbled up in me as I took in her clothes from yesterday. She slept over there. That's when Johnny came into view. My stomach wrenched. He stared at me like he felt guilty, but I knew he didn't want to. Had they slept together? Murphy wouldn't do that, not if he didn't love her. Johnny...I didn't know anything about Johnny. Maybe that was his thing.

Determined not to cry, I marched down the hall with Lincoln in tow. My feet shuffled down the stairs as my heart pounded in my chest. I shoved the door opened with a groan.

"I'm sure nothing happened."

"You don't know that."

Whatever.

"Let's just go to Indra's. I need to see her."

Not even fifteen minutes later we were standing in front of her door. She opened it, taking us in, she stepped aside.

"What are you doing here?"

My brow rose. "I was worried about you." I stepped past her and into her very bleak and dull apartment. I thought mine was pretty expressionless, but hers was void of anything dainty, anything colorful, anything worth having.

"I'm fine. If that's why you came by you can leave now."

I turned to her, wondering where this hostility was coming from. "Are you okay?"

She stared at me with emotionless brown eyes. "You're no longer my apprentice. There's no need for an army in this place. We don't need to pretend to care about each other."

I let what she said sink in. Indra cared about me, I knew it. She wouldn't have taken me on if she didn't care a little bit. When Murphy died, she was there for me, even if it was tough love, it was still love.

"We're not pretending. Just because we made it to the City of Light doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you." I stepped closer to her.

She stepped out of the way, holding the door open. "You can show yourself out."

My forehead creased. "Indra,"

She looked away, staring off at the wall as she waited for us to leave. My eyes met Lincoln's and he nodded for us to go. I followed him and when I turned back to reason with her the door was shut in my face.

I wanted to talk to her. I needed to talk to her. I needed a connection. Everything was complete shit here. She was the only mother figure I had and when I needed her the most she'd been there for me. Now she put this wall up between us.

"Talia will let you use her gym." Lincoln insisted. "I need to get some sleep, baby girl."

So that's what I did. With no one around the punching bag was mine for the taking. My muscles were still sore from yesterday's activities, but I didn't care. This was all I had at the moment. Time slipped past me as I ran on the treadmill. I didn't want to go back to that stupid apartment and wear these stupid clothes. I didn't want to see stupid Johnny and Roma or think about how I literally screwed Murphy over. Or how my mentor completely distanced herself from me. All that crap about not being weak, all those months lost that I could've been with Murphy. I needed fresh air. Not the stuff floating around this shit hole of a city, but the real stuff with that earthy smell and thick with bugs.

With that in mind, I headed to the Wyatts building.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?"

I stopped in my tracks. A blonde haired looking barbie sat behind a desk with an expectant look in her eyes.

"Uh. No. I'm here to see Mr. Wyatt. I really need to talk to him."

"Without an appointment I'm afraid that's going to be a problem, miss." There was no apology in her voice, only an arrogance that didn't make sense because she was a receptionist. Like get over yourself bitch.

I made my way to the elevators with another protest from her.

"Security," I heard her say into the phone.

If I could break into Mount Weather and do away with the guards there I'd be able to take these guys without a doubt. That was until two big burly men descended the hall. Not that I couldn't take them, but their size matched mine about a thousand times. And there were two of them. I needed to get to Mr. Wyatt, but I couldn't just slice and dice my way in. I had no weapons. Fuck. I hated this place.

Well, with any luck I would get kicked out of this place. I charged the white guy first, knowing he was checking me out was used to my advantage as I slid through his legs, my legs knocked him off his feet while I charged the black guy. He was prepared for me, making my onslaught difficult. His size dominated me and that was the problem. These guys didn't look like they knew how to fight, they were just big. If he couldn't anticipate my moves I'd have a chance to get past the them. I threw some lame hits, hoping to throw them off until a big heavy white hand hit me across the face. A sense of excitement filled me. I turned towards him, my hands and feet flying out of my control as I brought him to the floor. Arms clutched mine behind my back. I struggled against them, but he was too strong. My mind went back to Lincoln holding me like this yesterday, to Greg pinning me up against a tree. My teeth gritted together. My elbows did most of the work, hitting him in the stomach. He stumbled back, the wind knocked out o him. I wriggled my way out of his grip. I had to jump to kick my leg high enough to knock his head to the side. We both fell to the floor. The white guy was coming for me, but I quickly grabbed the gun from the guy on the floor. I marched towards the white guy, aiming at his chest with both hands.

He reached for his gun.

"Don't even think about it." I demanded as I closed the distance. I snatched the gun from his grasp and made my way to the elevator. I held the guns out in front of me in case either tried to come after me until the doors closed.

I relaxed, but immediately turned my weapons on the person inside. A lady in her thirties looked beyond scared shitless.

"Please don't hurt me. I won't say anything. I have kids." She pleaded.

My eyes went to her wedding ring. I pressed the five button and let her get off.

She ran like her life depended on it.

Just as the door was about to close a hand stopped it. My guns went up as Aiden's face came into view. His clear blue eyes widened as he pushed the door open. I lowered the guns.

"What are you doing?"

Why would he get in an elevator with a girl with two guns? Maybe he knew I couldn't hurt him or I'd be gone for sure. On second thought. I let the doors close before aiming at him.

He didn't look impressed. "You want to shoot me?"

"No, I want to leave. I figure the only way I'll get booted out is if I kill a Wyatt. Your dad wouldn't like that very much."

His eyes flared. "James _is not_ my dad." He stared at me for a few moments.

He walked closer to me, towards the gun. "But if you want to kill a Wyatt to get out of here you've got the wrong one. James wouldn't bat an eye if I were dead."

What was he talking about? Those sad crystal blue eyes made me roll my eyes as my weapons dropped.

I sighed, just wanting to talk to Mr. Wyatt. I couldn't stay here any longer. Yes, I was running away. Something I've never done. Well, I ran away from Murphy after Lincoln died, but that was about it. I couldn't look at Johnny every day for the rest of my life and know that he hated me, I couldn't pretend that Indra's rejection hurt, I couldn't ignore that I hated this place and it's ability to turn me into a drunken idiot. So, yeah, I was running away. I just needed to talk to James so my brother wouldn't think something bad happened. The Wyatts would tell them that I left and that would be that. The Sky People would want to come here so I couldn't go back to them. My only options were find a Grounder tribe. I didn't want to go back to Tree People. There was no order there right now. Both the Commander and Indra were gone. Who knew what was going on with them.

Suddenly, the elevator jolted to a stop. My eyes narrowed at Aiden.

"You did this?"

He shook his head. "Not even. I just saw Margaret running for her life off of here so I had to check it out. This place does belong to my family. It's part of my job to keep us safe."

The lights flickered off and we were surrounded by a red lighting.

He looked up at the ceiling. "They cut the elevator off, but the backup generator shouldn't have kicked in for the whole building."

I tried to pry the doors open but I was met by a concrete wall. I shut them back. There was no way out of here. I sat back against the wall and tried to relax, but my heart was pounding in my chest. My breath thinned as I laid my head on my knees. Why was this happening? Why couldn't I just leave and start over? I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to be reminded of everything that was wrong in my life. This elevator was too small. I wanted my brother.

"Hey, what's going on with you?" Aiden asked after I started gasping. "You're not having a panic attack are you?"

All I could was nod.

He came to sit in front of me. His hand went held up my head while the other warmly caressed my arm. Our eyes met. A blush settled over my face. How could one person be so attractive? His touch was distracting me from my panic attack...which I think was good.

"Just breathe in and out."

My eyes glared at him. If I could do that I wouldn't be having a panic attack.

"If it's the elevator, we're going to be out of here shortly. Think about rainbows and puppies, I don't know. Something to take your mind off of it."

Before I could think about how stupid it was I brought my lips to his. Anything pleasurable right now would do. Anything to distract me from the shit hole I was in. With no objection from him I took it further than it needed to go. My hands pushed him to the ground as my hips mounted his. He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Octavia, you're good." He held up his hands.

Rejection stung even though I didn't really like him. I climbed off of him.

He sat up. "You're panic attack is gone. Are you okay?"

I gave him a look.

He sighed. "Look, you're hot as hell, but you didn't kiss me because you wanted to. What's going on with you?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to be here anymore. I need to leave."

He gave me a sympathetic look. "Come on, it hasn't been that bad."

"Yes, it has."

"Because of that Murphy guy?"

"He forgot me."

He nodded. "But he forgot everything else, too. If you want him to remember then make him remember."

"No, you don't understand." I pushed my stray hairs out of my face. "He doesn't want to remember me. He doesn't like who I am. He thinks I'm some psychotic warrior bitch. I've tried to make him understand, but he doesn't want anything to do with me." I tasted the inside of my mouth. "Is that peanut butter?"

He grinned. "Thanks for noticing."

He surveyed my body. "So you went to the gym to work off some steam. How'd that work out for you?" He smirked. "What? No smartass comeback?"

"Not today, Wyatt." My arms folded across my chest, hoping I looked like I didn't care what he thought of me. I mean, I didn't. But he was one of the guys that was so hot you did kind of care what they thought of you. He liked Clarke, so really I shouldn't care.

"So you're just going to run away, Octavia?" He came to lean against the wall next to me.

I had to lean back to meet his crystal blue eyes. "I want out of this place. Today. I don't care about running away, even if that makes me weak."

"You don't strike me as weak."

"Thanks."

I've worked really hard to get to where I am and now none of it meant anything. Not here.

After a few minutes he said, "When the power kicks back on and those doors open, you're going to be in a lot of trouble. I'll reason with James, but it's really up to you and him if you stay." He patted my knee. "So I'd suggest you really think about if you want to give up."

We sat in silence. My mind went over everything I'd be giving up if I left, everything I'd gain if I left. The regrets. The chance I'd never see Bellamy again. I didn't want to do this to him, but if I was unhappy wouldn't be staying be worse on him. He shouldn't have to feel guilty. He deserved to be happy. Him and Clarke. I'd miss Clarke, too. I could really use one of her hugs right about now.

Some time later the power kicked back on and the elevator moved to the top floor. The doors opened. Mr. Wyatt stood behind a bunch of guards with big guns pointed at us.

Aiden rushed in front of me. "Hold on a sec, she just wanted to talk to my father."

I wasn't one for hiding behind anyone , but in this instance there were a lot of men ready to kill me if they thought I was about to aim for their boss. I was thankful that Aiden had taken caution.

"Ms. Blake?" Mr. Wyatt asked.

"Yeah, it's me." I held up my hands in surrender, carefully laying the guns on the elevator floor. We stepped out. "I just want to leave the city."

He visibly sagged.

CLARKE'S POV:

My hand laid on Bellamy's forehead, feeling the hot skin. "Yup, you're sick."

He scoffed. "That's ridiculous. I feel fine." He leaned up from the bed, his abs flexing.

I pushed him back down. "Bellamy,"

"Clarke." He met my eyes. "I'm not going to lay in bed all day and I'm not taking cold medicine." He grumbled.

"Well, you're going to have to if you want to knock whatever Kane gave you."

He frowned. "How come you didn't get it?"

I grinned. "You want me to be sick?"

He brought me down to the bed with him. "If I could play doctor then yes." He leaned in for a kiss.

My hand blocked his face. He gave me a look. "What? You're not getting me sick if I'm not already sick."

He sighed. "Sick and blue balls. What a nice next few days I'll be having."

I laughed. "Come on. You've waited how long to be with me. You can wait a week. Besides, it's not like I can't pleasure you in other ways."

His brow rose in mischief. "Suddenly, I'm so sick." He layed back on the bed, sniffling. "And my balls hurt. Whatever will I do?"

My hand smacked his chest. "You do not have blue balls."

He pouted. "I could."

I kissed his cheek. "I'm going to the pharmacy, I'll be back shortly." I grabbed my purse and keys. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. Bell. Love you."

"Sure."

I rolled my eyes with a grin. "Bye."

Making my way to the drug store I thought about how normal all of this was. How content I'd been since everyone arrived. Not everyone, but enough of my friends to make me relax and enjoy what the city had to offer. I could walk to a store and get some medicine that helped heal my boyfriend. Simple. I could go around each corner in the city and find different cuisines. Exciting. I could be theoretically anything I wanted. I didn't have to be a doctor or nurse. I could be happy here, I just wished we all were happy.

Octavia hated it here, and I didn't half blame her. If Bellamy arrived here and I didn't remember him I'd think he half lose his mind. I just wish she could forget about Murphy for a while and let herself have some fun. He didn't define her, but I knew what position she was in. When I arrived and I thought Bellamy hated me he was pretty much all I thought about. All I worried about. It's hard when you're in love with someone and they could care less. I thought of Aiden and his episode last night. I texted them both to ask if they were okay, the act still a little strange. So was this big ass black purse I started carrying around per Talia's request although I don't think I've ever seen her carrying one around. It was different, part of me kind of liked it, liked that it made me feel feminine. I knew that was why I took the time to curl my hair in the morning and actually make an effort to look nice. I didn't get any complaints from Bellamy.

A black elderly man held the door open for me and I realized it wasn't an elderly man. It was Jaha. His hair was greyer than I remembered, his face more stoic.

"Clarke." He greeted with a warm grin.

Murphy appeared after him, holding a bag.

I stared at him, thinking how weird it was for him to not remember what he'd done, to not know what kind of relationship we had. He looked nothing like himself. No greasy twists at the top of his head. No scowl. No anger behind his blue eyes. He wore a green loose fitted shirt and blue jeans.

"Hey, Murphy."

He held out his hand. "It's Johnny now."

I shook it. "Right. Johnny. What are you guys up to?"

Johnny looked like he was caught when he looked to Jaha.

"Just stocking up on some personals. What about you, Clarke?"

I sighed. "Bellamy's sick. He got whatever Kane had. I'm just here to get some medicine."

He nodded. "Sorry to hear that. Where is Kane staying? I'd like to see him."

"Anberlin Crossings. It's a few streets over from mall. I could give you his number if you want."

He held up his hand. "No need. I'll find my way over to there." He looked down at Murphy. "We should get going. It was nice to see you Clarke."

"You, too." I lied. There was something about him that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"See you." I entered the store, finding the medicine quickly since we bought it for Kane the day before. I threw it in the shopping cart and found some orange juice and cough drops. It was pretty cool to see so much medicine. I didn't think I'd ever lay my eyes on half of this stuff. My mom would be so excited. I put two boxes of tissues in the cart. Maybe a humidifier would be nice. I didn't have to rush home so I lazily walked around the store, taking in everything from candy to makeup to condoms. I threw those in there, too. When we got down to Earth we didn't have the birth control shots to keep us from getting pregnant. Now that I was sexually active, I should probably be careful.

But what if I wasn't? My eyes found a wedding magazine. Great timing.

A sense of wonder filled me. Without a doubt it was too soon to be thinking about any sort of big union like that, but I couldn't help but think if that was something Bellamy wanted to do? We loved each other, sure. But marriage was a big step that was light years down the road. Did he want kids? If so, how many? I shook the thoughts from head but grabbed the magazine and stashed it in my purse. I'd go in the back and read it after I paid for what was in the cart.

Waiting in line wasn't new to me, but this whole paying for things were. On the Ark we had a simple system. Everyone got what they needed. My mind thought about what life would've been like if there was never a problem with the air systems and none of us committed crimes. Or if the Earth hadn't been soaked in radiation and we never had to go to space to live. Chances are I wouldn't know any of these people. That kind of tripped me out.

The cashier rung in my items and I swiped the card the Wyatts gave me.

"Thank you for shopping with us, have a nice day." The cashier said with a fake grin as she handed me my bags.

"Same to you." I headed for the door . Alarms went off as I stepped through the doors. I stopped, unsure of what was happening.

"Miss, please come back into the store." The cashier asked.

What did I do?

I turned around, really confused.

"I must've forgotten to ring something up. So sorry, ma'am." She looked tired.

"What's going on?"

Shit. The magazine. I totally forgot that I was planning on reading through it and putting it back on the shelf where it belonged. But there was no way they could find it. Wasn't that like an invasion of privacy or something?"The alarms let us know if someone has taken an unpaid item out of the store. Can I check your bag?"

I clutched it to my side. "No, you can't."

"Ma'am, if you don't cooperate I'm going to have to call the police."

My eyes searched around. Customers were looking right at us. Other employees. My face burned. Pulling it out now would look stupid, but I didn't want to go to jail. Who would take care of Bellamy?

Talia walked through the door with sweatpants on. Black sunglasses covered most of her face, her dark haired pulled back into a navy blue hat. Thank God.

She noticed us and stopped in her tracks. "Clarke, what's going on?" She took of her glasses and turned her green eyes on the cashier.

"The alarms went off when she walked through the door, Ms. Wyatt. I was just asking to check her bag." She said nervously, like her job depended on it.

Talia looked at the bags in my hands, then back at the cashier. "If she's already paid for her stuff then shouldn't you be asking what's wrong with your alarm system?"

She nodded. "My apologies. I'll get my manager on it asap. Sorry to bother you. Have a nice day." She hurried back to the line of waiting customers and began ringing up items, her face red.

"Thank you." I told Talia.

"No problem. What are you doing here?"

"Bellamy's sick. Got some medicine and juice. What about you?"

She looked over my shoulder, her face heating up. "Nothing, just came to browse."

My eyes narrowed. "Why do I think that's not true?"

She pulled me along. "Okay, if you must know..." She lowered her voice. "I need a morning after pill."

It sounded familiar and after a few seconds I pinpointed what it was. I gasped. "You and Lincoln had sex?" I almost shouted.

She shushed me as she glared at me, her hand rubbed her forehead.

"You and Lincoln had sex?" I whispered.

She calmed down. A tiny grin produced a full on smile. "Yeah, we kind of did."

I smiled. "I knew it. You two were all over each other last night."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well...we've just been arguing for the last two hours."

It wasn't my place to ask, but I did want to know. "Are you guys together?"

She shrugged. "Who's to know?" She eyed me. "What'd you take?"

I opened my purse to her. She looked shocked.

"Okay. Maybe we should talk."

She paid for both the pills and the magazine. Seeing them together on the counter made me chuckle. She gave me a look.

"Thank you." I said as we walked down the street.

She swallowed the pills before turning to me. "So you want to get married? Have a big wedding with Bellamy?"

I shrugged. "First off, I didn't mean to take that magazine, I forgot it was in my bag. I was just going to read through it and put it back. Secondly, maybe. Not now, but down the road...I guess."

"You don't sound too sure about that."

I could feel the weight of the magazine in the bags, it all of a sudden felt really heavy. "I mean, before we got here I hadn't thought of that. We only been dating for three months, but what we've been through, it's changed both of us, molded us together. I couldn't have kept us alive if it weren't for him. And now we're here in this place where I can do pretty much anything. It's an option. I just don't know if that's something he's thought about or would want." I met her eyes. "I don't think I can ask him about this. Not yet."

She nodded then brought her hand to her head as if to steady it. "You're secret's safe with me, Clarke."

We split ways after some more small talk, each wishing the other good luck.

Bellamy was sleeping when I returned. A grin found my lips as I put the orange juice in the fridge. I set up the humidifier by his side of the bed. Looking around us, we really needed to get out of Aiden's place. I was ashamed of how long we'd been staying there. I'd talk to him about that when he got back to me. I checked my phone to see if either Octavia or Aiden returned my text, but there was nothing.

While Bellamy was asleep I hit the magazine in the sofa cushion in the sitting room connected to Aiden's. Looking at him sleep, I entertained the thought of us married and grinned. I made my way over to the bed and laid beside him, thinking about adding little kids to the equation. Maybe a girl that looked like him and boy that looked like me. I didn't really care. All I knew as I played out this fantasy in my head was that it was definitely something I wanted. Bellamy could read me like a book, so I wasn't sure how I would hide this from him.

JOHNNY'S POV:

Roma was sitting on her couch in front of the tv, lost in thought. She turned as I entered. She jumped up and snatched the bag from me. I didn't know know if it would work, but she had faith in the pills.

"Thank you so much." She hugged me tight.

I rubbed her back. "Not a problem."

She filled a glass with water and chugged it behind the pill. Her eyes held guilt. Shame.

"Roma, what if they don't work? What are you going to do?"

She looked at me with frightened eyes. "I don't know. I can't think about that right now." She folded her arms over her chest as she sat on the couch.

I put on some boiling water and set two coffee mugs out before joining her. "I know it's not my place, but you need to tell Sterling."

She stared at me with wide eyes. "I can't. You know why I can't."

I sighed. "I understand. But you just took a morning after pill. He's your ex boyfriend. He'll understand."

Her brow rose. "And if he doesn't? I have the baby and take care of it by myself?"

I couldn't believe I was about to say this. This wasn't my baby. We didn't have sex. But Roma was my friend, one of my only friends here. She was nice despite what other people thought. Even when she had reason to talk badly about Octavia she didn't.

"You won't be alone."

She squeezed my hand. "I can't ask you to do that. If I'm by some disaster this doesn't work and I'm having a baby, it's not your responsibility. I don't even want it to be my responsibility." She sighed.

"Fair enough."

"Besides Octavia would kill me. Did you see she looked at us this morning? She must've thought we hooked up."

I shrugged. "She'll get over it. I'm not hers. She's always so angry. I don't want to be around that." Wasn't that reasonable?

She gave me a look. "Octavia wasn't angry when she saw us together. She was hurt. Trust me, I understand that look better than anyone."

"Still, she didn't have to storm off like that."

She huffed. "I know you're practically knew to this, but let me explain something to you. Octavia _is in love_ with you. She knows you don't like her. And seeing us together in that situation wasn't good for her. Anyone would've been angry."

"She's not in love with me. She's in love with Murphy." I shook my head. "I'm not Murphy."

She stared at me for a few moments. "You're right. He wouldn't be such an asshole right now. He'd realize what an idiot he'd been and try to make it right."

Irritation filled me. "What do you want me to do? I don't love her."

She shrugged as she pursed her lips. "I don't know. How about you grow a pair and go talk to her."

My eyes narrowed. Okay, maybe she had a point. I didn't have to marry Octavia, but talking to her some more wouldn't hurt. Maybe my first impression of her was too harsh. Even Jaha defended her.

I knocked on her door but got no answer.

"Well, I tried."

Roma gave me a scowl.

"Geez, tough crowd."

Later on that evening I tried knocking on her door again, but she wasn't there. I wondered what she was doing? What kind of things did she like? I knew she was aggressive, so maybe she'd like boxing. I don't know. I didn't know her.

_Try again_, my mind told me.

I dialed Evan's number.

"Hey, Johnny. What's going on with you?"

"I just wanted to know if you knew where Octavia was by any chance." I pulled a shirt to my chest and surveyed myself in the mirror. "I couldn't get a hold of her."

"Oh, yeah. She's leaving."

I stopped in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"She's leaving the city. She's went to speak with my father about it this morning."

I dropped down on the bed. "Oh. Where is she now?"

"Uh, probably trying to find somewhere to sleep. The helicopter dropped her off outside the wall a few hours ago."

For someone who didn't like her very much I couldn't help but feel disappointed for some reason. I thought about how weird it would be knowing she wasn't next door, even if I didn't go over there.

"Ok, thanks. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Falling asleep that night wasn't easy. If I thought I had guilt about Octavia the first night it didn't compare to this. I literally drove her out of the city. Maybe there were other forces that lead to her decision, but I knew deep down that she wouldn't have left if I hadn't been so awful to her. Roma was right. I'd been an assole. Not only an asshole, but a judgmental asshole.

I startled awake, gasping for air. Sweat dotted my skin. I had another dream, but already things were fleeting. I grabbed the notepad by the bed and jotted down what I could remember.

_Dream #4: A little girl. Choking. Mindfield. Drowning._

My guess was the little girl was Charlotte, the girl Octavia told me about. They tried to hang me for her crimes. I couldn't place the mindfield. I knew I drowned, that was how I died. Little by little my dreams were becoming easier to decipher. I didn't know if I was that was good or bad.

My mind played over the quick flash of the girl I could never get a good look at. My only guess was that it had to be Octavia. It made sense. My mind was trying to recall what was important to me. Apparently, she was important.

I sighed as I rolled out of bed. I knew what I had to do.

Evan met me outside and we rode the elevator together. I didn't tell Roma what I was doing, but I had wrote her a long note letting her know I was sorry to leave when she really needed me, but I had to take care of some things. I needed to know who I was if I was being completely honest. Octavia told me I didn't know who I was because all I knew where these walls, the city. If I could prove that I could survive out there without turning into what I feared then I'd be the first to admit I was wrong. I still needed to find her regardless. I had to fix the damage I'd done.

The elevator doors opened.

"Mr. Murphy." James greeted me. "I hear you want to leave my city, too."

I nodded. "Yes, sir. I appreciate everything you've done for me and I want to come back. I like it here. I just need to bring back Octavia."

He nodded. "Octavia left of her own free will. Even if she does want to come back that's not up to her. I gave her the option to stay. She chose to leave."

"I understand that, sir. I just...I know I drove her to leave. She stayed here because of me, because she loved me. I told her I didn't remember loving her." Thinking back on it I was really awful to her. "She left because of me. Please let me go find her."

He looked at Aiden as if actually considering it. "I'm sorry, Mr. Murphy. If you leave, you can't come back."

I thought of Jaha and how I liked having him around. We talked about a lot. He had some great insights on things. If I did this, if I left the city I wouldn't be able to see him or Roma again. As much as I'd miss them, I needed to do this. Finding out who I really was was important to me.

I nodded. "Okay. When can I leave?"

The helicopter dipped, moments later we landed on an open area of grass. My heart pounded out of my chest. Had I really done this? I was a fucking idiot. I didn't know anything about survival. How was I going to keep myself feed, where was I going to sleep, and how was I going to find Octavia? She could literally be anywhere.

The guards opened the door and one hopped out to help me down. "Are you sure about this?"

Despite all of my worries, this was something I had to do.

I nodded as I jumped out.

"Good luck, kid."

The took of.

I sighed. Too late to turn back now.

With the sun high in the sky I had the whole day to figure out what the hell I got myself into and how to make the best of it. First things first, food. I wasn't hungry now, but soon enough I will be. No, maybe I should find a place to sleep. Well, what if I get lost? Spinning around there were nothing but trees. That leaves finding Octavia first and I'd leave the other two when the time came.

The whole time I'd been walking I was on edge. Noises sounded from all around me, but I didn't know what was out here. The sun was significantly lower in the sky, which meant if I was going to set up camp and find some food for the night I should probably start. It was hard to focus on that when I was paranoid. I expected...I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't good.

I had to pee so I stopped at the nearest tree and relaxed for a moment. I laid my hand on the tree as I hung my head. Voices came from nearby, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. There was no one around. Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe I fell asleep and I was dreaming.

A knife flew out and pinned my hand to the tree. My eyes didn't believe it, but the immediate pain cleared things up. I screamed, too shocked to do anything other than scream. That language from before became louder. I had to do something. I didn't dare look back up at my hand, knowing it would hurt more. I tried to pull the knife out, but I wasn't strong enough. All it did was cause me more pain.

I turned to see five people covered in animal hides and bones stalking towards me. None of them Octavia. Panic set in. They were going to kill me. Hell, they might even eat me. In that moment, I knew I regretted knowing hearing out what Octavia had to say most. What she told me could've saved my life. If I had listened to her, made an effort to not judge her then I wouldn't even be in this situation.

The knife was ripped out. I groaned, clutching my hand to my chest. I scrambled away from them. My penis was still out. No matter how much my hand was hurting I had to protect that more than anything. I hurried to put it back in the protection of my pants.

One of the men yanked me up forcefully. He tied my hands together with coarse rope.

"I'm sorry if I'm in your territory. I don't know where I am."

He pulled me along by the rope without a word.

"Please," I pulled away, but it was no use. "My name is John Murphy. I don't know where I am. I'm looking for a girl. Her name's Octavia..." Shit. I remember her last name.

They spoke, but not to me. It sounded like they were arguing, but I couldn't tell. Everything they said sounded naturally aggressive.

"Do you know Octavia...of the Sky People?"

They stared at me.

A blow came to the back of my head, lulling me into the darkness I tried to fight off.

I startled awake, my heart raced. My head throbbed. I took in my surroundings. The air was dank. Dark. My hands were shackled above my head. I bit back a cry and the sting in my left hand. A sense of Deja Vu washed over me. Had I been here before?

I noticed the room was empty once my eyes adjusted. "Help!" I didn't have a better idea, a better plan that was going to get me out of here. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best, but it wasn't like I was going anywhere with these shackles. I was hoping a passer byer would hear and come rescue me. After who knew how long those chances were looking bleak. What were they going to do with me? The only two things I could think of was torture for information because they thought I was a spy or something or eat me. I wasn't partial to either of those.

My stomach growled. "Please, I'm hungry!"

Silence.

Eventually, I drifted back to sleep. My throat hoarse, my stomach empty, and my mind frantic.

I was woken with freezing cold water splashed on me. I coughed up the water that went down the wrong pipes, my eyes searching for the person. It was a woman.

She crouched in front of me and spoke in the same language as the others. She eyed me with suspicion. Tattoos swirled on the right side of her face. Olive skin. Long dark hair. But not Octavia. Disappointment filled me.

"What are you doing here, Murphy?" She drew her dagger and held it to my throat in a way that made me confident she wouldn't use it to hurt me. "Where are your people?"

"Do I know you?"

She stared at me blankly before slicing a cut on my arm. "I don't have time for games."

I screamed. Apparently, I was wrong.

"I lost my memory!" I rushed out. "If we've met I don't know who you are." My eyes pleaded with hers.

She sliced my other arm, but deeper this time. A stoic look on her face. "I'm not fooled by your ruse."

I leaned forward as much as I could. "Please, I'm telling you the truth."

She scowled at me. "I don't believe you."

"So you're just going to keep me locked up because I came in your territory?"

She rose from her crouch. "Until we figure out what to do with you, yes."

"Wait," I struggled against the chains. "How do I know you?"

She looked over her shoulder. "I met you on your trek through the desert. You were going with your people to the City of Light. I knew I could play you, take your things, and run for it. The dark haired one, Octavia, she was on me before I could threaten your life."

I tried to sink in the wall. Whatever alliance I thought I'd make with her was nonexistent.

"You tried to kill me?" I asked shakily.

"Don't take it personally. I needed to make it out alive. You were a casualty I was willing to let happen. Octavia wasn't having that."

My interest piqued. She was very protective. "What did she do?"

She sighed as if this conversation bored her. "She made it clear that if I hurt you she'd end me. I was almost impressed. Almost. If I ever see her again I might just kill her."

Warning bells went off in my head. I had to reevaluate what I thought was unstable.

She headed for the exit.

"Wait, what's your name?"

"Emori." She said before leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait yall. I have a lot going on right now. Hope yall liked it :)


	27. Not Alone

The song for this chapter is Red - Not Alone watch?v=0ODDtLMiGnY

Does anyone listen to the chapter songs?

FINN'S POV:

I laced up my running shoes and let my muscles do the work. Running was very therapeutic for me. It let me push my bounds, let me relieve some stress. Stress over Eli. Stress over not knowing what I was going to do when our people came to live. I had to pick a career and go with it. On top of that, we weren't sure this whole trial living experience was going to work out. I'm not sure about everyone else, but I had gotten use to it here. The convenience was unbelievable. The easy life. No Grounder issues day after day. I didn't want to leave.

Without warning, I was knocked to the ground. My head hit the pavement and the last thing I saw was a guy standing over me.

My eyes flickered open. A groan came from my lips as I sat up.

"You're up."

My head throbbed. I looked over a guy sitting in a chair a few feet away from the sofa I was on, his skin a beautiful caramel color. My eyes narrowed. "Who are you? Where am I?"

He handed me a bottle of water, his muscled arms rippled. "My name's Cory. I kind of ran you over." He offered a half smile. Dimples in each cheek.

I stared at him, mouth dry.

"You're in my apartment. You hit your head and I didn't want to leave you laying out in the street."

I took a long swig at the water, letting it fix my dry throat.

He came to sit on the table in front of me. His finger moved in front of my face.

"I don't think I have a concussion."

"I'll be the judge of that." He produced a flashlight and moved it from both eyes.

Up close I took in his caramel eyes and flawless skin. Short dark hair. Musky cologne. A good musky. He smirked at my staring. I cleared my throat. "What are you, a Doctor?"

"Not quite yet. Med school." He rose, going to the kitchen. He came back with an ice pack wrapped in a towel, and a first aid kit. "Put this on your head." He sat back on the table.

I did what I was told, feeling uncomfortable. "Um, thank you. I'm sure I wasn't light."

He cracked a grin. "I didn't mind." His caramel eyes looked me up and down. "What's your name?" He opened the kit.

Uh...what was my name? Shit. What was my name? Maybe I did have a concussion and the whole doctor thing was a ruse. I searched my mind, proud when I actually found it.

I met his eyes. "Finn Collins."

He nodded. "Well, Finn Collins, I'm sorry I almost gave you a concussion." He dabbed at a cut I didn't know I had until I winced.

A nervous laugh bubbled from me. "It's okay. You're really hot, so I don't mind."

He stared at me with a smirk.

My eyes widened. Did I really say that? I think I definitely had a concussion.

He chuckled at my red face. "I'm glad you think so." His eyes traveled to my mouth then back to my eyes.

Eli popped into my head. He was the first guy I found attractive and until this Cory guy he was the only guy I found attractive. That guy at the club was just a distraction. Sitting on his couch, I didn't know what to do with this realization. It was new territory. My first thought was I had to tell Eli, but that would be so awkward on so many levels.

"Finn?"

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"

"Maybe you do have a concussion. That test isn't always accurate." He rose.

I rose, had to steady myself. "Thank you, I should get going."

He looked a little disappointed but covered it with a half grin, bringing back those dimples. What was it with guys and dimples? Maybe that was the defining quality I was looking for in men.

He opened the front door and leaned against it. "Can I see you again?"

A no formed on my lips, but then I took him again and I forgot why I would say no. I nodded.

On the way back to the apartment I mentally kicked myself for saying yes to Cory. I didn't know him from Adam, but I guess that was the point of a date. He gave me his number. I needed to call or text him that I can't see him. It wasn't going to work out.

I plopped down on my bed. A date with a hot guy wasn't going to erase what I felt for Eli.

Eli stuck his head through the door, a grin on his face, dimples out. At the moment I hated his dimples. "Where have you been?" He laid down beside me. "I wanted to talk to you."

"I went for a run." I sighed.

"Why do you sound stressed? I thought your runs were supposed to help with that."

I loved that he knew that about me even though I didn't tell him.

"Some guy ran into me. I may or may not have a concussion."

His eyes narrowed. "Why are you smiling about that?"

I shrugged. "He was nice that's all."

He surveyed me closely. "How nice?"

"He asked me out on a date. I told him yes before I could say no. He was really convincing." I pictured his hard muscles, his caramel dimpled grin and eyes. I thought it ironic that I got into a collision with a med student. Apparently I had a thing for doctors. Well, neither Clarke nor Cory were doctors, but still.

"Oh. You're going out with him?"

I met his green eyes. "I guess. I was going to cancel, but now I don't really see the harm in it." It's not like Eli and I were going anywhere. "Is that okay?"

He looked taken aback, but nodded. "Yeah, of course." He offered a weak smile.

I gave a nod. I half expected him to tell me no it wasn't okay, but that was a fantasy. So when Cory called me the next day I agreed to meet him for coffee.

I stood in front of the mirror, checking out the blue shirt and dark jeans. I didn't pull my hair back like I'd been doing lately. I guess this was a good look. Eli would tell me the truth.

He sat on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal. He stopped chewing when he saw me. "That's what you're wearing for your date?"

"Hey, I've never been on a date with a guy before. I don't really know what attire to wear."

He rolled his eyes with a tiny grin. "Maybe that's a sign you shouldn't go."

I gave him a look. "It's too late to back out now."

"That's another reason," He pointed at me. "If you don't really want to go then you shouldn't go."

My phone lit up in my hand, Cory's name across the screen.

"I'm going on the date."

He set the bowl on the coffee table and stood. "Maybe I should I meet this guy before you go somewhere with him. I'm a great judge of character."

"Not going to happen. I'm heading out." I looked at the text Cory sent.

Eli grabbed my arm as I opened the door. "Wait,"

I turned back to him, looking up at him.

"If something happens call me."

I searched his eyes, trying to figure out why he was acting weird. "What's supposed to happen?"

He shrugged. "He could be a mass murderer, you don't know."

I grinned. "If he's a mass murderer, you'll be the last person I call." I started for the hall, but he pulled me back.

"Wait,"

"Eli, what's is wrong with you?"

His eyes darkened. "You don't know anything about the guy. Are you sure you want to do this?"

My eyes narrowed as I recognized what was happening. "If you don't want me to go out with him then tell me."

He stared at me with a furrowed brow, not saying anything.

"Eli?"

He looked away, letting go of me. "Go on the date."

My heart dipped as I walked away.

MURPHY'S POV:

End of day two, my head hung as I sat on the cold hard ground. Two of my fingers were broken. My face was smashed to a pulp, my left eye swollen. With my arms above my head it was hard to breath. Every time I heard a noise I flinched. My wrists were rubbed raw from the shackles. They gave me no food. No water. I didn't give them the answers they wanted

In the night of day three a Grounder came in the night to ask more questions.

"Who are you with? How many?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry I can't help you."

I figured if they got to feel sorry for me I'd have a chance.

"Tell me what do they want?"

I groaned. "I don't know!" My patience waned. How many times could I tell them the same thing over and over before they believed me.

The Grounder pulled out a weapon I didn't recognize and crouched before me. "How about you remember after this."

Before I struggled, he grabbed my hand, the weapon clamped down on my nail. He pulled down slowly, drawing out the pain. A bloodcurdling scream came from me.

"Please!"

He did another finger. Another. And another.

Tears stained my blood caked ace. The salt stung the open cuts. "I don't know anything!" I struggled, which only made it worse.

"Tell me what I want to know, skyboy." He demanded, his breath made bile rose in my dry throat. "Then will the pain stop."

"I don't remember anything," I pleaded. "All I was doing was looking for a girl. Octavia. She's from the sky, but she looks like a Grounder. I didn't want any trouble." I shifted.

He rose with a grunt. "She's not here."

Hope poked it's head out. "So she's alive?"

He left without another word. My whole body ached, my fingers throbbed as blood trickled down my arms. I bit back a cry, but it was no use. I was going to die here. I hadn't lived and I was going to die in a cave. Die without even knowing who I am.

My mind wandered to Roma. She wasn't ready to be a mother. Sterling definitely wasn't ready to be a father. I really hoped she wasn't carrying a child. Then there was Jaha. He was a decent man. Octavia was right about him in the sense that he craved a purpose, but I had yet to see the crazy in him. He'd been calm and level headed. The complete opposite of Octavia.

My chances of making it out of here alive were slim, my chances of seeing Octavia again were nonexistent. I just wanted to see her, apologize, and...I didn't know what else.

Day three dragged on. I knew when it was night by the sliver of light that came from a few cracks in the jagged rock walls. There was no light now. I was angry. Angry that I got myself into this situation. Angry that I couldn't do anything about it. Angry that I was on the brink of death. Angry that I was weak, the opposite of everyone I knew. I was starting to think there was some truth to what they'd been telling me.

My blood boiled at the sight of Emori, she appeared in the entrance.

"What? You here to torture me, too?" I scowled.

She closed the distance between us in a hurry, throwing a look over her shoulders "We don't have much time." She unlocked the shackles, I slumped to the ground. "They're coming to kill you."

I couldn't muster up the energy to stand, to care, but I had to. I couldn't die in this place. Now Emori was giving me a way out.

She helped me stand. "Come on."

My legs wobbled. My bruised ribs ached as I took in big gulps of air. "Why are you helping me?"

"You helped me when you thought I was in trouble. I'm returning the favor. Now let's go."

She dragged me along, her eyes telling me to stop groaning, but it was kind of hard when I couldn't think of anything else but the immediate pain. Well, I thought of one other thing; I didn't trust Emori. She hadn't been the one to torture me, but she hadn't stopped it either. That seed of distrust was what pulled me away from her grip.

She stared at me with wide eyes in the darkness. "What are you doing?"

"Why should I believe you? You're one of them! For all I know you could be taking me to my death."

She shushed me. "Keep your voice down. We don't have time for this." She moved to pick me up, but I scrambled away.

"Why are you helping me?"

Her jaw tightened. "I've been in your spot before. You're just a kid, Murphy."

"Why does that matter to you now? I was a kid when you let them torture me for three days."

She huffed. "I have a kid of my own. Younger than you, but I can easily see him in your place. Is that good enough for you?"

I nodded.

We made it into the thickness of the woods. How she dipped and dodged us past broken logs and low branches was beyond me. I wasn't sure how long we'd been running when we heard distant voices. Fires lit off in the distance. I looked over at her and we both knew she had to let me go if she didn't want what was coming for me.

"Thank you. I have it from here."

She shook her head, knowing I couldn't make it on my own. "No, you don't. You're too weak." She picked me up in her arms and even though we were running from immediate danger I couldn't help but feel emasculated.

"What are you doing? They'll kill you if they catch us."

Her face remained resolute as she said nothing.

"Emori."

Someone jumped out in front of us. I almost shit myself, but then I realized it was just a small child.

Emori sat me down and grabbed the child. He was half my height, lanky, dark hair and eyes. She spoke that language, her hand dragging him away. He pulled away with a strength that I didn't realize he had.

"Is that your son?"

"Yes. He shouldn't be here." She looked behind us.

The flames were significantly closer.

"Run."

"What are we going to do? Outrun them?" I huffed, wanting to pass out from the over exertion.

"Yes."

The kid grabbed my hand as if he was leading me into safety. Arrows shot above our heads. My heart hammered in my chest like it was about to jump out of my throat. A groan came to my ears and I looked back to see an arrow punctured Emori's right shoulder. She broke it off and pulled it out without hesitation.

"They're catching up. You have to take your son and go." I insisted.

She shook her head with a grunt. "I'm not letting you die."

Gratitude filled me. "I don't know how to thank you."

She looked at her son with sad eyes, then back behind us. I was slowing us down. "You take care of Henry."

"What?" I huffed. His hand tightened on mine, pulling me down a different path. "I don't understand."

She stopped in her tracks, Henry stilled tugged me with him until we could barely see her. She turned around, her hands in the air when they finally caught up to her. Henry shoved me down when I tried to stand, his finger over his mouth.

A Grounder drew a sword and sliced her throat without hesitation.

All the the air left me as I watched the life leave her body, frozen in place. Tears sprung to my eyes as helplessness washed over me. My eyes went to Henry's. His jaw hard, his eyes empty. He just watched his mother die and he didn't even look sad.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

He nodded without a word.

We hide in the shrubs for hours and eventually I couldn't contain the bile in my stomach. I dry heaved endlessly until I passed out.

AIDEN'S POV:

James called me back to his office after I saw Murphy off on his adventure to find Octavia. I didn't really want to see him, let alone talk to him right now. I entered his office, a tired look on my face. I didn't want him to know he got to me.

"What?"

He gave me a disapproving look. "Don't what me, Aiden. Need I remind you the hard way I will be respected?"

The beatings flashed in my mind. I shook my head. "No, sir."

"Good." He gestured to the seat in front of his desk. "Sit. We need to have a talk."

I unwillingly sat.

"I know that we all expected you and Clarke to form a union. It's abundantly clear now that there's no chance of that happening." He waited as if I need to catch up. "However, the Commander, she seems to have a soft spot for you."

My eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"You think I don't watch your every move? You all need to be protected."

"From what? We're inside the walls. We're safe."

He nodded. "It still doesn't hurt."

I wondered what he was hiding from me, but didn't push it. My mind backtracked. "Hold on a minute, are you suggesting that I marry Lexa?"

He nodded once. "Precisely. We should get together tomorrow to discuss the details."

I stared at him incredulously. "You do know she's a lesbian, right?"

He waved it off. "That's not a problem. Arranged marriages happen all the time."

No, they didn't.

"Besides, that won't be a problem. You're going to make her fall in love with you."

My temper flared at what he was suggesting. "She's my friend, James. I'm not going to deceive her for the sake of our city."

His eyes darkened. "You will do what I say when I say it." He all but yelled at me. "No questions asked is all that is required of you."

My fist clenched at my sides. "Why do you treat me like I can't do anything. I'm only good for your dirty work and that's it?"

His eyes softened as he leaned forward on his elbows. "You're good at what you do, Aiden. Talia can't be in the field like you can. Evan's priming to take over my position. You're the brawn. We both know you can make Lexa fall for you if you wanted to."

His words cut deeper than I wanted to allow them to. I shook my head. "If I'm so dumb then why do you keep me around?" What he said the other day when I was drunk was for show. I knew he didn't love me.

"Don't be stupid, Aiden. You're my son."

Talking to him like this was like a slap in the face over and over.

"You're going to ask the Commander out, turn on the charm, get into her mind, her panties. Whatever it is you have to do. We need a union."

My head shook with disbelief, but really I shouldn't be surprised by anything James did. I could take him slamming me, but not disrespecting Lexa. "You sick son of bitch. All you care about is your stupid union." I rose, my hands slammed on his desk. "You leave her out of this."

His eyes flared as his hand smacked me across my face. He rose.

As long as I'd known James I'd never hit him back, but I was done holding back. Done respecting him. Done taking his shit. I marched around his desk, beyond ready to gets some hits in. His hands flashed out before I could register them, punching me in the face. I stumbled back, but he was quick. The wind was knocked out of me as his fist hit my stomach. I groaned. He threw me on the ground, a smirk on his smug face as his steel toed boots kicked into my stomach. He picked me up and pushed me towards the door.

"You tell anyone about this and I'll have your ass, boy."

My pride took a nose dive as I stumbled out of the building, clutching my stomach. All I wanted to do was hole up in my bed, but Clarke and Bellamy were still staying there. My jaw clenched. I didn't want to love her like I did. The only place I could go that would make me feel better was Lexa's. I just didn't want to feel like I was overburdening her.

I winced as I slumped down on the couch.

"Aiden?" She called, coming in the living room. She paused as she took me in. "What happened to you?" She rushed to my side.

I shook my head. "Picked a fight I couldn't win." I slurred my words to make her think I was drunk. Better her think I was a loser than weak. I didn't want her of all people to see me that way.

Her intense blue eyes narrowed as she took me in, her hands probing for injuries. She wrapped an ice pack in a towel and brought it to my sore cheek. Her hands lifted my shirt, her mouth in an intense frown. "I'm sure the other guy looks worse, right?"

I nodded, wincing as she pressed into my stomach. Her warm hand laid there and for a those few moments I didn't feel the pain. I didn't like the worry etched into her eyes. "It looks worse than it is. I'm just a drama queen." I added flippantly.

She gave a weak grin before leaning in. Her mouth incredibly close to mine. My breath caught. "You're not drunk, cut the act."

My eyes narrowed. How could she know me so well but James didn't know me at all. That thought scared me a little.

"Who did this to you?"

I looked down. I didn't know what she'd do if I told her about James. I didn't want to take that chance that she'd do something stupid and get kicked out.

"Aiden?"

I needed her here. She was my only friend. Not having her here would really kind of suck. Especially when I had to look at Clarke and Bellamy for the rest of my life.

"Aiden!" Her head dipped so our eyes locked. Her free hand held my face. "What happened?"

I shook my head. Tears stung my eyes. This time I couldn't make them go away, I couldn't stop myself from showing weakness in front of her. They slipped over my eyes and I couldn't look at her, afraid of what I'd see.

"James and I had a disagreement. It's nothing."

She turned my head to look at her. A horrified expression on her face. "He did this to you? Why?"

"It's not important. It's over with." I sniffled, my hand wiped at my face as shame washed over me.

"It's important to me."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you."

I sighed as I leaned forward. "No good can come of me telling you."

She gave me a look.

I shook my head. "He told me to make you fall in love with me because I couldn't marry Clarke and form the union. I told him to shove it and he hit me." My jaw clenched at the memories.

She moved the ice pack from my cheek. "You said no because of me." Her voice softened.

I met her eyes and nodded. "I told him you liked girls and he didn't care. All he cares about is himself. I'm never going to be good enough for him. I don't even know why I try anymore."

"Hey, don't listen to James. You're good enough." She nodded, her eyes soft. "You're much more than what he's made you to believe, Aiden."

I shrugged. "Then why doesn't it feel like it? No one wanted me for a reason."

"That's not true."

"My family didn't want me. James doesn't want me. Clarke didn't want me." I took stock of how close we were, our breaths mingling.

Both her hands were now holding my face, taking some of the pain away. Her eyes traveled to my mouth and lingered. Desire sat in her eyes.

My forehead creased. Sure, we teased each other. There was some sexual tension between us, but Lexa didn't want me in that way. Could she?

As if to prove me wrong her mouth met mine. Tenderly, questioning, at first. My eyes closed as I leaned into it. I opened my mouth to her, letting her set the pace. Her tongue played along with mine as she sat on my lap. I couldn't feel pain with her like this. My hands grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to me. Her hands trailed fire underneath my shirt as she rocked on my lap. I groaned, tearing away from her aggressive mouth, my lips finding her neck. I kissed and lightly sucked at the sensitive spot. Her moans urged me on.

"Aiden."

My eyes snapped open. I stilled. What the hell were we doing?

I pulled back, looking at her with confusion. Her eyes widened, her face flushed.

"Oh my God." She muttered as she crawled off my lap, embarrassment all over her face. "I'm so sorry." She ran back to her room without another word.

Her absence made me aware of my aching wounds. The realization made me shiver. I knew my attraction to her wasn't one sided, but I didn't think it went beyond that and friendship. Now I wasn't so sure.

A/N: Happy Sunday yall! :) Thanks for reading!


	28. Gravity

The song for this chapter is John Mayer - Gravity watch?v=7VBex8zbDRs

JOHNNY'S POV:

_We were in the meat furnace._

"_You're brother couldn't get you a better job? Figured anything would be better bethan working in the meat furnace." I asked her._

"_Oh, probably." She muttered. "That just means someone else would have to do it." She cut into the meat and walked away, focused on the task at hand._

I woke with a start, sweat beaded on my skin. My eyes scanned around me, finding that I was in a cave. A little boy sat by the exit. Henry.

He turned to look at me without a word.

"You brought me here." I tried to stand, but fell to the ground. I panted from the exhaustion.

He came to my side and helped me stand. He was physically strong for his age.

My mind went back to Emori, regret and sadness sat in the pit of my stomach. "I'm sorry about your mom, kid."

He nodded once before tugging me forward. "We have to be quiet and quick. Most of the night has passed, we'll only have a few more hours left of shade."

Hearing him speak for the first time shocked me, so I just nodded.

"I know a few kids in a tribe not too far from here."

"And what's to stop that tribe to do to us what yours did to me?"

"Nothing besides my friendship with the children there. If they're gone, I don't know how the tribe will react. Some are more accepting than others. We have to take that chance, Murphy."

My eyes widened. I didn't know he knew my name.

"Let's go." He muttered.

Dread filled me as we exited the safety of the cave. We have to get through the dark forest with Grounders waiting to kill us, and only if we survived that and we made it to the nearest tribe we had to be lucky enough for them to torture us. I didn't think they'd torture Henry. I wasn't that far off from death, but they wouldn't hesitate to finish me off if they felt threatened.

The sunlight blinded my eyes.

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Bellamy, you can't really be mad at Octavia. She decided to leave. We know what was going on with her." She toweled at her body as she stepped out of the shower.

My head hung as I sat on the vanity counter. How did I not see this coming?

"It's not your fault, Bell."

My head snapped up. "She's my sister, Clarke. My responsibility."

Her blue eyes held mine. "I know, but she's her own person. What did you expect would happen, that she'd stay under your wings forever?"

I shook my head. "No, but I didn't think she'd just up and leave without telling me. If I hadn't been sick..."

"What? You would've stopped her?"

My whole life I felt helpless, being on the Guard gave me purpose. Being in charge down here gave me purpose. Now we were here and everything was great, except my sister decided to take off without warning. "I just..." I pulled her between my legs, her arms hung along my shoulders.

"I know." She gave me a half grin. "If Octavia wants to do something, she'll do it. Not even you, her big brother, can stop her. You know I'm right." She kissed my lips briefly. "You're protective and caring and those are some of the things I love about you, but Octavia is a grown woman now. She's not your responsibility any longer."

She was wrong. Octavia would always be my responsibility. She was my blood. My little sister that I had to protect with my life. Clarke peppered my jaw with kisses as I tried to stay with my train of thought, but her roaming hands were making it hard to focus.

Finally, I gave in and slid off the vanity and picked her up in my arms.

"I'm taking you to bed, little lady"

She chuckled, her head thrown back in laughter. "Is that right, cowboy?"

I tipped my head. "Yes, ma'am."

JASPER'S POV:

The one thing that I was able to do in solitary that kept me sane was work out. I pushed myself to the point of vomiting daily. It was either push my limits or desiccate. I chose to push my limits. Wicke had been helping me with that once I got out. Before I was sort of scrawny, but my height made up for it. The extra weight I gained had made a few girls look at me differently, but not the girl that mattered the most.

Wicke and I just came back from a run when Abby approached us with relieved eyes.

"Jasper, I have some good news."

I looked to Wicke then back at Abby. "Let's hear it."

She smiled. "Monty is alive."

I stared at her a while, not really understanding what she was telling me.

"He's in the City of Light with Clarke and the others. He's alive."

My head shook. This must be a nightmare. It wasn't out of the norm for me to dream this fantasy, but that's all it was. A fantasy. "He can't be alive." "Clarke was given a tablet to communicate with me on. I talked with the people in charge. They want us to live there."

"Are you for real?" Wicked asked.

She held his gaze. "Yes. Clarke and everyone is staying there on a trial basis, but they were clear that they wanted us to join their society. If all goes well we'll be living there shortly."

I walked away, not really seeing what was in front of me.

"Jasper," Abby called.

"No," I turned to her. "This is crazy. How is Monty alive? He died in my arms!"

Her hands raised as she neared me. "I wouldn't tell you this if I weren't absolutely positive. I saw him myself. He's there."

"He can't be. How? How could they bring someone back from the dead?"

Raven spotted us and rushed over.

"The doctors there have developed this drug. It brings people back from the dead. Apparently, a lot of our people that have died are there."

Raven's hand went to my arm. "Monty's alive?"

I shook my head. "He's not. They lied to us."

"Wait a minute." She pulled me back. "They gave you proof?" She asked Abby.

Abby neared us with Wicke in tow. "Yes."

Raven stood in front of me, her brown eyes looking up at me expectantly. "We have to go see for ourselves."

"What? You believe this?"

"Abby wouldn't lie about that."

I shrugged. "Maybe not, but that doesn't make it true."

"Then let's go find out for ourselves."

"You mean like go through the dead zone to get to them?" Wicke asked.

She met his eyes. "Why not?"

"Because we could die, Raven. If what Abby said is true then they're planning for us to live with them anyway, which means they're coming to get us."

My head shook. "There's no need to risk our lives. I don't buy it, neither should you." I started off.

Raven stepped in front of me. "Jasper, what if he's alive? Don't you want to take that chance to see him?"

Would I risk my life for my best friend? Yes. Would I risk my life to see him again? Yes. But he's not alive. So, no.

"I'm staying right here." I stared her down. "If you saw Finn die and someone told you that he was alive, would you believe them?"

She thought about it and gave me a shrug. "I don't know, but I'd have to try."

If Monty was alive, he'd reach out. He'd tell me. We told each other everything.

"What do I do if we go on this trip and he we make it to the city, but he's not there. How do I bounce back from that?"

"I don't have an answer that will magically make that pain go away, but you have to try."

I huffed. A lot of people still looked at me like I was nuts and I didn't blame them. Raven was among the few that treated me the same. Her opinion of me mattered. While I didn't want her to think me a coward, I didn't know if I could let myself believe in the impossible.

Her hand rested on my shoulder. "You can do this. We can leave, see for ourselves."

I took her in, brown skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. Something beyond perfection. Something that couldn't be mine. I met Wicke's gaze for a brief moment. Part of me knew he knew about the way I was starting to see Raven. She found my gaze, looking for an answer. "Fine."

LEXA'S POV:

My heart raced as I locked my door behind me. I dove onto the bed, under the covers as tears welled in my eyes. Rejection sat on my chest. _Don't cry_. He's just a guy. You don't even like those.

After a while a knock came from the door. "Lexa."

"I'm fine, just go away."

He opened the door without my consent. "No, you're not."

My hands tugged the covers tighter over my head. "I told you I was fine. You can leave now."

With a sigh he sat on the edge of my bed, our bed. "Are you mad?"

I don't know why, it was definitely a bad call, but I pushed the covers over my head without wiping the tears from my face. "Damn right, I'm mad, Aiden. The first guy I've ever liked turned me down, how do you think I'm supposed to feel?"

His hand wiped the tears from my face and I hated how tender it felt. "Baby," He sighed again as if that was all he could do. "What happened earlier...I didn't mean to let it go that far."

My heart squeezed at _Baby_. "Then why did you?" I asked angrily, I pushed his hand away.

Those crystal blue eyes held my gaze. "Because despite the situation I like you."

I didn't understand. "What?"

He ran his hand through his sandy brown hair. "I like you and I don't know where you're at, but I'm not ready for anything serious. I'm still in love with Clarke."

I couldn't really be mad at him, I knew all of this before I kissed him. Well, I didn't really know that he liked me. We both knew there was an undeniable attraction between us. Did it go further than that? Did I want it to go further than that?

"Lexa, we can't be anything more."

All I could do was stare at him with baby doll eyes. "Why not?"

He thought about it as if he didn't already know. "You're the only person in my life right now that really cares about me and I don't want to screw that up. Think about it."

My eyes roamed his body, loving the way his muscled arms constricted as he leaned forward. "You don't know what could happen if we went further."

His face flushed as he looked away. "Baby, we can't ruin what we have. It's the only good thing I have going for me right now. Maybe that's a little selfish, but I can't."

It felt good the hear that. When I thought about it, he was right. I didn't want to ruin the friendship I had with him over some misguided lust. Then where would I be? Something else was at play here. I'd known Aiden long enough to know that he'd been brainwashed by James into thinking he was a piece of shit.

With a sigh my hands held his face gently, our eyes never leaving each other's. "I understand and I'm with you a hundred percent. I just want you to know that if something happens in the future that I wanted it, too."

A small grin slid to his lips.

"I also wanted you to know that you're an amazing guy and you shouldn't let James get to you. You're stronger than him." I nodded.

Those crystal blue eyes looked at me funny before he pulled away. "I have to go do something. I'll see you later." He leaned in to kiss my forehead.

I lamely waved bye.

Later that evening he walked into the bathroom as I was getting dressed with a box in his hands and distant eyes.

"I'm moving back to my place. Clarke and Bellamy are moving out."

I froze in front of the bathroom mirror, saddened by the information. "Oh." I looked back at myself for a brief moment. My eyes looked at the counter. "So you're here to get your stuff?"

"Yeah." He drew it out with caution.

Even if he did deny it I couldn't help but think that this was because I attacked him earlier. I mean, I know him staying here was only temporary, but I didn't think I'd only have a few days with him only to have them ripped away unexpectedly.

"Come with me somewhere,"

I met his eyes.

The drive over was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Well, the speed and the wind in your hair reminded me when I was riding my horse as a young girl. The freedom I felt. The power. Now I was in the passenger seat, my hair flowing behind me. Goosebumps rose on my olive skin. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as we sped down the empty streets. According to Aiden, there was another city in progress not too far away that was connected by miles of road. That was strange to experience. Trees surrounded us, blocking the bright sun. Shadows fell on the car.

He looked over at me with a sexy smirk, his chin stubbly. "You like this?"

I nodded, a laugh bubbling up in me. "I want to learn how to drive someday." I wanted the power back.

The grin widened. "You want to drive my baby?"

My eyebrow rose. "This car is your baby?"

"Damn straight." His eyes went back to the road and after a few seconds he slowed the car to a stop before taking the key out and getting out. He opened my door and waited for me to get out.

I stood there with him leaning on the door. "What am I supposed to do?"

He leaned in closer. "Drive my car." A smirk in place.

"I should slap those dimples off your face for being so cheeky."

He laughed, his eyes dipped to me mouth. He dangled the keys in front of my face. "Get in the passenger seat before I change my mind."

With a sigh I headed around the front of the car. This was crazy. I was about to drive a car.

I shut the door and twisted the key into the ignition. The car roared to life under us. My eyes went to Aiden. "Now I just push my foot on the gas?"

"Exactly. It's easy."

We eased forward gently, but I braked without meaning to. I looked to him nervously. He said this car was his baby. "Maybe this wasn't a great idea."

He shook his head. "No, you're going to learn. You're life is completely different now. Roll with the punches, Commander."

I gave him a look. "What if this punch kills us?"

He shrugged as if it didn't matter. "You're not afraid of death are you?"

"I'm the Commander, I'm not afraid of anything."

Well, that's not exactly true. I was afraid my love is weakness mantra would destroy any chance of happiness.

"So why are you hesitant now?"

"Maybe because I don't want to throw your life away."

He huffed, his eyes moving forward. "You don't have to care about me so much, Lex."

That kind of stung like a slap in the face. "Well, you're making that difficult."

We stayed silent for a few moments, then I inched the car onward only to stop. From my peripheral, he grinned slightly, which made me grin slightly.

Once I got the hang of it I had to keep my mind on the road.

"Okay, turn here." He said a little later.

Whipping the car, I turned with confidence. Who was I kidding. I almost killed us, not noticing the ditch close to the curb. My eyes scanned Aiden to make sure he was okay. He did the same.

"It's right down there." He pointed.

The car stilled before we got out.

"A lake. That's where you wanted to take me?"

He gave me a look. "It's not just a lake. It's man-made. No dangerous radioactive mutated ish in the bunch."

I chuckled. "Good news. Don't want another Murphy mishap."

"Speaking of, Octavia left this morning. Murphy or Johnny or whoever he is shouldn't have had the power over her to drive her out of the city."

We sat down in the sand, a serene lake in sight.

"You've never been in love, have you?" Part of me saddened when I realized I was hal wrong. "Apart from Clarke?" I cut my eye at him.

His forehead creased. "No, not even once." He looked to me. "What about you? Was it only Castia?"

She flashed in my mind, my heart ached. "Only her, but I do know that when you're in love with someone you act irrationally. No matter how in control you think you are, you're not. So I don't fault Octavia for making that decision. She could've been weak and just stayed here to be near him. At least out there," My eyes scanned the vastness of trees. "She can be who she was meant to be."

He scooched closer. "Do you miss it?"

I turned to him. "Huh?"

He nodded towards the trees. "Your home. Do you miss it?"

"Yes." I said without thought. "It was my whole life and I didn't expect to feel this way if we ever found the city."

"What way is that?" He leaned in closer, as if _I_ was the enigma.

The wind tossed my hair in my face and I moved away to shake it back behind me. My eyes stared up at the sky, wondering if this was how Clarke felt when she arrived on Earth.

"I feel useless, like I have no power here. I never thought I'd miss always fearing for our safety, but I do. Maybe I'm selfish. I have to have power to change lives, to dictate whether or not we're in battle to feel like I have a purpose. Maybe I'm a little messed up myself."

He moved my hair onto my left shoulder, then he moved out across my back, creating a fire that made me clench my legs together. His lips were closer to my ear than I wanted them to be. "Join the club, Lex."

My eyes closed as a soft moan came from me. "Aiden," I warned. "You can't do that." I turned to him.

He smirked at me with lazy eyes. "In that case you should move your hand."

My eyes traveled down to his pants where my hand was hovering near his thigh and crotch. I yanked it away. I hadn't even noticed it there. Bad hand. My face flamed. "I'm sorry."

He grinned. "I don't think we thought this through."

My head shook. "I think you're right."

He pulled me closer, his hands rested on my waist. "I'm kind of regretting my decision now."

Naturally, I sunk into him, needing the closeness.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

My lips found his neck, I sucked and nibbled at the sensitive skin. He groaned, which made me straddle him with a force I didn't know I had.

He stared with amused eyes and a half grin. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Don't ruin it." My lips took his as I moved against his body.

His hands pushed me away. "Baby, I want to do this with you, but we can't."

I nodded. "Yes, we can."

His forehead creased deeply. "No," He shook his head. "I can't believe I'm the one turning you down. Again."

That didn't make me feel better. I pulled away from him and rose, embarrassed by the rejection of not only a man, but a man I liked.

"Lexa, wait," He followed me down the shore. "There's something else."

I paused, not turning around.

He stood in front of me. "There's something that I didn't want you to see." His clear blue eyes desperate as they searched mine.

"What?" I couldn't help the sassiness in my voice.

He stared at me as if making sure I wouldn't look at him differently once he told me whatever he had to tell me. Finally, he reached around and took off his shirt. Not that I wasn't grateful for the display of broad muscular expanse of tan skin before me, I didn't see the problem. Until he turned around. His back was whapped up, burn marks scattered across the tan skin. My heart constricted as I reached out to touch him. I half expected him to recoil, but instead he calmed. These kinds of wounds had to be inflicted by another person. Now things made a bit more sense to me. Why he was so afraid of James, why he could hurt Aiden so deeply. Red hot anger pumped through me, driving me forward. My fists tightened at my side. I hated not having a weapon on me.

"Where are you going?" He caught my arm, pulling me back to him.

My eyes blazed. "Where do you think?" My voice rose.

His eyes widened. "Lex, please. I didn't show you for you to go marching off and get yourself kicked out the city."

That's what he was worried about? Me being kicked out? I had to push that back right now. "What he did to you is _not_ okay, Aiden!"

He pulled his shirt back on.

"I've seen you without a shirt before, how come I never noticed this before?"

He wouldn't meet my eyes. "I made sure you didn't see it. I was careful."

My mind pictured the few encounters I had with him while he was shirtless and I remembered that he backed out of the bathroom both times and in the moment I wondered if he was trying to get a rise out of me or if he was teasing me with his cockiness.

"I've seen your scars, how are mine any different?"

I balked at him. "My scars came from training, from war, from survival. You've lived your whole here, you shouldn't have had to face that kind of abuse!"

His eyes rolled. "I knew I shouldn't have shown you. Now you think I'm weak."

My eyes grew. "No, I don't think you're weak, Aiden." I groaned. I hated how he thought so negatively about himself. "You're the opposite of weak in my eyes."

He paused as if he didn't think that would ever come out of my mouth. He stayed silent for a while before saying, "Please, don't talk to James. You're just going to make things worse."

"I can't promise that."

His jaw clenched. "Fine, let's go."

Part of me was pissed that he was pissed at me, the other part was seething about James' abuse. I doubted all the Wyatt children went through the same treatment.

Aiden started the car. The tension hung in the air. I didn't know how to get rid of it.

"Put your seatbelt on."

I ignored him and looked out the window, wondering if I just ruined a friendship because I cared too much. If I just stuck to the love is weakness plan I wouldn't be in this situation, but I knew I could no longer function like that. I believed Clarke was sent as a trial and my projecting feelings onto her was what made me feel again. I owed her a lot and a huge part of me believed I was the reason she was kidnapped in the first place. Maybe my loving her was a catalyst to bring us all here at this specific moment in time.

Something rammed into the back of us. We lurched forward. I hit my forehead hit the dashboard. Pain sprouted as I groaned. My heart raced. Aiden spoke, but my ringing ears muffled the sound, my blurred. He reached out to me, bringing me close to him. The side of the car was slammed into, pushing us off the edge of the road. Panic set in as we tumbled down the hill. Bruises and broken bones ached when we settled. I was thrown out of the car. My vision blurred as I opened my eyes.

Aiden laid haphazardly on his side. Blood trickled down his forehead. I moved to reach for him only to groan in pain when I realized the bone was sticking out of my shin.

"Aiden." I tried to call, but my voice couldn't get very loud. "Aiden." I tried again, but he wouldn't wake up.

Tears sprung to my eyes as I screamed.

A/N : I know it's a short chapter, but I needed to update. Hope yall liked it! Tomorrow's my bday! 21! Thanks for the support :)


	29. It's Good To Be Alone

The song for this chapter is Matt Corby - It's Good To Be Alone

JOHNNY'S POV:

My breath came harsh and uneasy as Henry and I raced through the deadly forest. I wasn't sure how I was able to move so quickly, maybe it was the adrenaline. Maybe it was my will to live, to make sure Emori's sacrifice wasn't in vain. She died so I could have a chance at living. So Henry could have a chance at living. Maybe that's what drove me to keep going, to keep running.

"How much further?" I wheezed as we rested against a slope.

Henry took in our surroundings then looked back at me. No emotion in his cinnamon brown eyes. "We made it."

My eyes narrowed as they scanned the area. There was nothing here, just a stream, and more trees. "Made it where?"

"To the border. We're in the free man's land. We need to keep going."

I grabbed his arm. "Hold on a minute. If we're safe here for the time being why don't we rest a little longer?"

He rose and shook my hand off. "We still have hours of daylight left, we don't want to waste it by sitting around. Let's go."

I groaned as I pushed off the ground and ran after Henry.

CLARKE'S POV:

"Clarke," Bellamy called as he moved the last of the boxes into our new apartment downtown that James helped us get. Bellamy sat the box on the couch with a thud. "We should get something to eat."

I focused on placing the dishes we hardly used in the cabinets. Between the two of us we used like five dishes. "And just leave this mess until later?"

He gave me an amused look. "You sound like a housewife."

My heart skipped a beat as I averted my eyes. Just hearing him say the word _wife_ was enough to send me into cardiac arrest. The magazine was really starting to take over my life, which was really kind of pathetic. Maybe I should talk to my mom about it. I knew she'd never approve of the idea this early on. I was seventeen. My birthday was in a few months and I could only imagine the big event of it all now that we lived in the city.

"Hey," He came behind me, his chin rested on my shoulder as he pulled me to him. "You okay, Princess?"

A smile played on my lips. I nodded. "Great. I just never thought we'd have all these domestic duties."

He turned me to him, his brow rose. "Is it too soon for you? Is that why you've been acting weird lately?" Worry in his voice.

Of course, he noticed. "It's just strange. Me shopping for medicine, going to clubs, living in an apartment."

His finger tipped my chin up. "Well, if it's okay with you I like your domestic side."

A grin overtook my face. Maybe he had already thought about our future in the same way I had. I mean, all it really was is just a piece of paper that said you'll live together permanently and maybe have kids. Well, what if he didn't want kids? We were already basically parenting the 100, or what was left of us.

He smirked. "I can see you in your apron, making dinner." He brought his forehead down to mine. "Us having careers. Vacation time."

I ignored the sexist cooking comment and leaned up to catch his mouth with mine. What he was suggesting wasn't too far off from marriage. There was a chance I didn't have anything to worry about. My arms draped over his shoulders. Our kisses deepened and I knew where this was headed. He reached down and picked me up, my legs wrapped around his waist.

I didn't want to be one of those couples that all they did was have sex, but with Bellamy looking the way he did it kind of made it hard to not say yes. It really isn't my fault he got me riled up. He was intense on so many levels and I couldn't imagine what I'd been thinking before when weren't together.

He layed me down on the bed gently. His brown eyes scanned my body, setting it aflame. I couldn't think of anything better than Bellamy making love to me. I actually giggled at how cheesy that sounded, but those giggles caught in my throat when he peeled his shirt over his head. Every muscle, every ab, every smooth plane of tan skin was mine. Once he was on the bed he crawled to me, a grin on his lips.

I pulled him to me, but he flipped me over.

We layed in bed, panting when Bellamy's phone rung. He answered it then sighed.

"Okay, I'll be there in half an hour." He hung up and looked at me. "Mr. Wyatt called a meeting."

I rose. "About what?"

He followed suit. "Not sure. It's just us guys though."

"Oh. Okay." I sat back on the bed.

"It shouldn't take long." He reached for his clothes and I was sad to see him clothed. "When I get back we're going out for dinner, alright?"

I nodded. "Sure. I'll just clean up in here first."

He grinned as he buttoned his pants. "You're so cute when you're domestic."

My cheeks flamed. "Screw you, Bell."

He laughed. "I gotta go."

We started towards the front door.

He turned back and reached into a nearby box. "I left my keys in one of these boxes."

I rushed forward, recognizing the box for the relationship ruiner it was. I smacked his hand out the way. He pulled back, giving me a worried look. "Don't. You're going to be late. I'll look for them."

"I don't want to leave without them."

My shoulders shrugged. "It's not like I'm going anywhere. I'm staying here."

"Okay, then."

"Okay."

He gave me a worried look before he left.

Packing up the boxes occupied me for about twenty more minutes and then I couldn't stop pacing the room. I had to talk to someone. Octavia wasn't here and I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable telling her about how I wanted to not too far off into the future marry her brother. I mean, this was huge and he could read Octavia better than he could read me, which was really saying something. There was always Harper. Definitely not Roma. Then there was Talia, who already knew about the situation and my hesitation. I wouldn't have to explain anything to her. She'd tell me what I needed to hear.

A few minutes later we were sitting on the balcony of her apartment, lavish in the same ways Aiden's had been. She had her hair up in a messy bun. I didn't understand why she always wore so much makeup, she looked effortlessly beautiful without it. Grey sweatpants covered her long legs and an oversized t-shirt hung from her loosely. Her dark eyes were puffy like she'd been crying.

"You go first," I told her.

She sighed and stayed silent for a while before she pushed off the wool couch and came back with a bucket of ice cream, some can labeled whipped cream, and two spoons.

She stared off into space. "Lincoln isn't over Octavia."

I stared at her with confused eyes. "No...I've seen them together. I've seen you two together. Nothing's going on."

She sighed, her hands rubbed her face. "What do you think we've been arguing about the last few days?"

That didn't make any sense. When I saw Lincoln he wasn't focused on Octavia. He watched Talia the whole night. So where was this insecurity coming from?

"Lincoln said that to you?"

"He denied it."

I sagged as I dug into the chocolate ice cream. Why hadn't I been eating this my whole life? Right, I'd been rationing with real food.

"Talia, I'm just going to tell you this once." I turned to her. Her dark brown eyes sad. "You making issues up isn't going to push him away."

Her eyes widened. "What? I wasn't..."

As soon as recognition swept over her, she crumbled, falling onto me unexpectedly. She buried herself into me, shaking with bottled up emotion. My arms wrapped around her, remembering my insecurity with Bellamy before we started dating. It wasn't hard to guess she'd push him away because she was afraid.

"You're going to be okay. You just need to talk to Lincoln. He won't know what's going on with you if you don't talk to him."

Her body shook against me. "There's something..." She sobbed. "I can't...tell him." She clung to me even tighter, I was afraid to let her go.

"It can't be that bad."

She looked up at me with wet red rimmed dark eyes, her chin trembling. She pulled rom me. "He'll never forgive me."

Tears stung my eyes. "What is it?" I couldn't imagine anything terrible that Lincoln couldn't forgive.

She swallowed as she hung her head, her shoulders slumped. "I drugged Octavia."

My head snapped up as I roughly pushed her off of me with disgust in my eyes. "What?!" I rose, anger stirred. "You drugged her?"

Shame stung her eyes worse than tears while she nodded. "I shouldn't have done it, I know."

"Then why did you?" I demanded loudly.

Her body curled up on the couch and it seemed as if she was trying to erase her existence as she shook.

"Talia,"

She didn't answer.

"Talia!"

All she could do was rock. I wouldn't get anymore out of her. How could I trust her? I thought of her as a friend in the short time I'd been here. She was hurt and confused, I get that, but drugging someone because you're jealous of them wasn't okay. I was glad for the first time in days that Octavia wasn't here because she would surely get kicked out for kicking Talia's ass when I'd tell her.

My mind went to Bellamy while I made my way out the door outside. I had to tell him we couldn't trust Talia, that my closeness to Aiden clouded my judgement about her. Aiden would never do something like that and now I knew not to put it past Talia. Evan, I hadn't seen much of him lately, but I didn't think he do something to despicable.

The receptionist at the Wyatt building let me up even though they were in a meeting. I told her I'd make it short. All I really had to do was pull Bellamy to the side because I couldn't sit on this. The wedding issue was a different story.

BELLAMY'S POV :

"Hold the door," A familiar voice called.

My hand flashed out in time to stop the doors from closing. Kane slid inside with a grin.

"Thanks." He surveyed me. "You feel any better?"

I leaned against the elevator wall. "Much thanks to Clarke." A grin sprung to my lips when I thought of my personal doctor. "Thanks for that by the way."

He chuckled. "You asked for it when you ate the last of my eggroll."

I nodded my head with a laugh. "Yeah, kind of."

"How's that going by the way?"

My forehead creased. "Clarke and I?"

"You two are very serious. Have you thought about the next step?"

"We just got an apartment today, that's enough for now."

He pursed his lips. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." I said with finality.

We kept silent the rest of the ride until the doors opened."

Eli, Evan, Jaha, and James sat at the long table, chatting. James stood at our presence. "Gentleman, we were just getting started."

We took a seat.

The meeting went faster than expected. The entire time I was wondering what Clarke was putting away. She was so cute. I liked that we were moving forward, but that we were on the same page. It made everything so much easier.

James pulled me to the side as everyone chatted. "I wanted to ask you about Clarke."

I still didn't like the guy so the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. "What about Clarke?"

He offered a friendly grin that reminded me of a cat. "You know it was in the works that Aiden and Clarke be married. We all know that's not going to going to work out for anybody. A union of any kind helps everyone believe we can all be civil. I wanted to touch base with you about your situation. Are you two discussing your future? Marriage? Kids?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "You can't be serious? You want us to get married to help this whole thing look good?"

He nodded. "Bellamy, I'm just asking about the progression of your relationship."

Irritation rose as I sighed. "Well, Clarke and I are fine. We're not getting married. We don't want kids and I don't appreciate you forcing us into the situation, _James_!"

Everyone stared at us, their eyes wide.

"What? I'm sick of everyone pushing us into something that we don't want."

Kane tried to shake his head without anyone noticing. He nodded behind us.

I turned to see Clarke frozen in the doorway, her wide blue eyes a mixture of confusion and disbelief as she stared at me. With her head down she high tailed it for the stairs.

Fuck.

I ran after her, she was fast for a little thing.

"Clarke, wait up."

She didn't stop.

"Clarke!"

"Leave me alone."

I jumped down half a flight of stairs to catch up with her, my heart beating out of my chest. My hand grabbed her arm and pulled her to me a little too hard. Tears were in her eyes, she blinked them away. "What were you doing here?"

"Apparently, I'm breaking up with you."

My forehead knitted together. "What?"

"I thought we were on the same page, but we're not. I thought this move was a good sign. I thought us being here was good, but...it's all been in my head."

"What are you talking about, Clarke?"

Her eyes looked to the ground as she pulled away from me. "This isn't working for me."

"Since when?"

With a huff she reached into her purse and shoved the magazine to my chest. "I didn't know how to tell you. And I guess now I don't have to because it was never on the table." She rushed down the stairs again.

I was going to go after her then the magazine fell and I bent to pick it up. I stayed in that position, too dumbfounded to believe my eyes. She wanted to get married. She wanted a family, everything James said. And I flat out announced it wasn't going to happen. With a groan my fist punched the wall.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

The water tribe I found had taken a liking to me. When I arrived with my hands in the air and announced, "Ai laik Okteivia kom skai kru en ai gaf gouthru klin.", they listened. At first they stared at me like I was myth, probably hearing about my training with Indra, and then I was brought in for questioning. Once they believed I was no longer a threat, I was welcomed to take refuge with them. I kept the city to myself, thinking that it wasn't my place to tell them about it. Given the opportunity, I'd think most if not all these people would chose to live how they've always did.

For the first few days I'd been there Atiya, the Chief, had me by her side often. I wasn't sure if she didn't trust me completely or if she wanted me to be one of her warriors. Either way I had a new place to stay. New people. New jobs. Everything I needed was right here. I could be me again.

"Theya," I called after that tall lanky dirty blonde who reminded me of Jasper.

If Jasper had a female counterpart Theya was it. Awkward and goofy. She thought she wasn't strong, but she was. The first day she practically ran into me when I got out of interrogation. Atiya volunteered her let me bunk with her. I was glad she was enthusiastic about it because I really couldn't take any more hatred thrown my way right now. Of course there were a few skeptics that gave me the stink eye when we crossed paths, but other than that I could imagine calling this place home.

She turned her green eyes on me, eyes that reminded me of someone's, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Sup skygirl." She grinned at me, holding a basket of fruit in her hands. I learned not to stare at her chipped front tooth, it was one of her obvious insecurities that made her shy. She was beyond gorgeous, but her introvertedness for most people made her modest and adorable.

"I'm going to get dinner." I raised my spear. "Afterwards can we go further with our lessons?"

She nodded happily. "I'll be in tending to the garden. Come find me when you're ready."

"Octavia?" Someone called.

I turned around to see Arthur heading our way. His curly red hair was pulled back into bun. He grinned his wide grin, a grin that would've made me weak in the knees if my stupid heart didn't belong to stupid Murphy. Big greyish blue eyes gazed at me in the same way Theya gazed at him.

"I'm having a get together tonight in the woods by the dead tree and you are cordially invited." He bowed.

I couldn't help but grin. "Thanks. Theya and I might swing by if we're not busy."

He turned towards her, his hand held out for hers. He brought a kiss to her the back of her hand which made her blush fiercely. "Of course two gorgeous ladies have plans." He glanced back at me.

She dropped the basket of fruit, scrambled to get pick them up. She avoided our eyes.

Arthur bent down to help her, catching her gaze. "You're cute when you're clumsy, Theya." He smiled as he handed her the basket.

She froze and blinked a few times, at a loss for words.

He rose. "Well," He backed away. "If you two find yourself lonely and bored you know where to find us."

I nodded. "Will do, Arthur."

He smirked at us both. "See you around."

Theya turned to me with wide hazel eyes. "What just happened?"

I laughed as I pushed her blonde braid off her shoulder. "Arthur just flirted with you my dear."

Her eyes narrowed and her pouty lips pursed. "No," She shook her head. "He likes you." Her voice saddened. "I can't really blame him. You're really pretty."

"And I'm very much spoken for." By a man that didn't exist anymore. Sad, but true.

She shot me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."

I waved it off with a huff. "I'll manage."

I coughed the salt water up as I crawled to the shore, sand sticking to me wet body. I punched my chest a few times.

Theya made an apologetic face. "Sorry. I thought you had it."

My eyes narrowed.

She paled. "My bad, Tay."

I rolled onto my back, I focused on the dark clouds threatening the orange and purple sunset. Story of my life. With an eye roll I pushed off the ground. "Thanks, but I think that's enough for today."

"Again, sorry." She gestured with her hands raised.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you apologize too much?"

She nodded. "Everyday."

I shook my head with a grin.

We started back for the camp.

"I've been meaning to ask you." She glanced at me nervously. "What was it like being in a relationship, being in love? I mean, you don't talk about Murphy..."

Theya was so innocent, so pure that she literally had no knowledge of intimacy. She was definitely rare. Not all, but most Grounders didn't share her purity. So when I figured out she liked Arthur I was shocked. He didn't seem her type. I couldn't for the life of me understand how he couldn't notice how she felt about him. Boys were dumb. Not all, but most.

I looked to her. "It feels different with each person. When Lincoln and I first got together it was fiery passion. I needed to see him and when I finally did it felt like I could breath again. He taught me a lot. I don't think I'd be the person I am today without him." I hoped he was doing okay. I was regretting not saying goodbye to anyone besides Aiden.

"And Murphy?"

Tiredness washed over me as I studied the ground. "It was gradual. When we first landed we were all testing our freedom, but he pushed boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed. Everyone thought he was a psychopath. Even then I tried to stop them from killing him. He tried to kill my brother and I hated him more than I hated anyone. The sight of him made rage. I wanted him dead. Then he saved me a few times and all of a sudden he wasn't so bad anymore. I knew he had feelings for me or whatever and I tried to push that under the rug, but I couldn't. I couldn't ignore the jolt of excitement when I saw him or heard him nearby. Or how his grin seemed personalized for me. How he tried to be better and everyone still saw him as a criminal. We were friends and he didn't have a lot of those. He trusted me and I pushed him away because I was scared and I thought love was weakness. Weakness was death. Then he died and I realized I was in love with him. It was too late."

Her eyes looked on the verge of tearing up. She blinked a few times and glanced away. "I know I've said it a lot since you've known me, but I'm really sorry, Tay." She held her hand out for mine.

I took it. "It's okay."

There was no use in telling her that Johnny was alive. I wasn't getting Murphy back and I had to accept that. Sob stories wouldn't help me move on any faster. I had to keep fighting this fight and pinning over Murphy only helped. Truth be told, I should've fought harder for him. That was on me. There would always be that what if hanging in my mind. But I wouldn't be responsible for erasing one person to bring another back. Johnny wanted to live, he didn't want to be reminded of Murphy's past, of me. He'd live a nice comfortable life in the city and settle down with a good safe girl and have a few kids and dog. I could live with that, I had to.

"So what do you want to do now?" She pursed her lips as she picked off a piece of lint on her shirt that wasn't there. "I guess we could swing by Arthur's party. You know, if you wanted to?"

Her casual tone made me laugh. "I guess we can do that."

She squealed. "I've never been to a party. What am I going to wear? Arthur's going to be there."

"Yeah, it's kind of his party, Theya."

She gave me a look. "I still want to look nice." She dragged me back to our tent where I layed on my bed.

When she couldn't settle on an outfit I asked, "What's wrong with what you have on? He called you gorgeous earlier." I didn't have the heart to tell her all of her clothes looked the same, the standard Grounder black and navy blue.

She huffed as she flopped down on her bed, a pink pout in place. "Why can't I look all dark and mysterious like you? I wouldn't even have to try."

Looks were objective to me. Personality mattered more than anything. If Lincoln was a jackass when we met I doubt I'd give him the time of day. Murphy was different. I think from the beginning I didn't want to believe he was the monster everyone thought him to be.

"I've done some pretty ugly things, Theya. We all have. If you want to be dark and mysterious then get our ass out of the garden and tell Atiya that you want to be a warrior. Make her hear you."

She cowered with a shake of her head. "I can't, Tay. I tried when I was younger. She doesn't want me anywhere near it."

I sat up on the bed. "Theya, listen to me. You're not weak. You're a Grounder. We fight for what we want." I was aware that I couldn't seem to take my own advice about Murphy, but that didn't apply in this situation. I couldn't be selfish when it came to him.

"You don't understand."

My head shook. "She's your mom and she wants you safe, that I understand. But you not knowing how to fight or survive on your own isn't helping you, it's hindering you. You can do this. You can stand on your own two feet." My heart ached when I realized how much I missed Indra. Even when she was cold she was caring. I'd probably never feel that kind of love again. Atiya was a great Chief, but she wasn't Indra. Indra would probably crack a grin at knowing her second was now under the command of her mentor.

Theya groaned. "Okay," She rose. "I'm just going to go casual." She picked up her navy blue top that I couldn't really differentiate between the others. "This'll work."

"I'm sure Arthur will love it on you. Now let's go before all the alcohol is gone."

She pulled down her shirt with a squeal. "Geez, this is going to be awesome."

Her excitement was cute. I couldn't really be irritated at her.

"Let's go."

"Wait," I began taking down her braid, letting loose dirty blonde curls fanned across her shoulders. "Now you're ready."

She grinned.

We made our way to the only dead tree within miles, the rhythmic drumming that made its way into our bones loosened us up. She squeezed my hand as she took in it. I turned to her.

"You've really never been to one of these before?"

She shook her head, her hair falling into her face. She shoved it back on her head. "No and thanks for reminding me why I always braid my hair."

Someone's saucy.

She glanced at me. "Sorry, Tay." Her hair fell in her face again. She made an adorably angry face, like a little kitten that thought it was a lion. She could be a lion if she wanted to be.

I moved her hair behind her ear.

She giggled. "People probably think we're lesbians."

I shrugged as I was reminded of the lesbian act I committed against Murphy. "Don't really care what they think. You shouldn't either." My eyes roamed the crowd, recognizing a few people that have welcomed me. A lot of people were still skeptical.

"Let's go get a drink." She pulled me along. "You know you really didn't have to bring your sword with you. It's a party."

A guy handed us two metal cups, which I assumed had something similar to Jasper's moonshine. "Drein daun."

I didn't question it, but downed the cup. Theya did the same.

She made a disgusted face as her eyes found mine. "I wasn't missing much."

I laughed. She joined in.

Arthur stopped in front of us. "Octavia, glad you could make it." His eyes went to Theya and he looked shocked. "Damn, Theya. You look hot." His words slurred. His eyes zeroed in on her chest for too long before meeting her eyes.

She blushed, but it wasn't from his gentlemanly compliments.

My jaw hardened. "Arthur, did you come over here for a reason?"

"Yeah, I actually wanted to ask if you two were lesbos."

Her hand squeezed mine tight and I knew she was uncomfortable without a doubt.

I stepped forward so I was in his face. "What's it got to do with you?"

He took a few shaky steps back. He shook his head and turned his gaze on Theya. "I'm sorry. I've been drinking."

That much was obvious.

He turned with sad eyes. "My bad." He stumbled forward.

I looked to Theya. She looked on the brink of tears. "Theya, are you okay?" I squeezed her hand.

She nodded, a single tear spilled onto her pale cheek that made my heart hurt. "I thought he was nice."

I sighed, knowing she had to go through this sometime. "Arthur is a flirt when he's sober. Alcohol can make you do things you regret."

"Theya," A guy called from behind us.

We turned to see a tall dark and handsome drink of water approaching us. He looked at Theya with careful eyes.

"Maxie?"

My eyes went to her. Who was Max? She didn't tell me about a Max.

He stopped in front of her, not hesitating a second to pick her up in his well defined arms. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him as he hugged her like he hadn't seen her in years. She pulled away eventually and gazed at him with curiosity.

"What are you doing here? When your parents said you were looking for other tribes I thought I'd never see you again." She sounded sad.

He cracked a relieved grin that dazzled me. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Theya bean."

I gave her a look. Theya bean? Did I want to know?

She playfully punched his shoulder. "Don't call me that, Maxie."

He grinned at her. "Deal, only if you stop calling me Maxie."

She shifted, looking up at him with curious eyes. "Max," She glanced back at me. "Oh, this is Octavia. She's from the sky."

His impressed eyes landed on me. "From the sky, huh?"

I nodded. "That's what they like to tell people."

Theya laughed. "She's one of us at heart. Very badass. She was Indra's Second."

"Wow, you've been busy."

I shrugged. "So how do you two know each other?"

Theya grinned his way. "Maxie and I used to be betrothed. Against our will I might add, but that didn't stop us from becoming friends. The wedding kind of became indefinite what with them leaving and all. I mean, who wanted to be married at fifteen, right?"

"How long are you staying?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know, probably a while. We have some stories to tell."

"Veida!" Someone yelled.

Without a second thought my hand went to my weapon and I yanked it out, my eyes searching the dark woods. I made sure Theya was behind me.

"There!" Someone shouted.

I was oddly the only one with a weapon, which was really backwards if you ask me, so I rushed forward. A guy grabbed a little boy. The boy fell to his knees as they beat him.

"Stop!" A familiar voice yelled.

My heart froze in my chest as he came into view. The battered boy much similar to how he was after he'd been tortured by the Grounders.

"Okteivia, frag em op!" Someone yelled.

I yanked him behind me and drew my weapon forward. "Emo laik friends, no won harms em!" I pulled him along with me. "Ge em?

They stared at me with wide eyes.

"Chon laik emo?" A girl stepped forward.

I grabbed the boy from their hands and pulled them both along. Theya met my eyes. "I'm taking them to your mother."

She nodded and followed. Max joined us.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Hoped yall liked it :)


	30. All Bad

Song for this chapter Justin Bieber - All Bad...don't judge me yall lol

OCTAVIA'S POV:

"Octavia?"

She walked Henry and I to what I assumed was her campgrounds now. Others came into view, makeshift houses and farms. People walked around in conversation. Octavia kept her weapon in her hand in case someone tried to mess with us. I wasn't afraid to say this was the safest I felt in a long time.

She spoke to a man guarding a tent and he relayed a message to whoever was inside. A tough looking lady with sandy brown hair stepped outside. She took us in, then looked to Octavia.

"Chon laik emo?" She demanded.

"Ai kru." Octavia answered. "Emo close kom wamplei. Teik em ste, beja."

She nodded once. 'Ge em klir." She looked at the blonde girl with us. "Inside, Theya."

The blonde girl rushed into the tent along with the dark haired boy.

Octavia grabbed some clothes for Henry and I before she lead us to a nearby lake. She gave us our privacy. It was incredibly hard to wash myself in my current state. I looked to Henry. He was quiet. He was always quiet. I didn't know how to deal with a kid like him. He was reserved. Far more skilled than I was. He hadn't even shed a tear over his mom's death. Now that we had made it to what appeared a safe place, I could drop him off to someone else. Could I?

We dressed in the new clothes in silence. We were sleeping with her and that Theya girl tonight until we could figure out what to do next. I put Henry to sleep.

She dragged me outside, we walked a short distance from the tent before she stopped in front of me, every inch of my body was under inspection. Her brows knitted together with worry.

"What are you doing here?"

My eyes took her in. She braided her hair back, her Grounder makeup back. She looked exactly the same as when I first saw her that day in the city.

"I came to find you."

She stared at as if lost in thought.

"Octavia?"

Nothing.

My brow lifted. "Octavia?" I leaned in closer.

She snapped out of it, her green eyes taking me in, falling on my mouth. She suddenly looked away while sadness washed over her. "You left the city to find me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, kind of. I wanted to apologize."

She stared at me with wide eyes. "Apologize." She muttered like she didn't understand the meaning. Her eyes narrowed. "Apologize?" Her voice rose as anger wafted from her. Her hands shoved me a few feet back.

I was so confused. "Why are you mad at _me_?"

"First you willingly let yourself die. I get to the City of Light," She lowered her voice when she mentioned the city. "And you forget everything; who you used to be, how you felt about me, what we had. You shun me. I leave and you run after me." She pushed me again, her eyes unbelieving. "You left the city. Do you have any idea how stupid you are? You just killed yourself."

The insult stung, but I deserved it.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

She shook her head. "You can't survive out here, Johnny. _You_ can't. Murphy can."

"Well, maybe that's what I wanted. When I found out that you left I knew I ruined everything. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I was an ass because I was scared. That doesn't make it okay. I didn't want to know who I was after what you told me." I sighed, feeling a little relieved to get it off my chest. "Now I'm ready to know, ready to remember."

She let that sink in. "You're still an idiot. You can't go back to the city. You do know that, don't you?" Concern laced in her voice.

I nodded with a small grin. "I know." I wanted her to know what I risked to be here, to get to her.

She let out an uneven breath as her face flushed. She backed up a few feet, disbelieving.

"So you just left everything? Roma? Jaha?"

"Yes. I told them I had something important to do. They'll understand." Hopefully.

Her eyes narrowed. "You just left Roma to come find me? Just like that?"

I took a step toward her. "Just like that."

"I thought you liked her. Last time I checked you didn't respect me."

"Octavia, Roma and I were never together."

She nodded. "Got it." As if a switch flipped her expression became guarded. She looked around us. "Either way, you can't be here."

My eyes widened as she tugged me along. "What? Why? I came to find you."

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you. You feel guilty so you left the city. You found me. Now you have to leave."

I turned to her, completely confused. "I thought you would be happy to see me."

She looked tired. "It's not that. You could die out here. This world is different than the city and I don't want your blood on my hands, too."

"It's too late. I can't go back. Not after everything that's happened to me, after everything I went through to get to you."

Like usual, that only angered her. She roughly pushed me into a nearby tree. "You're not staying. End of story."

I lowered my face to meet hers. "That's not up to you."

"Look what happened to you! You were beaten within an inch of your life."

I avoided her gaze. This was not what I expected if I made it to her.

"Johnny, you don't belong here."

Maybe she was right. Maybe I jumped the gun when I came after her.

"In the morning, you need to leave. I'll take you back myself if I have to, but you can't stay here."

My eyes met hers. I wanted to tell her that I remembered bits and pieces of her, but I knew she'd think I was making it up to stay. I didn't come out here to be a burden.

"You want to get rid of me, just like that?"

She turned and started for the tent. "You're not Murphy. I could care less what happened to you."

A/N: Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. I've been busy writing another fic for The Flash - I Hate Everything About You (westallen) I'll try to upload this one more often. Hope yall like it even though it was short.


	31. Tonight's Premiere

OMG what did yall think of tonight's premiere?! SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN 3X01!

It was so good! Loved that it started off with Murphy, was worried he wouldn't get screen time until second or third episode. Jasper's going through it which I thought was cool cuz I wrote him a little crazy for a minute. Emori's back, cool. Still ship moctavia. WHO THE HELL IS THE BITCH KISSING BELLAMY? I know he was supposed to get a girlfriend, it's her obviously, but like how they just gonna slip that in like I haven't been waiting for bellarke for three years? The basecamp being expanded was so cool. it looks all cute now. Clarke is savage. My girl boner pops up whenever Clarke and Octavia come up on the screen lol. Loved that they were driving! Any thoughts guys?


	32. Wishes

Apologies for the extremely long wait yall! I wrote the majority of this chapter months ago and got swept up in classes and work again. How awesome has this season been?! So many great Bellarke moments! And this past Thursday's episode I pretty much had heart failure with all the Bellarke! Sigh. And OMG when they flashed back to Pike teaching them about Earth Skills and he beat up Murphy and Octavia tried to stop it I fangirled so hard haha.

The song for this chapter is Rhodes – Wishes

BELLAMY'S POV:

It's been a week since I've seen Clarke. A week since she broke up with me without any explanation. A week since I announced that I didn't want any serious future with her. A week since I found out that she wanted to eventually get married and maybe start a family. A week since she stopped taking my calls. And a week she stayed with Finn and Eli.

No matter how many times I went over there to talk to her or called Finn to ask him to vouch for me she wouldn't see me. Her voicemail was filled to the brim with long, awkward apologies and I love you's. I didn't blame her, she had to have been so embarrassed and hurt. The question that boggled my mind was how long. How long had she thought about this?

With Octavia gone I didn't have anyone for a girl's perspective. Well, there was Harper, but I was never close with her. So I resorted to Raven.

Ever since her and Jasper arrived they haven't left me alone. Wherever Jasper went, Monty wasn't far behind. Not even going to lie, when they reunited there was a tear in my eye that I flicked away because if I started crying I was afraid I'd never stop.

Raven was like a kid in the candy shop with all the tech around. To my surprise, Jasper had picked up some skills in engineering along with his skills in Chemistry. Monty already knew about Engineering and Agriculture. Me, all I knew were Earth Skills. But they were quick to get me interested in it all, mostly because they were trying to keep me busy, and I let them.

Today, Raven and Monty were teaching Jasper and me how to make a communications monitor or a tablet. Most of it went over my head, but some of it made sense.

Jasper poked at a wire and Raven smacked his hand away with a grin. "Don't touch that, rookie move."

He grinned at her. "Maybe I was testing you."

She shook her head with a smirk.

Monty and I shared a knowing look.

This had been happening since they arrived. I wasn't sure what changed between them because Jasper and Raven weren't ever close. With the death of Maya and Monty months ago he wasn't in a position to love anyone. Honestly, I hadn't known he was released from confinement for killing Lincoln. Seeing him here and mentally okay was a bit of a shock, but he still wasn't his old goofy self. The ground hardened him like the rest of us. Which is why him and Monty sometimes clashed now. Monty was haunted like the rest of us, but he still had this innocent air about him. With Jasper, you could see it in his eyes.

"That's it. I'm going to Finn's." I announced as I grabbed my keys and phone from the table.

Everyone looked up at me with nervous eyes.

"What?" I rubbed my eyes. "I can't not try to get her back."

Jasper huffed. "I'll come with you. I need to talk to Finn anyway."

Raven's head snapped up. "Why?"

He looked back at her. "Easy. Just something I asked him to look into for me."

That didn't sooth her curiosity, but she nodded anyways.

Raven wasn't really speaking to Finn for a multitude of reasons. One being he didn't risk his life to see her when he came back to camp all those months ago. Two being he hadn't broken his back to get back into contact with her since she arrived here. Although, I had a feeling he was wrapped up in his Eli drama and now that he was seeing some guy it was all the more confusing. I didn't tell Raven that because it wasn't my place, but I made sure to tell her that Finn was traumatized like the rest of us and he's different now. Still, she wasn't pleased with him.

The walk up the two flights of stairs gave us time to chat.

"You know you can come to me if you ever want to talk about anything." I told Jasper.

He nodded, his longish hair behind his ears. "Thanks. You too."

I knocked on the door, expecting to have Eli or Finn answer, not a chiseled black guy without a shirt on.

"Oh," I hesitated. "Is Clarke here?"

He grinned as he looked between Jasper and I. "Yeah, she's in the shower. Do you want to wait for her?"

My mind ran a mile a minute. Had Clarke hooked up with this guy? He answered the door half naked and said she was in the shower. Sure there could be another explanation, but what was it?

"Can you tell her Bellamy's here." Jasper added.

"Now?" He looked at his watch. "We're late for our lunch date as it is. Can I tell her to call you instead?"

My fist clenched by my sides. Was my girlfriend really dating with someone else?

Instead of beating the shit out of this guy I backed away.

"No, don't tell her anything."

"But-" Jasper insisted.

I marched down the hall. "Let's go." I roughly ordered.

Jasper obediently followed. "Hold on a sec. That might not be what you think."

I glanced at him. "He plain as day said they had a date, Jasper. What could be more clear than that?"

He shrugged. "So what now?"

We reached the stairs.

"I need some ice cream."

JOHNNY'S POV:

I headed for the group of Grounders talking to Octavia. They eyed me suspiciously as I neared them, so much so that Octavia turned to see what caught their attention.

Disappointment flashed in her green eyes. She turned back to them. "Bants osir."

They shuffled along as she faced me.

"What?" She asked.

I huffed. "How long are you going to avoid me, O?"

She gulped, her eyes fluttered. "You can't call me that."

Anger filled me. "I'm sorry that my very existence bothers you. I'm sorry that I risked my life to come find you so I could remember who we were. I'm not good enough for you, I get that. I'm sorry that I'm not _him_."

She grabbed my arm, pulled me back to her. Her green eyes bore into mine. "Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch. This is hard for me, okay?"

I leveled her with a glare. "It's hard for me, too. I look at you and I know I'm supposed to be with you, but every time I come near you, you run away from me. So who's the coward now?" I pulled away with a parting glance.

On my back to the crops Theya gave me a knowing look as she stared at my unfinished hair.

"Don't start."

She pursed her mouth. "I didn't say anything."

I dug into the ground with my tools. There was a certain mindless focus that I had when I worked out here, it was welcomed right now. Apparently, that wasn't in Thea's plans.

She came and sat by me. "I just think you shouldn't give up on Octavia. The way she talked about you I never imagined feeling that way about anyone. She sacrificed a lot to make you happy."

My forehead creased as irritation filled me. "I didn't ask her to leave me behind. If she just waited another day we could be there right now, getting to know each other."

"What have you realized?" She challenged.

"That she makes rash decisions."

She grinned. "No, that she went out of her way to give you the life she thought you wanted."

"But that's the thing though. She did what she thought I wanted. What I wanted was to get to know her. She's making this entirely too hard." I huffed.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

Atiya summoned me to her tent. I wasn't sure why, but if it was a mission I was hyped to go.

"Octavia," She started with hard look at my presence. "I need you and Max to have a peace talk with Lolita. And I need you to take Johnny and Theya with you."

"Why does he need to come?"

She gave me a stern look. "Because I said so. This is final."

With a stiff nod I headed out to get Theya.

"What's wrong with you?" Theya asked as I stormed past her.

I attempted to repress my anger, but it didn't work. "Did you ask your mom to take you out of the garden? Both you and a Johnny?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I did what you told me to."

"She's making me take you two on a peace talk."

She made a face.

"That wasn't what I meant, Theya. I didn't ask you to get involved with Johnny. He isn't your business. From now on just stay out of it."

Her face reddened. "Not everything's about you, Octavia." She stormed past me to what I knew was her mother's tent.

Great. I totally just reamed out one of my only friends here over a guy, whom I didn't even like.

Max popped his head inside. "Hey," He stepped forward. "What was that about?"

I grabbed my bag from under my bed. I made sure I always had it stocked for a moment's notice.

"I yelled at her."

"Why?"

"Because she meddled into something that wasn't her business. Or yours."

He waved it off. "So what's the problem?"

I huffed. "Atiya wants the both of us to go on a peace talk."

"And why is that bad?" He stepped closer.

"Because we have to bring Theya and Johnny along."

He froze. "What? Why?"

I shrugged. "My guess is your girlfriend begged for a little independence. She had to include Johnny."

His eyes rolled. "Way to sound insensitive. And she's not my girlfriend."

Now my eyes rolled. "Whatever." I walked out of the tent.

He grabbed my shoulder. "I understand you're upset about Johnny coming along, but don't take it out on Theya. She's just trying to help. She's trying to be more like you."

Guilt ebbed in me. I loved Theya like a sister, but this wasn't her broken thing to fix. Still, I felt like a bitch.

Max let go of my shoulder as Theya walked of her mom's tent. "Be nice."

"No promises." I muttered when she went over to Johnny.

"Let's get this done with." He said.

Johnny looked over at me with curious yet hesitant eyes as we walked to them. "When are we leaving?" He asked.

"When you guys pack a bag. It's a three-rday trip, two days without any complications."

They nodded then parted ways.

Max and I exchanged worried looks.

We'd been walking for an hour or so in silence. It was the most uncomfortable hour of my life.

"Can someone say something?" Max begged. "Before I go crazy."

Theya turned to me with expectant eyes. "I'll accept my apology. It's the least you could do."

I was prepared to give her one until she said that.

I scoffed. "It'll come when you apologize first."

She looked taken aback. "Why would I do that? I didn't do anything wrong!"

No part of me wanted to have this conversation in from of Max and Johnny, but apparently it was happening.

"You know why." I insisted.

Her eyes rolled. "Actually, I didn't ask my mom about Johnny coming along, so you don't have a right to be mad at me."

My jaw clenched as I stared at her. I couldn't believe she brought up the problem in front of the problem. Her balls were getting bigger. I was a little proud of her.

"What?" Johnny asked.

We ignored him.

"I didn't ask to along." He turned back in the direction we came from. "And I certainly didn't ask to be hated." Anger clear in his voice.

I kept walking. It wasn't as if we needed his presence to survive.

"Really?" Max questioned. "Go after him."

I scoffed. "He doesn't have to come okay."

"Atiya wanted him to come with us for a reason."

My head shook. "He _shouldn't_ be here in the first place."

Max huffed then went after him.

Once he convinced Johnny to stay we started forward again. Just before dusk we gathered up some wood and started a fire. I needed some alone time so I walked a good enough distance away so I could be in peace. It only stayed like that for about five minutes until Theya sat beside me. Her silence spoke volumes.

"I just don't like to be around _him,_ you know that. It's too much."

Her head shook. "I don't get you, Tay. He's here. What's the issue?"

My eyes drifted to the orange and pink sky. "I don't like to talk about it."

Her arms folded across her chest. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

With a huff I started, "His name is John Murphy. When we got down here he was the biggest psychopath, he tried to kill my brother, and he betrayed us, but I found the good in him over time. He saved my life a few times. I no longer saw him as this monstrous person. Out of nowhere we sort of became friends. He trusted me with his life and I came to trust him with mine. And Lincoln died and I everything I felt for Murphy became jumbled, so I pushed him away." Tears stung my eyes as I stood, but I blinked away the pain.

She stood by me, her hand caught mine. "Go on."

"When we were looking for the city we reconnected. Then he drowned."

Her hands squeezed mine in support.

"I was going to save him." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "But…" My stupid tears spilled over my eyes as my voice cracked. "I didn't know how to swim and Indra wouldn't let me jump in the water after him." My chin trembled as I faced her. "He told me he loved me that day, then he just let himself die. He didn't even try to fight. And I hated him for that because I loved him, too." I wiped my sleeve across my face. "When we arrived at the city of light my brother tells me that he's alive." I gave a wry grin. "I think, 'what a miracle. How did I get so lucky? Now we can be together.' But when he sees me there's nothing in his eyes. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know who he is, who we were." My fist clenched at my stomach as I tried to crush the heartache. "When I tried to explain everything to him he tells me that I'm a savage, a barbarian, and that he doesn't want to be in any sort of relationship with me"

She gave me an encouraging look, but I can tell that she's struggling not to cry along with me.

"I couldn't stay there, Theya. It was too painful. I had to let him go because he was better off without me."

"That's not true."

I gave her a look. "Isn't it? He didn't have any memories. He got to forget all the awful things we'd done, all the pain we caused. He got a fresh start and he ruined it by coming to find me. He ruined his life."

She gave me a pointed look. "Exactly. Doesn't that count for something?"

"No! He can't go back now. Everything good and normal I wanted for him is now gone!"

"You have to understand, that's not your decision to make for him."

I nodded. "But still..."

I think that you're scared of developing feelings for Johnny and that those feelings would feel like a betrayal to Murphy."

She was right, of course. That did cross my mind, but that wasn't the main problem.

"The last time him and I took a day trip he died. What if something goes wrong? Something always goes wrong, Theya. I _can't_ lose him again."

She gave a wry smile with sad eyes. "That's just the risk you'll have to take. Instead of pushing him away why don't you try to get to know him. You'll both be happier for it."

That was so risky.

"I just need more time."

She nodded. "Okay." She pulled me in for a hug before she left me to my thoughts.

By the time I started back to the others I felt more at ease. Theya was right. If I wanted to fully move on I had to give Johnny a chance. It didn't mean I needed to fall in love with him or anything, but a shot at being friends was something to work towards.

The first thing I noticed was that it was too quiet. I ducked in the trees and waited.

Eventually, a group of three Grounders descended upon them.  
"Drop your weapons." One of them ordered.

I cursed under my breath.

Hesitantly, Max dropped his sword. Theya and Johnny followed suit.

"Where's the girl?"

"What do you want with us? We're just passing through." Max announced.

The ring leader stepped forward. "Frag em op!"

The other two moved for Theya. Johnny shoved one of them away, earning him a sword across the face. My heart raced at the sight of the dripping red line across his cheek.

My hand grabbed a hold of my sword as I tiptoed toward them.

"Are you going to kill us?" Theya cried.

They cackled.

"Not until we get the bounty on his head." The leader pointed to Johnny.

Johnny stepped forward. "For what? I didn't do anything!"

"You killed one of our own. Emori."

He protested against the Grounder's hands. "She helped me escape. Why would I kill her?"

"We'll find out when Trin gets her hands on you. You won't live to see the morning."

They laughed.

I rose from my crouch, my sword swung out and cut into the neck of the leader. He fell to the ground, blood gushed from his neck. The other knocked out Max before he made a grab for Theya.

"Please, don't hurt us." She begged.

The guy closest to Johnny pulled him to his feet with his knife at his neck as I stepped forward. The other guy did the same to Theya.

A sense of deja vu washed over me. How ironic it was that this happened because of Emori.

Red, hot anger flooded me.

"Drop your weapon or we kill them on the spot."

I swung my sword in the air, ready for battle. "How about you let them go and I let you two live?"

They grinned. "Two against one. The odds are not in your favor."

"Octavia, listen to them. I'll go with them." Johnny pleaded with his eyes. "No one has to get hurt."

_You'll get hurt_, I thought.

I dropped my sword.

The thought crossed my mind that if I let them take Johnny then he wouldn't be my problem any longer. I could move on with my life. But I couldn't do that to Murphy. A life with him completely gone was incomprehensible at this point. I imagined that he'd have this perfect life back in the city. I hadn't imagined that he wouldn't be alive to eventually get that.

They looked between each other. "This the Octavia you kept going on about, boy?"

Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Let them go. I won't ask again." I threatened.

The one with Theya pushed her to the ground. He headed for me with dark eyes, his weapon ready.

"I'm going to enjoy this you little bitch."

He stabbed at me, but I ducked behind him. My hands grabbed his head and pulled down until I heard the crack of his neck.

The one left backed away with Johnny in his grasp. "I'll kill him."

"It didn't have to be this way."

I gave Johnny a look that conveyed he should duck. That he did. My hand reached for my pocket knife, I threw my knife into the guy's head. He fell back with stunned eyes.

Johnny stood to his feet, his eyes on the dead Grounders.

"Before you say anything, I had to." I told him as I walked to Theya.

"I know." He stared back at me with heavy eyes. "Thank you."

I gave a slight nod before I crouched down to survey Max.

She smoothed his hair from his face. "He'll be okay, right?" She looked up at me.

"Yes. They just knocked him out."

I rose and let Theya tend to Max while I walked the short distance to Johnny. "What did you do to escape?"

He looked around us at the dead bodies. "Not this, I swear. They were going kill me, Octavia. Emori helped me escape. I didn't trust her at first, but she gave her life for mine. Henry's her son, helped me get to you."

"They probably think you stole Henry, too."

He scoffed. "Emori didn't even know he was tailing us until the Grounder's realized I was gone. She had him get me to safety. Why would I want to take a child as punishment?"

"Look, I believe you, but they obviously don't. If you really do have a bounty on your head, then us traveling any further would be obsolete." My head shook. "I knew you shouldn't have come."

He took a step toward me, anger in his blue eyes. "If I stayed in that damn garden any longer I was going to lose my mind. You're not taking me back." He demanded.

My arms folded across my chest. "And why aren't I? You can't even take care of yourself, Johnny. You're a liability."

He deadpanned. "Give me a weapon, something besides a fork this time."

"And what will you do with it?" I questioned, frustrated that he didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. "You don't know how to wield any weapon."

Brazen, he took another step forward. "Then teach me! You want me to be Murphy so badly, then teach me how to be a murderer!"

My jaw clenched as I struggled to rein in my emotions.

"Murphy wasn't a murderer; he was a survivor! And until you get that then you'll _never_ be him!"

Hurt flashed in his eyes.

"Octavia," Theya warned.

"What?!" I turned on her. "Did you fall in love with Max only to have him die and come back to not remember you?" I waited for her to answer to prove my point. "Didn't think so."

"That's not fair, don't yell at her because you're mad at me." Johnny insisted.

I let out a wry laugh. "I'm not mad at you. I don't know you."

Out of everything I said, that seemed to be the biggest slap in the face for him.

"So instead of trying to be someone you're not, try learning how to survive in this world. Whoever it turns you into is who you are." I pointed at his chest. "You don't have to be Murphy."

He glanced at the ground, then back up at me. "But that's who you want."

I shrugged. "So what? Your first lesson to survival; be a little selfish."

He nodded without another word.

The guards led us into Lolita's quarters. From the moment I stepped inside their territory I felt on edge. Mostly because I was prepared to kick ass if anyone made a move against Johnny. Max and I shared a look as we walked through their community. We put Theya and Johnny between us.

Lolita sat on her throne as we strode closer. Theya, Max, and I immediately bowed. It took Johnny a moment to realize he had to bow so I tugged on his wrist. He followed suit.

"Thanks." He whispered.

"You may rise." She announced.

We rose to our feet.

"We're here on Atiya's behalf." Max spoke. "She sent her second, her daughter, and the future king of Fire Nation. Our goal is to extend an olive branch. Atiya recognizes her wrongs. She's asking for a truce to go along with The Commander's coalition."

Lolita drummed her fingers on her chin in thought. "Bold move sending her daughter here after how she left us in battle against Azgeda." She grinned at Theya. "I should send her your head." She nodded to someone behind us.

Max flashed around to find the threat.

A guy reached for a dagger.

Johnny acted before I could react. He shoved Theya to the ground in time enough for the dagger to hit his chest instead of hers.

"This was supposed to be a peace talk!" I demanded.

She smirked. "Tell Atiya we'll never go along with her truce. Water Nation doesn't bow before deserters."

Max charged forward with a dangerous gleam in his eyes, intent on hurting the thrower who tried to kill Theya.

I pushed him back. "We can't start anything. That's the point of a peace talk."

He shoved my hands away. "They ruined that the moment they tried to kill Theya!"

I yanked him back. "You'll only make it worse."

He threw me a look. "When it was Johnny they tried to _kidnap_, you killed them!"

That wasn't much different, he was right.

"But Theya's mother is important. She holds the power to go to war. Do you want to be responsible for hundreds of deaths?"

His jaw clenched. He glared at the thrower with a look of promise as he backed away.

I turned to Lolita. "We'll give your message to Atiya. If anyone comes after us they'll die. That's a promise."

She nodded once in agreement.

I turned back to Johnny, worry sat in.

Max was already helping him along. Theya stared wide eyed, in shock. I tugged her along.

"This isn't your fault, Theya." Johnny insisted.

When we got a safe distance away I immediately began building a fire. Max had started treating the wound while Theya struggled to keep her lunch down. A sweat had broken out on Johnny's skin. Max placed the hot knife over the wound.

I sat in front of him, but he wouldn't look at me.

"I thought I told you to be selfish."

"Would you prefer Theya to be dead?"

My head shook. "No, but you need to start thinking of yourself."

"Would Murphy have done it?" He asked genuinely curious.

I sighed. "No. He wouldn't have been that stupid." I stared at him. "He would've pushed Theya and himself out of the way."

Tears darkened his eyes, probably from the pain.

He'd done a lot to get to me, to prove himself and I'd done nothing but be rude to him. He didn't die this time around, but came close to it.

"Tell you what, when we get back I'll teach you how to fight. Okay?"

He nodded, a small grin in place.

"Same goes for you," Max directed at Theya.

She looked hesitant, but I knew that's what she wanted. I was like her when we first landed and the only way I changed was from pushing myself, from Indra's belief in me.

CLARKE'S POV:

I poked my head from the bathroom. "Cory, was there someone at the door?"

He nodded. "Two guys. One of them was Bellamy."

My heart dipped.

"Thanks."

I ducked back into the bathroom to get dressed.

This split was very much needed. Don't get me wrong, two weeks without Bell felt like two months, but we wanted different things. I knew I was overreacting. Hell, I was hurt. He didn't want any sort of progressive future for us.

When I went to the office that day, I only wanted to discuss the possibility, but now there was no need. We didn't have a future as far as he was concerned.

I checked my reflection before I grabbed my jacket.

"Ready?" I asked Cory.

He nodded.

I couldn't deny how weird it was for me to be staying with Finn. What with Finn being my first time and all and the tension between him and Eli - trust me it was palpable - and of course the added bonus of Finn's new beau. Cory was here or with Finn almost all the time. I wasn't sure how serious it was for Finn, but I knew it wasn't a lot. I was sure that Cory saw everything between Finn and Eli. Not going to lie, it was kind of hot.

Eli had taken more of a liking to me after he realized I could be useful with information on Finn and that I was in no way interested in him romantically anymore.

Cory and I got along well, being that we were both interested in medicine. We chatted a lot about the practices up in space versus on the ground.

Our lunch date today was purely business. He reached out to his advisor about my interest in pursuing medicine professionally. It was all I knew how to do. Focusing on my career took my mind off of the future I'd never have with Bellamy. With so many kids and big families around it was really hard.

Everyone seemed so normal and happy. Part of me was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but nothing suspicious or freaky had happened.

"So this Bellamy guy," Cory started. "He looked really worried when I saw him. Finn told me you're ignoring him. Why?"

"It doesn't matter, it's over."

He gave me a look. "Let me know when you really believe that yourself." He started texting rapidly.

My own phone buzzed in my pocket.

Raven R: U up for some girl talk?

A grin found my face.

Me: I could use some of that. I'm about to go into a meeting. I'll call you when I'm done.

Raven R: :)

I put my phone in my purse.

"What's that smile for?" Cory asked.

"Just missing a friend."

He nodded. "Can I ask you something and it stay between us?"

I nodded.

"Does Finn seem distracted to you? I don't know him that well, but I know enough that he doesn't seem to want to be with me seriously."

How did I answer this without getting involved?

I sighed. "Look, up until a few weeks ago, I don't think Finn realized he liked guys. You have to give him some slack."

"What made him real-" His eyes widened at the realization. "Eli..." He let out a crazed laugh. "I knew they were close, but I didn't think..."

"Well, I don't know anything for sure. I just know that Finn likes you, so you talk to him."

He opened the restaurant door for me. "You're right. Forget I said anything."

The waitress escorted us to a booth with a man in a bow tie and graying hair. He grinned at Cory.

"Thank you," Cory told the waitress.

She nodded then placed two menus down on our table.

"Clarke, this is Dr. Bennett. Dr. Bennett, Clarke Griffin."

Dr. Blake reached out a hand. "Nice to make your acquaintance."

A chill washed over my body at contact with him, the hairs stood on the back of my neck. I pulled away with a curt smile.

"Likewise."

FINN'S POV:

Things with Cory took off unexpectedly. I went on the date to see if I could potentially feel about another guy how I felt about Eli. So far, the answer was no. But that didn't rule out my attraction to Cory. He was great in the two weeks I'd been seeing him. I told him that this was new for me and I didn't really know how to date a guy, so he agreed we'd take it slow. That was fine by me.

We'd go out for drinks, see a movie, or just walk around town. He knew I was from the sky. It was kind of hard to hide when he took me to the lake and I didn't know how to swim or when I didn't speak trigedasleng as well as him. Eli stopped teaching me when we arrived here because there was virtually no need to learn it if we were all going to end up here. He seemed a little disappointed that I wasn't fluent. After we had that exchange, so was I.

I walked over to Eli's new job at the sport's bar we went to that first night. He said it gave him something to do, something new to learn. The smell of deep fried food overtook me. He looked cute in his black polo shirt and apron.

His green eyes narrowed when he saw me. "What are you doing here?"

I shrugged. "I wanted to see you. We haven't done a lot of that lately."

"You live right next door to me. I see you every day." He spoke the words as if he didn't believe them.

With a sigh, I sat at the bar. "There's always other people around. I miss it being just the two of us."

His jaw clenched. "Seems like you like the way things are now." He absently wiped at the sticky bar.

My forehead creased. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. I have to get back to work." He turned from me.

I leaned over the counter and grabbed his arm. "Eli, are you mad at me or something?"

His muscular back stiffened, but he didn't turn around. "No, I'm mad at myself."

"What does that mean?"

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter now." He walked in the back without a glance back.

What the hell?

I waited for two minutes before a guy and a girl rushed out with plates of food. Another ten without any sign of Eli. He blew me off.

My eyes rolled, a pit in my stomach. It wasn't fair for me to continue to feel this way about him after trying to move on with Cory, after Eli's constant rejection. I figured maybe Eli hadn't been around as much because he was uncomfortable with Cory and I, but maybe he was now uncomfortable with me. He could probably see that I still had feelings for him.

I rose from the barstool.

One of the girls, Jenny, stopped me. "Finn," She grinned. "How are you?"

With one of my hands shoved in my pockets, I shrugged, then pushed my hair back onto my head. "I'd be better if Eli would talk to me."

She gave a sad half smile. "Do you want me to talk to him for you?"

Tempting.

I waved it off. "Thanks, but I think this is something we have to work out ourselves."

She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and pouted. "It's none of my business or anything, but are you guys like a thing?"

My eyes widened. "Not even close. I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, it just seems like there's something going on between you two."

"We're good friends, that's all."

Truthfully, it was. That was all Eli would ever see me as. Sooner rather than later I'd have to accept that and move on, the sooner I'd be happy. Not that he didn't make me happy, but these feelings weighed me down, making it harder to go through life. If I could just skip to the part where I was happy with Cory and Eli wasn't the most important person in my life that would be great.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Cory.

A grin took over my face as I answered. "Hey,"

I waved goodbye to Jenny. She grinned as she went back to work. I started down the street.

"I just got out of lunch with Clarke and my advisor." He sounded a bit stressed. "I could really use a pick me up. You feel like helping me make dinner tonight? We could watch a movie at my place." Hope in his voice.

As much as I didn't feel for Cory, I still felt nice being around Cory. Being wanted felt great. Something I wasn't getting with Eli.

"I would love that. I'll meet you at the store on Preston Avenue in twenty minutes."

"Great." He hung up.

As we shopped we talked about what we wanted for dinner. When it came down to it, we weren't much of talkers. Not for lack of trying, we just didn't have much to say. Usually, Clarke was our buffer and Eli sometimes when he was around. But right now I felt as if there was something Cory wanted to say, but couldn't.

We picked a few movies from the movie box then headed to his apartment to start on the food.

While I cut the chicken breast into strips he boiled water on the stove.

"Can I ask you something and you give me an honest answer?"

I gave him a look. "That doesn't sound like it's going to make for a very romantic evening."

He looked hesitant, but pushed on. "I don't want to assume anything, so I'm just going to ask. Is there something between you and Eli?"

My face felt hot. I let out a shocked laugh. "Why would you think that?"

He poured the pasta into the boiling water. "Well, for one you're attached at the hip and I get the feeling he doesn't like me too much. At first I thought he was being protective, but you two can get pretty intense sometimes. I tried not to think too much of it, too much of us. You said this was your first gay relationship so I've been trying to take it slow. Then I got to wondering who piqued your interest and it all seemed so clear."

I placed the knife on the cutting board then turned my body to him. "There's a lot about me that I haven't told you and I don't plan on telling you about my old life because you wouldn't understand."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "How do you figure I wouldn't understand? Because I grew up in this city? I don't know what it is to struggle?"

"That's not what I meant."

"That what you said."

I nodded. "Fine. Yes. There's certain things that you couldn't possibly understand because you grew up in this cushy lifestyle. I'm not saying you didn't have to struggle, Cory. I admire you and your achievements. But you don't know what it is to take the blame for your girlfriend's crime so she wouldn't get floated in space or what it is to run for your life repeatedly, to have to kill someone to survive repeatedly. Or to lose who you are when you've lost someone." I turned away from him. My back stiffened at his closeness.

He placed a hand on my waist. "Maybe I don't, but you do. And I'm here whenever you want to share." He placed his chin on my shoulder. "I'm a pretty great listener."

"This is still really new for us and I'm afraid you won't look at me the same if I tell you."

He kissed the side of my neck. "Try me."

My eyes closed as I gathered the courage to drop my whole life on him. I turned to him.

"When we lived in space I took my girlfriend, Raven, out on an illegal space walk. She wanted to be a Zero G Mechanic, but couldn't because of a heart murmur. So for her birthday I took out and she floated out for a few minutes. When I pulled her back alarms went off. She was going to be arrested, up in space arrested meant death. Every petty crime was punishable by death except for those under the age of 18. So I put on the suit."

He nodded. "That's why Clarke calls you Spacewalker?"

I nodded.

"That's noble of you."

I stared into his eyes. "I was sentenced to a year in juvenile lockup. A hundred of us was sent to Earth to see if it was survivable again, we don't know anyone was here. We weren't likely to survive, but the Ark didn't care about that. They just wanted to buy themselves more time to fix the life support."

His forehead creased, but nodded for me to keep going.

"We landed, Clarke and Bellamy were quick to lead. All of us chipped, we managed to make a home. All of that started crumpling when the Grounders showed themselves. We didn't know their customs; we didn't know we were in their territory. They started picking us off, a bunch of scared kids shipped down for their petty crimes. It wasn't long before they knew that if they wanted to live it was either kill or be killed."

"They? Not we?"

My head hurt at the memories. "I tried to keep the peace, to make amends. None of it worked. So when we went to war I had no choice but to fight, to kill. Because I didn't want to die. I wanted to be with Clarke."

His eyes widened. "You guys were a thing, too?"

A grin came to my lips. "Clarke was charismatic. She was the light in the darkness. She wanted to do the right thing before we realized there was no right thing. Only the thing that kept you alive." My smile vanished. "After the war, I thought she was dead." I stepped away from him, not able to meet his eyes. "I'm not proud of how I acted, it haunts me every day."

"What did you do, Finn?"

A hollow pit in my stomach formed. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I went looking for her. I was desperate, ready to pick a fight, ready to blame someone for all the darkness I'd seen. When I found a nearby camp they had some our clothes. We couldn't find them anywhere, but I was convinced that they were hiding her. She was _my_ princess, not Bellamy's. And I snapped. I killed eighteen people. Eighteen." My voice faltered. "For nothing. She wasn't there. But when she did arrive she looked at me like I was monster. And I was." Tears formed in my eyes. "So Lexa wanted me dead, but I fled like a coward. I tried to end my life like a coward. I almost succeeded, if it had not been for Eli. He nursed me back to health, even though I didn't want it. There was nothing I could do but rest, I broke nearly every bone in my body when I jumped from that cliff. The guilt ate me alive. There were days where I prayed that they'd find me hiding away and put me out of my misery. Then there were days where I didn't pray for that at all, those were days Eli made me smile." I turned back to him with a heavy heart. "He healed me. He made me strong again, helped with physical therapy, fed me. He defended me when his people tried to kill me repeatedly. I didn't want to admit that what I felt was real. I knew he was gay, but that didn't mean he had feelings for me, so I kept it to myself until I was sure."

"When were you sure?"

I thought back to his injured leg.

"When we set out to find Clarke for Bellamy. We wandered into a minefield and he got a bad leg gash. I knew for sure when I didn't know what my life would be without him in it. Then we got gunned down and were brought here."

He looked to the floor, then back up at me. "Does he know all of this?"

I shrugged. "He suspected when we arrived and I confirmed it for him. He was so angry. He assumed that I thought because he was gay that he would feel the same way. I assured him that he was wrong, but I think he needed time to adjust. For a little while, I thought maybe he had come to feel the same way, but he hasn't. So I tried to move on with you. It was easy because up until you he was the only guy I found attractive."

He grinned a little at that, probably recalling our first meeting.

"What do you say to all of that? How do you like me now?"

His hand grabbed mine. "I don't know. Hearing all the bad stuff you've done is hard, but I don't feel afraid of you. I respect you, Finn. That's not going to change." He pulled me to him and planted a kiss on my mouth. "So how about we forget about all of that and have a romantic dinner?"

A grin took over my face. "I'd like that."

A/N: Thank for reading guys! Please leave a review and let me know how you like it! 


	33. Surrender

The song for this chapter is Natalie Taylor - Surrender

BELLAMY'S POV:

"Come on," Jasper nudged my shoulder for support. "It's not like this is the worst thing that's happened between you and Clarke. You can fix it." He turned his attention back on his rocky road ice cream cone.

With my hands shoved in my pockets I regretted not getting one along with him.

"It's a little hard to fix anything when she won't even see me." I huffed. "I know this is my fault, I know that. I just wished she talked to me about all of that sooner."

What had I done to make her feel uncomfortable about discussing marriage with me before my outburst about not wanting to marry her. In my defense, marriage didn't mean much up on the Ark. It wasn't what it was here. It was just a union, but here it was flashy and all this added pressure that made it harder to acclimate.

"Yeah, I wish I was there for that." Jasper spoke in between licks. "You two make me sick anyways. Too perfect." He offered a sly grin.

My eyes rolled in fake annoyance. "We're not anything anymore." I searched the crowd, hoping to find someone else I knew.

"Maybe we should just camp out on her doorstep. Or you can Finn to let you borrow his apartment so she has to talk to you."

I sighed. "Jasper, you saw that guy back there. She's moved on. Maybe I should respect that. Maybe I should, too."

I didn't expect a punch in the jaw a few seconds later. My hand went to my face as I glared at Jasper. He gave me an expectant look as he held his ice cream. A few people had stopped to look at us.

"You deserved that." He pointed his ice cream cone at me. "This is your fault and now you just want to give up on her, on your future together?"

My head shook. "What choice do I have? We want different things, which I didn't even know was a problem until a few days ago. I don't know who we are anymore. Coming here changed us. She's different now and I like it, but this isn't who we are. She wants a settled down lifestyle; maybe a family and a career. Marriage. What happens if we get that? We get the house with the fence, a chance to start a family, we get to be happy and it gets ripped from under us. It always gets ripped from under us. How are we supposed to be here and go back to living out there?"

"You're really afraid of all of that?"

I nodded. "All good things come to an end. It's only a matter of time before this places does too. And I'm scared Clarke will get caught up in all the newness of it only to have it taken away."

He blew out a breath. "You should be telling Clarke that."

He was right. If she didn't want to be with me I'd have to live with that, but I didn't want her thinking this was because of her. It was because of me.

"I'm going to take a walk." I muttered as I turned to the direction we came from. "Jasper," I looked over my shoulder.

He met my eyes.

"Thanks."

He nodded and held up his ice cream cone. "What are friends for."

I grinned as I turned back around.

For who knew how long I walked around the city. I still wasn't much on having a cell phone, but I kept checking it for messages from Clarke. Still nothing.

It was times like these where I could really use my sister. She knew Clarke better than a lot of people and she could tell me how to fix this. I missed my sister more than anything. Not knowing how she was holding up was killing me. She was so strong willed and independent I knew she could take care of herself, but I still worried. Part of me wanted to go after her while the other half knew she'd kick my ass when I found her.

The sound of laughter broke me from my thoughts.

"It was nice to meet you Ms. Griffin. Corey talks a lot about you, the doctor in the making from the sky."

My eyes snapped to people leaving a restaurant a few feet ahead. When I saw her my feet planted themselves in the concrete as my heart skipped a beat.

She laughed. "You think I'm impressive, wait until you meet-" Her blue eyes found me. She stopped midstride. Her eyes fluttered a few times.

"Clarke," The guy from earlier put his hand on her lower back. "Do you want us to give you a minute?"

I wanted to yell for him to get his hands off of her, that he wasn't hers, but every logical thought left me as we stared at each other.

Where did I start? Surely, she'd want an apology first.

She shook her head. "No." She looked at me with cautious eyes. "I don't need anything from…" She let out a breathy sigh before she marched off away from me.

I watched the back of her head until she was out of sight, tears brimmed in my eyes. This couldn't be the end of us. Could it?

CLARKE'S POV:

Lunch went well. Dr. Bennet offered sage advice and intellect. Besides Corey, I hadn't really met anyone else here that I could talk medicine with. Dr. Bennet was a leading surgeon at St. Wyatt's and he was Corey's advisor/mentor. With everything that's happened in the last few weeks it seemed like I'd be here a while and I needed to think of my future now that I had one to think of. A field in medicine seemed the way to go. That's what I knew, that's what I was good at. But I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted or what I should do.

Dr. Bennet smiled at me as he held out a hand. I took it. "It was nice to meet you Ms. Griffin. Corey talks a lot about you, the doctor in the making from the sky."

I laughed at how odd that sounded coming from someone in the city. Something caught my attention down the street. "You think I'm impressive, wait until you meet-" I paused, unable to move.

Bellamy stood not fifteen feet in front of me with his eyes focused on me. All the air left me. How could he just stand there looking so handsome like he didn't end my world? How could he look at me with those sad brown eyes when he broke my heart?

Corey leaned forward. "Clarke, do you want us to give you a minute?"

Give me a minute? What was I going to do with a minute? Talk about how Bellamy and I had no future and I was stupid and naïve to ever think we would?

My head shook. "No." I spoke with a shaky voice. "I don't need anything from…" My throat closed up as tears brimmed in my eyes. I couldn't be here any longer.

I took off down the street, not bothering with a formal goodbye to Dr. Bennet. He'd probably think I was an impolite and lovesick teenager. I wouldn't blame him. I just couldn't stand there any longer with Bellamy looking at me.

So I went to Raven's.

She immediately supplied me with ice cream. "I hoped you be the one to talked to him first."

I gave her a look. "Me?"

She took a spoonful of the rocky road ice cream Jasper had gotten her hooked to. "Yes, you." She looked at me. "You were the one that broke it off with him."

My head shook. "That's not fair. He broke my heart." I pouted.

"You broke his, too. Trust me, it's all over him."

My eyes went to my lap. "I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him? Keep ignoring him? I don't even know what to say to him."

She pulled me to her side as we laid on the couch. "Look, what you and Bellamy have is enviable. I would hate to see your love waste away because of a misunderstanding."

"This wasn't a misunderstanding, Raven. He announced to the world that he doesn't want a progressive future with me. There's not a lot of room to be misled."

She huffed. "To be fair, you hadn't even discussed any of that with him and from what I understand James was pressuring him into organizing a union. I just think you caught the end of the conversation without fully knowing what happened."

I pulled away from her. "Wait, what? James was pressuring Bellamy to marry me?"

She looked surprised. "I figured you knew that from like Bellamy's voicemails and stuff."

"No." I rose. "He didn't say anything about that." A panic rose in my chest. "I have to go find him."

"Finally." She muttered.

After many attempts of knocking on the door I paced the hallway countless times. My stomach was in knots. This was Bellamy, everything I wanted in guy. He was my other half and lately that half was missing. Out of self-respect I ignored him, I ignored that gut wrenching feeling of emptiness. Now it was time to grow a pair and-

The front door opened.

He stood in the doorway, frozen when he saw me. He looked at me with wide eyes.

All I could do was stare at him. I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or hug him.

He moved aside and held the door open, leaving the door open for me to come in.

It was my turn to take the step forward. Our place looked about the same, but oddly different. There were still unpacked boxes that littered the apartment. I wanted to stay focused on the apartment so I wouldn't have to look at him. God, he looked so unfairly hot. I wanted to punch him.

He turned his eyes on me, his arms folded across his chest as he stood by the fridge.

I did the same, not sure what to do with my body. I kept my distance as I leaned against the counter. Was it hot in here?

"Clarke," He growled my name in that deep gravelly voice of his. "Did you want to talk or did you just come here to glare at me?"

My eyes narrowed. "Hold the attitude. I'm the one that's mad at you. You can't be mad me."

His brow rose. "And why can't I be mad at you?" He took a step forward. "You wouldn't return my calls. You wouldn't let me see you or try to explain myself." His focused his pain me with his eyes. "You left me."

"Bellamy, I didn-"

"You ran out of my life, Clarke!"

I shrank back from his bark, mostly because I was guilty.

"I'm sorry."

He gave me a wry grin. "You're sorry?"

I took a step towards him. "Yes, I'm sorry. But I had a right to be upset. You shouted to the rooftops that you didn't want to marry me, that you didn't see any happy future for us. How else was I supposed to feel?"

He nodded in understanding. "I get that and I never wanted you to hear that, Clarke. That was to get everyone off our backs. We move here and it all of a sudden we have wedding proposals shoved down our throats. It was way too fast."

My head hung. "Even if you James hadn't made you say those things you still feel that way." I looked up at him. "Don't you?"

He blew out a breath. His hand reached out to touch me, but I moved away. "It's not that simple."

I shrugged. "Then make it simple, Bellamy. You don't ever see yourself marrying me or have kids, do you?"

His hand ran down his exhausted face. "Clarke, why is this such a big deal all of a sudden? Look, I'm so sorry for how all of this happened, but you never even told me you were thinking about marriage. We're still kids. You're not even eighteen yet."

"Since when has that mattered?"

"It doesn't." He sighed. "It's just, I don't know why you want to get married."

My eyes rolled. "The more we argue about it the less I know myself." I turned my back to him. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "When you got here it was the happiest I'd ever been. Suddenly, this place wasn't so bad. Suddenly, I didn't have to think of ways to escape. I saw what other people had because I had it." I turned back to him with a hopeful grin. "People here have more than one kid, Bell. They argue about where they're going for lunch or what they're going to do for their anniversary. They get to be happy. Why can we?"

His eyes softened as he searched my face. "I thought we were happy with the way things were. Why do we have to get married to be like them?" He was trying hard to understand.

My mind went back to the wedding magazine with all the smiling couples, the perfect beginnings. Why did marriage have to be this big thing guys were afraid of? All it really meant was I found someone worth committing to, someone worth building with. What was so hard about that?

He took another step. "Is this really about you not being able to talk to me about this stuff before?"

I shrugged.

"Clarke," He lifted my chin up with his finger. "Why didn't you tell me you were thinking about all of this?"

I gave a wry chuckle. "Given your reaction can you blame me? Either way you still don't want to marry me or have kids with me."

"Hey," His brown eyes searched mine. "This isn't because of you, alright. It's this crazy world we live in."

My forehead creased. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you're counting on us staying here for the rest of our lives. You're trying to build a career and put down roots, but we don't even know if we can trust these people."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Not this again." I pulled away from him. "Why don't you trust the city? Has anything bad happened to us so far? No. They gave us a place to exist. They gave us freewill. They're letting us leave if we want to. Why can't you see that?"

He shrugged. "Both of us can't be optimistic."

I gave him a look.

"What do you want me to do? Tell me because I have no idea how it got his complicated."

My lips pursed. "You could take your foot out of your ass for one."

A speck of a grin graced his mouth. "We need to fix this." He insisted. "We need to fix us…if there's still even an us to fix."

"What are you talking about?" My hand slapped his chest. "There better be an us to fix."

He grabbed my hand and held it to his hard chest. His brown eyes gazed into mine. "That guy you were with earlier. It kind of seemed like you were on a date with him."

"What?" I grinned. "With Corey?"

His brow furrowed. "When I stopped by Finn's earlier he answered the door all shirtless. He said you had a lunch date. What do you have to say for yourself, Princess?"

Aww. He was jealous.

A grin fell on my lips. "That you were jealous over Finn's boyfriend."

He relaxed, his eyes left mine as he put the pieces together. "Oh."

I laughed. "Yeah. We had a lunch date with his advisor who's a leading surgeon at the hospital."

He looked surprised. "Wow, that's great."

"You don't sound too excited about it."

He shrugged. "I mean, like you said you can be anything here. Are you sure that's the path you want to follow?"

I let out a sigh. How did he know me so well?

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know about any of this."

He nodded. "How about you stay for dinner and we talk about it?"

"I'd like that." I grinned.

He gestured towards the door. "Well since you abandoned me there's no groceries in the fridge so we have to go get them."

A laugh bubbled from me. "Wow, you really went to pieces without me."

He nodded. "Tell me about it."

AIDEN'S POV:

A week ago

My head dropped forward as I came out of my sleep. Everything hurt. I was tied to a chair. Where was I? By the looks of it an old barn. Why was I in a barn?

I tried to remember the events that led up to by arrival and my head ached. "Hello?" I tried to speak but my voice cracked and I let out a wheezing cough.

"Aiden?"

I sat up straighter. "Lexa?" I tried to turn around but my neck hurt so bad. "What happ-"

The car accident. But it wasn't an accident. Someone ran us off the road. But why?

"Are you okay?" I asked. "Are you hurt? Did they do something to you?"

"My leg is broken. I'll live. What about you?"

Worry ebbed in me.

How were we in this mess?

"I'm going to get us out of here, Lex. I promise." I turned my head a little, but all I could see was the back of her head. "Hey, look at me."

She turned her head towards me.

"Don't think this means you're getting out of driving lessons."

She let out a breathless laugh. "Sadly, I don't think that's up to you."

As if on cue, the door creaked open, but it was too bright to make out the person.

Then the sound of a chainsaw filled the room along with Lexa's screams.

OMG yall! Seeing Clarke in CoL was like so crazy for me, especially when she stopped in front of the crosswalk and all that! And when Octavia stabbed Pike with the sword I was couldn't help but think of when I made her stab Jaha on the beach…So basically I freaked out and thought about my fic and got inspired to write at this late ass hour lol. What did yall think of the finale? I thought it was lacking tbh. There was no cliffhanger it just sort of ended…but it did end with Bellarke staring at each other so I'm not too mad. Please leave a review.

ALSO: The Bellarke fanvid that went with this song was: Bellamy &amp; Clarke || Whenever you're ready Check it out on YouTube cuz it hit me in the feels big time! 


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